Autism Answer: Acting - A Place For His Gifts/Challenges

Declyn / Kenickie

DECLYN: "Could you feel it? Could you feel Kenickie's sadness when Rizzo pushed him away? Was I showing the hurt?"

My son played the role of Kenickie in our local high school's production of Grease. It was amazing! My son was brilliant and so was the entire cast and crew.

ME: "Yes, Declyn, I could. You did great."

When he was younger his hyper-empathy made him afraid to be out in the world. He hugged my leg tight and felt all the feelings. Sometimes it would be wonderful for him, particularly since I was sensitive to his sensitivities so chose our outings carefully, and mostly joy and comfort would be felt. However, too often other people's feelings of hurt or fear would be taken on by him. And so he avoided crowds - playlands and birthday parties, and he built (with purpose) an exhausting persona he could wear to school. A place where the passions run wild; unpredictable and caged into an unnatural setting.

DECLYN: "I don't know, I think I can do better. I didn't fully feel it this time. Kenickie acts cool, but he's really hurt."

Over the years he (with only a tiny bit of guidance from me and the many other grown-ups in his world) has found ways to best handle and even take advantage of his hyper-empathy. Leadership roles help because he can take over and push his uplifting belief in everyone onto the group. Of course, he's a teenager so this is sometimes done in an unbalanced way, but the idea is sound.

ME: "Well, you know I'll be at all three performances so I'll let you know if we feel it different as an audience next time."

But the role of actor seems to suit him gorgeously! He can channel that hyper-empathy, examine it, wear it on stage, and then cast it off at the end of the show. Even though his empathy isn't easily cast off (or he would likely have learned to do that long ago) he can consider moments of overwhelming emotion shared from others as learnings, as research. As an actor, you do feel other's feelings. You feel them and you harness them and you show them. Then, you put them away.

DECLYN: "Thanks! It's not as challenging as it could have been. The girl playing Rizzo is good so it makes it easier for me."

Acting could be a dangerous thing for someone with his social challenge - a hyper-empathy mixed with a strong feeling of self-importance - but it can also be a brilliant place for exploring and channeling and using his passion wisely.

ME: "Ya, you have a great cast! It's fantastic to see how well you all work together. The way you help each other shine."

As a mom watching her youngest son sort out who he is and how to make the best of that, well, I'm overwhelmed with love, happiness, and gratitude to watch him choose to make acting brilliant for himself.

Also, I'm totally lucky to have been in the audience for Grease (three times!!) and can't wait for their next production!!

I hope with all of my heart that you and your loved ones are always able to discover ways to bring out the best in your gifts/challenges!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) www.tsarashelton.com / www.fourbrothersoneworld.com

Autism Answer: The Audition

Declyn, my youngest son.

 
My youngest son is no longer autistic. Sure, he still has some of the symptoms that he struggled with when he was young, just no longer to an overwhelming or disabling degree. 

The intense empathy and sensory issues that once ruled his moments and made the work of "passing" a consistent struggle are now simply almost comfortable quirks. Where he once avoided any situation with too many people and their emotions, he now chooses wisely. Where he once vomited all the time and without warning, he now listens to his gut (tee hee!) and rarely looses his lunch. At first he needed our help to find ways that he could "handle" these things, now they are just part of his human condition. Not disabling; alive and aware. He's wonderfully lucky to have an international autism expert, autism mom, and once upon a time autistic individual for a Dramma (aka Grandma)! 

Today my son has an audition. He'll be doing a monologue and singing a song on stage in front of peers and teachers in order to be judged. Sure, he's nervous. Heck, I'm overwhelmingly nervous! Mostly, though, he's excited and prepared. 

Boy, am I happy for him!!! Whether he gets accepted into the theater group or not, this is a beautiful big deal! Only a few years ago I watched him want to audition but spend all of his energy and ideas on instead coming up with reasons why he couldn't. I saw him backslide a bit into his sensory issues. I saw him struggle with regular teenager fears sprinkled with autistic flavoring. 

This year, though, he used the energy and ideas to prepare for the audition. I must admit, he's doing better than I was at his age. When I was sixteen I still used my story mind to avoid such situations. But then, it was easy for me. 

One of the things I've noticed with my autistic loved ones - brothers, sons, mom - is that they have had to figure out social cues and sensory tricks in more specific ways than me, and so they seem to be much smarter in these areas. They question what I don't question, and they take time to understand what I shrug and go along with. And so, when it comes time to go after what they want, they have a skill I avoided having for a long time. They ask the right questions of the world and themselves and decide to understand how to solve them.

I truly hope my son is accepted into the theater group today. But regardless, he's certainly won the role of AMAZING YOUNG MAN in the movie of LIFE!! 

Good luck and congratulations, Declyn!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 


UPDATE: He got into the theater group!! He sang Beth by Kiss, and here's a peek at him working on his monologue. A scene from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. Enjoy!