Autism Answer: A Book For The Leader You Are (willingly or not)

 

 

The Seven Senses of Leadership by Lynette Louise

 

You are in a Leadership position. Regardless of whether or not you've done this purposefully, you are. Not always, not everywhere maybe, but sometimes and in certain places, you are. I offer you my congratulations and my condolences, whichever you feel are warranted. ;D 

 

Now, obviously I can't help you get more or less Leadership responsibilities, but I can point you to a book that will help you always take on the role with purpose and even pride. This book will also help you choose your Leaders with deeper knowledge and intention. 

 

The Leadership we offer and the Leadership we choose is kind of a big deal, whether or not we decide to engage with it vigorously. The older I get (I'm finally 50!) the clearer it becomes that this stuff will not only affect me - whether I want it to or not - but it will affect my children, grandchildren (at the moment I have 5 of them!), great-grandchildren, etc. 

 

I'm not talking about political Leaders, but I'm not not talking about them either. They have so much power! But they are born out of and influenced by all the Leadership that surrounds us. Parents, educators, caregivers, friends, writers, creators, on and on and on. The way we step up, the choices we make as learners, purchasers, parents, teachers, content publishers, creators, voters, we are all in positions of power. 

Unfortunately the publishing company that originally released my mom's book The Seven Senses of Leadership has disappeared and the paperback is no longer available through them. 

 

Fortunately, my mom asked me to help her release the title as an eBook via Amazon Kindle - and though I confess the formatting is still less than stellar it is now available! 

 

The book is phenomenal. It is short, smart, compassionate, inclusive, and often times funny. If you are able, please read and review: The Seven Senses of Leadership: The Brain Broad's Guide to Leadership Sensibilities

 

 

"What you believe changes what you see. [...] If you want to control how you see the world, this is good news because you can do one of two things: You can change your physiology or you can change your psychology. Both are possible and either one will change the other." ~Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad"), The Seven Senses of Leadership

 

Additionally: My mom will be speaking again at the Annual Leadership Summit America in Albany, New York - March 20 - 21 2025. The summit features top-tier speakers and offers attendees the chance to network and grow their leadership skills in an immersive environment. Follow this link to learn more: Internationally Renowned Brain Expert Lynette Louise, The Brain Broad, to Speak at Leadership Summit America

 

Our world is wonderful. But it is made more wonderful when people Lead well. When people choose their Leaders well. When people are aware and purposeful in their Leadership relationships. 

 

Whether by reading the book, attending the summit, or both, there are excellent tools to reach for!

 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!! 

Tsara Shelton (X.com)

Auitsm Answer: A Person Is Not A Courtroom

Hand on hip

A Person often looks at someone disapprovingly, even angrily, and thinks, "For goodness sake! They should do these things instead...." and then they proceed to judge that person's actions, replacing them with several things their own life and experiences and physiology and psychology have given them to use as they go about their days and choose their own actions.

We don't all have the same opportunities or abilities or experiences or support groups. The separation of our stories is - though always built on foundations with sameness, and always fluttering within and alongside each other - dangerous to disregard.

Our beliefs and actions stem from the story of our lives and the raw material we have to work with. And so we can fairly think: "I would probably do these things instead, if it was me in that situation." Although, even that thought experiment is imperfect. The truth is, if it was us in that situation, we would likely be surprised by our own feelings and knee-jerk reactions, which would maybe not match those of the person we are watching but would also quite possibly not match the ones we imagine we would have.

Hence, I suggest we remind ourselves to allow interest in the actions of others but rein in the judgments. They build barricades that keep us from truly connecting and learning from each other, and more often than not they are unkind. But even seemingly kind judgments swiftly made get in the way of actually connecting. They label the way we hear and see a person, editing it all to fit our assumption. Hence, even a kind judgment can play an unkind role.

So I think we are all-around better off keeping our judgments to a minimum.

(Think of how long a court case generally lasts, how much work it takes to bring so much evidence and possibilities to a judge or jury who then spends much time considering and reaching into history for precedence and conversing and then choosing a judgment that is rarely unanimous. A Person is not a courtroom. So we should not consider our job that of judging, but even when we do - and sometimes we are in a position to make a judgment on a person in our lives - lets at least take the kind of time expected of a judge. Though, since we are not a courtroom, I believe it is also okay to be less unbiased and take on a role of defending what is best for ourselves. We are our own client.)

