tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82640531048411727082024-03-13T07:20:48.419-07:00Autism Answers with Tsara SheltonAutism asks challenging questions, begs us to think outside the box and then...Autism Answers! Musings, shared family stories, book reviews, and short fiction. My posts are rarely specifically about autism or parenting. They are, however, almost always stories grown from the fertile and organic thinking soil that can be found where the two come together. Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comBlogger603125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-58786882960777754392024-01-30T07:24:00.000-08:002024-01-30T07:24:15.729-08:00Autism Answer: And Then There Were Slippers<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb6FW-HZmecnJQNJt6TW1O2WxKEqmbs7PgBLXJUFGXaA_K6gjlrYcSnryWmGs-QydSk2PkHehB60vcBD1p2MiEG5ukZ9l934pibDC60YR0P49IjBVAVgYGlVk5jMKnPhrKZ9-8DH3zRQCjZRDWHi9MrJjQv62apo9gUGvOXSfIiwm6j210FbXNY9a_nPo/s1080/Slippers%20on%20the%20stairs.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb6FW-HZmecnJQNJt6TW1O2WxKEqmbs7PgBLXJUFGXaA_K6gjlrYcSnryWmGs-QydSk2PkHehB60vcBD1p2MiEG5ukZ9l934pibDC60YR0P49IjBVAVgYGlVk5jMKnPhrKZ9-8DH3zRQCjZRDWHi9MrJjQv62apo9gUGvOXSfIiwm6j210FbXNY9a_nPo/s320/Slippers%20on%20the%20stairs.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My slippers on the stairs at our front door.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><div class="" dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1l90r2v x1swvt13" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":ror:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Slowly I slip my naked foot into the soft comfort of these slippers. My skin is embraced and caressed, my sole cushioned. Sometimes I will start with my right foot, sometimes my left, but always I offer the pleasure of these slippers equally. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't always choose the slow embrace of this soft home for my feet. Sometime I jump into them with speed and vigor. We hop our way into those cushion-y cuddles of a slipper. We bounce noisily <span></span>throughout the house - up and down the stairs, dancing in my dance room (no more cold floor on my feet!), stepping out onto the front step to sip coffee outside.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But these are indoor slippers, purchased for me by my love and intended to last. So I do not step down the stairs in these sweet soled snuggly slippers, and instead stand only on the top step while avoiding the snow and ice. Avoiding the small rocks and dirt that live outside and migrate toward our front door. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Avoiding. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This is what I also notice about these slippers. That I am avoiding a few things for the sake of them. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Most notably is outside. I am nurtured and brought home to myself by spending time outside. In all seasons, winter being one of my favourites. I love the acoustics of a snow covered world, and the feel of cold air on my skin. I feel myself become more ME when I close my eyes to feel the touch of nature. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But these are indoor slippers, and I adore them, and I want them to last. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So I notice myself making the choice to stay on the top step, to take the trash out later so I don't have to take them off, to wear them in the car when picking my son up from work and then avoid the fun of going into the grocery store with him to check out the reduced racks. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Also, the pleasure of these slippers, my desire to continually slip my feet into their welcoming embrace, has kept me from noticing our floors need sweeping. Before these slippers, I was one for bare feet. Indoor and outdoor soles, that's what I feel I was born with. Even in winter when I loved to wear cozy socks I could feel the grit on the ground through the material. Before the slippers were introduced to my feet, I swept our kitchen floor at least once a day and other floors often, as needed. Why? Because I felt the bits of food and life that fall to the floor on my bare feet, or I felt them cling to my cozy socks, and I enjoyed the task of sweeping it up. It's a task you can easily do while thinking or singing to yourself. It's simple and helpful at the same time. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But these slippers keep me from feeling the world at my feet. Instead, the joy of them keeps me feeling <i>the fact of</i> my feet. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">There is nothing bad or wrong about these slippers or my adoration of them. In fact, it is wonderful! What is especially wonderful is me noticing the changes in my behavior, the shifts in my choices, and reminding myself that these things are important. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That the noticing should continue. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Which of these changes in behavior, or shifts in myself, might I want to shift again? Back in my winter days of cozy socks, I could easily slip my socked feet into winter boots and walk in the snow, take my morning coffee across the street to the river, walk around the block or stomp in the snow under the trees in the park beside our house. But these slippers do not slip into winter boots, and hence I have to make a more purposeful decision to take them off in order to slide my feet into the winter boots. I have begun to do that a little more, now that I noticed how much I miss being outside. I have also taught myself to be comfortable in my winter boots without socks. This has made spontaneous outdoor moments easier and has given me a wider sensory comfort zone.<br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And sweeping the floor! How funny that I rarely do it anymore. I always enjoyed sweeping, but without feeling the grit on my feet it feels unnecessary. I admit, I don't see a need to change this. I still sweep once or twice a week, but I think it is totally fine that our floors are less clean than they used to be. And if someone living in our home that does not wear slippers finds themselves not liking the grit on the ground, they can have the pleasure of sweeping and singing to themselves. I was hogging all that fun and I'm not anymore. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think it is of GREAT importance to notice how our entire lives can be influenced by little things, like slippers. If I had not noticed, if I had instead simply stopped going outside or sweeping or walking into the store with my son, I possibly would have grown slowly less happy, perhaps more reclusive, perhaps less helpful. Oh, not much. But it only takes small shifts over time to invade a life. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As parents and caregivers, it is also of great importance to notice. Did the introduction of a new food shift behaviors or bowel movements? Are those shifts mainly helpful? What shifts did those shifts cause? Are we moving away from a valuable pleasure by only following the movements of the new shift? How about a tool that helps your loved one communicate. That's great! But also, are you losing the connection you had when communication was based more on a special language between you and that loved one? Was that form of communication valuable to both of you? Or more for you alone? Notice. Find ways to move forward with new gifts. It's okay to lose some things, that is part of the evolution of living, but we want to notice and take care of the things that matter most. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I will not be silly and stop wearing these wonderful slippers. I gained a pleasure when my love gave me this gift. But I am now more often taking off the slippers to step outside, putting on my boots to pick up my son, and being aware of the sweeping that may need to be done. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I noticed the shifts and have made a few shifts in response. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We are mostly responsible for ourselves and our lives. For who we are and who we choose to be. For how we live and for providing our own joy and purpose. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I believe I have this one life and I enjoy the work of doing it well. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS77CagrqtQ_qCq7aJ0gSOXoRCbPdxja7X0kjmmiebirOJRVb5YM5iQeePhGQsRdUrw_M6V-a-qWmOmoy-V0epuGyZ3D4CIEQf1YzoTTvySMWtFDFCVy7NZtrEkSt9FJqL6_DGX8o-rZ9X361c_7wzVUd2zAMnhIrBH8HkxmnqMs_Zaba8apygILFMpis/s1080/Slippers.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS77CagrqtQ_qCq7aJ0gSOXoRCbPdxja7X0kjmmiebirOJRVb5YM5iQeePhGQsRdUrw_M6V-a-qWmOmoy-V0epuGyZ3D4CIEQf1YzoTTvySMWtFDFCVy7NZtrEkSt9FJqL6_DGX8o-rZ9X361c_7wzVUd2zAMnhIrBH8HkxmnqMs_Zaba8apygILFMpis/s320/Slippers.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was living it without slippers.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Now I'm not. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-48058135182466899362024-01-04T08:17:00.000-08:002024-01-04T08:23:57.957-08:00Autism Answer: Life Lessons and Leftovers<p> </p><div><div dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":r9h:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjozwjXKkuo-wn-h704OBk7mJnI1GQE6R_CpvdGDoFrW0BZHb8bnIZ2PNuyJhKy67lXcVPNCQ_mx_aj5whonwAtNucS07K8Uho5-97mALSkNEUgrvm8ENe4L-J0yXmTdjVceEfSrockr0711Rq_nljWFnRvxy_kDnFf-2VDgmwBP98w4wuPPpfe_lGE_10/s1080/my%20boys%20eating%20apples.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjozwjXKkuo-wn-h704OBk7mJnI1GQE6R_CpvdGDoFrW0BZHb8bnIZ2PNuyJhKy67lXcVPNCQ_mx_aj5whonwAtNucS07K8Uho5-97mALSkNEUgrvm8ENe4L-J0yXmTdjVceEfSrockr0711Rq_nljWFnRvxy_kDnFf-2VDgmwBP98w4wuPPpfe_lGE_10/s320/my%20boys%20eating%20apples.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My boys (circa a lot of years ago)<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My four boys are now men. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I care so much about them.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When <span></span>they were small every single choice I consciously made worked its way through the "how do I think this will affect them" filter. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Back then it was intense. I did not see myself as separate from them. Instead, we were a unit. A unit of individuals with the right and necessity of discovering and becoming a healthy version of our natural selves. But, still - a unit. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When my sons were small, I did not feel like we were poor. We had too much support, really, to feel poor. My mom and my sister (who were not wealthy) didn't hesitate to offer us vacations, homes, vehicles, gas money, dance classes, foods with fancy names, trips to museums and science centers. So we didn't feel poor, exactly. But I did not often make money and my husband at the time worked hard but made little.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Groceries were a weekly worry. Grocery store trips were emotionally and financially draining. I cared so much about feeding the hunger in our home nutritiously, while not losing site of the value in frivolity and fun. The ideas, the items, the foods: I wanted to offer nutrition, and example the vigor and joy of it. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I didn't do too bad. I cared a lot, and that came through. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I also missed a few things, made missteps and mistakes, and that came through too. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">One of the things that comes to mind in this moment: </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">All four of my sons remember me in their youth with slightly different perspectives. But one thing that is consistent in their memories is the habit I had of often giving them the food and waiting happily for leftovers before I would eat. Not at every meal, not every day, but when the food was either a treat or limited, this was my happy habit. I wasn't dramatic about it. It wasn't a sacrifice or anything, I tried to be sure they recognized that I was not growing and they were. That I was in less need than them. And that I was not actually hungry for anything more than seeing my children's bellies and bodies filled. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As men, my sons now often bring up this version of me while insisting on seeing me eat. My oldest son is following a passion for feeding people and the satisfaction he expresses while watching me enjoy his food is powerful. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Confession:</b> I am warmed by a sense of gratification when any of my sons comments on my habit of eating mostly leftovers when they were little. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I recognize, though, the possible pitfalls of this sort of pride. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I recognize them, because I am a little bit guilty of them. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>For one thing</b>, I am a little bit guilty of feeling GOOD about sacrificing my own meals in order to feed them. A little bit of proof that I CARED so much. Now, I did care and I did remember to put the focus on their growing bodies and needs, but I know that the deeper belief (that I was being a good mom and showing love by denying myself the treats) would have revealed itself somewhere. That in some quieter way I was also telling them that sacrificing my own needs was a sign of love. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Another pitfall:</b> I am a little bit guilty of feeling GOOD about not eating when I was hungry because it might finally make me THIN. Oh, I cared too much about teaching my sons to value women of every shape and size to say it. I asked them to applaud women who had passion and kindness and to know that meant they would likely have figures and curves and soft rolls as nature desires. Because of this I never would have said, to them or to myself, that I was excited at the idea that maybe sacrificing food for the sake of my children might have the side effect of making me thin. And thin, though not necessarily healthy, can borrow her sister's clothes without fear of embarrassing the people around her. Hence thin, particularly if you are a woman, is desirable. I tried exceptionally hard not to teach this, but I felt it. So, it likely surfaced. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Yet another guilty pitfall</b> of this little habit I had is how proud I was of being able to find joy in being too broke to feed myself. In my attempt to show them I was happy, I was comfortable not eating, they were the ones growing and I was not (nor did I want to grow) so no big deal, I consistently gave the impression that being broke was totally cool. That it might be a sign we were better than the moms who ate alongside their children for every meal. We were amazing at having a good attitude while being broke, which meant we were learning a skill the richer folks were not learning. Yikes! This is not a lesson I wanted to teach, but I admit to being a little bit guilty of THINKING it. Of maybe even BELIEVING it. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, from now on when my sons comment of this habit I had, and my inevitable feeling of a pride-like pleasure creeps in, I will focus on the part that I do not mind feeling gratitude for. The part where my sons, all four of them, saw me. Saw me care about them, saw me be with them, saw me try to nourish them. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We were one unit. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">One unit made of of individuals. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We still are. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They are grown men and I still make choices with them at the helm. But I am aware, and satisfied with, the truth that my choices affect them less now. Appropriately so. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Moving forward into new years I still think about what my choices might mean for them. But now those movements are more about me and my soul mate, and what we hope to build for a future that is consistently him and me, while <i>inviting </i>our children and grandchildren. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Inviting them to visit but, more importantly, inviting them to see in my choices something healthy.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Interestingly, this includes me eating meals alongside my loved ones, and also eating - my favorite food - leftovers! </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It turns out that my distaste for waste has instilled in me a love of leftovers! </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hence, when I am around my grandchildren, my nieces, my sons and my step-daughter, I love that everyone knows to share with me the leftovers. It is, funnily enough, often enough to sustain me.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I like to think my love of leftovers is finally on solid ground. Not a sacrifice, or secret desire to be thin, or a nod to the perks of poverty, but a good ol' distaste for waste. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Wait, my distaste for waste grew naturally out of me noticing a dangerous lack of caring about waste in the society that surrounds me. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hence, I suspect it is not without pitfalls. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">You know what? That's an issue for another year! </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to nibble on this plate of leftover cheeses and crackers. Wouldn't want to allow for more waste! </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="font-family: georgia;">Happy New Year everyone!</b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="font-family: georgia;"> </b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!!</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>RANDOM:</b> In the photo above my sons are eating apples. I am certain, I ate the cores. </span><br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-3579712563246772612023-11-23T09:30:00.000-08:002023-11-23T09:30:46.490-08:00Autism Answer: Growing Up Greedy<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqq90HbSD0i6GrkG2LNE0YgtTBgy8_ILtMQJnuPk3xJ3IJdYqesA6zqA6fZE_YmrK3VP9ZkeFg5W2YdWNwDE8Nq6vJwO9AcjOK-JjrjpbhG03O4lXF7ffskD92j7-z0SS7gjz0QysvpYO4VlJCpg37V5YA-g0Ws9tiMWXgLxTiAkOaN97HT3eASRKg1Q/s175/family%20photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="149" data-original-width="175" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqq90HbSD0i6GrkG2LNE0YgtTBgy8_ILtMQJnuPk3xJ3IJdYqesA6zqA6fZE_YmrK3VP9ZkeFg5W2YdWNwDE8Nq6vJwO9AcjOK-JjrjpbhG03O4lXF7ffskD92j7-z0SS7gjz0QysvpYO4VlJCpg37V5YA-g0Ws9tiMWXgLxTiAkOaN97HT3eASRKg1Q/s1600/family%20photo.jpg" width="175" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family portrait <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><i> </i></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><i>“<span style="font-family: georgia;">Parenting was my goal, ever since I can remember. I have learned more from teaching my children than I could have ever learned from chasing a dream with fewer people to care for. I am greedy. And so I filled my world with a lot of people to love.”</span></i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> ~Lynette Louise, aka "The Brain Broad"</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">aka <a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">my mom</a>. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She really did fill her world with a lot of people to love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I can confirm this statement of hers. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As one of her children I was not only a witness to mom's active inclusion of people to love, I was not only one of the people she greedily loved, but I was also actively involved in learning to love.