Autism Answer: Something About This Does That - A Way of Thinking About Behavior

 

A snuggle, a smooch, a long stretch of the arms and legs, a comment to or from my partner about how quickly the morning moves and oh my goodness we're getting up late again, a pee, a brushing of the teeth, and all of this while the promise of morning coffee percolates in my mind. Something about anticipating, picturing, brewing, and drinking my morning coffee fills me with feelings of purpose, joy, maturity, contemplation, and peace. All are feelings I enjoy and all are feelings I experience deeply while sipping my morning coffee, and then off an on in a variety of ways throughout the day. 

 It is tempting to say "my morning coffee gives me these feelings" but that wouldn't be right, or helpful. What if one day (dare I even type the words?) I can no longer drink morning coffee? *Ouch! That hurts!* What if, one day - not soon, please! - I am faced with reasons to no longer settle into my day by sipping this delightful drink? This gift of goodness? This beautiful brew? Though it hurts to imagine, I actually have reasons, even now, to consider this option. 

If my morning coffee gives me these feelings I adore, what would I be left with? So, no. The truth is this: something about my morning coffee fills me with these feelings. Feelings I love at the beginning of my day. Knowing it's not my morning coffee but, instead, something about my morning coffee, leaves room to explore what it is about it and find it somewhere else. (Going further, of course, I could say: Something about starting my day with theses feelings fills me with happiness. So, if those feelings are no longer lovely, I can explore what it is about those feelings I liked and find that somewhere else.) 

This is powerful shift in thinking. Less important, I admit, when talking about my morning routine. However, when thinking about how to help your children, or how to yourself or a loved one with autism, well - the shift is life changing! 

For example: "Something about the way he jumps and screams around new people is helping him," is more true and useful than "He has to jump and scream around new people." 

Even if you know nothing about how the brain works, the shift helps. It gives you the freedom to find new ways, less startling ways than jumping and screaming, to help your autistic loved one around new people. Rather than avoid new people, or tell all the new people merely "get over it he's autistic," you can all work together to figure out what it is about jumping and screaming that helps. Is it a way to push the anxiety outwards so it isn't hurting inside? If so, practice other ways of pushing anxiety out. Is it a way of pushing people away because the anxiety is too much? If so, maybe practice meeting one new person at a time for less anxiety. Or, if that is worse, many people at once for less anxiety. 

I admit, these are not the best ideas but they are ideas. And they are grown out of the knowledge that something about a behavior is helping (even when our behaviors hurt us we are doing them because in the moment they somehow also help or alleviate a hardship) and that we aren't just doing them because we're bad, crazy, attention seeking, etc. Also, it allows for the truth that we can find other ways as well. 

However, if you do understand a little about how the brain works, then you can find even brighter, better, more impressive, faster-changing ideas and actions. My mom, Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad") and her protege, Louloua Smadi, are building a website (called All Brains Grow, here is a link to their Facebook page --> All Brains Grow) specifically meant to help people with this. Using the arousal model they help people become detectives who are able to follow behavioral clues in order to bring brains and bodies into balance. Are they jumping and screaming because of too many high frequency brain waves? Or, quite possibly, because of too many low frequency waves causing a need to stimulate higher frequencies by jumping and screaming? It's fun to find out and life changing to realize it is always true that we can find healthy ways to help ourselves. 

I wish All Brains Grow was around when I thought my son, Tyran, needed to have his Linkin Park CD playing at full volume in order to fall asleep. Back then I didn't realize it was "something about" his Linkin Park CD playing at full volume that helped him fall asleep. Had I known it was something about the loud as heck rock music, and not only the loud as heck rock music, I would have been more able to help him discover specifically what was going on in his brain at bed time. I would have been more likely to be less annoyed and more curious. And even if we never quite figured it out, we would have been a team. A team trying to figure it out. 

Note: the All Brains Grow website is not yet available, but there is a lot of valuable autism, neurofeedback, behavior, and brain growth information on my mom's Brain and Body website. Click the following link: BrainBody.net

So, when you're tempted to say to yourself: "I need quiet mornings to be happy," try maybe shifting it to, "Something about quiet mornings helps me wake up happy." That will be more honest and helpful. That way, if your rowdy grand-kids spend a few weeks with you or your neighbors get a new yappy dog, instead of thinking these noisy mornings mean you can't be happy, you'll have an opportunity to dig down to the core of yourself and discover what it is about quiet mornings you like. Maybe you can recreate what you like but in a new way. 

Heads Up: You may discover the most delightful way to wake up is to the sound of rowdy grand-kids and every quiet morning away from them is a challenge of its own. Something I heard from a friend. tee hee! 

The point isn't to not like quiet mornings of course, but to remember that it is something about quiet mornings you like - a not so urgent jump into the day, perhaps, that potentially messes with your high or low frequency brain - and you absolutely can find a way to like mornings of all types if you find yourself confronted with them. 