Just a thought I was thinking on a Monday morning.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

"Forming opinions is a balancing act. We've got to consider the opinions of others - they help us gather information from diverse origins - while not falling into the easy habit of merely agreeing or disagreeing. Forming opinions is a balancing act and requires using our muscles." ~Tsara Shelton, author of Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself, Oxford Comma Advocate, and Careful Former of Opinions.

Autism Answer: Highlighting My Favorite International Woman This International Women's Day!

This International Women's Day I'm highlighting my favorite international woman!

Dr. Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad) (aka my mom!) is the single mom of eight (six adopted, four with cognitive dysfunctions) an inspirational comedian and singer/songwriter, a brain & behavior expert, an award-winning author, an international autism show host (FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD, on The Autism Channel

Me and my sister and a couple of her kids.

and Vimeo On Demand) a grandma, great-grandma, and family addict. (Seriously, my mom, my sister, and I have a family addiction issue. It just feels soooooooo goooooood to be together!)

The bravest, strongest, biggest hearted women I know are my mom and my sister. 

My mom: Against all odds (abuse, her own autism, single parenting, children adopted from abuse and with their own disabilities, prejudice, and more) my mom raised us all with a firm belief in, and expectation of, our potential. And - despite what our society kept saying via film, magazine covers, classroom rules, expected etiquette and "normal" behavior,  and well meaning but dangerously cruel professionals -  we all couldn't help but believe mom's belief in us. It was just so darn real and insistent! 

My sister: She grew and worked in ways unlike my mom but always with that same brave, ferocious love for her children. A love that she uses as a compass in all her decision making, regardless of how uncommon the path or how strong she'll have to be to travel it. If she believes it's best for her babes she heads straight for it. Period. 

My mom again: My sister knows it's possible to do the impossible for your children because that was exampled consistently and creatively for us all our lives. My mom never let the world or the status quo define who we were or who we could be. Sure, that most often meant making difficult choices and working against the grain. It meant constantly and tirelessly teaching teachers and neighbors how to love and respect her brood. Something that just seemed so darn obvious to her yet was one of the more common problems. But mom knew we were worth it. She believed in us so hard that we couldn't help but believe in

From my mom's international docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE

ourselves. 

CONFESSION: Sometimes I wished she'd stop believing in me so much because choosing my own destiny seemed like a lot of responsiblitiy. tee hee! 

So I'm highlighting a wonderful international woman this International Women's Day. She's only one of the many worth celebrating, but she's the one I have been most influenced and supported by. This is the reason we need to celebrate and encourage women. Because of the influence and inspiration and support they offer to others. Not just other women, but the world.

You gotta admit. The world can always benefit from a woman's touch! 

Happy International Woman's Day!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Family photo from our younger years. :D

I encourage you to visit my mom's websites to learn more about her awesome-ness and how she is helping families around the globe! www.lynettelouise.com / www.brainbody.net 

Autism Answer: Alibi (Video/Song)

I wrote another song. Weird, right? I mean, I'm not a songwriter. But I am a writer so I suppose songs happening isn't that unbelievable. :D

This one was inspired by the #MeToo movement. Quite different from my last song (Sexy Daydreams, My Life Is Awesome) which was inspired by me loving and celebrating every little thing about my life. Yet also quite the same since it was inspired by my life.

Anyway, here is a video of me singing it. 

And here are the lyrics:

Alibi 
written by Tsara Shelton

I was sleeping
when he came in
he was touching
I was frightened

Why do I cry
when it's not my
crime, I am my own
alibi

I was drinking
he was driving
lying, trying 
to keep me quiet

Why do I cry
when it's not my
crime, I am my own
alibi

He was kindly
saying "no, please"
I was pushing
hardly listening

Why do I cry
when it is my
crime, I am my own
alibi

They were growing
I am teaching
wanting, needing
to do this right

Why do I cry
when it is my
crime, I am my own 
alibi

Why do I cry
while I do try
to stop this crime
I'm my alibi

My own
alibi

# # #

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: When Leadership Is Thrust Upon You, Learn

Me graduating kindergarten

"Tsara is thoughtful and quiet. I enjoyed having her in my class." ~Elementary School Teachers

I am naturally nervous with attention from people I have been taught, or I have chosen to learn, to consider more-than-my-equal. And so I quickly learned to stay quiet, be polite, and do as asked around adults or people with some sort of authority, real or imagined. That is why teachers always loved having me in their class. Until they didn't. Because I could only keep up the kind, quiet, do what they say with no questions asked charade for so long. 