<br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When my mom was a little girl she planned her future with confidence: she would be the mother of many children - about twelve, she figured - and she would guide them with such love that her own upbringing would be washed away. There would be no trace of the abuse my mom lived through in the environment she would create for her children. At the time she didn't know anything about the cycle of abuse, but she did know it was not in any way okay to treat a child, a person, the way her mother treated her. And so, she would not. She would not treat anyone in such a way ever. Her love would be such a storm of goodness and fairness that any trace of the name calling and humiliation and beatings of her past would simply drown to death. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Mom was young when she had me. She was still young when my brother was born dead. By the time my sister was born my mom was almost twenty. She was twenty-three when she had to have a complete hysterectomy due to an infection. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She had not reached her goal of twelve children, but she was crazy about the two of us she was raising. Always, mom put us first and cared so darn much about how we were treated. My sister and I were lucky little girls and were loved beyond measure. I wish our brother would have lived to be part of it. That love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But despite mom's best intentions, her own upbringing was insidious. Mom did not know how to love herself the way she so easily loved us. And whether you believe it or not, a certain kind of love for yourself is necessary for a healthy love of others to grow.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And here is the magic of my mom. She is, at her core, a genius who cares about children and outliers. Even as a little girl imagining her future she would see herself loving people who were having a hard time finding love. Not in a savior way, but in a "don't you see they are like me" way. She saw herself in the outliers, the unwanted, the unlovable. As she grew wiser, she saw all of us in everyone. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Mom's biggest challenge was understanding how the rest of us could not see. It was so obvious to her that everyone was capable and everyone deserved to be seen for who they were, not what label they might be given. It was so obvious to her that she just couldn't see how so many of us were blind to it. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, the magic of my mom was this: help herself, learn to love herself, while gathering so many others to love. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My mom was fierce in her intention to create a healthy and loving environment. One that would guide us to independence and strength. She was always an example of that strength and always a seeker of her better self. What started as me, mom, and my sister became me, mom, my sister, two more sisters, and four brothers. And then there were a myriad of others who mom allowed into our lives for temporary help and guidance. There were also many she did not. Love means saying no, too. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But we did have many. I remember a woman from... hmmm, I can't remember... Kenya? ... trying to raise money to bring her young son to Canada. I remember a teenager, a girl about the age of me and my sisters, with physical disabilities I can't quite recall but her body moved different from ours and one of her arms was misshapen. I don't remember her well but I do remember us girls sitting around chatting about the usual teenage girl stuff. And I admit to being surprised that her interests aligned precisely with ours. There was almost a boy from Columbia who we all wrote to and tried to learn a little Spanish for. After most of us kids had grown and only some of us were staying with her for different reasons at different times, there were more extreme cases. Mom was a renowned brain change and behavior expert by then so she helped an addict who no longer wanted to be an addict, she helped autistic people in extreme need. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">These people willing to accept mom's help (not my siblings, the ones that came later) knew it was a temporary thing, something meant to fuel them with ideas and skills for the forward motion they were struggling to gain footing with. My mom is not the sort to help without a goal. In fact, she would likely see helping without a goal as the opposite of helping. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't always remember understanding mom's love for children who were unwanted or unloved, and admittedly I didn't always like being expected to learn to believe in everyone's potential and worth, but I did always learn. About others and about myself. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I watched, also, as my mom learned about herself. As my mom grew healthier, stronger, happier, more balanced as a woman. As a mom. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I do believe it is a wonderful idea to plan a certain amount of readiness before gathering people around you to take care of. I do. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I just also believe that as we gather people to love and care for, we are going to realize that we are in need of more. We are going to discover new areas of unreadiness we will do well to examine, to change. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><i>“Parenting
was my goal, ever since I can remember. I have learned more from
teaching my children than I could have ever learned from chasing a dream
with fewer people to care for. I am greedy. And so I filled my world
with a lot of people to love.”</i> ~Lynette Louise, "The Brain Broad"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Mom is greedy and fills her world with people to love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In this way she encourages others to become people who love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And this helps us become easier to love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We are not all like my mom. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Be we are all capable and of value, we are all able to step up and over our own obstacles, and we are all responsible for doing so (this includes asking for help where it is required for forward motion). <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I know this because my mom <i>is</i> like my mom. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And she will not allow me not to know this. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Not if I don't want to be grounded for a month. :D </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a><br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-20984450562886276122023-11-04T08:35:00.000-07:002023-11-04T08:35:06.407-07:00 Autism Answer: Being Seen<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZKiOPu6gvRBZyG8HsWuFMJDTnXwaRHc9rdZqU3FY5G1ITtTshJ9PHYVEUcD7BkisVhBrfe5tWkKBcxxTxNOmDr3Jbj2o3yP02l5EJkyvbjTwZM-qA8sBJajyygmLNbAob5DsqYStLI3XFGq94tLLqqvDe0EJeCs3hWpqee7jkXt7BGl2fKp-JlZyEU8/s1080/camera.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZKiOPu6gvRBZyG8HsWuFMJDTnXwaRHc9rdZqU3FY5G1ITtTshJ9PHYVEUcD7BkisVhBrfe5tWkKBcxxTxNOmDr3Jbj2o3yP02l5EJkyvbjTwZM-qA8sBJajyygmLNbAob5DsqYStLI3XFGq94tLLqqvDe0EJeCs3hWpqee7jkXt7BGl2fKp-JlZyEU8/s320/camera.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A camera sitting on the floor<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Warning:</b> This post is about me and how I feel and how I think and what I notice.... oh, what's that? You already knew that? You have been here before and recognize a pattern? Yes, I see. Well, thank you? tee hee!</span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Confession:</b> I am kinda bothered by the amount of plastic surgery, laser hair removal, fancy serums and other similar things that have become fairly commonplace. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">In part I am bothered simply because I'm inclined to advocate for less manipulation of what is natural. I recognize in these procedures and items a desire to sculpt and bend and shave who we are until we like it better. Maybe to fit in, maybe to stand out. (I am impressed by the availability of these things, by the way. I am only bothered by how common they seem to have become.)</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">However (and here's the confession part) I am also bothered when I notice how popular these measures of manipulating our appearance have become because I worry I will appear increasingly unhappy and haggard and, well, yucky to look at, in comparison to my peers.</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I admit, I hardly think about it. What I look like compared to my contemporaries, I mean. Maybe because I live a fairly sheltered life. I mean, I work from home, I am not obligated to attend meetings or video conferences, and my soul mate works here with me too, so I'm less likely to wonder if he's comparing me to other lovely ladies. (Our co-workers are also ladies, but they are of the feline variety. And since I am in charge of making appointments for them and doing their shopping, I am confident they are not having work done or spending lots of money on fancy creams that make them look fresh faced and healthy.)</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I love wrinkles, my own and the ones on others. I love grey hair, I love the look of age on people and am happy when I see it on me. It's not aging I'm talking about. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I worry about looking unhappy or haggard, less fresh faced, less healthy. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">For some reason I want, have always wanted, my happiness and energy to show, to be noticeable outside of myself. I don't remember how young I was when I stopped looking in mirrors, but I was fairly young. And it was because I would FEEL so happy and full of life, but then I would SEE just some pale, plain, girl. Not the energy I thought should be reflected. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Silly, I know. I am happy and I have happy energy regardless of whether it can be seen. Why do I want it to be seen?</span><br /></span><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Why do I want the me I feel like I am to be seen?</span><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoO4hwMFOx-LnbbxzXgiH3PgPAn8Pga7A0HrsxyGMkX9jyOxrDe0v1bRJKCG8kwvU31KmbiLQsXeVy887THE0-hfk1XomBI45eXAaOrP9kmJ5dcR_riaRegqq0JOJSG-LZrJjOffUQsi65ZfYBmyVvW1Px_uKQtCETIjhv7se3_u-1pv9jPJC8cZw0vi8/s1080/camera%20on%20the%20floor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoO4hwMFOx-LnbbxzXgiH3PgPAn8Pga7A0HrsxyGMkX9jyOxrDe0v1bRJKCG8kwvU31KmbiLQsXeVy887THE0-hfk1XomBI45eXAaOrP9kmJ5dcR_riaRegqq0JOJSG-LZrJjOffUQsi65ZfYBmyVvW1Px_uKQtCETIjhv7se3_u-1pv9jPJC8cZw0vi8/s320/camera%20on%20the%20floor.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Why am I less content when it is only me who knows how I feel? </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm not entirely sure. But just now, as I was typing this, I had a thought. I realize one of the reasons I want my natural way, my comfort with choosing to blossom naturally (while caring about myself at the same time, I don't mean to infer that I don't try to manipulate to some degree by being careful of what I put in my brain and body) is that I want my beliefs to be valid to others. I want to be seen as having a point with potential. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Like, if I say I am comfortable with myself and find strength in feeding my body and mind nutritiously, that I try to make sure not to live too sedentary a life in order to stay healthy-ish, that I am happy in my choices, that I feel it is enough to be me naturally, I want to be believed. To be seen as making sense. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">And, darn it, that means I want to be seen as happy and healthy. Not haggard and yucky. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">But when so many people are taking advantage of the more extreme versions of looking that way, I worry I will seem less so by comparison. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Silly, right?</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Wanting to be seen is not silly. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Parents of children with differences and disabilities work hard to ask for that on behalf of their children because it is not only not silly, but necessary and urgent. </span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">But wanting to be seen as happy and healthy just to prove my point is valid?</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">That's silly.</span><br /><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Right?</span><br /><br /></span></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /> </span></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-64864234671954552252023-10-31T07:56:00.001-07:002023-10-31T08:01:15.839-07:00Autism Answer: Parenting is a Journey, be a Good Traveler<p> </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJdZswQCAopJXNe5jfeNFrqsX7uoLYx_e76D27uBYN8D49GP2KS9O5LXko1agwK64Q4gXd0pLahoJj1b3YnGTAMnzHOTFcoeYHd9lnMgwGYkLa3yHyAKIWwjiHGIIdttLR0W6WvmWIXlDlKXspt-RFEKxGN79_VOcV0cLtXfUUSu3bltaBJQBgtp78Tak/s2048/Austin%20Trip!!%20002.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJdZswQCAopJXNe5jfeNFrqsX7uoLYx_e76D27uBYN8D49GP2KS9O5LXko1agwK64Q4gXd0pLahoJj1b3YnGTAMnzHOTFcoeYHd9lnMgwGYkLa3yHyAKIWwjiHGIIdttLR0W6WvmWIXlDlKXspt-RFEKxGN79_VOcV0cLtXfUUSu3bltaBJQBgtp78Tak/s320/Austin%20Trip!!%20002.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My son walking with his cousin<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p></p><div><div dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":r86:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving."</i> ~Lao Tzu</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Parenting is a journey you cannot fully plan, and if you try to stick religiously to a plan, you put yourself and your child(ren) in harms way.<b> It is dangerous to watch the plan more than the people. </b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b> </b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Of course, goals and plans and places you are heading are a valuable part of the parenting journey. Without them we are at risk of simply wandering the <span></span>path of least resistance regardless of how unhealthy it might be, or for people with an "it must be hard work to be worthy" personality, you might choose the path of most resistance, again, regardless of how unhealthy it might be. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." </i>~Lao Tzu</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The journey of parenting has no *fixed* plans. But plans, dreams, ideas, goals, pictures imagined and heading toward, these are wonderful. These give us passion, purpose, and help us see our progress, recognize our arrivals. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving."</i> ~Lao Tzu</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As a parent, there are many arrivals. There are many moments to celebrate and recognize. Don't miss those! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But also, in the journey of parenting, there is no ultimate arriving. If our children are fairly regular, fairly irregular, dead or alive, close or far, the travel can last as long as it is right for it to last, so do not be intent on arriving. Notice the arrivals along the way, celebrate and remember them. But travel to wherever and however and for whatever time it takes.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>“Remember, the timetable is arbitrary. There is no point at which a child must be done and done is an illusion.”</i> ~<span><a class="x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x6umtig x1b1mbwd xaqea5y xav7gou x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz xt0b8zv x1qq9wsj xo1l8bm" href="https://www.facebook.com/thebrainbroad?__cft__[0]=AZUTch-QbnmjZ6iFeGM7EalLl8CC-U2V3VRXuWGyNg0YBogwQ9HfO_J0p1EBHb95nnAFUm8fPP4FnU4LblBdZ6ai72M_mlN5-k6bm3v7UOk1cwlD1G0EaNUy8TLZQk1F6BN2QiDU45OMMyUm-KZZhN6lXXWTGATMZEyGnkgvSpvSuQ&__tn__=-]K-R" role="link" tabindex="0"><span class="xt0psk2"><span>Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad</span></span></a></span> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Happy Tuesday, friends!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Enjoy any and all travels you are in the midst of!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGc5hOWfNOPVw_cQ_YY-yfMrAOOVU0A-k_aom6HyDQOK83cLwAtQz8F6xPiUUyGfA1EPk3W2ldJux3tQAAO2-U22gFQAvSbxAdmBWAtWJD8P1fdi3gDdZzGPVYJ1XAy9uCk52dsSkX_f_ct8j5abDXF5RuXDQ1k9ZjVqVlV6wg9qca-NXTaC8-lcxrL9Q/s4000/Austin%20Trip!!%20003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGc5hOWfNOPVw_cQ_YY-yfMrAOOVU0A-k_aom6HyDQOK83cLwAtQz8F6xPiUUyGfA1EPk3W2ldJux3tQAAO2-U22gFQAvSbxAdmBWAtWJD8P1fdi3gDdZzGPVYJ1XAy9uCk52dsSkX_f_ct8j5abDXF5RuXDQ1k9ZjVqVlV6wg9qca-NXTaC8-lcxrL9Q/s320/Austin%20Trip!!%20003.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /> <br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-71608388509918221022023-10-27T12:19:00.001-07:002023-10-28T07:41:52.154-07:00Book Review: Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will To Survive by Stephanie Land<p> </p><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Book</b>: Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, And A Mother's Will To Survive</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Genre:</b> Memoir <br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Author</b>: Stephanie Land</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Pages</b>:270 </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Reviewed by</b> : Me! (Tsara) <br /></span></div><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-CA</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="376">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hashtag"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Unresolved Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Link"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-font-kerning:1.0pt;
mso-ligatures:standardcontextual;
mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDrZh4MOfV8wUCopfssvsUj3h8ns1CrA48qJatTcZu-q6OsmIZ43Hs-7g4FmVtCFQyN-iljQAjcYl9g0UvlKAZlM9KKIArj7-__YQfip9OtwL6bExjchGdSzWW9xveLK4OHh3vOeOtSkKbvI8ysn9Po3dCpuQe1gIbcjbb5vD8RKIqf_vPSLAXrpkYXRA/s640/Maid,%20me%20reading.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="484" data-original-width="640" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDrZh4MOfV8wUCopfssvsUj3h8ns1CrA48qJatTcZu-q6OsmIZ43Hs-7g4FmVtCFQyN-iljQAjcYl9g0UvlKAZlM9KKIArj7-__YQfip9OtwL6bExjchGdSzWW9xveLK4OHh3vOeOtSkKbvI8ysn9Po3dCpuQe1gIbcjbb5vD8RKIqf_vPSLAXrpkYXRA/s320/Maid,%20me%20reading.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me reading the book my daughter-in-law lent me<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">She was using birth control but it didn’t work.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">When
Stephanie Land discovers she is pregnant not long after her 28<sup>th</sup>
birthday, she finds herself in an all too familiar place. One where she has to
make choices that will drastically decide the direction of her life. Hers, and
if she chooses, her child’s. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Some of the
choices she makes are thus: have the child, tell the father, become a mother. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Putting her
plans to attend a writing program in Missoula, Montana – a place that calls to
her like home - on hold, she tries to build a family in a trailer with her
increasingly abusive boyfriend. When his abusiveness becomes clear, when he
punches a hole in the plexiglass window on the door, meaning she can call the police with a type of
proof, something to point at and say, “See that? He did that to us,” she does.