So, if there is something about this idea you like, yay! Feel free to share your thoughts. And if there is something about this idea you don't like, silly you. Try again. Giggle! No, feel free to share your thoughts. 

There's something about people sharing their thoughts that helps me think bigger, feel more, and learn from lives I cannot live. In encourage you to thoughtfully share your thoughts. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: The Brain Broad Wants To Meet Your Family! (Five Days Left)

Not trying to rush you but -

Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad) is accepting new clients only up until the end of April! 

You don't have to have your outreach this month, it can be anytime and anywhere, but you MUST contact her before the month ends! 

Lynette works with families around the world, balancing brains and bringing play to your life in new ways. Autism, Parkinson's, Tourette's, anxiety, addiction, anorexia, phobias, and (recently) short term memory loss are just a few of the challenges she successfully treats. Anywhere in the world, any culture, any age, any belief system: she honors them all and is always effective. 

 "All members of a group lean on and reinforce each other so change requires a global approach … it is only when change is applied to the entire group that everyone grows happier, clearer and more capable." ~ Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad

 

"So, if's she's so great, why is she only taking on new clients till the end of the month?" 

Good question! Although you didn't have to ask it so cheekily. tee hee! 
Anyway, she explains it best herself in this short Facebook Post: 

FYI: Just a reminder that I will stop booking new clients April 30th.

My commitment to families often spans a decade and to promise good work now that I am sixty the math says ... time to stop bringing people into the fold.

However I will still speak, write, teach and perform soooo not exactly retiring just closing one door to open others.

Connect ASAP though if you want my outreach services.

See? So don't be such a snot next time. Giggle!

I encourage you to call or email her. As I mentioned, you don't have to schedule the outreach right away. So call her and have a chat. Ask questions, explain your goals and hopes, get a price check. 

Contact Lynette Louise: email - mom4evermore@juno.com / 

Phone - 713-213-7682

Check out her HOW I WORK page for a fun rundown of how an Outreach with Lynette works. 

Then run to your phone to contact her!

REMINDER: 
Also happening until the end of the month is the 50% off promo code for all things FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD: Seasons, episodes, owning, rental. 

Promo Code:
Awareness2017

Season One (Uganda):
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/fixitinfive/135616261

Season Two (USA):
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/brainbroad/136013375

Take advantage of this, too!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: YOU Are A Leader (Whether Or Not You Want To Be)

Friends, we are Leaders. Whether we have the desire to be in Leadership roles or not, we are. This is true of everyone some of the time, but for folks like us, folks who live with autism (whether as autistic individuals ourselves or as friends, professionals, and family members) we're in unique positions to Lead and Teach.

And when we're not Leading, we are Following. We're choosing who to learn from and what Path to Success matches most our hopes, dreams, and beliefs. Choosing effective and thoughtful Leaders is a skill. A skill that we can learn; ideally, from several successful and thoughtful Leaders!

I encourage you to take advantage of this FREE Virtual Leadership Summit. (Completely free, no sign ins or sign ups.) Presented by Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad 39 Leaders, from diverse backgrounds and places on their Success Path, are interviewed and asked the same three questions. Successful business owners, actors, comedians, image consultants, lawyers, inspirational speakers, beauty experts, music makers; the list is impressive!  

 The Brain Broad Presents: Seeking the Leadership Path

While all of the answers to the questions are different; similarities and consistencies reveal themselves. There is soooooo much value in this series! Personal stories (some exclusively told here!) and concrete tips come together to paint a picture of Leadership that is clear; though it will mean something slightly different for each viewer. 

I look forward to learning what the strongest take-aways are for you! 

HEADS UP MOBILE USERS: So, the web page looks pretty funny on your phone at first. It appears as a long string of letters hanging down, slowly growing smaller. Almost like a DNA strand! Go ahead and scroll down or, this works for most phones, turn your phone to the side until you see the video and a user friendly list of individual speakers.

ADVANCED Leadership Invitation: If you are seeking to understand and use your Leadership role to it's fullest I encourage you to attend the Leadership Summit - Albany in November. It's a two- day conference committed to helping people establish, grow and develop greater visions and values in their leadership. The speakers (and even many of the high profile attendees!) will be providing a unique blend of vision, inspiration, practical skills and strategies that can be immediately applied in your career, Leadership and life. The Albany Leadership Summit will take place November 10-11, 2016 at the Desmond Hotel in Albany, New York. Check it out, show your friends, and register before the seats are sold out! INSIDER TIP: If you can gather a group of four or more my mom, Lynette Louise, The Brain Broad, may be able to get you a group rate. Let us know if you're interested! 
EMAIL: tsarashelton [at] yahoo [dot] com. Put "Leadership Group Rate" in the subject line.
Leadership Summit - Albany  <---- Use that link, friends!

