Autism Answer: Gatherings and Inclusion In The Wake of COVID-19 (Dallas Pride Festival Date Change)

This article originally appeared at SexualDiversity.org

Gatherings have long played an important role for people in society. 

Yet, for some, they are more urgent and necessary than others. 

For many people in the LGBTQ community, a Pride Festival or parade, a drag show, or other similar events are the first or only place they feel accepted and included. 

Declyn being crowned Miss. Homegirl 2017 as Pa'Jama

I live in a small town not too far from Dallas, TX. My youngest son and I planned on attending the Dallas Pride Festival (perhaps volunteering as well) this year, for our first time. 

However, as with most events in the wake of COVID-19, for the health of our world the date has been rescheduled. Now, I personally approve of and appreciate this. However, I also wonder if the new date (July 25, 2020) will remain safe. And even so, what sorts of changes will be made to how we celebrate as a group.

And I confess, I do hope we make some long-lasting changes. 

It has long seemed unfortunate to me that we are aware of our contamination of each other yet we do little to make changes. We’re made to feel weak if we do not go to work sick, and we’re unlikely to get paid. We apologize when we ask to not shake hands, we make fun of folks who are overly cautious “germaphobes.” School days are counted and parents are threatened with visits from authorities if too many are missed, making staying home when sick or when we are aware of sickness in the school a dangerous option. We spread disease and viruses comfortably, even proudly. 

I believe it is healthy to get sick. And so there is no part of me that hopes we change so much after this pandemic we are frightened to touch, to reach out, to gather together. 

But, we can’t unsee what we’ve seen. And we can’t unlearn what we’ve learned. 

Well we can. But we shouldn’t unlearn it. 

If you will humor me, please step a little further into the idea of how we contaminate each other. 

It is often considered weak to listen and care about the difficulties and systemic challenges in the lives of people other than us. We are encouraged to be empathetic to a point, but when that empathy threatens to change us, change our minds, we are too often seen as weak and naïve. Easily swayed. Not strong in our convictions. 

This is dangerous. And we infect and contaminate and make each other sick with this attitude. 

Admittedly, there is a balance to be had. There is truth in not wanting to be easily talked out of your values or beliefs. But we must be willing to change them as well. It is necessary for a healthy society to continually adjust and find balance. Balance is something we continuously do, though sometimes it is clearer than other times when our balance is off. However, it is always something we are doing and should pay attention to. 

For many of us, gatherings and events, such as Pride Festivals, are nearly necessary for our mental health and happiness. But so is learning from experience (such as COVID) to make adjustments for the sake of our holistic health. 

Declyn

My son and I are looking forward to the Pride Festival in Dallas! And I expect it will not be like previous festivals, but will offer what previous festivals were there to celebrate: diversity, inclusion, and the LGBTQ culture. And that, my thoughtful reader, is our reason is for attending. 

Dallas Pride Festival in the Park – Saturday July 25, 2020 FAIR PARK

I encourage you to look up any new dates or plans for your local Pride Festivals and Events.

Autism Answer: This Is America - Considered (Guest Post by Declyn Shelton)

My youngest son, Declyn, is a staff writer for his school paper. Recently he wrote an opinion piece on the popular and disturbing and brilliant and artistic music video for This is America by Childish Gambino (Donald Glover). However, one of his colleague's wrote an article about the video, and the significant online discussions regarding the many meanings represented, before he submitted his. (I higly recommend reading her piece, it's fantastic: "This Really Is... America" by Jazmin Morales) So, since the school paper isn't planning to publish Declyn's article, I asked if I could publish it as a guest post. 

Lucky us, he said yes!

So, here it is friends. 
You're welcome. :D  
___________________________________________________

This is America - Considered

by Declyn Shelton

Donald Glover (a.k.a. Childish Gambino) does it again! He has displayed a culturally impactful message with his latest release of the "This is America" music video.  In the video, he depicts the costumed horrors of society from church shootings to the notorious Jim Crow. Through his strange facial expressions and movements, he does an accurate – and chilling - impersonation of the Jim Crow caricature. 

This video is a narration of how the world has all these terrible things that have

happened and are happening that we aren't, and shouldn't be, blind to.  He shows so many injustices that have occurred or are occurring while dancing to keep the audience interested and distracted from the horrors.

This music video should hopefully cause an upsurge in awareness of terrible events that may happen in our future. Not just "we know about that" but an actual awareness of the danger our distractions and inaction, and even our coping strategies, allow. With this video, Glover offers a story of America that is hard to express in words but is powerfully shown.

I asked a close friend of mine, as someone who hadn't listened to Gambino before, what she thought of the video and she said, "I loved the video, I kept watching it over and over! It is the kind of video that you watch repeatedly to find something new each time you see it."

I have no idea what Glover will do next, but I am very impressed by the message he has portrayed with his latest work.
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Watch the music video here: Childish Gambino - This is America 

Autism Answer: Revealing Our Prejudice So We Can Reject It

When our own prejudice is revealed it often surprises us. And in that surprise we are given an opportunity to take a good look at who we are. And an even more important opportunity to make a change. 

Allow me to share such a moment: 

My hubby and I were chatting about the church shooting that happened in South Carolina when our seventeen year old son walked through the room, headed to the kitchen for a snack. He could feel our mood and knew we were talking about something serious so he asked us what it was. 

