A little over a year ago I did
something that I wish people wouldn’t do. I won’t do it again but I’m deeply
happy that I did it.
I’d like to tell you about it. (This is
something I do like to do and I do
wish people would do! Telling a story about why we do the things we do even
when we don’t believe in the things we do!)
I love to read, especially novels. I
used to wish I could go to jail for about a year so that I would have the
opportunity to read and read and read without the feeling that I should be
cleaning my house or creating a fulfilling career.
So when self-publishing happened and
the world of books was becoming overwhelmed with stories that were raw and
unique, stories that may never have made their way into the world with all the gatekeepers
in the way, I was quickly thrilled!
And then I was quickly disappointed. I
understood, for possibly the first time, the value of gatekeepers. These were
people who could help an author hone their message and tweak their sentences
and revisit their characters until the truth of the story was clearly on
display. A story that, when done well, would still be entirely the author’s
story, just even more so.
As a reader I was merely disappointed
to learn this. As a reader it’s not such a big deal because I can continue to
trust recommendations and enjoy perusing and read-testing bookshelves in thrift
stores which offer obscure, eclectic, classic, previously experienced books.
But as a writer, I was deeply bothered.
I know how easy it is to feel so in love with something I’ve written that I’m
certain the message is clear and the story will connect with readers in magical
ways. Sway sweetly with the beat of the reader’s soul. As a writer I also know
how wrong I always am! Looking later I will see (with painfully stark clarity)
huge holes in my storytelling and lazy word choices. Words that sort of say
what I mean and take away from the experience of saying exactly what I mean. As
a writer I also know that what I don’t see, what I almost never see, are the grammatical
errors. I love to write but I’ve never loved to learn rules of writing.
Self-publishing is not bad, it is
indeed a wonderful and fantastic choice for writers and readers! But with all
of my reading heart I want us writers to keep in mind what we know. That we can’t
do it alone. That we need editors and beta-readers to give feedback and offer
thoughts. Sure, we know our story and our characters and our meaning more fully
than any editor or beta-reader ever could. It’s not our job to let them tell us
what to do or how to fix things, it’s our job to listen to feedback and learn
what others are understanding from our writing. Then we can decide what, how,
why, and if we’ll make changes.
By knowing what readers are understanding
(and this is where we need more than one early reader because everyone has
personal taste and opinions but when we have several readers we’ll uncover surprising
consistencies.) we’re are able to tweak those few things or overhaul entire
sections or add clarifying chapters. Whatever it takes to get feedback that is
more consistently feeding back to us writers what we intended to feed our
readers.
I love that I came to this conclusion
before I published my novel!
But why, then, did I publish
my book, Spinning in Circles and Learning
from Myself, without the aid of editors? Why was I okay with my only two
beta readers being my
mom and my sister? Beta-readers who loved the book and told me so
emphatically, as I knew they probably would since the book is basically me on
paper and they love me. Why did I figure that was good enough?
I mean… hello?!
Now, before I explain please
believe me that I do love my book, and I did work hard on it. I’m not so
uncaring about my writing that I just threw it out there without adjusting,
reworking, rethinking, and caring. And I’m certainly not so uninterested in
readers (I’m a reader who loves writing, not vice versa) that I figured they
didn’t deserve a book that was my best. I did my best. My best alone, without
doing the work of figuring out how to get editors and beta-readers.
Luckily, the feedback and
letters and reviews I’ve gotten have moved and surprised me in gorgeous ways! I
had no idea that even strangers would like my stories! However, I want to talk
about the feedback I’ve gotten that I would have fixed if I’d gotten it before
the book was published. (Only two reviewers have given me this feedback but it
stands out because I kind of wondered about it before I published the book.)
“My
overall idea of the author is that she’s full of life and has so much to share,
but maybe not enough self-confidence to focus it into a book with one running
theme - .”
“The
author is an excellent writer but this book doesn’t give the impression of professionalism,
the overall theme of the stories is vague and they aren’t told in chronological
order.”
FUNNY SIDENOTE: So far the reviews have
been overwhelmingly positive and even the two that included this “theme”
critique were overall positive reviews. But, as I’ve been warned by other
authors, it’s this critique that stands out to me as something I want to
address.
As a writer of blog posts and articles
I know that it’s not generally a good idea to let my feelings get in the way of
the truth that a person’s experience of my writing and ideas is completely
valid whether I wanted them to have that experience or not. And I’ve gotten
really truly good at valuing every single critique or comment without feeling
the need to explain myself or offer excuses for my choices. I like conversation
too much to want to turn it into “Well, what happened is…”
However, I like sharing experiences and
background stories even more! So let me tell you the story of how my book was
published a little bit before it was entirely ready, and why I’m so happy that
it happened.