Eventually (in my early teens) I felt a growing understanding that what I wanted and who I was mattered equally to what they wanted and who they were. But I was at a loss at how to make this shift. So I became moody and withdrawn (around adults and teachers that is, I was quite an obnoxious flirt with my friends!) until I became gone. Skipping class was my M.O. 

I tell you this only to help you understand just how improbable it always was that I would step into any leadership role. 

But as the oldest sister of a wildly weird rag-tag bunch of kids, labels of the professional kind and of the thrown-at-you-by uncomfortable peers and nosy inconvenienced neighbors kind, I found myself slowly (and reluctantly) advocating, explaining, and exampling the need for understanding, kindness, and expectations. 

In other words, I became a leader. 

My story, of course, is not unique or unfamiliar. Some people (like my mom) are born with a clear vision of how they want the world to behave and jump up on the nearest soap-box to preach, teach, and even beg. But many of us are more comfortable in an audience; in almost any audience at first. 

As we grow to know ourselves better we begin to be purposeful when choosing in what audience we are comfortable being. But still, audience. I am an assistant at heart but I have learned to assist only those I believe in assisting; those that help me connect with myself and my desire to play a purposeful role in the world. 

But as simple as this sounds, choosing a leader or choosing a group or choosing a team, and choosing well, takes skill. In point of fact, it takes Leadership skill. 

And so I learned to be a better leader. I learned and I continue to learn. 

As parents, friends, activists, advocates, siblings, and teachers, I hope you also learn and continue to learn. 

 “A Natural Leader naturally knows how to build herself using the world around her and the raw material of her personage. A Learned Leader learns to do the same. In the end, you can’t tell one from the other. So learn.” ~Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad)

 
LET'S ALWAYS REMEMBER: 

As advocates, we need to hone and refine and enhance our Leadership skills. 

As I mentioned, many of us have had the work of "advocate" thrust upon us because of our passion, love, and view of things that comes from a different perspective. 

Admittedly, large portions of us (example: me) are uncomfortable or unsure in a leadership role. Though, we do our best. We speak or write or attend meetings or example and explain for our neighbors - and we hope that we are having an effect.

With this in mind I am obligated and excited to tell you about an upcoming event, back by popular demand!
 
Please, I encourage you, I encourage us, to take advantage (if possible) of the upcoming Annual Leadership Summit - Albany (Nov. 2-3) and, more specifically, of Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad) who is one of the renowned speakers for the event. 

And even more specifically, attend her cost-free "after party" where she'll host a gathering of folks interested in mental health and/or brain science, especially as it relates to Leadership, parenting, teaching, activism, and advocacy.

Share this with your friends, groups, and networks! 

Better yet, attend this with your friends, groups, and networks!

Lynette is only one of the fabulous speakers who are presenting at the event. Don't miss out!

More info and links here: Recognize, Choose, and Become Better Leaders with Lessons from The Brain Broad

As advocates and team builders for our children, as educators and teachers for other people's children, as parents and siblings in our home, Leadership skills - particularly when taught by a special needs team builder, educator, teacher, and parent - are always necessary and valuable. 

Plus, the event is healthy fun!

 “Ideas don’t grow simply because they have been planted. They must fall on fertile soil.”~Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad)

Take steps to be sure your brain-soil is fertalized for the healthiest ideas! 


Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

 P.S: I understand that attending an event can be overly challenging or even impossible. Sometimes an event comes along that we know, we know, we must do all we can to make happen. (Like the time I took my sons to see Mariana's Trench in Dallas, TX and so we ate cheap off-brand noodles every day for a month, or the time I went to New York for a Publicity Summit and I could only eat what was offered free in hotel lobbies the entire trip.) Those are the things we do and we never regret. 

But when an event comes along and we know we want to go, and we know it would be good for us, but we also know that it's not quite exactly worth the sacrifices or challenges at the time, we let it go. I get it. I do that, too.

So, here's the next best thing! If the Annual Leadership Summit America - Albany, NY isn't going to happen for you, no worries! Use that same Leadership skill (the one that determined this was not the event you would attend) to purchase Lynette's Leadership book! It's filled with fabulous, insightful, surprising, actionable, and weirdly exciting Leadership Lessons! Follow this link for more about the book: http://www.lynettelouise.com/book/

And if you are attending the event, bring a copy of the book with you! Lynette can sign it if you'd like, plus it will give you a head-start on learning Leadership skills that you can then build on. You're such a clever leader for thinking of that! ;D

Autism Answer: The Best Source For Your Story Is You

I am happiest and most effective in everything I do when I trim my news time down to less than an hour a day. IMPORTANT: LESS than an hour a day. 