She leaves him and begins her time as a single mother. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">I admit to
being impressed that she knows it is right to walk away. I have not always been
so aware. Others, however, might have been unimpressed with how long it takes
to leave. Others, still, would judge her for leaving at all at so “little”
abuse. The point is relevant to this book where a recurring element is how
easily we judge each other and ourselves. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Stephanie
does not have much support from her family. Her mother is inaccessible, living
in Europe and not interested in making changes, and her father – living with
his second wife and their children - is unwilling to be inconvenienced for too
long by his oldest daughter and his granddaughter. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">So,
Stephanie works. She works at finding work - landscaping and as a maid - she
works at getting assistance for day care, food, housing, utility payments. She
works at bartering her way to a better life for her daughter, offering to clean
toilets and houses in order to get sparkly dresses, healthier housing, and
safer day care. She works at stifling the shame she feels for being a single
mom, for being poor, for not being better at doing better. She works at trying
to keep her daughter safe from black mold and an abusive father. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Everything she does is motivated by motherhood.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">The
struggles of getting assistance from the system, while working your butt off for
very little pay as a landscaper or maid - tidying up for others - is portrayed
so well in this memoir. So clearly and balanced. She isn’t overly bitter, she
isn’t overly appreciative, she isn’t overly anything really. She simply invites
us to join her in a life of hard work, poverty, navigation of grants and
services, parental fears and primal needs, impossible choices and urgent
decisions. By bringing us with her we are inclined to feel bitterness, helplessness, and, on
occasion, appreciation, but only because they are appropriate.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Being a
single parent while having to share every other weekend with an abusive one is
an impossible sort of exhaustion. Watching your little love deal with tantrums
related to a life hard to understand, feelings bigger than their bodies, homes
with hidden health dangers, foods that are minimally healthy, and consistent
illnesses due to it all. It depletes your physical, emotional, and financial
health; often keeping you from the gift of dreaming which can, itself, cost too
much emotionally. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">But
Stephanie describes well the moments that re-energize and reinvigorate parents;
the moments with your child(ren) that infect every ounce of your body and
vision with a love that is special largely <i>because</i> of the urgent
responsibilities. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">I have
known a variety of single parents. I have been one myself. My mom, though, is
the only one I know who had a similar lack of support from any family. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">And though
my mom found different ways to solve the same challenges Stephanie faced, she
faced the same sort of discrimination regarding her creative solutions for
feeding and housing all eight of us kids, as well as simply for being a single
mom. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>An Aside:</b> Stephanie Land navigated poverty and single parenting in the United States, my mom did it in both Canada and the United States. <br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">For so many
of the reasons Stephanie shares in her book about the paperwork, the constant
proving of your poverty, the all-day waiting for meetings that might end in
merely more requests for gathering paperwork, all while also working and trying
to get better work in order to do better while finding yourself losing
necessary benefits when finally doing a little bit better, never able to get even a
little bit ahead in order to become able to be properly ahead, for so many of
these reasons my mom avoided the help of systems. This meant trying to find
(and invent) other creative means of making enough money. (My mom painted houses, joined a
bartering group, did comedy shows that incorporated us kids at fairs and
similar events, performed as characters at birthday parties, and a variety of
other interesting work that could either bring us along or have us older girls
babysit the younger boys.) She also did do the paperwork for a few government
and nonprofit organizations. She got help from a shelter for abused women,
various disability groups, food banks, kind people she met with a desire to do
good and some disposable income, and one wonderful Christmas a truckload of
gifts from Canadian Tire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">The point
is, I recognized the exhaustion and hard work of trying to raise a child, or
children, on your own while consistently being bombarded by the extra layers of
unnoticed obstacles; the nasty looks and cruel comments at grocery store
counters when using stamps or WIC coupons, the inability to host proper play-dates or bring foods to school functions, the inability to seek medical
care for yourself when you make just a little too much to qualify and working through the pain and illness, the
judgements of everyone when your child has a public outburst, the constant
worry that you are doing everything wrong while working so hard at getting it
right. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Something
every reader can take away from this true story of one woman’s hard work, low
pay, and love for her child, is the ways our judgements hinder and hurt us. The
ways they are most often wrong. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">She was using birth
control but it didn’t work. She had been responsible. She had taken the steps required.
Done the “right thing” for a young girl not planning for a family. She had been
careful, responsible. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">And
throughout the entire story she shares with us readers, she remains
impressively so.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Maid is an
excellent read. For moms, for social workers, for people wondering about abuse,
for people who want to better understand poverty – their own, or that of
others. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;">Maid brings
us into a variety of homes to tidy up while encouraging us to take notice, to
wonder and imagine other lives, without being overly critical of the mess. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"> __________________</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmC46AxdX0qiuwfmv6AgftRERDDZgNmiBkzzwF0B3NJD9zCqNnJhFvA754iEpKpcCt69DnqV7L8J7uwcFiZaigaYO2n0me8EMrJAfTp-Y8aReCo19SUMRtuxc0kEijyRKvA7pgPxaQAQhRimFIAn0tSjS2EDuZv_CPlD-SdR5WKKs96yj89QA_ZLM85G8/s640/Maid%20pic.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmC46AxdX0qiuwfmv6AgftRERDDZgNmiBkzzwF0B3NJD9zCqNnJhFvA754iEpKpcCt69DnqV7L8J7uwcFiZaigaYO2n0me8EMrJAfTp-Y8aReCo19SUMRtuxc0kEijyRKvA7pgPxaQAQhRimFIAn0tSjS2EDuZv_CPlD-SdR5WKKs96yj89QA_ZLM85G8/s320/Maid%20pic.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maid by Stephanie Land, sitting beside a cloth and fairy wings<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: georgia;"><b>NOTE:</b> My daughter-in-law recommended this book to me. Not only recommended, lended! She has mentioned several times in conversation that she adores this book and so much about it; that she wants someone to talk with about it. What I do not yet know is specifically what she loved or why. She is the young mother of two lovely little girls. She and her husband (my fantastic son!) are in that place financially where every dollar they make must be carefully allotted for and if they make a little more they lose a little of the medical financial help they could qualify for. They love their little family fiercely and will do anything to keep it healthy, strong, and happy. So it is easy to imagine pretty much every element in this book is meaningful, helpful, relatable, understandable, inspirational to her. But rather than merely imagine, I think I'll call her. We now both have someone to talk with about this book. :D <br /></span></p>
Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-14044602945137378372023-08-29T07:21:00.002-07:002023-08-31T07:13:21.239-07:00Autism Answer: Our Example Is More Than What We Do While Our Children Watch<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMxi9valKtH706WK_vR5HBLblnjkp-FrT8aU6tsI9CB42BW-OOoIi9RGxOfXf5f1WXrnME6muxfqqUBavbKRC6E1JhL_FI5Gd_kZFlkusW27MKrnUxS4cS43urQRcBNIi7Ci-HO7N8Iz-fVBggOAymubXSjODEg5bKYIQJwPcoyDWrdX3qBwmtxN_PeT4/s1080/Nevaeh%20sweeping.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMxi9valKtH706WK_vR5HBLblnjkp-FrT8aU6tsI9CB42BW-OOoIi9RGxOfXf5f1WXrnME6muxfqqUBavbKRC6E1JhL_FI5Gd_kZFlkusW27MKrnUxS4cS43urQRcBNIi7Ci-HO7N8Iz-fVBggOAymubXSjODEg5bKYIQJwPcoyDWrdX3qBwmtxN_PeT4/s320/Nevaeh%20sweeping.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my granddaughters sweeping<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Our kids do learn from our example. I know they do. But.... </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Working hard while they watch doesn't mean they're learning to work hard. Reading great literature while they climb all over us on the couch doesn't mean they're learning the value of great reading. Maintaining a comfortably clean environment in their presence doesn't mean they are learning to do the same. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Our example is more than what we do while our children watch.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It is also how we include them in what we're doing, it is how we explain our reasons for doing what we do, it is the ways in which we guide them to try, to join us, to tell us their reasons. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It is our own attempts at meeting them half way that help them more honestly notice us and our example. </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Regardless of our children's abilities, styles, basic personalities, they are learning from our example. But that does not mean we can simply do things we think are good while they watch. Because what they are seeing when they watch is not actually the thing we are doing. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What our children see is themselves. Particularly our children with sensory issues and social challenges. They are contending first with themselves, and what they see of our example grows out from there. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b></b></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If I keep a clean house but don't show them why or how, my children will not likely learn to keep a clean house but, instead, will likely learn (from my example) that they should expect a house to be kept clean for them. (Don't worry, I did not do that. A clean house? Ha!!) </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, yes. It's nice to know that if we work at always being a good example for our children they will learn from it. But it's important to know that what they will learn is always up to them, and that the only guaranteed bonus of setting a good example is that we ourselves will be someone we believe is a good example, and we will be able to remember having done that for ourselves and our children. </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Our children do learn from our example. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Even if what they learn is to throw my books away because when I am reading great literature on the couch I am not doing a good job of paying attention to them. <span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"><img alt="😃" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t8f/3/16/1f603.png" width="16" /></span> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> ADDENDUM - <br /><blockquote><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>An example of what learning from example can look like from my own childhood:</b> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a>
raised a lot of kids. I am the oldest of eight and not only did mom
raise all eight of us on her own, she often allowed for others to live
with us while she helped them raise up as well. People with
disabilities, people who were severing themselves from abuse, people who
were simply unhoused, mom was always open to finding ways they could
help each other. In this environment, mom expected us to all pitch in.
Us kids were often delegated to the work of keeping the house going;
cleaning, lunch making, putting brothers to bed. In the meantime, what I
saw was my mom doing the important work. The work of helping people
with challenges, writing articles or shows meant to change the world,
finding work that was inclusive and would pay enough to feed, house, and
clothe our family. Mom also did most of the housework, but I didn't
actually notice that. I wasn't watching that. I was growing an opinion
that housework can be done by anyone but the important work, the stuff
that matters, is done by someone special. Someone who sees what others
don't see. My opinion was bolstered by the fact that I did not see what
my mom saw, until I listened to her explain and teach it, and then - yes
- I would see her insights exampled in the results. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I
know she was not exampling "people who spend time cleaning the house
are not special people with wisdom and important ideas" but as time went
on I began to develop that belief from her example. I grew to feel less
than when I would clean, I started to think mess was a sign of
brilliance, but I also did not have the courage or even the ideas for
the other work my mom did. For a lot of years, I just sort of stayed in
mess and played with my kids and worried I was not wise or important.
Luckily, I also learned from mom's example that being a mom who is all
in, a mom who is entirely into the role and willing to do the work of
becoming better along the way, is important and wise. So, ultimately, I
grew beautifully. In part because of mom's example and in part because
of how I saw myself while learning from it. </span></div></blockquote></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-18148942095257898312023-08-02T08:12:00.002-07:002023-08-08T08:46:18.488-07:00Autism Answer: Not Too Shy To Tell You<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQEenPfoH-_VJ6mhExMpL4DhwYT19gHVpSV6O9htFgzNKJ0azmgRKHgtGMWhBOTrK6ZMULR_qY0tDC6gadJVaCpk9fzeRmYnPN95Qo1CCH2OVzi6OJxzI5SyeVD5G-9Wvj3B3lfqN2yzoLAX12-93IuTvU_-gkfNGMIjQBoCfCHwjYeeJaOc0Pjtc_JlU/s640/Engage%20with%20intention.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQEenPfoH-_VJ6mhExMpL4DhwYT19gHVpSV6O9htFgzNKJ0azmgRKHgtGMWhBOTrK6ZMULR_qY0tDC6gadJVaCpk9fzeRmYnPN95Qo1CCH2OVzi6OJxzI5SyeVD5G-9Wvj3B3lfqN2yzoLAX12-93IuTvU_-gkfNGMIjQBoCfCHwjYeeJaOc0Pjtc_JlU/s320/Engage%20with%20intention.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My mom w/one of her grandchildren<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was terrifically shy as a little girl. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was considered quiet and polite by adults, for the most part. Being shy often means being quiet and polite. Being polite does require an amount of social effort, challenging for a shy person, but it is less effort than dealing with the attention of not having been polite. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As with many things I didn't like about myself as a girl, I would often blame my mom. My hairy arms? Her fault, clearly. I mean, who has a baby with a hairy man when they obviously know that will put the child at risk of one day being a girl with hairy arms being told to wear a t-shirt in P.E.? I mean, c'mon. It's just selfish really. Darn moms. Am I right? </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Anyway, one day I made the mistake of politely mentioning to my mom that my debilitating shyness was, no offense, her fault. (We were in the car and she was asking me to go into the store to purchase something and I was too scared and shy and whining at her that it was her fault and she was a terrible mom.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Mom patiently encouraged me to go, pushed me with just enough force to let me notice that it was ME being a big baby and that she was not cruel and was only encouraging my growth. I got madder at her for that. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"If I ever have a kid as shy as me," I snapped at her, "I will put them in situations where they have to talk to people so they get practice and won't be shy! I'll do it from the start! I'll make them ask for directions and order food and talk to everyone so much they won't ever have a chance to be this shy!!" </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't remember, to be honest, if I walked into the store that day. But I do remember mom pointing out that she was doing exactly that by asking me to go into the store. She was creating the situation for me to practice not being shy. I remember the horrible feeling in my stomach when I realized what I'd done and what I'd basically asked her to keep doing. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That was so many years ago. Since then I have performed on stages, been on camera, ordered pizza, talked to immigration officers, been interviewed about my ideas on the phone and on video, asked for directions from strangers over and over. So much of that has been at the request of my mom. Sometimes the request is a fairly forceful request; a request bordering on a demand. Sometimes it is simply a request that requires my willingness to be lost and ask for directions. (<b>MOM</b>: can you drop my headshots off at my agent's house? It is a brown house on such and such road between so and so and so and so street in Toronto. By a KFC. I think there is a window? <b>ME</b>: Lots of houses have windows. <b>MOM</b>: Yes, but this one, I think, has a really big window. <b>ME</b>: Okay.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am still foundationaly shy. I am still deeply happy alone, I'm desirous of being anonymous, I naturally avoid company more than seek it. And no matter how many times my mom puts me in the position of doing so, I still cannot make cold calls.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I am not devastatingly shy; debilitatingly shy. And I tell you what, I definitely was. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a> needed my help. She had eight of us kids, she was a single mom, my siblings and I were all challenging and challenged in a variety of uncommon ways, I am the oldest. She needed my help. Had she not pushed me to be less shy, I would have been less help. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And of all the things I am today it is being helpful, being an assistant, being a right hand man, that I find consistent joy in. It is how I make my money and a place I find purpose. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am grateful to my mom for pushing me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That doesn't mean I enjoy it. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I truly am grateful. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And I'm not too shy to tell her I blame her. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">(Though maybe with less whining this time?)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span> <br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-57437275794564351392023-07-24T07:36:00.001-07:002023-07-24T07:38:01.242-07:00Autism Answer: In My Opinion, We Don't Always Need an Opinion<p> </p><div><div dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":r19:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJZ4n12okLTfcGm1rF9tufBh5YsOMpSKMzo2ZdgMuBm4RBfo-PDFMtfLdoET7b7DVhKXonmGXgmCSPPmOHj-c9hdy8BHtXfc7zIsja3M7l-ZkMZpnP2Wffi3seS_IBwopwl53oBYSYjPmq3bVQX6Mi8xk-WITDdbRZzL0j4UrEgqXPpTOO2yTJSP4lVQU/s1080/maple%20tree.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="608" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJZ4n12okLTfcGm1rF9tufBh5YsOMpSKMzo2ZdgMuBm4RBfo-PDFMtfLdoET7b7DVhKXonmGXgmCSPPmOHj-c9hdy8BHtXfc7zIsja3M7l-ZkMZpnP2Wffi3seS_IBwopwl53oBYSYjPmq3bVQX6Mi8xk-WITDdbRZzL0j4UrEgqXPpTOO2yTJSP4lVQU/s320/maple%20tree.jpeg" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking up through the leaves<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The rustling of leaves in the trees, a breeze caressing my skin in unpredictable intervals, birdsongs dancing through the sky-waves, smells of flowers and soil intermingling and reminding me to breath deep, this is a sensation I love.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This is a place I go where I don't judge myself, where I don't feel judged, where I am not surrounded by opinions and I feel no need to form one of my own.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span></span><b>Alone:</b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I disappear when I am inside nature. I feel myself melt away and be consumed, become an element or an ingredient, a component of something so spectacular I cannot feel anything but wonderful. I am not ugly and fat, in nature. I am not stupid or a burden, in nature. I am not in debt or unable, in nature. My ideas are not bad for society, or brilliant and necessary, in nature. Simply, I am not and nature is.