Autism Answer: Nonverbal Communication and Telepathy

 

 

My brother, Dar

I originally wrote a version of this piece for my mom's newsletter, The Loop!

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"Nonverbal communication is the transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, body language, social distance, touch, voice, physical environments/appearance, and use of objects."

Telepathy is not on that list of examples, but it does say "such as" which implies the list is incomplete. Perhaps we can expect more examples to be told to us directly, in our thoughts. Telepathy-like.

If you have not yet been informed of the popular podcast and upcoming documentary The Telepathy Tapes, then my comment may seem rather unexpected. (I did try to warn you with telepathy that I was going to bring this up, but perhaps my aim was off?)

From their website: The Telepathy Tapes dares to explore the profound abilities of non-speakers with autism. These silent communicators possess gifts that defy conventional understanding, from telepathy to otherworldly perceptions, challenging the limits of what we believe to be real.

From me: I remember my mom (international brain change & behavior expert Lynette Louise, "The Brain Broad") telling us kids about a variety of times our autistic brother, Dar, and our mom communicated in this way.

In fact, at 36 minutes into the documentary The Indigo Evolution (click this link to watch on YouTube) mom shares a story about Dar telling her telepathically not to have an affair. (The story is funny but, as is mom's style, it is also deeply insightful and thought provoking... while being funny.)

People who spend time with autistics (or indigo children or similarly labeled individuals) are inclined to notice the unexpected and seemingly magical habit many of them have for feeling the energy and judgements in a room full of people; of making sudden and aware eye contact in answer to a thought in the mind of a parent or sibling; of laughing at a joke someone in the room is only thinking about telling; of projecting, or pushing, words into the minds of caregivers. 

This is too common to be ignored.

Exploring the communication of telepathy is wonderful, and I have experienced it myself. My mom and I shared dreams a few times when I was little, before I learned not to believe in it. I suppose we may have shared dreams after that as well, but by then I chose to presume coincidence or consider it crazy.

Knowing that our non-speaking brothers and sisters do have things to say, things that are unique to them and their perspectives, is oh so necessary. Exploring the variety of ways in which they express themselves and choose to communicate with us is what it is to care, and to do science.

However, we must be careful! We must avoid magical thinking - ooohhh, they have special powers and are beyond us! 

And we mustn't turn the story into one that denies disability. 

All too often a fight for acceptance trips over into a fight to indulge our instabilities or disabilities.

When one sense is lessened we often enhance another. This we know. But it's not like the superpowers we see in film and comic books, and I think we know this too.

When my mom first adopted our autistic brother, Dar, my little sister and I watched the movie The Boy Who Could Fly with fascination. The boy in the film is autistic (a term we had never heard before mom adopted Dar) and though the boy did not talk, it turned out he could fly. So, our new brother must also be able to fly! We waited, we asked him, we closed our eyes and told him to do it while we weren't looking. Eventually, disappointed and disillusioned, we came to realize that our brother was not going to fly. We gave up asking him. In fact, for a while, we sort of gave up on him. Our poor brother. He probably wanted to fly away from our disappointed attitudes. 

Our dear brother. His lifelong quest of attempting clear communication has been fraught with challenges. When he was still in school and practicing facilitated communication, his ability to push words into mom's mind, but not often the mind's of others, was initially frustrating and eventually dangerous, causing a few terrible situations. One leading to a painful court case. She explores all of this in candid detail in her phenomenal book Miracles are Made: A Real Life Guide to Autism (published 2011).
  

Neither mom nor I have yet listened to The Telepathy Tapes, but we both appreciate their relevance. My mom more so. Not only because of her own experiences but because of the conversations and challenges she sees in homes around the world. For more than forty years my mom has been discussing this phenomenon with families from every culture, economic background, and belief system. It is not an uncommon issue and it deserves to be explored. Carefully. 

If autistics can communicate using more of their senses, it follows that most of us have the potential to do so as well.Whether it is telepathy or other advanced skills of nonverbal communication it is worth our attention.

The power this science can have to guide - or misguide - us as a community is clear.

Not the science itself so much as how we handle it. 

Let's handle with care. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!

Tsara on X.com

 

 

Book Review: The Way of Men by Jack Donovan

 

 

Even before I became a mother to boys, I was unexplainably curious about what it meant to be a good man. No, that's not quite right. I was curious about what it meant to try to be a good man, to contemplate it and to make choices in pursuit of it, to wrestle with those questions as boys becoming men. 

I don't know why I was so interested in the quest for manhood. I was (and am) a girl. A girl who was (and is) quite happy being a girl. More than happy since my ultimate dream has always been to be a mom.

Eventually I become a mother. And as luck would have it, I am the mother of four boys. Boys who have (and still do) wrestle with the questions of manhood. 

My interest in the subject of being a good man, and being good at being a man, obviously increased.

This book then, The Way of Men, hits that nail on the head.

That's not to say I considered it the answer to my questions, but certainly it explored the theme and explored it well. 

In the preface the author, Jack Donovan, claims the book is his answer to the question: "What is masculinity?"

I think the book does a good job of examining that question. It is straight forward, thought provoking, ballsy, interesting, often funny, and powerful. It offered ideas I don't think I would have imagined on my own. 

By stripping away much of the mess we make in creating civilization Jack Donovan boils things down to their basic elements; to the core of men and the nature of them. I appreciate that he doesn't stop there, though. He admits that he likes - believes in - an element of civilizing and ease of living. He believes in seeking a healthy balance, for the sake of men and masculinity. He explores civilizations and the dangers they often present to The Way of Men; he also offers suggestions and warns us of the harm in not making necessary shifts. 

I like, too, that he separates the ideas of "Being a Good Man" and "Being Good at Being a Man". Throughout my life I have been curious about the plight of being a good man, but it hadn't occurred to me that being a good man and being good at being a man could be two different things. By looking at them separately, I felt invigorated and armed with a clearer way of understanding people.

The Way of Men came to several conclusions I for sure don't agree with (and a few I was devastated by) but it also laid out some well constructed concepts I think are important.

This isn't a book I'm compelled to run around recommending but I wouldn't avoid suggesting it either. 

If it calls to you and you do read it, I recommend reading it with a willingness to consider the ideas presented without prejudice, while also remembering to examine them as ideas, not ultimate truths. 

So much of this book is of value. All of it is of interest and valid. And even though I strongly want to push back on a fair bit of it I also can't deny the necessity of considering it as a whole.

Part of me wishes I had read it when my sons were still small, but part of me is glad I didn't. I'm not confident that the me I was back then would have been aware of the aspects I think need to be reconsidered, re-imagined, or simply thrown out.

Of course, the me I am going to be several years from now will probably have such different things to think about everything, including this book. 

Oh, life. How you unceasingly seem to evolve me. 

 

Thank you for offering me literature that helps me influence that evolution. (Such is The Way of Reading).

Hugs, smiles, and love!

Tsara Shelton (X.com)