Local, global, sports, niche (autism, environment, race relations, etc.) news explored via trusted and solutions minded sources for LESS than an hour a day is my sweet spot. 

I feel aware, awake, and educated while I also feel happy, able, and action oriented. 

My suggestion, friends, is to find your sweet spot! Don't avoid the news entirely (good journalists - and activists - put their lives on the line to bring us truth) but also make it a rule to barely acknowledge the viral "news" (almost always click bait, propaganda, and lazy lies that are guaranteed to poke at your animal brain and make you share - this includes a whole host of overly simplified "feel good" stories that play irresponsibly with pity language at the expense of entire people and populations). 

Do your best to find a news source that brings you news highlighting solutions; ideally, highlighting already in action solutions while offering ideas for more. News sources that highlight solutions will still bring you the "bad" news, so don't worry about being fooled into complacency. In fact, they tend to fuel you into action by helping you know what works, explaining what doesn't and why, and giving you an understanding that you are not alone, and that you can make a difference.

Most importantly, though, spend more time with your own observations and loved ones that with those being brought to you by others. 

Our autism community is filled with tons and tons of issues we disagree on. Language, therapies, vaccines, and more. Yet, we are seekers of solutions that come from an intense place of love. When we spend more time seeking our solutions based on our observations, and some time seeking solutions based on the experiences and expertise out in the world, we tend to be happier and more effective. 

So, let's always do that! Learn from those out there doing the work of investigating and sharing what they know. Use it as a reference for YOU, you who are also doing the work and investigating. You are the best source for your story, your solutions, and your news.

Be a consistent, strong, and willing source for your story. 
The first and last source; every day. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: YOU Are A Leader (Whether Or Not You Want To Be)

Friends, we are Leaders. Whether we have the desire to be in Leadership roles or not, we are. This is true of everyone some of the time, but for folks like us, folks who live with autism (whether as autistic individuals ourselves or as friends, professionals, and family members) we're in unique positions to Lead and Teach.

And when we're not Leading, we are Following. We're choosing who to learn from and what Path to Success matches most our hopes, dreams, and beliefs. Choosing effective and thoughtful Leaders is a skill. A skill that we can learn; ideally, from several successful and thoughtful Leaders!

I encourage you to take advantage of this FREE Virtual Leadership Summit. (Completely free, no sign ins or sign ups.) Presented by Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad 39 Leaders, from diverse backgrounds and places on their Success Path, are interviewed and asked the same three questions. Successful business owners, actors, comedians, image consultants, lawyers, inspirational speakers, beauty experts, music makers; the list is impressive!  

 The Brain Broad Presents: Seeking the Leadership Path

While all of the answers to the questions are different; similarities and consistencies reveal themselves. There is soooooo much value in this series! Personal stories (some exclusively told here!) and concrete tips come together to paint a picture of Leadership that is clear; though it will mean something slightly different for each viewer. 

I look forward to learning what the strongest take-aways are for you! 

HEADS UP MOBILE USERS: So, the web page looks pretty funny on your phone at first. It appears as a long string of letters hanging down, slowly growing smaller. Almost like a DNA strand! Go ahead and scroll down or, this works for most phones, turn your phone to the side until you see the video and a user friendly list of individual speakers.

ADVANCED Leadership Invitation: If you are seeking to understand and use your Leadership role to it's fullest I encourage you to attend the Leadership Summit - Albany in November. It's a two- day conference committed to helping people establish, grow and develop greater visions and values in their leadership. The speakers (and even many of the high profile attendees!) will be providing a unique blend of vision, inspiration, practical skills and strategies that can be immediately applied in your career, Leadership and life. The Albany Leadership Summit will take place November 10-11, 2016 at the Desmond Hotel in Albany, New York. Check it out, show your friends, and register before the seats are sold out! INSIDER TIP: If you can gather a group of four or more my mom, Lynette Louise, The Brain Broad, may be able to get you a group rate. Let us know if you're interested! 
EMAIL: tsarashelton [at] yahoo [dot] com. Put "Leadership Group Rate" in the subject line.
Leadership Summit - Albany  <---- Use that link, friends!