What
happened is:
I'm writing a novel and want to take my
time (years, I expect) enjoying the process and making certain I do it right. Also,
I’ve wanted to have something else published first, for personal (and, I
guess, professional) reasons. Someone had commented on one of my stories “Collect
articles into a book,” and an idea was planted.
Noticing that I had grown up while
writing, a book blossomed. I chose to gather articles and ideas that mature over
time exampling, what I call, Intentional
Storytelling. This theme in my book stands out, and is unclear, and is deeply
true to me. The power of our stories lies in how we tell them. My stories are
not chronological, because maturing happens via memories that we understand in
new ways as life gives us new perspectives, but they are always told with the
intention of discovering beauty and freedom and myself. It is my hope that some
readers will be invited to do the same.
And, though I don’t generally like
reading collection of story type books myself (with the exception of The Tent by Margaret Atwood), I did love
my own. I wanted to share it with people. I started to research what to do next
and even wrote a query letter for literary agents and publishers.
That summer my husband won money with a
scratch-off lottery ticket and told me that, more than anything, he wanted to help
me make my dream come true. (Of course, this was after paying our debts and
buying more scratch tickets. Then making my dream come true was what he wanted
more than anything! Tee hee!)
I had already been researching various
hybrid type publishers and a friend of mine had used Archway Publishing with
happy results. So, I made a call and chose the package we could afford, the one
without editing and marketing. The process was pretty simple and quite
exciting!
My first book was published because my
husband wanted to play a role, a role that he would understand, in making my
dream came true. It was built because my sons were starting to follow their
dreams and I wanted to show them the value of doing it before we're ready. It
was also built in order to keep myself going. My main purpose, beyond my hubby
and my sons, became having something out there, something I could practice
marketing as a product of my own, and something that would help me have a
comfortable relationship with feedback and critiques.
Spinning in Circles
and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up is a gift to me, my readers, my
family, and my husband.
Especially my husband, who needed to be
here on this earth when my dream of publishing a book came true.
This is the story of why my book was
published when it was published.
Important to note, I don’t think my
book is any more ready or less ready for publication merely based on what
others think. It’s the consistent (like I said, twice) feedback that matched my
own concern that make me feel like I rushed it.
There are other things “wrong” with the
book. The title says nothing about autism or parenting (and there is plenty
about autism and parenting in the book!) and the grammar, though it gets better
as the book goes on, is never great. There is an annoying typo in the
introduction and I would like the book to be a little bit smaller in size. But these
are things that I either chose to do on purpose with my own honest meaning, or
things I’ll learn to do different next time.
Regarding
the not so excellent sentence structure or grammar in the book, I even had this
tid-bit in my original query letter: I love the concept of showing that we can all tell our stories with
confidence now, rather than waiting until we know exactly how,
while highlighting the value in discovering the skills of presentation and
storytelling along the way!
So when I’m asked about these issues I’m
more than happy to share my reasons! Often people don’t agree with my reasons
and often people do. But the thing is, I’m comfortable with them.
However, the slightly unclear theme of
the book (intentional storytelling) is something I was concerned about before
publishing and something I could have gotten help with had I taken the time.
Still, though, my book is quite good! I
know because I’ve read the reviews! Giggle!
Always we are in a position to consider
all of our motivators. In the case of my first book, having it published
slightly before it was completely ready even though I had a feeling it might
not be completely ready, in order to keep myself going and give my husband the
gift of giving me that gift, was absolutely right. Putting my book out into the
world moments before it was ready at the same time that I was watching my sons
go out into the world moments before they were ready had a delightful symmetry.
A little over a year ago I did
something that I wish people wouldn’t do by publishing a book without the aid
of editors and beta-readers. But I also did something I wish people would do,
by being clear about my motivators and priorities, and publishing a book when
the timing was right for me.
I’m deeply happy that I did!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
*Intentional Storytelling:
What I mean by that is nothing unique to me. I'm merely referring to the
habit I have of telling the story of my day, my moments, my life, my
neighbors, with intention. The intention to prove why it was a good day,
what was magical in the moment, how my life is fabulous, what my
neighbors do that amazes and intrigues me. This "intention" in my
storytelling doesn't make the story of my day any less true, I still
tell the story as it happened, but because the narration (in my head and
to my family and friends) is intended to discover happiness, goodness,
and value, I'm inclined to create, discover, and encourage it in return.
This is similar to what so many other people do, I'm sure! I just like
to use that name for it.