I've always felt more like an "accidental leader" because my natural inclination is to be the assistant, the helper, the friend who pitches in. And because of this I've learned to choose my Leaders well (after a few embarrassing and even dangerous mistakes in my youth!). Yet, as a mom, friend, writer, and autism sibling, I find myself in potentially powerful Leadership roles often. Luckily, my mom is an innately gifted Leader and so I learned from the best. Even so, reading her new book The Seven Senses of Leadership highlighted for me a few new concepts which I implemented right away. And then, when I was certain there couldn't possibly be more to learn, I watched the FREE Virtual Leadership Summit.... and, wow! I was reminded just how healthy and helpful it is to learn similar things over and over, from different stories and different styles. I felt renewed and powerful once again!

Both of my roles, as Leader and Helper, are more powerful and intentional. 

All of our roles matter. It's smarter and more fun to play out or roles to the best of our abilities and with our own unique style! 

I hope you'll check out the Virtual Summit (completely FREE, no sign in or sign ups), the new book, and/or the Leadership Summit in Albany!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Autism Answer: Are you in The Loop?

Are you in The Loop? Lynette Louise trots the globe and offers exclusive first looks! #mentalhealth Sign up here---> https://t.co/vmKqMqIm1k

— Tsara Shelton (@TsaraShelton) November 2, 2015

Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad travels the world. She speaks, performs, and writes books. She contributes articles to publications, acts as a source for reporters, hosts a few podcasts, is a guest on podcasts, and is working on her PhD in psychology with a specialty in psychophysiology. 

She works intimately with families around the globe, invited eagerly into their homes to share her understanding and skills - effectively guiding whole families toward health and enhancing abilities, everyone grows happily connected through play, purposeful behavior shifts, and neurofeedback. She offers this service free for the families who are highlighted on her unique and powerful docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD. A show that airs on The Autism Channel, with season one now available for purchase. 

Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad is a mom. My mom. She spends all of her time sharing what she knows with a passion and non-stop energy that comes from knowing what families need. Not only what tools they need, and what tips they need, but the understanding and unconditional love they need. Lynette is a mom who works tirelessly to help the world grow healthier, because she loves the world and has gifts to share, but mostly it's for her children. For me. For my brothers. For my sisters. And for our children, her grandchildren. 

And for the hundreds of children and adults my mom, Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad, has adopted along the way.

https://t.co/gpD4BkkVX7 stay in the loop and sign up for The Loop The Brain Broad's newsletter goes out tomorrow!!!! #parents #neurofeedback

— Lynette Louise (@lynettelouise) November 3, 2015

And once a month my mom spends some time with me on the phone gathering and corralling all of the important tidbits of her work so that we can get it to you in a monthly email. The Loop is something we share with our family of friends to keep you easily updated. The Loop brings Lynette's work to you so that you can spend most of your time playing and connecting with your family, while Lynette runs around the world collecting the important bits you need to know. The Loop is also a way for Lynette to take a moment to see what's getting done, where she's going, and what's left to do.

Will Lynette be in your area? Has she written any timely articles that will help you understand something nagging at you in the news? Will she be talking to a guest or host about a controversial issue, offering insights and case studies, maybe in the form of Stories from the Road? Is the second season of Fix it in Five available yet? Does she have tips for getting through the holidays? What are families and professionals doing in other parts of the world that might help me with my mental illness? School isn't working for my child, what should I do? Can she answer a personal question of mine? I'm thinking about adopting but I want to ask her some questions, how do I contact her?

These are just a few of the kinds of things you'll get answers to when you're in The Loop. I encourage you to take a moment to sign up. 

Have a peek at the most recent edition.  <-------- click this link

Pretty awesome, huh? 

I'm looking forward to sharing The Loop with you! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Are you in The Loop? You... ya, you. Are you in The Loop? Make sure you're in The Loop. Go here---->http://t.co/vmKqMqIm1k #mentalhealth

— Tsara Shelton (@TsaraShelton) October 5, 2015

Autism Answer: The Power Of Sharing What We Know

Author's Note: Pope Francis is visiting America (where I live) this week. My mom is not Pope Francis. Yet the thrill of him reminds me of the thrill of her. They speak to love, they are drawn to the disabled, they want to touch the hearts and souls and bodies of all people so that those people will recognize the power of their own bodies, hearts, and souls. The Power Of Sharing What We Know is indeed real; but we must do our part to honor what is shared by doing the work of learning it. 
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Because my mom is Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad I sometimes get to go to events that I otherwise would never be invited to, or even be aware of. And often I'm introduced to whole industries that are beautiful with their meaning but filled with brilliant well intentioned people who are making the mistake of being stuck in a system and unaware of the harm they are causing when they throw people who don't fit in that system aside. 

