When I see adults talking to children with an attitude of, "I am the boss of you and you're only being 'good' when you do as I say," I can feel like I'm lost and alone and unsure of what action I should take, and I often feel like crying.
Yet, when I see adults talking to children with an attitude of, "I've learned things about living that I want to show you and you know things I want to remember," I feel a connection and beauty, like I've met a kindred spirit; and I also often feel like crying.
Also, allow yourself and your loved ones the freedom to discover the answer of why over time.
"Remember, the timetable is arbitrary. There is no point at which a child must be done and done is an illusion.” ~Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad)Some of the most important things I've learned about myself, my loved ones, and society in general, came while exploring the why of seemingly odd behaviors or actions. Autism, as we well know, invites some interesting actions! Yet always, when my interest is authentic and my communication open, we can figure out a why. And always, it's revealing and surprising.
So ask for the why of actions. Even with family and friends who struggle to communicate. Take time and have fun with it! Be honestly interested and listen creatively. I'm not good at understanding my brother's words, but over the years I've learned so much about him. Admittedly, with help from our mom - but that's part of listening and being honestly interested. My brother talks to me and tells me the why of his actions; often the why of his actions is an attempt to talk to me.
Communication and action are one and the same. But we don't all speak the same action-language.
So, ask for the why. The foundation of the action.
If I'm crying, go ahead and ask why.
If my brother is jumping and screaming, go ahead and ask why.
In exploring why we learn so much.
We connect and we learn.
About ourselves and each other.
PERSONAL REQUEST: When you're talking to kids I hope you'll consider an attitude of, "I've learned things about living that I want to show you and you know things I want to remember." I truly think it's a great way to talk to kids.
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)