My
sixteen year old son called me yesterday to let off some steam. He was
walking home from school (which he left early because a teacher's aide
was driving him nutty!) and he called to talk to me about the situation. To explain his reasoning. He had asked her to please stop treating him
like a six year old child and she'd responded as though to a six year
old child. So, he left. At the end of the talk he thanked me for being such a good listener with good ideas, and for being such a good mom.
My eighteen year old son called me yesterday as he was walking to the
store to grab a treat for his ex-girlfriend, whom he lives with. He's
moving out soon and she broke down crying. Her tears fell on him along
with apologies, admissions of guilt, sudden insights of his kindnesses,
and hope for a different outcome. My son held her, and though he made no
promises for the future, he insisted on going out to get her her favorite sandwich. At
the end of the talk he thanked me for being such a good listener with
good ideas, and for being such a good mom.
I miss my sons when
they are gone. Allowing them to find themselves has too often meant
encouraging them to leave me. A lot of the time I feel on the verge of
breaking, because they are so far away and I can't know that they are
always happy or safe.
I called my twenty-one year old son
yesterday as I was driving to pick his youngest brother up from school. I
shared with him my feelings of vulnerability and how they are tied with
my own fears of growing up. I know who to be when I'm mothering my
sons, but I feel lost and untethered when they aren't here to need me. I
told him how important I know it is for me to find myself, to discover a me that grows comfortably in this new phase of
our lives, and how I'm mostly confident that I've done exactly that.
Until certain songs come on the radio, or Family Guy quotes hit me
unexpected, and then I'm filled with a missing of them so huge I can't
hide from it. At the end of the talk I thanked him for being such a good
listener with good ideas, and for being such a sweet son.
When
my boys were little I wanted to teach listening, caring, supporting,
and believing in each other. I had strong ideas that guiding my children
was best done by example.
Now that they're bigger, they've helped me know that I was right!
So, I'm going to keep on loving my work, insisting on kindness, and being a good listener with good ideas.
That's how I'm going to try to always be a good mom.
(And hopefully the radio stations around here will not smack me in the heart too often by playing old Three Days Grace songs!)
tee hee!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)