Always I'm reminded why people like my mom are not only beautifully kind but also infinitely important!

BRPT Symposium gathered professionals in the sleep field from around the country.

The symposium on sleep in Dallas, TX was eye opening and inspiring for me. Mom understood the conundrum these professionals faced when trying to help people who have sleep problems but who aren't helped (and are often hurt) by the traditional methods. Rather than get creative or think outside the box, they toss them aside, justifying to themselves that the person is either too broken or noncompliant. Meanwhile, my mom offers simple seemingly counter-intuitive fixes, based in brain and behavior science, that can literally save lives and sanity. 

The audience was revived, excited, and a little bit intimidated. They would have to think different now. Most of them will think different now. It was beautiful to be a part of! Kudos to the event organizers who discover and invite speakers like The Brain Broad!

 

One of the things my mom stressed when she spoke at the sleep conference was the need to listen to the patient. The importance of trusting them to know themselves. When someone says they need to drink coffee, or turn on the TV, in order to sleep, then believe them. Trust them.

Apparently, this is a big concept. Apparently, professionals have a habit of assuming that the patient is wrong and that they can't possibly sleep better after drinking coffee, or when they turn on the TV. The entire room of sleep experts hung on her every word while she talked about the arousal model and different brains reacting differently to different things. As she implored these experts to believe that their patients have been self medicating with these habits, and to follow the clues rather than judge them, they nodded and breathed in sharply with understanding.

A beautiful and important reminder behind The Power of Sharing What We Know.

As I took my youngest son to school this morning he was chatting about a speech that he's going to make today in his public speaking class. He admitted to being nervous, hoped he'd do well, prided himself of choosing to be the first speaker today so he could get it done and let go of the anxiety sooner, shared candidly his desire to be excellent so that he can become a thought leader, all the while fidgeting with his tie. 

Again: I was reminded why people like my mom, and people like my son, are not only beautifully kind but also infinitely important!

Declyn and Dramma (aka The Brain Broad)

I mentioned the talk I'd seen my mom give at the sleep symposium, and told him how amazing and eye opening and thought provoking and fun it was. "Me and Dramma will probably travel doing speeches one day," he considered out-loud. "We know a lot of things that can help people." Then after he'd climbed out of the car and closed the door he looked directly at me through the open window adding, "But don't call it a 'talk'. It's much more than that. It's a "speech". Remember that!" Then he walked off, a little nervous and a little confident.

I drove away with a smile, sipping my coffee and thinking about talks vs speeches, the fun of labels, and the power of sharing what we know. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad speaking and sharing FIX IT IN FIVE with an audience of autism parents and professionals.

*Please visit my mom's websites to see if she'll be doing a "speech" near you or to invite her to "talk" at your event. tee hee!

www.lynettelouise.com
Direct Upcoming Performances link:
http://www.lynettelouise.com/performance-dates/
www.brainbody.net

Autism Answer: The More You Win

"One person might not be able to change the thinking of an entire world in a moment, but moments can encourage a change in the thinking of people in the world. Make the most of your many moments." ~Me

A quick conversation with my son: 

Shay: When I play chess with somebody I feel bad always winning, so I'll just stalemate instead. 

Me: Ya, I've seen you do that a lot. 

Shay: I know a lot of people don't like to lose and I don't like it when they're not happy. 

Me: I still don't think it's a good habit, Shay. It's okay to win. The more you win the easier it'll be for you to help other people win. 

Shay: What?

Me: The more you win, the better you'll be at winning and the more you'll know about how to win, so you'll be better at helping other people learn to win. 

Shay: You're trying to give me a life lesson again, aren't you?

Me: Of course. 

Shay: It worked. 

You just never know which conversations are going to be the important ones. 

So, regardless of whether or not your kids can communicate clearly, keep having them!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

 

My youngest sons playing chess.

Autism Answer: Teenager-itis and Building Tools!

My sixteen year old son is dealing with a rough case of "life is hard and relationships are harder and I just want to be the boss of my own life but want everything tough to be someone else's fault and I really want a relationship but they're hard". You know, teenager-itis! 

Because he's pro-active (okay, because he's surrounded by pro-active people who bugged him into being proactive... tee hee!) he filled out a form that claimed to help folks pinpoint their struggles so they could take steps to help themselves.

Before he was quite finished, an impatient and overly curious mamma (aka me!) asked how he was enjoying the process.

"Well," he answered, adjusting his heavy glasses and putting down his number two pencil, "some of the questions are fine, but it sure asks a lot about my looks."

"What do you mean?" I was truly interested.

"It keeps asking if I'm happy with my appearance, if I ever wish I was bigger or smaller, if I feel good about my looks, if I worry about how my peers think I look.... that kind of thing. I don't really worry about my looks, but it's like they think I'm supposed to!"