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><b style="font-family: georgia;">With Children:</b></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When I was raising my children I found nature similarly wonderful, but I did not disappear. I had a role, I was mom. But in nature, unlike how I felt in town among other moms and children, I could see my children more clearly. Without the mess of feelings and worries and expectations I felt when in a more social setting; nature cleared the air for me. I could see them, see their behaviours, notice their uniqueness without fear of how it was being received or judged. I could simply see. And in that place I was more comfortable guiding them while I learned. I could see them clearly and so I could better see where they were in need of learning. There is freedom in the wild, but that does not mean allowing only wildness. Many mothers in nature teach their children ways to behave. But without the need to conform them in order to fit in and, rather, with a need to give them skills to help them thrive.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><b style="font-family: georgia;">Alone:</b></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In nature I become more. Yes, I disappear. But I disappear into everything. My sounds and smells, the feature of me, is equal to the sensations around me.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><b style="font-family: georgia;">With Children:</b></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Their sounds and smells, the feature of them, is equal to the sensations around them. They are not being asked to conform or play by the rules. In nature the rules are be what you are until you no longer are. If what you are works well, you might last longer and pass on your genes. If not, okay.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I want to exist comfortably in society. More than that, I want the children I love to find ways to exist comfortably in society. But not without caring about our nature.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It is a worthy pursuit, finding ways to fit in. Practising politeness in your culture and gaining the skills to participate in the games people play.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But one of those games, I've noticed, is having strong opinions about everything going on in the world.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Having an opinion about everything and everyone, ourselves and the people in the world - online, particularly - becomes exhausting. It becomes unhealthy and unkind.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In nature, things are sometimes trending, but there is no need to form an opinion. It simply is what there is more of at the moment. That's how nature works (when we allow it to work). (We are encouraged to make certain judgments, of course, since many things in nature will hurt or kill you.) (Also, growing an opinion is fantastic, fine, and fun when encouraged to blossom naturally, without a need to make it sound smart, or match a movement, or instigate a reaction.) </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Spending time alone in nature helps me practice loving the world without needing to have an opinion.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Spending time with children in nature helps me practice having an opinion while loving people in the world.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In my opinion, I like my opinion. <span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-19135837669713538192023-06-03T08:04:00.000-07:002023-06-03T08:04:43.863-07:00Autism Answer: The Core of the Problem<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpfy31tGMaL0jmlgFmtADVa5oKUfk54G1NFHV0UkqbEsmCAiv8QfTigzBedmi5fOZEmpVYroIP4LykvYe_iX0d-hvrSLkH6JKNtNJ0uFt7ke1nVAMqyAERC1XTqOEhkV2XynIAead6stQZj4ekZ8_40aD9as_SQMTwu4EbRABLdtAYAQldMKryi5sy/s2048/clock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpfy31tGMaL0jmlgFmtADVa5oKUfk54G1NFHV0UkqbEsmCAiv8QfTigzBedmi5fOZEmpVYroIP4LykvYe_iX0d-hvrSLkH6JKNtNJ0uFt7ke1nVAMqyAERC1XTqOEhkV2XynIAead6stQZj4ekZ8_40aD9as_SQMTwu4EbRABLdtAYAQldMKryi5sy/s320/clock.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pocket watch<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><div><div class="" dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":rua:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When working with a piece of machinery we can fairly easily believe that the machine will last longer and work better if we care for the various parts. If we fix and maintain things at the core of the machine, rather than jury-rig or jerry-build or find funny ways to make things work (hold one side this way while shifting the other side that way and then press this thing this way, it's not broken it has personality!) they will last longer. If we take care of a <span></span>machine by noticing things before they become bigger problems and then properly replace or maintain the working parts, the technology will likely be healthier because of it.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That's not to dismiss the tricks we use to make things last. That's not even to say that it is always better to maintain a machine at it's core. But we must admit, usually it is. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">People are not machines, but it is true that we are also generally healthier and happier when we maintain ourselves at the core. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When we investigate why our knees are hurting rather than only avoid stairs; when we explore the reasons behind our behaviors, the beliefs behind our feelings, rather than only wish we did or didn't have those behaviors or feelings; when we play an active role in creating a life we like rather than only feel hard done by when we don't like the lives we have; when we do the investigating and exploring and make potentially healthy adjustments - to our diets, behaviors, environments, beliefs, etc - we last longer and work better. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Going with the flow is beautiful, but we must know ourselves well enough to choose which flow, rather than have one (or many) whisk us away; a flow that might threaten to drown us in a life that stifles our ability to be who we like being, or to even discover who that is. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That's not to dismiss the little tricks we use to make ourselves happy as we are flowing. That's not even to say that it is always a good idea to follow a feeling or behavior to the core. But we must admit, usually it is. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think we can make ourselves crazy by examining every little detail of ourselves or others as though it is the most urgent matter. But we can also find ourselves drowning in mismanaged health and lack of joy when we do not examine enough about ourselves. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If we are particularly different, if our personal machinery behaves in ways that are unusual or extremely challenging, we will find it harder to maintain ourselves, I'm sure. But like an unusual or uncommon piece of machinery, something unique and not mass produced, we are still capable of finding our core and keeping ourselves going. We will have less people who will understand or make space for us, less places to find the parts and information we need, but it is there. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">People are not machines (though some of us have machines as part of ourselves) but people created them. And we created them for us, and sort of in our own image. We build things and explain: This works to move that which shifts this which sends a signal to that which interprets the signal based on this while over here the valves (if properly lubricated) will pump this and ignite that. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That's how we work. One thing leading into the other thing feeding this other thing and a gazillion things working for and against each other in order for us to be, well, us. <--- Yes, I paid attention in biology and know smart science things. <span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I do understand the people who scoff at others for caring a lot about nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, and more. I do understand. In truth, I treat my machines poorly, choosing not to take care of what's going wrong but instead jury-rig or bandaid. (Though I try not to scoff at the folks who do take good and proper care of their machines.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But finding a good balance between taking good care of ourselves and each other, while relaxing and not allowing the work of taking care become a problem itself, is something we ought to applaud. After all, we are responsible for ourselves, and if we applaud that in each other we will be better. Better at being healthy and better at applauding each other. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Don't be afraid to ask why you feel broken or unable to function properly. Don't be afraid to look inside yourself and seek the core of the problem. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Always know there is something you can do and you are not unworthy of the work.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">You are not a machine, but it's okay to think of yourself in that way if it helps. Something that can be maintained, upgraded, made to work well within the parameters of the machine it is. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Take care of yourself. Not in a "hold one side this way while shifting the other side that way and then press this thing this way, it's not broken it has personality!" sort of way, but in a getting to the core of the problem way. (Important Note: when we take care of ourselves by getting to the core of the problem we continue to have personality!)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Be patient, it can take time. And admittedly you might not find the core of the problem, but if you don't try you are at risk of adding cumbersome piles of misleading blame over it. You are at risk of wasting time pointing out problems of others because it is easier to see what appears broken than to sift through the mechanics and minute details of every little piece that makes you tick. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But, man! It is rewarding work! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When you find the core of a problem and make a change, everything comes into focus and finds itself working well! It's fantastic and invigorating! (Until the shift moves everything into a new place that creates new areas of problems to find the core of.... but, don't let that stop you! The more you explore your own health and happiness machinery, the easier it gets to recognize what's up.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">People are not machines. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But it can be useful to pretend.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-9227836237356842602023-05-31T10:31:00.002-07:002023-05-31T10:31:59.354-07:00Autism Answer: Hold Him This Way<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVxDsEO5qnxMYtbRGmqPgAzzr5UZmBe16v9qObQuRxaLdVjQLV_tT1nOyTO-pzt8AQQfX0QF4_HA45kMmON5W4M2yRpAPZ_TVOwHJcekrM5sm5bWlAVYWOEi98mO09lenWEhvlnYA0pz_L6ZcMX-H6qdgd11qk-AEOMwyMkTA-sQPgn7MEEDUxv8L/s504/Declyn%20and%20Mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="504" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVxDsEO5qnxMYtbRGmqPgAzzr5UZmBe16v9qObQuRxaLdVjQLV_tT1nOyTO-pzt8AQQfX0QF4_HA45kMmON5W4M2yRpAPZ_TVOwHJcekrM5sm5bWlAVYWOEi98mO09lenWEhvlnYA0pz_L6ZcMX-H6qdgd11qk-AEOMwyMkTA-sQPgn7MEEDUxv8L/s320/Declyn%20and%20Mom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Declyn and me <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Hold him this way," my mom suggested, holding my youngest son up in her arms, away from her body, while encouraging eye contact with her loving smiling eyes. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He was little, in my memory not quite a year old, but we were noticing sensory stuff and lack of eye contact. We weren't worrying about it but we were noticing. And we were following his cues while hoping to help him feel our love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As <span></span>Declyn grew, this sort of noticing and following and leading continued. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He had a debilitating case of hyper empathy, any amount of uncomfortable energy could hurt him to the point of a meltdown. Meltdowns he chose to have alone, crying and talking to himself (or the people embroidered on his pillow) until he was alright. He got good at helping people sort out their feelings, which was a form of self-preservation. He had sensory issues that affected him in several ways: he vomited often, he was overstimulated often, he wanted to wrap his fingers in my wet hair often. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In each case when I would notice, I would follow his lead and then attempt to help him make sense of what was going on for him and then lead him towards comfort - with himself and the world around him. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Parenting Declyn was wonderful. We were close. We understood each other. We had deep conversations and shared our inner selves. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">At least, that's what I thought. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD6aXUQpD4DAUYCB6E6lELw5xSDKyE2S7IxQV06LBCM92Cqvh854djTtTvWpM_GVbUa7Ac5bwBXwACOCCEtw5pcA9UIn6ID9f1Sjxlj01f2YnDpEPkG0c-vQeccctBWOdagI8FZGTbku3XilS_oS0ZswpOsPojXx2UxYk-X5kI5qOX5AQQKZW8qX46/s504/Declyn%20at%20the%20park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="504" data-original-width="336" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD6aXUQpD4DAUYCB6E6lELw5xSDKyE2S7IxQV06LBCM92Cqvh854djTtTvWpM_GVbUa7Ac5bwBXwACOCCEtw5pcA9UIn6ID9f1Sjxlj01f2YnDpEPkG0c-vQeccctBWOdagI8FZGTbku3XilS_oS0ZswpOsPojXx2UxYk-X5kI5qOX5AQQKZW8qX46/s320/Declyn%20at%20the%20park.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Declyn</td></tr></tbody></table></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Turns out, I was quite mistaken! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Oh, we have always been close, but he (along with all of his brothers) hid so much from me. I knew them, but also I did not. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I am not wrong in remembering much of our closeness. Of how much Declyn impresses me and finds ways to connect and have fun with me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So this morning, in celebration of Declyn on his birthday, I roller skated and rocked out to the entire soundtrack for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1485796/" target="_blank"><i>The Greatest Showman</i></a>. Because that is a memory of our closeness.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Declyn and I love to sing our hearts out, loud and proud, proper pitch and right words be darned! When we are in a car together we are unstoppable! From blocks away you will hear us coming (and though you are not likely to say "what lovely singing voices" you hopefully will think "what passion and joy"). </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When Declyn's brother bought him <i>The</i> <i>Greatest Showman</i> soundtrack, after having taken us to see the movie in theaters, it was an all out oh man we love these feelings rock out fest. For months! We were almost addicted! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I didn't think about it then, but today, as I rock and rolled, I recognized why so much of the music would hit hard for my youngest son. The lyrics, the dreams, the "this is me" declaration, these and more are deeply Declyn. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So today, I'm holding him this way. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Holding him up, remembering and reliving and feeling, while hoping he will feel my love. A love I am pushing out into the world with intense rocking out energy. Perhaps his hyper empathy will help him feel it: as far as Montreal, Quebec is from Fallbrook, California, I wouldn't put it past him. He feels things. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And when I hold him this way, I feel them too. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Happy twenty-third birthday to my darling Declyn!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If you want to rock out with me and Declyn, here's one of our favourites: </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iW2FUY3N-n0" width="320" youtube-src-id="iW2FUY3N-n0"></iframe></div><br /> </span> <br /></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-68892507410641385202023-05-03T07:14:00.000-07:002023-05-03T07:14:26.279-07:00Autism Answer: The Rash (or: Sensory Issues and Behaviors)<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWybgVnVBEW-AuxxGhTt-orop6NI4JeIQ5VzB0CCu96kEUN7MPH5eVQxPgrWvfoCjhDaglNe71S0PbP6wn558nrxfDv3Az8fFkJU-rSmbEA2q0RRUl7kctra5xrSr71UZr0NHq-4u83z6ucMab2lGxdDCur3dxPKoDxo-eojjbQ4rDaVOXJds4uwPq/s2048/068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWybgVnVBEW-AuxxGhTt-orop6NI4JeIQ5VzB0CCu96kEUN7MPH5eVQxPgrWvfoCjhDaglNe71S0PbP6wn558nrxfDv3Az8fFkJU-rSmbEA2q0RRUl7kctra5xrSr71UZr0NHq-4u83z6ucMab2lGxdDCur3dxPKoDxo-eojjbQ4rDaVOXJds4uwPq/s320/068.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brother at bowling, his face is red from a reaction to a snack<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Randomly, and with no reason I can confidently get behind, I have patches of an incredibly itchy rash calling attention to themselves in a variety of places on my body. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Aside from the part where I am (not very actively) attempting to identify the reason behind the rash, there is something else I am doing. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><span></span>Paying attention. Noticing how I feel and how it is affecting me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">I love these opportunities. When my body hurts or itches; when my face calls attention to itself with blemishes, bruises, or welts; when I hurt or itch and it is calling attention to itself with blemishes, bruises, or welts - I like to notice how it influences my behavior and the behavior of folks around me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">This rash, for example, feels sooooooooooo goooooooooood to scratch! I've had mosquito bites that feel good to scratch but this is something special! However, I am aware that it is generally a bad idea to scratch a rash, so I am trying to avoid thinking about it. I'm picking clothes specifically with the intention of not tickling it into awareness. I'm also choosing clothes meant to keep it from being seen. It isn't pretty, but more than that I don't want people consistently asking me about it or being concerned. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">There are more things I notice, but the point is my focus is on noticing. I try to take advantage of these opportunities to remember we are all living inside brains and bodies that behave in different ways, and we are all making choices that grow out of those different brains and bodies. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">It is a particularly helpful reminder for when my brother - who is unable to speak clearly - is doing seemingly odd things with his body: prodding the underside of his nose, smacking his thigh, rocking his head. I admit, when I was young and my mom would wonder, "Why is he doing that?" my thought would be, "Um, because he's weird." And, honestly, between you and me, I actually thought that was the answer. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Luckily, my mom isn't so easily side tracked. She really wondered because, as I now understand, there is a reason and it can be helpful to know what that reason is. Following these clues doesn't always lead to knowing how to stop the behavior, how to fix the numbness or itch or pain, but it can. And it can lead to understanding it. And the attitude of knowing<i> there is a reason</i> leads to seeing the behavior differently; usually with less annoyance and more understanding. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> <br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">I won't fool myself into thinking now that I've had this rash I know what it's like to live in a body that has sensory sensitivities or a noticeable rash, I'm pretty sure mine will be temporary. Hence, I can take advantage of this opportunity from that privileged place. I am grateful to have these opportunities. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">I don't prefer pain or itching or attracting attention with bruises or blemishes, I don't wish I could keep them, but I do like attempting to understand how different my choices and beliefs would be if I did always or often have those things. