Even before I became a mother to boys, I was unexplainably curious about what it meant to be a good man. No, that's not quite right. I was curious about what it meant to try to be a good man, to contemplate it and to make choices in pursuit of it, to wrestle with those questions as boys becoming men.
I don't know why I was so interested in the quest for manhood. I was (and am) a girl. A girl who was (and is) quite happy being a girl. More than happy since my ultimate dream has always been to be a mom.
Eventually I become a mother. And as luck would have it, I am the mother of four boys. Boys who have (and still do) wrestle with the questions of manhood.
My interest in the subject of being a good man, and being good at being a man, obviously increased.
This book then, The Way of Men, hits that nail on the head.
That's
not to say I considered it the answer to my questions, but certainly it
explored the theme and explored it well.
In the preface the author, Jack Donovan, claims the book is his answer to the question: "What is masculinity?"
I think the book does a good job of examining that question. It is straight forward, thought provoking, ballsy, interesting, often funny, and powerful. It offered ideas I don't think I would have imagined on my own.
By stripping away much of the mess we make in creating civilization Jack Donovan boils things down to their basic elements; to the core of men and the nature of them. I appreciate that he doesn't stop there, though. He admits that he likes - believes in - an element of civilizing and ease of living. He believes in seeking a healthy balance, for the sake of men and masculinity. He explores civilizations and the dangers they often present to The Way of Men; he also offers suggestions and warns us of the harm in not making necessary shifts.
I like, too, that he separates the ideas of "Being a Good Man" and "Being Good at Being a Man". Throughout my life I have been curious about the plight of being a good man, but it hadn't occurred to me that being a good man and being good at being a man could be two different things. By looking at them separately, I felt invigorated and armed with a clearer way of understanding people.
The Way of Men came to several conclusions I for sure don't agree with (and a few I was devastated by) but it also laid out some well constructed concepts I think are important.
This isn't a book I'm compelled to run around recommending but I wouldn't avoid suggesting it either.
If it calls to you and you do read it, I recommend reading it with a willingness to consider the ideas presented without prejudice, while also remembering to examine them as ideas, not ultimate truths.
So much of this book is
of value. All of it is of interest and valid. And even though I strongly
want to push back on a fair bit of it I also can't deny the necessity
of considering it as a whole.
Part of me wishes I had read it
when my sons were still small, but part of me is glad I didn't. I'm not
confident that the me I was back then would have been aware of the
aspects I think need to be reconsidered, re-imagined, or simply thrown
out.
Of course, the me I am going to be several years from now will probably have such different things to think about everything, including this book.
Oh, life. How you unceasingly seem to evolve me.
Thank you for offering me literature that helps me influence that evolution. (Such is The Way of Reading).
