Thursday, October 17, 2019

Autism Answer: The Work Of Making Better Memories

My least favorite memories are the ones where I was a jerk. 

So I remind myself, in those moments where I'm tempted to be impatient, unthoughtful, or unwilling to be inconvenienced, that the moment happens now but the memory remains. 

It's absolutely worth it, every time, to take a breath and encourage myself to be better, to take the time to see what I honestly think is my best move; my most useful and kind action (and, admittedly, that can be not helping someone or walking away, but it doesn't mean being cranky, mean, or unwilling to be uncomfortable or inconvenienced) and to do that. Regardless of what good excuse I may have for being lazy about doing what I think is the right thing. Too many times in my past I have hidden behind fear of being unliked, fear of backing the wrong horse, worry about looking naive or stupid, annoyance at feeling inconvenienced or too often needed, and with those as my excuses or reasons, I made memories I am stuck remembering. They are not memories I enjoy. 

It's always worth it to take the time to do what I think is actually the best kindest truest action. When I remember those choices, even later as I learn many of them were not kind or best, I don't dislike the memory because it is a memory of doing what I thought was right. 

Let's always try to do the work of giving ourselves better memories. The moment is important but fleeting. The memory stays and informs us as we tell the story of what kind of person we are. 

It's always worth it to do the work, to forgive ourselves when we didn't, and to get better and better at making sure we do.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)
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