"Do you know about the church shooting?" I asked.

"No," he responded, adding,"but it sounds like justice."

For a second I didn't know what to say! A shooting as justice?? 

Then I remembered that my son is seventeen and the reality of the world is still partly in "not real" form. Then I also remembered that my son is gay and all of the people who have bullied him about it have used strong religious beliefs to back up their cruelty. 

Then I remembered that sometimes we say things automatically that can teach us something important about ourselves. 

I waited a moment and when he just stood there I said, "People died." 

"Well, killing people isn't really justice." he grudgingly admitted. "But still, most of those church and religion freaks are constantly hurting us gay people in a lot of other ways."

Then I said, "It was a racial crime, kiddo. The young man was white and he shot several black people specifically because he wanted to start a race war. Specifically because he believes black people do not belong here and are less than human."

My son looked at me, a little stricken. Then he looked at his black dad, who had a few tears in his eyes, and gave him a huge hug. 

While still hugging his dad he said, "I just did the same thing, sort of, didn't I?" our son asked. "I just had my own belief about people who go to church and felt hateful enough to think shooting them was justice."

I piled my own hug onto this emotional realization and added,"But, my love, you didn't do the same thing. You did exactly the opposite! You were willing to see your prejudice and recognize it as cruel. You know, we all have some prejudices in us. Not because we're horrible but because we're human. It's an unwillingness to look at them and re-think them and learn from them that makes us horrible. It's the willingness to hurt and even kill others because of our prejudices that makes us horrible."

We all stepped back from the hug and my son looked relieved. I think this was one of those times when he really heard me! 

Goodness knows I've been saying this sort of thing to him his whole life, but I think this time he really heard me. 

Never stop believing in yourself or your kids, friends! We are always and forever growing up and learning new things about ourselves and our world. 

And let's do our best not to back away from ourselves or our loved ones when prejudices are revealed. Let's talk about them and admit that they are what they are. 

And then, let's reject them. Let's tell them "No. Not in my house!"

And when another one has slipped in with the wind through the crack under the back door, or more likely through the whispers and words and attitudes of a society that still struggles with prejudice, be willing to see it. 

And, again, be willing to reject it!

It's a never ending thing for our generation I'm guessing. But imagine what we can teach to the next generation!

Imagine!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

One of my stepdaughters and two of my sons. A colorful bunch!

Autism Answer: Talk About Big Issues With Your Children (not at them) #BlackLivesMatter

Author's Note: Now, and always, there are big things happening in our communities and in our world. Sometimes, those big things hit close to home, or are brought home, and we wonder how to discuss them with our kids. I like discussing things with my kids, I also like discussing things with you. So, feel free to share your own thoughts with me on my Facebook Page. Hugs!! ~Tsara

My son called me last night after getting off of work early. There seemed to be only a trickle of customers due to the large number of "police with big guns and protesters stopping traffic." And so we had a passionate and illuminating discussion about the race issue, police policy and accountability, and #BlackLivesMatter. 

It was fantastic! We shared, considered, reflected, suggested.... and more. As you know, my family is almost unbelievably colorful (seeing us walk down the street kinda looks like a transparent ad for diversity, except not all of us dress well enough!) so the race issue hits home. It's something we talk about, think about, and evolve on in our home and with our friends.

Yet we didn't truly discuss the recent uproar and protests in depth until my son asked by way of bringing it up in an obviously interested way. 

It's important to talk about sex, equality, freedom and other "big" issues with our kids. And it's also important to respect their interest and ability to understand. My youngest son (who is mixed race) has been asking and learning about racism and privilege since a young age. Because he's experienced and wanted to understand it all. My oldest son didn't learn much about it until he was in eighth grade and people were calling him a terrorist.

However, importantly, I've always been open to discussing anything with my boys. Mostly it's Family Guy, movies, dance moves, and favorite foods. But sometimes it's rape, bullying, prejudice, climate change, sexuality, mental health--theses are just a few of the topics I comfortably discussed. And because a discussion is not me telling them what to think or believe, but rather an exploration of what we've experienced and a sharing of ideas, it's pretty easy to keep it appropriate to each child.

Although I do also believe in stretching the edges just a bit, so that we can continue to grow and feel comfortable doing so. 

So, if you're wondering how to talk about Michael Brown and Ferguson, Bill Cosby and allegations, Robin Williams and suicide, New York and Eric Garner, Uganda's Anti Homosexuality Bill and the reality of prejudice around the world,  or any other topical and important "big" issue with your kiddos, autistic or not, I suggest letting them lead you regarding their ability to understand, while you play a bit on the edges.

And always be open to more questions and discussions. 

And always be willing to listen as well as tell. 

We can (and I believe should) talk about these issues (and more) will all of our children. It's a beautiful way to connect while practicing the important skill of thoughtful introspection. 

It's not just practice for our kids, but practice for ourselves.

Talking about big issues with my children, rather than at them, has been one of the greatest gifts they've given me. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

A Portion of my colorful family.
Hello!
Let's chat!!

Warning: If you choose to encourage candid conversation and a brave interest in the world with your children, it's likely that you'll be stared at and verbally abused by strangers. But, you know what? It's worth it!! Hugs!!!!