I gave an upbeat giggle and then rubbed his back as he picked the pencil up and looked at the last few questions. Just as I was about to say something he interjected,"And now it's asking if my peers are uncomfortable around me! I don't know, THEY have to answer that question! This is a funny form, mom."

It was awesome! My son identified immediately the possible power of questions and how they can plant ideas. He announced confidently that he can't know what his peers feel, only they can. And, we chatted for quite a while about the questions he would suggest for such a form!

The next few days were more comfortable for both him and me. He had identified a few things about himself--for himself. And he'd identified them for me too. So I was a little less nervous about not being able to help him.

Of course, he's still sixteen, and an unusual sixteen at that! So his teenager-itis isn't cured. But it is healing and headed in a comfortable direction. Will there be flare ups and back slides? Of course! But every day we're given opportunities to discover and practice with tools that'll help us build something beautiful out of the mess.

And every day we try our darnedest to get comfortable and familiar with those tools. We aren't exactly sure what we're building, but it'll be unique.

And we'll love it in all of it's stages!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

                                            Enjoy this trailer for the international reality series: 

FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD! 

on The Autism Channel. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: When your mom is THE BRAIN BROAD, you find answers and inspiration and fun everywhere. Please help her spread that fun and those answers with us by contributing to her IndieGoGo Campaign: FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD--Next stop: Israel! Please share, contribute, and take absolute advantage of the kick-ass awesome perks!! Every episode of FIX IT IN FIVE offers us a lot of awesome, so become a FIX IT IN FIVER by giving your time, money, shares, tweets, likes, or ideas to this fantastic campaign!! Hugs!!!
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Autism Answer: But Then, It's Easy For Me

I'm human--so I can honestly say I've struggled in life. Struggled with pain, self-doubt, fear, and so on.

But it's also true to say that I've almost always been happy and open-minded. I've learned over the years that the two tend to go together. I find that I genuinely like almost everyone (even though there are many people I wouldn't choose to invite into my life often) and I have a blast with almost everything I do. Whether it's something I've chosen or something I'm pushed into like school, laundry, and paying bills. People who knew me growing up, as well as people who know me today, use words like "satisfied" "happy" "sweet" "positive" and "bubbly" to describe me.

But then, it's easy for me.

Not because I've had a trouble free life--molestation, discrimination, poverty; these are words that play a role in my story. But because, as it turns out, I've got a pretty balanced brain.

Funnily, I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me, if perhaps I was a pushover or naive and that's why I was always helpful and happy. Other times I would assume there was something wrong with other people, because they couldn't just choose to be helpful and happy.

Eventually, in search of a tool that could help Dar,  my most severely autistic brother (all my other brothers had healed to the point of hardly needing help, so it was Dar my mom still sought miracles for) mom discovered neurofeedback.

A tool that would, essentially, save all of us from a life of floating and wondering and searching.

At first it was mom and Dar who got brain balancing sessions with beeps. Neurofeedback is truly wonderful, putting nothing in the body but information and offering feedback that helps balance the brain nearly the instant the brain behaves in the way it's encouraged to.

Both mom and Dar benefited so quickly and in such surprising ways it became a passion and project for mom. To help the family, to certify and educate, and to help families around the world.

It wasn't long before I got to have a turn with her brain reading and balancing buddy. I'll admit it, I was nervous. I wanted to do it "right" and be read as "lovely and smart". Of course, it just reads delta, theta, and beta waves and other brainy things. It doesn't judge at all, so I was being silly. But still....

Well, my mom found my brain to be kind of boring! Turns out, it's rather balanced. And for my mom, a woman whose joy comes from helping others, I must have been a bit of a disappointment! 

But learning that about my brain, and learning via mom's brain expert smarty-pants chit chats the unbreakable connection between how your brain behaves and how you feel, made me make sense.

And it helped me see others--so very many others!!--with even more open mindedness and a truer appreciation for their potential struggles.

Also, it helped me to know that people can grow kinder, more comfortable, smarter, and happier with the proper feedback, minus the judgment.

Knowing that it's easy for me helps me see myself not as "lesser than" or "better that" but rather, lucky.

And obligated to take advantage of that luck to keep on being helpful and happy.

Keep in mind, friends, that what's easy for someone else but hard for you isn't proof that you are less than, it most likely means that you are different than.

And when meeting and being with others, offer them that same kindness and understanding.

Also, know that anything you want to be, you can! Seek the healthiest feedback for you and your brain! And though it may be harder for you than for another, you can do it if it's what you truly want!

If you're having trouble sorting all of that out... call my mom! Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad is gifted at helping people understand and know themselves! 

Perhaps it won't be long before droves of us are able to say...

"But then, it's easy for me."

