Autism asks challenging questions, begs us to think outside the box and then...Autism Answers! Musings, shared family stories, book reviews, and short fiction. My posts are rarely specifically about autism or parenting. They are, however, almost always stories grown from the fertile and organic thinking soil that can be found where the two come together.
Author's Note: I was asked by some of my son's young friends to write the post you're about to read. "We love how we feel after we talk to you," they claimed, "but then we forget what you said when we're hanging with our friends. Could you write us one of your articles?" So, after spending a few hours feeling honored and speechless, I wrote this for them! And, as always happens when I write stuff down, I remembered it for me. I hope you enjoy some of the insights too! Hugs, smiles, and love!! ~Tsara
You hear the clichés all the time. “Be yourself!” “Don’t
worry about the judgments of others!” “Stand up for yourself and step in when
you see others being bullied!” “Just be yourself!”
Sure, but what does that mean, really?
Rather than try to answer those questions specifically, I
would love to give you a suggestion that will help you be and do all of those
things, even if it’s accidentally.
When you aren’t around your peers, take some time to really
discover who you like being. Are you giggly and positive, introspective and
quiet, sarcastic and witty? Whichever it is, know that who you are and who
you’re comfortable being, is exactly right for what you want from life. Because
liking who you are is the greatest way to go after what you want, knowing that
you deserve it. The next step is simple, and yet makes all of the difference.
Step two is letting your personality percolate!!
Looking at the world from a place of percolating with your own
personality—while cultivating an interest in the percolating personalities of
others—means being so busy as yourself that there is much less room for
worrying about the judgments of others, or for sitting in judgment of your
family and friends. While your personality percolates it grows more and more
bold and flavorful. It fills the room with its fantastic scent and draws others
to you, filling them full of a desire to be around you.
And as your personality percolates, you become prettier!
Models and actresses will tell you this trick (though they may use different
words) over and over. It’s not the most beautiful who get the work, but the
ones who put personality in their face and body. The ones who look so full of
confidence, mystery, sincerity--something--that
it spills onto us as an audience and pulls us into their emotions.
My son and some of his friends at a photo shoot: Percolating with Personality!
A surprising—but wonderful!—effect this personality
percolation has is a smaller chance of bullying incidents. According to
international mental health expert, Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad, a large
number of the people you are surrounded by suffer from too many delta waves in
their brain during the day, or too few theta waves when they try to fall asleep,
and a myriad of other unbalanced brain issues that result in your peers (and
possibly you?) battling anorexia, insomnia, anxiety and more. Also, a
surprising number of teen girls have undiagnosed autism and are struggling with
sensory troubles (feeling physical pain from certain types of touch, for example)
communication issues (sometimes taking things too literally, or being blunt to
the point of seeming rude) and other similar concerns.
So, knowing that many of your peers are struggling with
challenges that you can’t see, or even imagine, percolating with kindness and your
own personality puts you in a place of comfort and caring that doesn’t leave
much room for accidentally treating others cruelly.
When you choose to talk
with your friends, there will be less chance of cruel comparisons because you will
feel no need to put others down in order to feel superior. And when you know
well who you are, and are comfortable with it, an honest interest in others
grows naturally. Instead of talking about how weird someone is behind their
back, you will more likely want to talk with and learn about them. It’s much
easier to make connections when you aren’t busy worrying about how to act or
what to say. As your personality percolates, you will almost always know!
What is it that makes a person pretty? What she looks like
plays a part of course, but what draws a person in is personality. What makes
people want to be with you is personality. So discover who you are, and percolate.
Unlike makeup and fashionable outfits, it never goes out of style. And it’s forever
“Knowing who you are
is confidence, not cockiness. Cockiness is pushing it down everyone’s throat.
Looks go; they fade. I don’t think looks matter.” ~Mila Kunis