Monday, November 18, 2019

Autism Answer: What Is A Good Day?

Good morning.

What makes that morning cup of coffee so delightful?

Besides its wonderful flavor, I mean. 

Those of us who delight in this simple ritual agree, there is more to it than "yummy." 

For me, I believe it is partly about the potential in the day ahead, unencumbered by the weight of all others. Other yesterdays and tomorrows. I sip my morning brew mostly in the moment but embracing, also, potential and possibility.  In short, while I sip I am quietly aware that today - though I'm not usually thinking about the day ahead - could be a good day. 


So, what makes a good day? Well, for me I think it's one where I got things done, moved projects forward. No, that's not it. 




Maybe a good day is one where I played a part in helping things get done. No, that's not right either. I often feel I've had a good day when I didn't even do much at all. When I've barely done a thing to.... oh, wait! I know!

For me, it's been a good day when I like the choices I made. When the things I chose to do, the ways I chose to react, to things big and small, are choices I'm happy about. Whether it's eating or not eating another cookie, agreeing to do something that scares me but helps my husband out, putting down a good book in order to help my brother with a letter he's writing to his favorite car company, or not paying a bill because that money could be used to help one of my children who is doing an amazing job of being responsible but is still coming up short with his rent. 

Another example of a choice I'm happy with that is helping me have a good day: writing this post! I often have a thought I want to untangle by writing it down with the intention of sharing, using the power of editing and rewriting and the necessity of clarity to unravel all the perspectives and possibilities jockeying for position in order to see things as they are, in my personal opinion. I can kind of do this when I write something for me alone, but I do it much better when I imagine someone other than me reading it. I become less lazy and insist on taking the important step at considering every angle I've heard or read about, rather than just telling myself something I want to hear. I am better for me when I imagine you.

But even knowing this I will often not write. I'll think the ever common, "Who cares what I think? Who am I to think people want to read about the ramblings in my head?" This, I know, is not legitimate. This is an excuse. 

Particularly since I know that me writing it for you is largely about writing it better, not writing it because I think you need to know. And writing better takes more out of me. It's harder. So, I let my "Who cares what I think?" excuse work. Because there is enough truth in it that I can easily use it. It even sounds humble. Hah! I love a justification that puts itself on a pedestal by pretending it's humble.  


The truth is, you won't read it if you don't want to. But if I imagine you reading it, I'll work harder and make it better and discover more important points that help me have a good day. 

And a good day, for me, is a day where I like the choices I made. 

Wow! That's cool. It means I have the power to make all my days good. To remember what I've discovered here and use it. Admittedly, I know myself well enough to guess I probably won't always have good days or make all choices I'm happy with, even with this knowledge and clarity. But I also know myself well enough to know I mostly will! 

I'll continue to have mostly good days.

And now I'll know why!

Well, that was illuminating. I think I'll have one more cup. 


What do you like about your morning cup of coffee?

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 
@TsaraShelton (Twitter)