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

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For one of my all time favorite short videos of my mom doing neurofeedback and playing with a little girl in Uganda: FOLLOW THIS LINK!

But first check out this video of my mom talking about her show FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD, bringing play and neurofeedback to you! The show can be seen on The Autism Channel!

Autism Answer: Keeping And Teaching A Healthy Kind Of Crazy!

Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD... her crazy ideas have helped heal thousands of families around the world!!

My mom, Lynette Louise, grew up with an unbalanced brain and received a few temporary diagnosis off and on throughout her life. Friends sometimes just called her "Crazy Lynette!"... her out of the box ideas gifted them with fantastic and creative games to play, and quickly revealed her global vision and leadership qualities. 

Eventually she would adopt four crazy boys, and get custody of two crazy teenage girls, to the thrill of me and my sister, her two crazy biological daughters! And together our family went from Crazy to Sane--which also happens to be the title of my mom's one woman musical comedy show. 

Ya. She teaches brain science and mental health answers with comedy and music. Crazy, huh?!

Why yes! It's the right kind of crazy! The fantastic and helpful kind!

The brilliant thing is, as mom went from crazy to sane, she brought her out of the box thinking and crazy belief in the value of disabled and mentally ill people with her. In other words, she held onto the right kind of crazy! 

Now she travels the globe as a mental health and parenting expert and teaches families her unique blend of play therapy, neurofeedback, and family dynamics counseling... because she has the crazy idea that her clients should become their own experts and learn to not need her anymore!! 

Growing up our family adopted this theme song,"Boom boom ain't it great to be--crazy! Boom boom ain't it great to be--crazy! Giddy and foolish all day long, boom boom ain't it great to be--crazy!?" This was an important attitude. Because it reminded us to appreciate the great in our crazy, while encouraging us to keep it light and positive. It gave us the desire to celebrate our uniqueness, while mom consistently exampled the value of marrying that comfort with intention and kindness. 

It was the crazy in mom, and the crazy in us, that gave us the audacity to believe we could be happy, smart, individual, and successful. And when our crazy was the kind that hurt, confused, or scared us... we were just crazy enough to believe we had the power and ability to change that. So, we did!!

My mom has a talent for sharing a healthy kind of crazy while healing uncomfortable and unbalanced brains. 

Celebrate the crazy in your life too. The world needs a little more originality and a lot less trying to fit into some mold made for somebody else. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Thinking with Albert Einstein

~Happy 135th Birthday Albert Einstein!~

I love reading about and learning from Albert Einstein. Admittedly, the math and science stuff is often above my head, so when I learn from him it's with my own limited understanding. And my own not so limited desire to find a meaning I like!

I thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite Einstein quotes today--his birthday-- perhaps while eating Pi! Giggle! They reveal a bit of who he was, who I am, and how I like to understand the world! 

Here are a few:

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a woman is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?"

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you are sitting on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

"Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid."

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

These are just some of my faves, and ones that I think are useful for us loving autism. Feel free to celebrate with me by adding some of your own!! 

Oh, ya. One more thing I adore about Einstein. Because of him I can walk around without ever brushing my hair and imagine that it's my genius showing, not my laziness! Tee hee!!!

Happy Pi Day, 
and happy birthday Albert Einstein! 
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton

Choose Your Valentine With Care: He/She is Bound to Change your Brain!~Guest Post by Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD

By: Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD

When you connect deeply with someone a new person evolves, a kind of third wheel singularity that makes choices in cooperation--and even in discord--with the two of you. I first heard this concept, of all places, while reading the book In Cold Blood: a true story about two men that murdered a family of four living peacefully in the country. The writer explained how neither of these men would have committed this crime on their own, but that when the two of them got together a kind of third personality was born. Once this new shadow of life emerged, deeds that would previously have been impossible became acceptable, and actions that would previously have been morally filtered out are acted upon. 

I thought about this A LOT! How often had I become a third person? Many times I realized. How often had I been careful in the creation of that person? Chosen well? Been aware? Seldom. Especially in romance. 

I am unlike most girls. I never dreamed of a man who would buy me things. Not roses or chocolates or Lamborghinis-- though I did hope one would gift me with children. I never dreamed of being spoiled are dripped in diamonds. I dreamed of working hard and saving people. Still, every year when the words "Will you be my Valentine" happened to find my ears via movies, grocery counter cards or radio ads, they coerced a feeling to stir within me, a feeling of yearning, of wanting, of wishing it were so. This would happen to me even if I had a special someone at the time. The difference then was I knew who to yearn for and who to be disappointed in when they didn't buy me the flowers I didn't even want. 

Romance is tricky. 

I should know, I've been married five times. Five times by the age of 43 often for the reason noted above: wanting what I didn't want. 

