When parents want to fix their child, or try to find a professional who can fix their child, they do not really mean they want someone to fix their child. To mend or repair them.
They mean they want things to be less hard for themselves and their child. They mean they want people to stop staring and judging them for behaviors or appearances. They mean they want to know what to do when they see their child hurting, screaming, behaving strangely. They mean they want to know what to do when traditional parenting tips, comments, and expectations seem unreachable or ridiculous.
That's not to say they don't want to help their child solve problems brought on by disability or dysfunction. They do. And they may say they want to fix their child.
I think they mean they want a future for themselves and their child that seems healthy, happy, successful, possible. They mean they want to know what that could look like and what to do to help it happen.
They mean they want to see their child without the interference of needing to fit that child into expectations that were built before the child was born. They want to see who their child is and who they can be, know they can help them overcome the hard stuff and find what works for them, know the world will have space for them to grow and carve out a life that suites them.
They mean they want to know what to do to make all of this happen and to not be too lost and overwhelmed and beaten up along the way.
That, I think, is what they mean when they say they want someone to fix their child. I don't think they are trying to call their child broken, exactly. I think they want to help them be the best version of themselves with the most amount of confidence and the greatest opportunities for independence or growth. And in many cases that means finding uncommon answers that ask for more than we're used to asking for. Answers that bring us to a place where we reevaluate so much we once took for granted.
When someone says they want to fix their child, I think it is because they want to reconstruct, renovate, and overhaul their situation, their child's situation, and reactions to them and their situation.
Whether or not we have children of our own at the moment, we can help make raising children easier on others. We can reconstruct, renovate, and overhaul the way we react and the expectations we have when spending time in public spaces.
We can fix the feeling of needing to fix things.
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
NOTE: Those of you raising or helping raise children, those of you hoping to have a little help knowing what to do, please visit the All Brains Grow website for access to that help. It is a beautiful place with beautiful ideas!