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Funnily: part of the reason I started to love the opportunity to notice and imagine is I prefer it over trying to figure things out or fix them. I am lazy that way. I'd rather have a rash or a pain and notice my behavior, assume the problem with solve itself, rather than focusing on figuring it out or fixing it. I like letting things happen and finding a way to be okay with them. That's easier for me. (It is not better, just easier. I have waited to the point of danger before.) This is something that, maybe, grew out of me spending this first half of my life in a brain and body that are fairly plain? Fairly middle of the road? This type of laziness probably grew out of me living in a body that, so far, has almost always figured itself out. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">I like that. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">I look forward to learning how to like it when my body changes and I do have to figure more things out. Hopefully all this noticing will help me have empathy (not sympathy) for myself. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> <br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to notice myself sneaking off into another room where no one will witness me scratching this rash and it will feel sooooooooo goooooooood... </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span><br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-86974010570989052712023-04-05T09:51:00.005-07:002023-04-07T13:54:59.001-07:00Autism Answer: Logging In<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbl_eiqEqdBD3obh6Sunap7kzkB0otcm90Hi-DDd5YYMgOVFcI5gjqJhQrt97bn9EgTuEc4hrbTm4BQ5AsCKDK5qXPuZKBJuYxAGWHuxij6xIsyV7VSeaHbn1Wh8_DZA3_9vlj6lfCf2vZSxeJ36u7Mm3TtlVumulhmFigzgXYqBnIn8cx94HvGugV/s1080/glasses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbl_eiqEqdBD3obh6Sunap7kzkB0otcm90Hi-DDd5YYMgOVFcI5gjqJhQrt97bn9EgTuEc4hrbTm4BQ5AsCKDK5qXPuZKBJuYxAGWHuxij6xIsyV7VSeaHbn1Wh8_DZA3_9vlj6lfCf2vZSxeJ36u7Mm3TtlVumulhmFigzgXYqBnIn8cx94HvGugV/s320/glasses.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Glasses on a table: what we see<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><div><div dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id=":R1alaammjabkq75b5klbaH2:"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xdj266r x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Logging into someone else's social media account and checking out their ads, newsfeeds, recommended posts/videos can be a healthy exercise. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It happened to me accidentally many years ago, when I was still new to the internet, and it genuinely freaked me out. One of my sons had used my computer to check his Facebook feed and didn't log out. When I later opened the app I was shocked. The world was behaving strangely! It was weird and unfamiliar. For a few moments I literally felt lost and worried. What had I missed? </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I quickly figured out what was going on and got over my confusion, but that shock taught me something that stayed with me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The conversations, the ads, the shared videos and photos, they were a peek into a different world. One that was not created for me, one that was not specifically tailored by an algorithm that pays attention to my likes and dislikes, my comments and where my screen lingers, but was instead tailored to my son; who he was at the time. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yet, these were all conversations, interests, quotes, and products that are part of the world I live in. Just because they aren't pushed my way doesn't mean they aren't influencing my environment, which influences me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In the example of my son's feed, it was mostly anime, ads for video games, and people complaining about the world. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I have seen even more since then. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">For example, did you know that lots of people find it clever to make fun of people who think differently than themselves? Call them stupid and stuff? I thought that was only outliers, people struggling with social skills, and/or people with the job of agitating in order to create activity and misinformation. But it is far more common than I thought, which is good for me to understand.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Also, did you know make-up is still a thing? Like, a big thing? I thought it mostly died out for mainstream use when I stopped using it at nineteen. But turns out, according to the push from advertisers and influencers on a friend's Instagram feed, it's not only still a big deal but there are a gazillion ways to wear it, equally as many reasons to wear it, and don't worry there are ways to look like you're not wearing it while you wear it so you can simply be naturally pretty because - duh - everyone should want to be pretty but also you should be confident in your natural beauty without makeup or a filter but here is a filter and makeup tutorials and reviews and promo codes because let's be serious you can't compete with those of us wearing it if you don't wear it. <--- I would not have survived as a young girl in this world. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't notice this stuff because I don't see this stuff, not really. Oh, there are make-up aisles and ads on the sides of buses, but I don't see them, not really. It's when someone I'm with looks, perks up, click's "like" with their attention that I see it. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And I notice sometimes a person yelling obscenities at other drivers, calling them stupid and stuff, when they don't like something they did, or something they almost did, but I don't really think of it as how a lot of people are. I think of it as uncommon. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It doesn't really effect me to notice for a moment. Because I don't stay in these environments, seeing for a moment doesn't mean much.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What does effect me is the affect it is having around me, on the people I spend time with, the people I live in the world with. And, conversely, my own world, the one that is cultivated more for me and my interests, though it may seem alien to others is of consequence to them.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We can't truly learn from each other if we are too completely unaware of where other people's ideas are growing out from. If we are entirely clueless to the behaviours, comments, images, beliefs being targeted and consumed by each other, we become unable to truly understand each other. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Having diverse stories around us, people, books, films, news, opinions from places and times we are not from and where we don't stay, this is a meaningful way to grow our understanding of each other. Our similarities and differences. Needs that some might have that others rarely see. etc.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But it is also useful to simply, sometimes, visit a drastically different person's echo chamber. Log into their social media for a bit, if they're comfortable with it. Invite them to visit yours. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It can be shocking! Sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes simply boring, but always a little peek at what is "normal" to someone that is not you can remind us that "normal" is a creation. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">For example, did you know it is normal for a lot of people to care about cars?! I have a little brother who cares so much about cars, about their shape and how well they're made and how they might change, that I used to think he must be alone in the universe. Guess what. NOPE! Oh, he might be alone in the specific way he gets emotional over the future of cars, but he is not alone in caring. Not by a long shot! In fact, cars is an extremely normal thing to care about, turns out. Interestingly, that particular brother of mine is not generally considered normal. <span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" style="font-family: georgia;"><img alt="😃" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t51/1/16/1f603.png" width="16" /></span> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, visit a new echo chamber. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What reverberations do you notice? </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What reflections do you see?</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span> <br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-38094487316016169822023-03-10T06:13:00.005-08:002023-03-10T06:13:53.580-08:00Autism Answer: Fix My Child<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKNoWF9Mwewqgfz2-hDlug82yhKZO05sT8nNHdHsqE1oCzhWrXtpcZkB9gFoP86FKdEeAd_5lGjO8xJHl4PA1SYd_gUs-_tiD4vHViTp_GVVtsIEmNkvVvEqqeDjoD3jtm_pBkHfwYUPNrr-mftMty9yKWlKzJkrUU8gSklUCanbiRQ_ZsLllnCzve/s2028/Willing%20to%20change.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2028" data-original-width="2028" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKNoWF9Mwewqgfz2-hDlug82yhKZO05sT8nNHdHsqE1oCzhWrXtpcZkB9gFoP86FKdEeAd_5lGjO8xJHl4PA1SYd_gUs-_tiD4vHViTp_GVVtsIEmNkvVvEqqeDjoD3jtm_pBkHfwYUPNrr-mftMty9yKWlKzJkrUU8gSklUCanbiRQ_ZsLllnCzve/s320/Willing%20to%20change.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When parents want to fix their child, or try to find a professional who can fix their child, they do not really mean they want someone to fix their child. To mend or repair them.<br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They mean they want things to be less hard for themselves and their child. They mean they want people to stop staring and judging them for behaviors or appearances. They mean they want to know what to do when they see their child hurting, screaming, behaving strangely. They mean they want to <span></span>know what to do when traditional parenting tips, comments, and expectations seem unreachable or ridiculous.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That's not to say they don't want to help their child solve problems brought on by disability or dysfunction. They do. And they may say they want to fix their child.<br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think they mean they want a future for themselves and their child that seems healthy, happy, successful, possible. They mean they want to know what that could look like and what to do to help it happen. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They mean they want to see their child without the interference of needing to fit that child into expectations that were built before the child was born. They want to see who their child is and who they can be, know they can help them overcome the hard stuff and find what works for them, know the world will have space for them to grow and carve out a life that suites them. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They mean they want to know what to do to make all of this happen and to not be too lost and overwhelmed and beaten up along the way. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That, I think, is what they mean when they say they want someone to fix their child. I don't think they are trying to call their child broken, exactly. I think they want to help them be the best version of themselves with the most amount of confidence and the greatest opportunities for independence or growth. And in many cases that means finding uncommon answers that ask for more than we're used to asking for. Answers that bring us to a place where we reevaluate so much we once took for granted. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When someone says they want to fix their child, I think it is because they want to reconstruct, renovate, and overhaul their situation, their child's situation, and reactions to them and their situation. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Whether or not we have children of our own at the moment, we can help make raising children easier on others. We can reconstruct, renovate, and overhaul the way we react and the expectations we have when spending time in public spaces. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We can fix the feeling of needing to fix things. <br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>NOTE</b>: Those of you raising or helping raise children, those of you hoping to have a little help knowing what to do, please visit the <span><a class="x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x6umtig x1b1mbwd xaqea5y xav7gou x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz xt0b8zv x1qq9wsj xo1l8bm" href="https://www.facebook.com/allbrainsgrow?__cft__[0]=AZVwutqBQV83OT6MUm6T-pM5TpN68FhgMFLN1o3Wo3I9gcjlvsY0y7YeabV7KEuGa0XXRzgsGCZ36ZRHjipBkH6Pnabg8_kqJuTCBaUzf04fNQ-fPaAzQxEvzO9sPojpT5df0T5tfuOYQPZH4zKRkA6TBxecfL2n_Qkbq5mVx_i0lQ&__tn__=-]K-R" role="link" tabindex="0"><span class="xt0psk2"><span>All Brains Grow</span></span></a></span> website for access to that help. It is a beautiful place with beautiful ideas! </span><br /></span></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-54654608918514495842023-03-02T10:15:00.000-08:002023-03-02T10:15:09.770-08:00Autism Answer: Where There Is Yelling<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNsGkQTQvC_8yxlW_X5PjF6DU75HqIaRf06zC1hY0NSkxDQScpnLhkZ_4T_jw0TGMHQ0JDb1NoOzjjU4OVdidWy9Dnpzatb5TRBKWzWEl1oRR-2gz10nIjl9MyQ4TEWO7vCeGMYLwDF66QqOIYGvnFm7RUId7Pu4F_D5zK4HpKJLhaN7CelyUDZ2s/s1080/hand%20on%20hip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="904" data-original-width="1080" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNsGkQTQvC_8yxlW_X5PjF6DU75HqIaRf06zC1hY0NSkxDQScpnLhkZ_4T_jw0TGMHQ0JDb1NoOzjjU4OVdidWy9Dnpzatb5TRBKWzWEl1oRR-2gz10nIjl9MyQ4TEWO7vCeGMYLwDF66QqOIYGvnFm7RUId7Pu4F_D5zK4HpKJLhaN7CelyUDZ2s/s320/hand%20on%20hip.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hand on a hip in anger or judgement<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xdj266r x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Some people remember with a sense of sharpness things they learned while being yelled at. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">For the most part, I shut down when people are yelling. Particularly angry yelling. I am quickly afraid and disappear so deeply into the fear that I can't decipher much of what is being said or remember well what the yelling was specifically about.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span></span>However, I can remember with clarity things I choose to learn while my FEELINGS are yelling at me. When I am extremely embarrassed, when I feel horrible for being the cause of a serious problem, when I am extremely afraid.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Sometimes that means I remember things I choose to learn where there is angry yelling because angry yelling causes me to be afraid, but the things I learn don't come from what is being yelled. Instead they come from me, from the place hidden away in the fog of fear where I am unable to decipher much of what is being said outside of myself. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hence, I tend to remember the stuff my mind is saying to me about my reaction to the yelling. Mostly, my mind is mean to me in those moments. I'll remember me putting myself down and using the moment as proof that I'm a pathetic whimpy useless piece of a person who is sitting paralyzed in fear rather than engaging with the person or people who are yelling. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Sometimes, I will remember what the yelling was about. Never, though, will I remember it <i>in a better way</i> because of the yelling. Though sometimes I will remember <i>bigger</i> because of it. It will be louder in my mind, the memory itself yelling at me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am one person. My response is not necessarily common or uncommon. To be honest, when I watch movies and tv shows I can't help but notice many people yell at each other, and so I assume it's fairly common to yell and that yelling isn't always so hard for folks. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And don't get me wrong, I have yelled. I have yelled at my kids, I have yelled at my brothers, and I have yelled at my mom. When I have yelled it was never because I had a handle on things, it was never because I knew yelling was the right choice. When I yelled it was because I was overwhelmed and frustrated and screaming to get out from under it all. The people I yelled at were not likely benefited from my yelling. And I definitely wasn't. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a>, however, can use yelling well. To break through to one of my brothers before they go too far, to surprise someone into listening, to change a behavior by influencing a brain. She knows how to use yelling. Mostly, by not using it. It is one of the least commonly used tools in her toolbox. (I highly recommend watching her international docu-series <a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/fixitinfive/" target="_blank">Fix it in Five with The Brain Broad,</a> particularity season two where she works with a violent teen struggling through puberty, in order to see how she breaks into behaviors without using yelling, and how she effectively uses yelling.)<br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Where there is yelling there is response to yelling. Not everyone responds the same and not everyone yells the same. I am not good at yelling. I am not good at being yelled at. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><blockquote><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Teach, don't hurt. Your child will often remember how you punished them but seldom remember why. Spare the rod and teach the child." ~Dr. Lynette Louise, aka The Brain Broad, aka My Mom</span></blockquote></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My mom always has her mind on the teaching part. Children, particularly autistic children, are exceptionally influenced by the energy around them. Yelling is a kind of energy that is not easily guided well. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Be careful with it. Not only around children.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And for those of us who don't handle it well, let's try not to be afraid of it, either. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">(Errrrrr.... great. Now I'm afraid someone will yell because I admitted I'm going to try and not be afraid of yelling. Giggle!)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" style="font-family: georgia;" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><br /></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-3411697175332174942023-02-15T12:38:00.003-08:002023-02-15T12:38:53.237-08:00Autism Answer: A Consequence of Punishment<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWtwvTdNqDkAfztdyD9DHl36vVEFBi9Co_5-duZIDKNTnmCfwL5rAktJfXJNpZCyAocEDEvvcngp04IATaSSTl_PTw-tV41CkkuBXS-38dRmoaQlZ6iTRuDVYfLDSm_nC4NTrAD2DzAwMLXwpUmsU4kuc7sTH-xT6EsDEtURYg5CnT3PJetym0IIN_/s801/Brandessa%20on%20the%20beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="572" data-original-width="801" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWtwvTdNqDkAfztdyD9DHl36vVEFBi9Co_5-duZIDKNTnmCfwL5rAktJfXJNpZCyAocEDEvvcngp04IATaSSTl_PTw-tV41CkkuBXS-38dRmoaQlZ6iTRuDVYfLDSm_nC4NTrAD2DzAwMLXwpUmsU4kuc7sTH-xT6EsDEtURYg5CnT3PJetym0IIN_/s320/Brandessa%20on%20the%20beach.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On the beach: my sister, two of her four daughters, and her husband.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was a mom before my sister was. I adored the way she loved watching me with my sons! Soon, my sister had children of her own. And I quickly adored watching her with her daughters!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I watched as my sister focused less on punishment for her children and more on consequences. As a mom, I loved this. The consequence was I began to do the same. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span></span>Things didn't have to change much. When my boys made a mess they would still be expected to clean it up because that's a natural consequence. When they would fight with each other they would still be expected to stop fighting, to apologize if it seemed appropriate, to go to their beds and take time to calm down and think about the situation if that made sense, because those are some consequences of fighting. If they didn't listen to me when we were in the grocery store, if they had a tantrum to try and get something they wanted that I was unwilling or unable to get for them, I still dealt with the attitude in much of the same ways I always had (mainly by freaking out internally over hoping I would handle it right and knowing only that whatever I did I couldn't let the tantrum be how they got something) because there are consequences to being whiny or mean.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The difference when I focused more on consequence than punishment was less about what happened and more about how the happening was framed. What lesson I tried to highlight. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm not a big believer in "if you do this you might get caught, imprisoned, ticketed" etc, and more a believer in "if you do this these are the sorts of things that might happen to you and your environment." As a mom but also as a citizen in society. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think a consequence of focusing on punishment is that we too often teach "don't break this rule or you'll get in trouble" when we could be teaching "here are the reasons we have decided as a society/family to have this rule." </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's not that I think consequences should never feel like punishments. It's more that I think focusing on the reality of consequences helps us better understand the fullness of our actions. Everyone involved is given more opportunity to explore the potential consequences. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think the shift in focus helps us remember to be responsible for ourselves, to be less combative with people we perceive as punishing us, to be more aware of the myriad of consequences rather than see only the big shiny punishment. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If the consequence of me sharing this idea is you decide to punish me by telling me I'm a silly old lady with naive dreams of a world that can change when we change our focus, no problem! I'll just focus on the part where you cared enough about my idea to respond with thoughts of your own and the consequence will be I feel less punished. tee hee! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span> <br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> <br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-47849401632046067142023-01-24T09:35:00.003-08:002023-01-25T12:53:32.761-08:00Autism Answer: Representation and Robots <p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNT7b7Ix5NLNgspHgXYP9anfEJoCthNVlx4YA_kNvxDy_SJipMJHUMVGP90RXhuEDwUJ8RLpAZsZp5dzSaRCB0Bymaiae3H9YXlzsob6ywypNcifGgStMm0DbExJw7Wo0jC_3KUrg470QY2LbnHXamWNeabk0N6vsAlt_Wv0fD0JXvxsRDTjK-HUn/s1080/Stereo%20on%20the%20wall.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="1080" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNT7b7Ix5NLNgspHgXYP9anfEJoCthNVlx4YA_kNvxDy_SJipMJHUMVGP90RXhuEDwUJ8RLpAZsZp5dzSaRCB0Bymaiae3H9YXlzsob6ywypNcifGgStMm0DbExJw7Wo0jC_3KUrg470QY2LbnHXamWNeabk0N6vsAlt_Wv0fD0JXvxsRDTjK-HUn/s320/Stereo%20on%20the%20wall.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some pretty cool technology! A radio intercom thingy on our wall.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></span><p></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am not much interested in technology or cool new gadgets. When robots can do amazing things, when virtual reality is wildly realistic or whatever, I kinda think, "Oh, neat." If I bother thinking anything at all.</span></div></div><p></p><div><div dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1swvt13 xjkvuk6" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_at"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm aware that it <i>is</i> fascinating and impressive, but mostly because of the reactions of others. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Largely, my under-reaction is because I am personally not interested. My interests are just different, that's all. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I also think I'm unmoved in part because I've already seen technology that does unbelievable things, and robots that impress with their ability to seem human while having the strength and capabilities of doing superhuman things, in movies and on TV.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm less impressed because of the representation robots and other tech has in the movies. I've seen it a lot therefore I assume it's not that impressive or new. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am not in the tech world, hence I am easily confused by what is actually cool to see in the real world.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">For folks who do not have many friends or family members with disabilities, this might be something to keep in mind. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If they are easily impressed by a disabled person doing mundane things, perhaps it is because they are not exposed to disabled people doing many things. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Additionally, when they are under the impression that having a disability means life is a constant struggle, a hard fight against the world and the distress of a broken brain or body, a sad state that can hardly be helped, perhaps it is because they are not exposed to complete and complicated stories of people with disabilities. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> <br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When I move about in the world I don't expect to see robots or wicked cool technology all over the place, but I admit to being unimpressed and hardly surprised when I do. I get that it is cool, it just doesn't spark any "isn't that cool?" thoughts in me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">(I am kind of boring. I like trees. Trees are cool.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When we move about in the world we are in the company of people with disabilities, that's just a fact. Sometimes more people, sometimes less. Sometimes visibly disabled, sometimes not. There's nothing wrong with noticing if something is cool (people are often doing cool things, sometimes those things include robots!) but I think it's unfortunate that though we are exposed to diversity in reality, we are less exposed in our stories. It is our stories that help us get to know each other. They fill in blanks, expose us to possibilities, give us many more directions in which to imagine and care. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Robots are cool. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">People doing things despite physical, emotional, societal, financial challenges is cool. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">With exposure in our stories, done well and with honest complexity, we are able to include all of these cool things in our expectations. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We'll expect and invite more people to be themselves in our public spaces. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That, I think, is the ultimate in cool. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od">(Though I confess, my opinion on what is cool isn't highly sought after. Giggle!)<br /></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"></span></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div><div class="x6s0dn4 x78zum5 x1nhvcw1"><br /></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-46827935031619299532023-01-21T12:23:00.004-08:002023-01-21T12:23:39.214-08:00Autism Answer: How "You" are You?<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1NMQUTxAaPHbTiS7dP2zMl72FsMczT5SNQ5ABJmdu6qyhm5uAeAS6BqnjmroNAJvPMaEhHZQ7cicC-ps4t4xf0jgLGMW2AKteXoeVG17qnnZJ7yVGUVIu-TLYBNcOhCy18H76l4aUDhW-NjpeKSVwNWdLVD-bRmTPZhghCmOaVoqQuRUvvQP7Fv_r/s1080/bus%20stop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1NMQUTxAaPHbTiS7dP2zMl72FsMczT5SNQ5ABJmdu6qyhm5uAeAS6BqnjmroNAJvPMaEhHZQ7cicC-ps4t4xf0jgLGMW2AKteXoeVG17qnnZJ7yVGUVIu-TLYBNcOhCy18H76l4aUDhW-NjpeKSVwNWdLVD-bRmTPZhghCmOaVoqQuRUvvQP7Fv_r/w320-h240/bus%20stop.jpg" title="Me at the bus stop" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me at the bus stop<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"She's so nice; such a sweet quiet girl," they would say about me. They were saying it because, well, I was being nice and, also, quiet.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't know when I started being nice, sweet, and quiet because they said I was, and I liked that they said I was, but I did. I remember seeking that input, wanting to know they were still thinking of me as nice, sweet, and quiet. Wanting them to validate that I was still the me they had said I was. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I <span></span>was a child. I was newer to the world than the adults. I was someone, born as someone, but I was also a small someone. I looked up at the grown-ups and was told what to do by them and grew in the direction of attention. I grew out of a seed that was me, but my growth was encouraged and influenced and fed by those I listened to and learned from. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It was not their fault, the adults, when my attempts at being nice, sweet, and quiet became unhealthy for me. It was me, trying to have people think of me as nice, sweet, and quiet that was dangerous. Rather than explore what it really means for me to be nice, to be quiet, to be sweet, I chose - for several years - to try and elicit a response from people that proved they thought I was nice, sweet, and quiet. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">During those years I failed to learn that it is nice to say no to what I don't want or what I don't believe in, it is sweet to believe in someone so much that you push them to try harder (my brothers too often bore the brunt of my attempts at sweetness while I talked condescendingly to them and let them give up) and being quiet because I was afraid to say the wrong thing was not something to be proud of; being quiet because I want to learn what others have to say and give them space to say it, that was my best kind of quiet.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I pondered much of this often when I became a mother. How to encourage healthy growth in the direction of who my sons are. How to tell them who I see when I see them without taking away any potential for all the other thems they might be, and without pushing them to fit into any expectations. Man, it's not so simple!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's such a common suggestion: Be yourself. Discover yourself. Don't be who you think others want you to be. etc. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And it's good stuff. Yet, we are always ourselves, aren't we? I go back to the time I was trying to fit into a description of me and when I listen to my thoughts from that time, they were me. They were me trying to be a me that is complimented, or noticed, or impressive, or whatever it was I hoped for at the time. But, I was me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As a parent, I try to leave room for who my children choose to be. But I also tell them who I see. I can't help it. I love who I see.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When our loved ones have certain types of disabilities or disorders I think it can be even harder to get this right. The challenges of communication, the uncommon behaviors, can challenge us in ways we are unprepared for. We start seeing what we don't like, what we are dealing with, what we think we are supposed to be looking for, what is clashing with the environment, and even when we put a positive spin on what we're seeing we're still seeing from a place of behaviors, where things are often lost in translation. Behaviors are communication, but we are often unequipped to understand them in any useful or real way. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As we help them discover who they are, help them grow in the direction of attention, we may make the mistake of giving the wrong attention in the wrong places. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And as our children grow they will always be themselves, but with too much pollution in their environment they will be unable to grow into their best selves. (I hope you'll visit the <a href="https://allbrainsgrow.com/" target="_blank">All Brains Grow</a> website to learn how to help our special needs children grow in healthy powerful wonderful ways.)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It think it's true, you should be true to who you are. I think being yourself, discovering who you are and what you really believe, is a valuable pursuit. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This does not mean we should ignore who the world says they see when they see us. It is feedback. It is worth incorporating in our own estimation of who we are. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am nice, but not everyone would think so. Because being nice, I now know, is not the same in everyone's opinion. But in mine, I am nice. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, know who you are. Be you.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Be you, in this world with others. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>"The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, it will tell you."</i> ~Carl Jung</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span><br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-39498583126163773172023-01-10T11:34:00.002-08:002023-01-10T11:44:17.101-08:00Autism Answer: A Piece Of Me Isn't Me<p> </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4AbkBrIRyVizEHlwENm3_EGyDNchVRpwbWj2YR28iU5xCscTbKptTPJqZIiXxMELDdmOyLRafMENE2FIKFfd72J6j9mDxHUSWT8k6GEruVfCKLpnWj6wWyT9v_airAVPsAvrugdRmvCwYg8z6UdTtCMy5-jgOZeDDOw9ojO5oV0K4Pq9lRK8uqLZ_/s1080/grey%20hair.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="608" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4AbkBrIRyVizEHlwENm3_EGyDNchVRpwbWj2YR28iU5xCscTbKptTPJqZIiXxMELDdmOyLRafMENE2FIKFfd72J6j9mDxHUSWT8k6GEruVfCKLpnWj6wWyT9v_airAVPsAvrugdRmvCwYg8z6UdTtCMy5-jgOZeDDOw9ojO5oV0K4Pq9lRK8uqLZ_/s320/grey%20hair.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A silver hair I found on my jeans: a piece of me<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span><p></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was sweeping and singing and thinking last night when I was overcome with the memory of a feeling. I remembered how I used to feel when I had written something and was waiting for reactions. I remembered how my feelings would react to those reactions. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I remembered feeling as though the reactions to my writing were reactions to me. I remember thinking, how could I not feel this way? My writing <i>is </i>me. I word everything precisely; I compose <span></span>a rhythm meant to match my meaning; I spend as long as hours on one sentence to be certain it is a true sentence, that it says what I mean as much as a sentence can. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Most of my writing, once published, is literally the process of me stripping my ideas and beliefs naked, peeling each layer intimately and purposely, attempting to share a peek of everything with a reader. Any possible reader. It is vulnerable, and it is me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yet now, it occurred to me as I looked around for my dustpan, I react to reactions slightly differently. Even though I still write in that same way, I still compose the words and rhythm in a way meant to expose myself, I no longer feel as though it is <i>me</i> readers are reacting to. It is the writing, the ideas in the writing, the piece itself they are reacting to. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I still care, I still hope it is understood and appreciated, I admit to still hoping it is seen as beautiful or important or intriguing. I hope these things not for me, but for the piece of writing. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Which, I admit, is a piece of me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But a piece of me isn't me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I filled the dustpan - it had been on the back of the couch - and threw away the debris (tiny pieces of our day) and the song I was sweeping along to changed. It was time to dance. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As I closed my eyes and sang too loud and encouraged the movement of my body to take me away, to bring me to where dancing brings me, I recognized the similarities between the feelings of freedom and self-expression I have while writing that I also have while dancing. But though the feelings are similar, they are executed differently.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My writing is meant to be shared. I want it shared. It is not the same experience for me if it is not intended to be shared, if I don't imagine it being shared. Whether or not there ever <i>is</i> a reader on the other side, I always write with a reader in mind. When I write only for me I am lazy. I don't search for the precise phrasing because searching for the precise phrasing is intense and, well, hard work. If it's for only me I simply think, "I know what I mean," and move on lazily. I need to imagine you in order to do the work that, ultimately, is always worth doing. Even though, admittedly, it's me I know it to be worth it for.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My dancing, however, is solitary. It is for me and me alone. I don't mind that others are often there, but their reactions to my dancing, if they choose to have them, are meaningless to me. The music, the movement, it brings me to the universe and brings the universe to me and though others are in the universe my dancing feels alone as a universe. You do not need to understand. I'm not concerned about whether others find it beautiful or important or intriguing. It is all those things for me and that's what it's for. It is a piece of me meant for me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As the song ended and my voice cracked and my breathing was kicked up a notch, I was happy.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm glad I'm no longer made so vulnerable by my writing that reactions to it feel like reactions to a raw exposed me.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love that I still write to discover and share these pieces of me, and that I still care about my writing enough to want it seen as beautiful or important or intriguing. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love that I can dance. Wild. Loud. With no boundaries.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm happy that I'm able to celebrate and explore these pieces in a home that makes room for all of me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I hope I am doing the same for everyone in my world. Regardless of what their pieces look like or how strange they may seem to me, I hope I encourage growth, speech, individuality, and uniqueness. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a> taught us how to do that with my brothers, find a balance between precisely working on ourselves in consideration of others and the freedom of dancing with wild abandon for the sake of ourselves, and I hope I forever remember to do that for anyone around me. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love, so much, that it is done for me. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span><br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-56252434156439961842022-12-31T10:17:00.000-08:002022-12-31T10:17:32.261-08:00 Autism Answer: Be Brave<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSdtnEtEXBANOuoSY7IWhIu1ew5AED4Tzi1pNQs3BUBQJr_0BQlKJyyZxpIM6O9HMiOCZET0hXfJIpaaf8qkF698aSDFvdFRlnbjpZROKACcq4X2m7POUzOBUEvO_fVfX7tyQyb8grlmN6whFb1fKl58kKym3X6iOgVnUBqGnMmY5asGCyhaSX8kA/s4730/Super%20Declyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2660" data-original-width="4730" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSdtnEtEXBANOuoSY7IWhIu1ew5AED4Tzi1pNQs3BUBQJr_0BQlKJyyZxpIM6O9HMiOCZET0hXfJIpaaf8qkF698aSDFvdFRlnbjpZROKACcq4X2m7POUzOBUEvO_fVfX7tyQyb8grlmN6whFb1fKl58kKym3X6iOgVnUBqGnMmY5asGCyhaSX8kA/s320/Super%20Declyn.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My son, Declyn, being a superhero<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><span><i>"You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety."</i> ~Abraham Maslow</span><br /><br /><span>Be brave. </span><br /><br /><span>The idea has tantalized and even tortured me for nearly fifty years. It seems so simple, so clear, so obvious: step up and do what you think is right even when it frightens you. Done. </span><br /><br /><span>It seems clear and obvious, right? But only when I'm not feeling frightened and uncertain. </span><br /><br /><span>Fear and uncertainty muddy the waters and seeing clearly is not an option. In fact, when I am afraid, seeing anything at all is a challenge. I shrink inside myself and leave my body to stand there taking the brunt of things. My eyes are clouded, my head is dulled, my ears fill with cotton, and from far away in the dark I watch the unfolding of things through the murky vision of fear. </span><br /><br /><span>This type of extreme fear, I admit, does not happen often. But a more insidious version, an easier to justify version, does. </span><br /><br /><span>I noticed it when I was younger and my mom asked me to take my brothers places. I would want my brothers to have big wonderful lives, be welcomed in the world regardless of their uncommon behaviors, but I did not want to be seen failing at helping them learn or knowing what should be accepted. I would take them places when my mom asked, but I would spend the entire outing afraid and behaving for the viewers rather than for the proper growth of my brothers. And I never took them out if mom didn't ask. Not because I didn't want them to have opportunities provided by the outings, but because I was afraid of doing it wrong. No, of <i>being seen</i> doing it wrong. </span><br /><br /><span>So I would justify my fear in cruel ways. I'd think of my mom as crazy for expecting the world to be okay with our weirdo family, and I would think of myself as stupid and weak for not knowing what to do, and I would think of one day having kids of my own who I would parent so wonderfully the would not be as disruptive as my brothers. <--- Boy, was I wrong! My sons were wild and disruptive and it was mainly because of how I parented them. </span><br /><br /><span>Also, I notice the insidious fear when I want something to happen, or I have an idea I think is valuable and worth sharing, or I have a nudge I want to give my children - the water is muddied and I am unsure of myself. Can I push for what I want to happen? Are my ideas childish and completely unoriginal? Are my observations or suggestions even at all right for my children and their children? And so, because I am afraid, I might do or say nothing. </span><br /><br /><span>But this doesn't always feel like fear and, instead, can feel like being thoughtful or polite. </span><br /><br /><span>Well, sort of. The truth is I've grown to notice the difference. I can mostly tell when I am avoiding something out of fear vs when I'm not doing or saying something because it is maybe not good timing or simply not necessary to say or do. </span><br /><br /><span>Not only have I grown to notice the difference, but over the last few years I've overcome the fear more and more. I've begun to practice saying and doing things despite the fear. It's something that sort of happened for me even more because of the pandemic. I (along with so many others) was reminded that life could lock me down at any time and by being brave I would more likely be happy with the life I'm locked in. </span><br /><br /><span>It's been almost easy! And even though I am sometimes met with resistance, or I am sometimes left learning my ideas are silly or my understanding of a situation is wrong or what I am wanting to make happen isn't going to work, I am also mostly seeing my life respond by being more mine. More something I am an active player in creating and designing. </span><br /><br /><span></span></span></p><blockquote>One tiny example: I want to work creatively with my love. At the moment we sit side by side working, and sometimes we work together, but I really love the idea of often working and creating together. I was afraid to say so because I didn't want to be a burden, or to put him in the position of saying he didn't want to champion my work, or something like that. Silly, I know. But fear is often silly. Anyway, I stepped through the fog of fear and said what I hoped for and, funnily enough, he was thinking of something similar. So, rather than wonder what would happen, now we'll see what will happen.</blockquote><br /><br /><span><i>“You can’t walk gingerly. You have to step in and say I am gong to love you robustly, and we are going to get to the end of this!”</i> ~<a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad")</a></span><br /><br /><span>My mom loves us robustly. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">She took our family on outings and taught all of us how to be brave, how to ask for the world to accept who we are while teaching us to find ways to fit properly into the world. It is not cool to say, "Shut up and accept everything," and it is not cool to say, "We are strange and it frightens people so let's stay home," and instead, as with all things, there was a dance of learning, shifting, changing, trying, doing, doing, doing, that had to be done. For everyone everywhere we went. "We stretch people," mom would tell herself when she needed to remember it was worth the work of doing it well.<br /><br /><span>So, this new year I am going to stretch myself. I am going to love my life robustly. I am going to be brave. I am going to continue saying what I hope for, writing what I'm afraid isn't good, telling my thoughts to my sons even if maybe I've got it all wrong. </span><br /><br /><span>Mostly, though, I will be brave about the way I want to live. </span><br /><br /><span>Last year I came up with a new year idea that was similar. I gave myself a "<a href="http://autismanswersbytsara.blogspot.com/2021/12/autism-answer-yes-day-expansion-pack.html" target="_blank">Yes Week</a>" every month wherein I would use the month to think about the stuff that was rolling around in my gut as issues perhaps worth speaking up about, and then I would use the last week to speak up about them. As expected, it worked! And as expected, it was not done in such an organized fashion, but it became a healthy habit. </span><br /><br /><span>Hence, the idea to be brave is not so scary to me this year. I mean, yes, I'm raising the bar for myself. I intend to be brave in more moments and with more things, but what would have scared the sh*t out of me ten years ago is not so scary to me now. </span><br /><br /><span>When I was a little girl I had a memorable, horrible, most painfully frightening nightmare: My mom was being attacked in our home by a cluster of evil clowns while I hid under a table. It stuck with me and was an exact example of what frightens me most about myself: That I am a coward. That I am not brave. That I will hide under a table because I am so afraid of being the one that is seen, the one that is hurt, the one who is the victim, that I will not move toward the scary chaos of clowns to help even the person I love most. </span><br /><br /><span>A version of this fear still visits me in nightmares but the better I get at stepping forward into growth, rather than stepping backward into safety, the less the nightmares affect me. </span><br /><br /><span>Looking over all my years I can see the influence I have on myself; the impressive impact these small promises I make to me can have. A few of my ideas fizzled (like the one where I vowed to buy myself one pair of pants a month so my pants wouldn't all have holes in them. I think I bought two pairs? But the fizzle wasn't me giving up, it was me realizing I didn't want what I thought I wanted.) but most of them have simply become a part of me. Nothing dramatic in the moment, just small trajectory shifts. Shifts that are dramatic in the long run.</span><br /><br /><span>So, I will be brave. </span><br /><br /><span>I will say the thing I want and I will share the idea I think is of value and I will nudge the child even if I might be wrong and I will write the story that might not be good. </span><br /><br /><span>I will not always be right or wise.</span><br /><br /><span>But I will be brave. </span><br /><br /><span>I will be brave and see if I like the influence I have on me and our lives.</span><br /><br /><span>Happy New Year to you, my wonderful friends!!!</span><br /><span>I hope it brings you beautiful things!</span><br /><span> </span></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </span></a><br /></span></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-36771645679510695202022-12-24T15:04:00.000-08:002022-12-24T15:04:00.971-08:00Autism Answer: Christmas Traditions<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjg9tQW1jRXo3BIr8P6GBgacF2iUZPKDQEv9bz86vCAlaP8v0ArOkYz1k2c1dELIN97ZooQIIAeQQFObqNiHvuKRCfL3keCJZaEd91U6WLyUJ2t01iK67efLHHc930rNeotP1xxPJW5UzVMtJDUH27RDxtkSaE_AEpiRFc0K_ONY68_qdLhhR9v7ky/s1080/Christmas%20tree.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="608" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjg9tQW1jRXo3BIr8P6GBgacF2iUZPKDQEv9bz86vCAlaP8v0ArOkYz1k2c1dELIN97ZooQIIAeQQFObqNiHvuKRCfL3keCJZaEd91U6WLyUJ2t01iK67efLHHc930rNeotP1xxPJW5UzVMtJDUH27RDxtkSaE_AEpiRFc0K_ONY68_qdLhhR9v7ky/s320/Christmas%20tree.jpeg" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our tree<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">My eyes were large and bright, hope poured in like a tidal wave. "You did, mommy? You did get me a present?" <br /><br /><span>"Of course," mom replied, appalled that I would forget, heartbroken that I would believe she hadn't. </span><br /><br /><span>"What did you get me?" I asked, looking up at her with a grateful, excited, expectant expression on my small face. </span><br /><br /><span>"I got you the...." she stopped short. "She" had worked her butt off to afford a dollhouse I'd wanted that she could not afford, but "Santa" had given it to me. The purchase of that gift, along with Santa's thoughtful stocking stuffers, had left her broke. There was not a penny for another gift. </span><br /><br /><span>So, she had to let me believe she had gotten me nothing. But not after first flittering my little heart with the hope that she had. </span><br /><br /><span>This is a Christmas memory gifted to me by my mom. I don't truly remember it, but she tells the story with the passion of someone who still feels the heartbreak, and I can picture it. </span><br /><br /><span>Several years later, my mom has six kids - my four young adopted brothers newly part of our family - and Santa still visits. The magic of him is still my favourite part of the season but my sister is a little afraid. Why does he judge us? Why does he come into our houses when we are asleep? My brothers are all on the autism spectrum and extreme energy reactors. The magic of Santa is exciting, the fear of Santa is confusing, the lie causes adults to behave in-congruently, and the junk food (even though Santa seemed to learn all about healthier snacks at the same time that my malnourished brothers were adopted, such a magic man he is!) exacerbated all the confusion. It soon became time for mom to tell us the truth about Santa. But I, who refused to lose the magic of that man, chose to repress the memory of finding out. I went two more years believing, far beyond any of my peers. It did not cause problems because I was quiet, a little bit snooty, about my belief. I didn't argue his existence but, instead, knew I was a little bit more in touch with magic than my companions. A little bit wiser. A little bit better. </span><br /><br /><span>When I allowed myself to listen to the true story about Santa, the repressed memory flooded back and I admit, I felt embarrassed. Also, I recognized how a repressed memory can be completely forgotten yet still impact you. It was interesting. </span><br /><br /><span>Many years later, I was a mom! My first son was born not long before Christmas and I couldn't wait to begin the magic of Christmas traditions with him! I kept my favourite parts, the magic of Santa and stockings, and didn't keep the parts that hadn't gone as well, the judgement of Santa and the extra expensive gift being from Santa rather than me. </span><br /><br /><span>I figured I'd fixed it. Christmas was only wonderful now! </span><br /><br /><span>But, no. My oldest son was (and is) a lot like me. The magic was powerful and meaningful for him. He held onto the reality of Santa Clause hard, and I liked to sell it. It felt mystic and fun. There was magic and pretend. It was a game I was playing and the world sort of played along. Encouraged it. </span><br /><br /><span>But my second oldest son was less impressed. He is far more skeptical. He was not scared like my sister, he was just unconvinced. Seemed too much like malarkey to him. </span><br /><br /><span>One Christmas we were sitting in an airport waiting for our flight home after visiting my mom for the holidays when my second oldest son said straight up, "Mom, tell me the truth. I have to know. Is Santa real?"</span><br /><br /><span>It was the way he said "I have to know" that frightened me. He had to know, of course he did. It was all a lie and I'd been telling it like it was not only true, but imperative that we "believe" for the sake of the magic. For the sake of Christmas. </span><br /><br /><span>My oldest son, though, his brother, was nearby and less certain that he had to know. He was afraid, I could see it all over him. He didn't want me to leave him out but he was so very afraid of my answer. It was all over him. I was heartbroken and afraid of my answer. </span><br /><br /><span>"Well, the magic is real, and part of the magic comes from the story of Santa, but Santa isn't real." Oh, man. My oldest son crumbled. He looked so pained. My second oldest son simply said, "I knew it. You shouldn't lie about it." </span><br /><br /><span>My oldest son, though, told me he had fought friends at school over this story. He said, "I told them my mom would never lie to me, so it has to be true. I knew you would never lie to me, I was sure you would never lie to me." I struggled to hold myself together there in that airport. I had tried to give my children magic but I had broke their trust. Broke their hearts. </span><br /><br /><span>My second oldest son hadn't actually had the same belief in me that his brother had. He was more willing to see my faults, and to mention them as well. </span><br /><br /><span>So, my oldest son had loved the magic and then been heartbroken by the truth. My second oldest son had been skeptical of the magic and confused by a world that clearly kept trying to lie to him. </span><br /><br /><span>My Christmas tradition was hurting them. </span><br /><br /><span>Luckily, I did a better job with my two younger sons by talking about the magic of Christmas as being about time off and family, and the story of Santa being a fun thing to pretend. It seemed to go okay, but I never quite got the spirit fully back.</span><br /><br /><span>Now, many many years later, my two oldest sons are fathers. They are building traditions with their children, my grandchildren. I want to be involved. I want to create traditions with and for them that awaken the magic of the season without making up lies, breaking their hearts, hurting their trust. </span><br /><br /><span>We have learned from our past missteps, and that's wonderful. </span><br /><br /><span>But I think it unlikely we aren't going to make mistakes now. We could do nothing at all, and that could hurt them. We could completely change it up and invent something wonderful but I bet later we'd learn how something about that hurt them, or some of them. </span><br /><br /><span>Particularly at the moment I'm struggling with figuring out how I can be with them during the holidays even though I can't be physically with them. We are too far apart, my funds are not impressive, and crossing the border is not simple for me. Hence, I want to think of something amazing I can do with them when we're not together. </span><br /><br /><span>I hope I come up with something that works. I hope they don't think many years from now, "My grandma didn't care enough about me to show up. She would just video call with some story I had to listen to, or some stocking stuffers I had to pretend I wanted her to mail me." </span><br /><br /><span>I hope I come up with a Christmas tradition that doesn't hurt the children.</span><br /><br /><span>That's what I hope, but I also know the magic of Christmas is largely about the magic of caring so much. Of trying, of telling a story, of singing the songs and leaving out snacks, of WANTING the magic because it connects us. It reminds us to feel wonderful. </span><br /><br /><span>So I'll try new traditions. The trying, I hope, will override too much of the hurt.</span><br /><br /><span>Happy Christmas Eve friends!!! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> </span><br /></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Hugs, smiles, and love!!!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>BONUS READ: I wrote this post several years ago about the different reactions my sister and I had to Santa Clause - <a href="http://autismanswersbytsara.blogspot.com/2013/12/autism-answer-santa-belief-response.html" target="_blank">Santa, Belief, Response </a></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> <br /></span></span></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-4786315816216562792022-12-13T11:00:00.004-08:002022-12-13T11:00:34.422-08:00Book Review - Whatever It Takes: Solutions Discovered During My 35 Years Living with MS<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nJF-MDOQ5u498T3gxmsWwRtl9RzIIBpMirEXnunalZL56UjIW7xZQxDFmpjGfOq2nxLwZ8i9DsSRFk3yvtvMvf1AygkzcLRd7XFWOWNFeKfwyyS3q3EqrPT3jL_nbZdYmT3V-soCw4YI6bOvDnn9EOy1I531tfMERcXLZURiUVPSwnPSzjMEOXLR/s2006/whatever%20it%20takes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1540" data-original-width="2006" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nJF-MDOQ5u498T3gxmsWwRtl9RzIIBpMirEXnunalZL56UjIW7xZQxDFmpjGfOq2nxLwZ8i9DsSRFk3yvtvMvf1AygkzcLRd7XFWOWNFeKfwyyS3q3EqrPT3jL_nbZdYmT3V-soCw4YI6bOvDnn9EOy1I531tfMERcXLZURiUVPSwnPSzjMEOXLR/s320/whatever%20it%20takes.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whatever It Takes by Barbara E Ashcroft<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-CA</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="376">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hashtag"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Unresolved Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Link"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
</p><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><b>Book by</b>
Barbara E Ashcroft </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><b>Review</b>
by Tsara Shelton</span></div>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><i>I originally read and reviewed this book for <a href="https://www.disabled-world.com/disability/publications/whatever-it-takes.php" target="_blank">Disabled World</a> </i><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Solutions
Discovered” is what I love most about this consequential book. I get excited
when someone lives a life, takes notice of it, reflects and considers, and then
is willing to invest their time and do the work of crafting their observations carefully
in order to share with an audience. </span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">This is
what the author of <b><i>Whatever It Takes</i></b> has done for us. Barbara E.
Ashcroft was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis at the age
of twenty-nine. During the writing of the book, she had been living with the
degenerative disease for thirty-five years. “My name is Barbara and I like to
do things for myself,” is how she introduces herself to us. Due to multiple
sclerosis, however, doing things for herself becomes a challenge. A challenge
she chooses to overcome by doing – and inventing - things for herself, with the
help of a few fantastic others. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Using photos, videos, humor and insight she takes
us through the evolution of her solutions, the evolution of her changing challenges,
the evolution of herself, and even the evolution of her Golden Retriever family
members. Sometimes a Golden Retriever rather than an ailment is the reason a
solution must be modified. Barbara and her family create solutions meant to
help her do things as much for herself as she can. Sometimes they would create a
solution that made independence easier for her, but the dog would take advantage
and the next thing you know they need a solution to the solution! So, Barbara figures
it out and creates something ideal for both her and her canine. I mention this
because I think it is a wonderful inclusion in the book. That her solutions are
focused on enhancing life, for herself and the loved ones in it.</span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The
focus on independence over fashion is another delightful aspect of this book. Making
something functional, creating something that aides in living a more independent
life or aides in helping her helpers struggle less, is what matters in these
pages. It’s such an important and beautiful idea! Not only for someone with a chronic
disease like Multiple Sclerosis, but for most of us who live ever-evolving
lives. Because Barbara’s disability is consistently on the moving, moving the
goal post regarding what is and isn’t a working solution, Barbara’s solutions
must also change. Hence, it is a wonderful thing to see each modification as
temporary. There is no reason not to be fashionable, not to create art out of
the solutions, but there is also no need to insist on it. The fashion, the
beauty, the art is in the creativity and functionality. </span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">One of
the pleasures for me was that the author does not merely present finished
working solutions. She often shows us some of the steps along the way, explaining
the thought process, explaining why one solution did not work for her but may
work for someone else, and in this way she encourages our own solution-making
potential to pay attention. She also reminds us not to focus too much on “success”
but, rather, on the entire process. </span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">And she
is not unwilling to simply purchase a solution if it already exists. In her words,
“Why try to make something when there’s a great product available at a
reasonable cost?”</span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Our
world is built for the most common among us. Meaning many are less in need of
solutions, but also meaning many of us are not often called to notice the
things we use in the course of our daily living. </span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The
author has us noticing so much! It feels like she is looking through the photos
and videos with us, pointing things out, regaling us with backstory, laughing
and commenting while inviting us into her home, her condition, and her experiences.
</span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Indeed,
it is the way she shares her experiences with the reader that I will most
remember and carry with me. Her focus on listening and helping, her love of independence,
and the fact that she lives in a body that requires her to need help, gather in
such a way that her stories are of a woman who cares, who wants to see where
she can be of service, who ventures out, and who has a disability that makes it
necessary for her seek assistance. The author is in a unique position to share
a valuable perspective and she does so with a fabulous attitude and assertiveness.