At one point I even dreamed of getting married on Feb 14th in a white wedding dress covered in embroidered roses. I wanted it to take place on a cruise ship that reminded me of The Love Boat. I wanted it most Februaries even though I hate the claustrophobic feeling of cruise ships and deplore dressing up. I do like weddings. 

Fact is, it isn't just me, people don't always - or maybe never- make sense. They are full of contradictions and emotional responses easily manipulated by childhood dreams, music and imagery. Heck even a camel will cry if you play them the right song. Seriously! 

We may think we are strong but when it comes to romance, well, some of us are not. 

So I devised a plan: Ask yourself who you want to be, how you like to spend your time, and if another person actually fits into this picture, Valentine That! The picture, the third person, the new reality. 

Since you and the person you romance with, sleep with, plan with, work with, talk with, fight with etc, disappear into each other and create a new someone else, design with intention. 

If you are wondering what it is that happens to you that could potentially make a new person out of you-- they call it focus, but for this article we will call it love. This is because when you fall in love or reach to satisfy any yearning and then do, your nucleus accumbens lights up like a Christmas tree on LSD. This is your brain's reward center having a party on its favorite neurochemicals. Actually, maybe I should have said cocaine instead of LSD because love keeps dopamine around almost as well as cocaine does, and dopamine is your reward center's drug of choice.

Romantic love, like the pusher in the back alley, is addictive. Addictions change your brain. In fact all experiences change your brain, but addictions change them quicker and more profoundly by leading us to repeat our actions (in this case, focusing on our feelings and making them grow) over and over again. And as the apple of your eye's pesky little pheromones infiltrate your brain, you lose your ability to judge and asses logically because your frontal lobes are not paying attention. At this point you no longer respond to warning signals about any aspect of your craved for sexy someone, at least until you are satiated. During this mainlining on love period we all lose a few IQ points by turning off our executive functions and lubricating our Limbic system. Our sensory readings go through the roof as we "feel' the other person's nearness, even before we make contact. In a sense our auras extend our bodies into each other. Our brains begin to fire more coherently across the hemispheres like a love seizure of sustained dimensions. So we are happy,giddy and slightly stupid. This is the Valentine drug of romance and while we engage in it we reshape the real-estate of our brains. 

If you are lucky enough to find yourself surrounded by an intervention of friends who help you go cold turkey, you may emerge to discover that during your love drunk bender you reshaped yourself into someone you didn't want to be. You may even of become legally entangled. (Don't worry, divorce is pretty easy in Texas.) 

And I should know, I'm a brain scientist, that's been divorced five times. They call me The Brain Broad! I think it fits. 

Fact is healthy love -which is what you hope you will have once the addictive period of romance backs off -- is supportive, stress relieving, joyous, engaging, economically advantageous and mentally enlivening " it is good for you. I know because all my non-romantic relationships are all of these things, these are the results of love and romance is not required to get them. I am blessed. 

However regardless of who you love, you WILL become someone new, it happens, with each person you bond to, with or without romance. So "Who do I want to be?" should be the question you ask yourself not "Who do I want to want me, and what do I have to be to get them to?" 

Being strong requires self-love. Being strong in romance, well, I never figured it out, but I suspect it requires choosing a third personality that fits your ideas, beliefs and goals. 

 

Since I learned that quite late while I was "doing romance' I never asked the right question. Thus, I spent most of my life single, waiting for a divorce so I could try getting married again. Throughout my entanglements I have been many personalities. I have been traditional enough to run cowering to get his slippers, been bisexual, had open arrangements and monogamous commitments. I have been the matriarch, the submissive, the reject-or and the rejected. I have worn many faces as I married against my own true self and tried to become the woman they would want me to be. It never lasted because -- as it turns out -- I want to be " well" something unsexy and slightly intimidating. I want to be me. 

I love me in fact. I am proud of my many accomplishments and enjoy all eight of my children, even the ones who don't always enjoy me. (Stop rolling your eyes, they are not from my dipping into it with different daddies, I adopted most of them.) I live to love, just not to romance. In fact, every hat I willingly wear is motivated by love. 

That is what I discovered when I did ask the questions. That is when I admitted I don't like flowers, gifts, chocolates, or dating. I like working, playing, skill acquisition, and creating. I don't accept limitations and learn myself out of them. I also don't want a mate, though if it happens I guess I'll change my mind. What am I looking for? Nothing. What would entice me?: A beautiful third person. This understanding gives a whole new meaning to ménage a trois. 

And yes, I know that since I get my dopamine rush from so many other satisfying places in my life, because I am loved and love without libido distortions and projections of romance, I might always be available to work on Valentine's Day. Fortunately, my heart is in my work. Have a good one. 

Remember, keep your eye on the person you create. 

PS: If you would like to be considered for the position of spouse number six I don't care if you are male or female, but if you're skinny then I need you to be rich enough to buy me lots of lipo because I do hate to feel fat by comparison. Oh, and if possible I would like to be the prettiest one in the bed. And one more thing" NEVER tell me what to do and I will return the favor. 

Autism Answer: Regression, the Silver Lining. (Wish me luck!)

Author's note: This was written over a year ago, and things certainly have changed for my brother! Re-reading these old posts is fabulous because it allows me to truly re-live the many small and large successes that we have started to take for granted over the years! 

Last night my thirty-one year old lowish functioning autistic brother, Dar, was very autistic! He spent the night drinking the half and half, eating the butter, clucking, stimming, wandering the house and dumping baskets of toys, toothbrushes, laundry paraphernalia. He was smacking his knuckles together and slapping his thighs. This is the kind of night Dar used to have almost always when he was with me, not with my mom (who is simply better with him AND is a brain expert with neurofeedback computers) but he hasn't had a night like this with me in about a year. Needless to say, my heart sank. Not because he was behaving very autistic-like, that's fine, but because I could feel his struggling and uncomfortable energy. Something that had seemed to be happily missing for quite a while.

I understand regression. I have been known to do regression. As an ex-smoker I recall reaching for a cigarette assuring myself that eight years of not smoking meant I could now have one socially. Nope! Immediately I began craving and justifying and hating myself.

As a sex abuse survivor I remember a time when I felt threatened by a man and threw all I had learned about myself out the window and once again forgot how to say no and be strong. Afterward I struggled with self hatred and justification and fear of my lack of control. I also remember that after these episodes I bounced back much quicker and stronger than the first time. All the years of figuring myself out with intention were right there at the ready, and after a few days I was back to happy and strong!

Last night, my brother regressed. But you know who didn't? Me! I didn't hold his hand and whisper, "You poor autistic boy. You can't help yourself. Poor baby."... I also didn't holler, "Dang it Dar!! You drank my half and half! And who's going to pay for more butter, huh!! Your such a jerk!"... Instead I spoke clearly and kindly. I asked him to calm. I helped him go poo, and then headed upstairs to sleep near him. I kept telling him with a sharpness that could cut through his autistic fog, and a kindness that would not offend, to get some sleep. My mom would have been proud of me!

And guess what else? Although this morning was rough (driving my boys to school Dar sat in the back bouncing angrily and making us look killer cool in our 1998 minivan with what must have looked like hydraulics!) he calmed down and said, "Made awesome mess," pretty clearly. He is sitting behind me right now with calm hands and a soft smile. 

I have a feeling that his regression will remain short lived and remind him of how he does not enjoy being.

We have all done regression, and I don't recommend it! Usually the guilt and disappointment in ourselves is what threatens to drag us back in. But we don't have to go back in! Our autistic loved ones don't have to go back in! I don't know if Dar is handling this better because I did, or because his brain is healing so fast that he would have learned this quickly. Probably both. But this morning we are two happy siblings.

And pretty darn tired! Perhaps we'll have a nap!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Me and my sleepy brother, Dar.

 

Autism Answer: Coffee, mom, and me!

When I was a little girl I would watch my mom closely, seeing her as a beautiful example of what it is to be a grown-up. For some reason I mostly focused on her hands wrapped around never ending coffee mugs. Her slender, pretty fingers were so different from my short chubby ones. And the look of reflective calm that came over mom with the first few sips of each steaming cup of that grown-up beverage seemed to me the epitome of adulthood. Watching my mom I knew that it was wonderful to be a grown-up!

Our kids are watching us. They're making observations and connections that we may never be aware of. So I suggest we do our best to always be an adult we are proud of, someone that makes being grown up look fun and free, kind and reflective, healthy and happy!

Now that my sisters, brothers and I are grown, I notice we all pretty much adore gathering together for adult conversation and forever flowing pots of coffee! My brothers--who were once on the spectrum of autism and appeared to have absolutely no interest in anyone other than themselves and their obsessions--now call me up to see if I have time to sip and chat.

One of the most prevalent habits among all of us now grown kids is a desire to find time for coffee and conversation. It makes us feel connected, we discover hidden truths about each other, and we laugh! Boy do we laugh!

So as I sit and sip my adult brew, and look far off into myself, I feel as though I am mostly grown-up. I see a bit of my mom in me, and that's beautiful! 

And when I look down at my still short and chubby fingers I am reminded that I will always have more growing up to do. I see a bit of only me in me! And I smile. 

I smile.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Me, my sister, my mom & my dad.
Together, sipping coffee, and smiling!

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This piece appears in my book, Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up, along with many more stories of forever discovering who I am while exploring my relationships with the people I'm surrounded by. I invite you to read the book while sipping coffee with the people you're surrounded by! It's totally a coffee and conversation kind of book. Hugs! ~Tsara