</span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The
solutions in this book, along with instructions, photos, and videos, are
guaranteed to help readers as they adopt some ideas and adapt others. However,
it is the friendship offered via the author’s narration that I will remember
most. It is her friendship, I think, that will most guide readers as they seek their
own solutions. It is her attitude, I think, that will especially encourage
readers as they strive to do whatever it takes. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></span>Visit: <a href="https://whateverittakes.solutions/" target="_blank">Whatever It Takes: Solutions Discovered during my 35 years of living with MS</a></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The book is one I would like to see being read and shared widely!</p><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;">Hugs, smiles, and love!!</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a><br /></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing"> <br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"> </p>
<p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-33573247122153532282022-11-28T15:17:00.003-08:002022-11-28T15:24:32.204-08:00Autism Answers: Little Shifts<p><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvWIpWAseWLrjMCgYdYoyLy6HeHigKEJeEqToQXRvwoBEE5r95VMlebTootw5DzllexswkK16a5oyYM5BocbbDSy70Dahblx5mgpy5a21x6Ve2c6JvHDgztbKodTaQWJy2nIZszyMyqG1dKtcwME-C6h8aGZQvVJzzU-MoHEpTr4EMZPNLQM9CxRnI/s3456/IMG_2219.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2304" data-original-width="3456" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvWIpWAseWLrjMCgYdYoyLy6HeHigKEJeEqToQXRvwoBEE5r95VMlebTootw5DzllexswkK16a5oyYM5BocbbDSy70Dahblx5mgpy5a21x6Ve2c6JvHDgztbKodTaQWJy2nIZszyMyqG1dKtcwME-C6h8aGZQvVJzzU-MoHEpTr4EMZPNLQM9CxRnI/s320/IMG_2219.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shifting view of a moment out our front door window<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm surrounded by little shifts, and I'm shifting in little ways. Each shift, though, brings me to somewhere far enough from the first shift to make all the difference.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Of course, this has been happening throughout my life and will continue to happen. Lately, though, I'm noticing the shifts. <br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was living in one country and now I am living in another. It doesn't matter which countries for me to make the point I want to make, and in fact would distract us. Suffice it to say, the countries are not very different from each other and yet, simultaneously, they are. It is all <span></span>the small shifts in difference that make all the difference.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">For me, this country is encouraging more comfort inside and outside myself. It is helping me breathe in and out more easily. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When we are struggling to breathe easily, when our homes or work places or communities feel suffocating or overwhelming, we can take advantage of little shifts. We can do them purposely, we can ask for them specifically, we can notice over time if they are helping. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://autismanswersbytsara.blogspot.com/2013/05/autism-answer-sibling-connection.html" target="_blank">My autistic brothers</a> have always seemed to be more affected by shifts. More influenced, more in need of accommodating them or dealing with them or, when we've shifted well, being freed into a more comfortable state because of them. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Long ago doctors would prescribe moving to a more appropriate environment when an illness or unwellness plagued someone. This is something we can do, with or without a prescription. Sometimes we'll know what we need, sometimes we won't, always we can notice how we feel living inside of our shifting world. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't think I need to live in this country to be happy and breathe easy. But I do notice it happening and am noticing, best I can, why it's happening. In that way, I can attempt to bring those shifts with me wherever I go, if I go. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I like noticing that the shifts are little because that feels easier to do on my own. Little shifts. And noticing the big difference small shifts are making reminds me not to throw my hands up in defeat if I can only do small shifts. Instead, I feel powerful shifting a little. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Each little shift is a thing I did that might make a big difference for me, for someone I love, or for the planet I love. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We are surrounded by our environment; our home, our thoughts, our world. Each shift shifts us.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Little shifts are what big shifts can be made of.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles and love!!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)</a></span> <br /></div></div> <br /><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-70251481072440989242022-11-03T08:33:00.002-07:002022-11-03T08:33:15.010-07:00Autism Answers: Parenting Advice in Articles and Lists<p> </p><div class="" dir="auto"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1l90r2v x1swvt13" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_5w"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtz6fSwBbdzhEw-uqhWoYTVhQzc1lv-TqTYH2NZIEPUbyxs1OVZfcsFoE6n5l6TCWLN5xTuurE0Kd0p0jWtiUDCfwsLiIgD8XM4i_SB-hQOUpgwF5xbzy54A8VPG9-nicm-OKhHl9FPkhsmu4MIfEMgHBhdHnT9Rc4W1uATSDzg5rhl66ZSmU64W9k/s640/Dar's%20Facebook%20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtz6fSwBbdzhEw-uqhWoYTVhQzc1lv-TqTYH2NZIEPUbyxs1OVZfcsFoE6n5l6TCWLN5xTuurE0Kd0p0jWtiUDCfwsLiIgD8XM4i_SB-hQOUpgwF5xbzy54A8VPG9-nicm-OKhHl9FPkhsmu4MIfEMgHBhdHnT9Rc4W1uATSDzg5rhl66ZSmU64W9k/s320/Dar's%20Facebook%20.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brother, Dar, and a message he facilitated <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think parents of autistic kids, or kids with any similar type of disorder, too often think parenting tips found in popular articles are only relevant for other parents. But that is not the case. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This morning I read an article (<a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/29/i-raised-2-successful-ceos-and-a-doctor-heres-the-no-1-unpopular-parenting-rule-i-always-used-with-my-kids.html?fbclid=IwAR0nNzEcgiTHoxmxpijHU4Yx1k1oDbbj6GL_dVZecnaPsUtKBF_HOQfwsc4" target="_blank">click this link to see it</a>) urging parents to hover less around their children and to, instead, expect them to do more for themselves. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a>, much like the mom who wrote the article, was a big believer in expecting us kids to take on the responsibility of ourselves, and also pitch in as a family. The examples in the article reflect examples from our own home - doing dishes, setting our own alarms, getting ourselves to and from school. Where my brothers were concerned (all four were adopted and had a variety of disorders, including autism) it was the same, learn to do things for yourself and pitch in. The specifics shifted, though, based on who they were. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She was fierce in her belief that they were capable. She was impressive in her ability to see where and how they could be successful and in helping them prioritize which skills mattered most when stepping back and seeing the big picture: the entirety of their lives. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It sounds obvious, right? Believe in them! Teach them and encourage them to learn! But I remember mom having to fight other adults and professionals all the time about it. They said she had unrealistic expectations, false hope, or was simply crazy. In their minds, my brothers should simply be fed, housed, and maybe medicated. Probably pitied. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But my mom parented all eight of us with the same basic belief: that we should and could learn to take responsibility for ourselves. Our health, our happiness, our lives. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And like the mom who wrote the article I read this morning, my mom was there with us as we learned. I am often afraid that parents who tsk tsk the coddling of children are in favor of pushing them without also getting involved. Without also knowing their children well and being there to teach along the way. Kids do need love and guidance. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><blockquote><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto">From
the article: "To be clear, I’m not saying you should make your kids do
things they don’t understand or aren’t capable of, nor am I saying you
should let them play in the street if it isn’t safe, or walk to the
store if the neighborhood is dangerous. The idea is to teach them how to
cope with what life throws at them."</span></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> <br /></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I think also, sometimes, headlines for successful parenting tips are a little clickbait-y and misleading. For example, the one I read this morning was titled: "I Raised Two Successful CEOs and a Doctor. Here's the 'Unpopular' Parenting Rule I Always Used on my Kids." </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Unpopular" is used to get your hackles up, so you'll click. And "two successful CEOs and a Doctor" is used to prove the parenting rule equals success. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Some of us (guilty!) might avoid clicking simply because the headline itself represents things you think are wrong with the world. And others simply feel as though parenting suggestions, popular or un, are rarely useful for their unique parenting circumstances. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We all hope to help our children become successful, there's nothing wrong with headlining it. It's just that "successful" isn't about how impressive your children's work titles are. However, it isn't NOT that, either. The author's three daughters climbed the ladders in male-dominated fields because that's what they wanted and they had the skills and confidence to do so. They are, let's presume for the sake of my point, successful because they are happy in the lives they are living and unafraid of going after what they want.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, if you are a parent of any type of child, allow parenting tips, ideas, and rules into your space. Don't spend so much time seeking and learning that you aren't parenting or trusting yourself, of course. But allow them in.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Take a look at the article I read (<a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/29/i-raised-2-successful-ceos-and-a-doctor-heres-the-no-1-unpopular-parenting-rule-i-always-used-with-my-kids.html?fbclid=IwAR0nNzEcgiTHoxmxpijHU4Yx1k1oDbbj6GL_dVZecnaPsUtKBF_HOQfwsc4" target="_blank">again, here's a link</a>). See how you can shift the specifics but keep the idea: that your kids can and should learn to do a lot for themselves. Have fun with it! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Oh, and sometimes it might take years for them to learn (like me making professional phone calls - I think that took me fifty years to get comfortable doing? BTW: I will be fifty soon. <span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od"><img alt="😃" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t8f/3/16/1f603.png" width="16" /></span> ) and there are a few times you might abandon something for the sake of everyone's health, but as long as you are consistently mostly not abandoning (and especially if you are willing to abandon when it is right) everyone will continually learn to do a lot for themselves. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If you are interested in getting parenting advice for you and your children with cognitive challenges, disorders or dysfunctions, techniques and teachings specifically created with you and your family in mind, I BEG YOU to sign up for my mom and Louloua's parenting course here: <span><a href="https://allbrainsgrow.com/the-course/" target="_blank">All Brains Grow - The Course</a>. It is a phenomenal way to learn about the brain, enjoy their fun teaching style, discover how to play with your family in brain beneficial ways, understand how your behaviors and beliefs are influencing the brains in your home and choose them - your behaviors and beliefs - accordingly. <br /></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">In the meantime, don't be shy about believing in success for you and your kiddos. Be outspoken and eccentric about it! If you hear a parenting tip that sounds true to you, make it work for you and your kiddos! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My mom raised eight of us and though we aren't all CEOs or doctors, we are all living our dream lives. Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We are all the most amazing examples of awesome happy success in the world! (Okay, teeny tiny exaggeration here. tee hee!)</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hugs, smiles, and love!</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton/" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span><br /></div></div></span></div></div></div></div>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264053104841172708.post-24164629928838664322022-10-26T17:38:00.004-07:002022-10-26T17:38:42.013-07:00Autism Answers: A Lack of Ideas<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGXBbzn4247D19I6DX3-5Qb7FNN7WdF1amaIpE1H97-xukaSHg7mTP_BMD0LzAm-7cLrMIZNiKcbgJbkuHZHUmKyRRVDVhfRJQB0aFOvYifl_9AG4OPw61UZlU9Xmglk-mCz3K1mhV8eR0REi0aOjFmId_rPSUvFw9hKRa_39Avi1Jw-Z6gwuRRtX/s2048/walking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGXBbzn4247D19I6DX3-5Qb7FNN7WdF1amaIpE1H97-xukaSHg7mTP_BMD0LzAm-7cLrMIZNiKcbgJbkuHZHUmKyRRVDVhfRJQB0aFOvYifl_9AG4OPw61UZlU9Xmglk-mCz3K1mhV8eR0REi0aOjFmId_rPSUvFw9hKRa_39Avi1Jw-Z6gwuRRtX/s320/walking.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shoes and headphones on the road, looking for new ideas<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don’t have new ideas. I tend to do things the way I see them done or the way I’ve been taught to do them. Never do I think to myself, “hmmmm… this is kind of cumbersome or imperfect, I wonder if there’s a better way?” and, hence, I don’t explore the idea of better ways. Even when I am thinking things along the lines of, “It’s too bad this is cumbersome or imperfect,” my automatic next thought is, “but if there was a better way it would be how <span></span>everyone did it.” So, again, I don’t explore the idea of more ideas.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When I was little, I watched my mom create, explore, and insist on more ideas. I watched my little sister stomp her foot, push her fists into her hips, and, rosy-cheeked and cheeky, tell the grown-ups that her ideas were better ones. In both cases, I felt embarrassed, inadequate, and annoyed. Who the heck were they that they would have ideas? That they would be the ones who knew better when looking around I saw everyone else doing things – confidently and in great numbers – based on the old ideas. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I was a mess of wanting back then. I wanted to be wise and have ideas like them. I wanted them to stop standing out of the crowd with their ideas. I wanted them to stop getting us in trouble by refusing to back down. When they would explain the reasons their ideas were better, I couldn’t help but agree with them, but then when others insisted that things had been done this way for so long and we should keep doing them this way, I couldn’t help but agree with them. I wanted not to be like that. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.lynettelouise.com/" target="_blank">My mom</a> adopted many of my siblings (I am the oldest of eight) and among us were challenges ranging from sexual trauma to malnourishment to severe autism to fetal alcohol syndrome and more. New ideas were necessary for us to grow up healthy, capable, and happy. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Attempting to navigate the world doing things the way they had been done was continually injuring us. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It wasn’t easy for me, but I got better at trusting my mom and my sister’s ideas, despite the status quo fighting us almost every step of the way. It became easier as the health of me and my siblings clearly benefited from these other ways of doing things. Soon, I recognized how everyone benefited, regardless of disability, dysfunction, sexuality. My mom and my little sister, for some reason I can’t fathom, have always been hyper-aware of discrimination. They’ve always had an eye on equity with an all-encompassing empathy, and they insisted on the same from others. For me, this understanding of a lack of empathy for the outliers embedded in most of the old ideas only revealed itself when I was living with and loving people who are outliers. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My lack of ideas was directly tied to a lack of diversity. Yet it was my resistance to the new ideas that feels particularly relevant. Embarrassing but relevant.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It should not have taken me so long to give the different ideas a chance. Particularly since I actually thought they sounded good. When explained to me, I did see their value. But the moment I looked around and saw way more people doing things the usual way, the way they were already being done, a few things happened. I got afraid, for one. Of standing out and not fitting in. Of needing to prove the value of doing it different and not being able to do so. Also, I couldn't believe the world didn’t already know what my mom or my sister knew. Hadn’t already weighed the pros and cons of their ideas – with equitable and inclusive and kind intentions - and landed on the way it’s being done. I knew there were people in the world who cared more about power and money than people but I was absolutely certain that those people were fewer and farther between than they are, which led me to believe our society must be equitable and good already.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But loving my brothers and sisters, loving my mom, loving myself, meant seeing I was wrong. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As I grew more certain of this, and as I began to see the proof of it, I made it a point to seek new and different ideas, born from lives that rely on them. The ideas run the gamut from practical ways to build private and public spaces, to shifting our social commentary, to making political change, to examining and reforming some of our deep seeded beliefs about humanity.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Life-hacks are a helpful trend and I like discovering new ways of doing mundane things. These are almost always suggestions I not only wouldn’t have come up with on my own but I never would have tried coming up with a solution to begin with. Because I am just not that type. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When I was young, I thought it might be because I was not smart. But whether or not that was true then, it is not true now. I still do not tend to invent new ideas. But I am smart enough to seek them out, to truly consider them, and to decide for myself if I think they will make life better in the long run for the most people. Funnily, life hacks meant only to make things faster or easier are not often ones I choose to implement. I’ve discovered that ideas meant to speed up tasks take away greatly from the wisdom of and connection to the task. Of course, that’s not always the case. But often it is.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Ideas are never ending, always evolving, forever in need of refreshing. Without a willingness to consider new ones, without a purposeful seeking of ideas grown from uncommon soil, without the intention to actually listen and actually consider changing, we sit in our old rot and spoil. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Some of us have the skill of seeing what isn’t obvious to those they are surrounded by. I am not that. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">However, those of us who are less able to see are powerful too. We are able to listen, to learn, to make friends and family of those who – often by necessity – are seeing what isn’t obvious, and willing to share it with us. Not all ideas are better just because they are different or new, but they are ideas. Which are always worth exploring.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">A lack of ideas is not the fault of ideas. It is the fault of idea seekers who are unwilling. Unwilling to stick out, unwilling to be wrong, unwilling to listen to outliers and other people vastly different from themselves.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Let's be idea seekers who are willing.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AutismAnswerswithTsaraShelton" target="_blank">Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) </a></span><br /></div></div><p></p>Tsara Sheltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08180422243624861833noreply@blogger.com