I've always felt more like an "accidental leader" because my natural inclination is to be the assistant, the helper, the friend who pitches in. And because of this I've learned to choose my Leaders well (after a few embarrassing and even dangerous mistakes in my youth!). Yet, as a mom, friend, writer, and autism sibling, I find myself in potentially powerful Leadership roles often. Luckily, my mom is an innately gifted Leader and so I learned from the best. Even so, reading her new book The Seven Senses of Leadership highlighted for me a few new concepts which I implemented right away. And then, when I was certain there couldn't possibly be more to learn, I watched the FREE Virtual Leadership Summit.... and, wow! I was reminded just how healthy and helpful it is to learn similar things over and over, from different stories and different styles. I felt renewed and powerful once again!

Both of my roles, as Leader and Helper, are more powerful and intentional. 

All of our roles matter. It's smarter and more fun to play out or roles to the best of our abilities and with our own unique style! 

I hope you'll check out the Virtual Summit (completely FREE, no sign in or sign ups), the new book, and/or the Leadership Summit in Albany!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Autism Answer: Choosing A Leader

It's voting season in the USA, leadership choosing season here in The States. 

I have a permanent resident card and love my life here in the United States. I cannot vote, so I tend to engage in the election seasons a little bit differently. 

I write articles, I debate concepts, I have fun conversations with my sons. 
For example:

Shay: Do you think I'm a democrat or a republican?

Me: Oh, honey! I suggest you never label yourself that way. It's one of the problems with the system, because once you choose a "team" you start gathering proof of why you're on the winning or right one, rather than truly listening to and considering issues. 

Shay: That makes sense. 

So, I don't call myself a supporter of anyone or any specific party, though I'm not unwilling to notice the party or candidate who approaches issues in a way I like. 

I do think it's smart to take a moment, alone, away from the influence of friends, family, and media, to know what you believe and what kind of leader you want. 

Here is an example of the kind of leaders I like to choose in my life: 

-----> Compromise but not Concede or Give Up on Issues
It's important to me that there is a willingness to compromise while knowing the value of holding strong to the core important values. When there seems to be no possible way to find a common ground or to agree on how to solve a problem, a leader keeps their eye on the core important piece and refuses to let go, though they can find ways to compromise on how it all happens. (I'm married, I'm a mom, so I know this can be done! It's exhausting and takes a lot of soul searching, but it's worth it!)

-----> Engaging Everyone To Participate
A leader isn't alone and isn't the boss of us. They are our visionary and hard working expert. They consistently remind us that we are responsible for voicing our wants and for exploring our talents and passions. We are responsible for discovering how we can help and for checking in with ourselves to see if we are still in agreement with the group. 

-----> Evolve on Issues but Rarely Have To
A leader is a visionary. They see deeper into the system and aren't easily swayed by it. They have a unique understanding of what's going on beneath the surface and what they KNOW to be right. In this way, they are consistent and strong in their beliefs. My favorite leaders fight for equality and fairness when it isn't "cool" because they know the value of it. They know it so well that they are willing to be laughed at, scorned, or considered crazy because that hurts less (though it hurts) than walking away from their core values and vision. 

-----> Keep The Big Picture On Display
Too easily we get distracted by the petty details and wander off into a tangled mess of seemingly important debates. I like a leader who keeps the big picture on display, who reminds us what we're working to create. I've lived long enough and made enough of my dreams come true to know the value of this. Every single time I've had a clear vision of what I wanted, I've gotten it. Despite all of the distractions that came along to busy me, all I ever had to do was remember that picture. When I get there, it always looks a little bit different than I imagined but it's unmistakably my dream come true. A leader, I believe, should continue to paint that picture for us and encourage us to do the same for ourselves. 

These are a few of the things I look for in a leader. I myself do not possess all of these qualities, and that's okay. We can't all be leaders! (Although we all are, for ourselves and at different times in our lives for others. However, some of us are leaders at the core while others are followers. Both roles are equally important and we are happiest when we take on our roles with purpose, passion, and open minds!) 

As I've shared with you often it was my mom, Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad, who led me to believe in myself, in the possibility of equality for my autistic brothers, in the value of working toward a world who would accept and appreciate absolutely every type of living being. And it was me who chose to allow that leading. 

I suggest with all of my heart that you take some time to define what kind of leader you want. Whether you will be voting, writing, debating, calling your local politician, spending your money with purpose, speaking at an event, chatting at the dinner table, some of the above or all of the above, I suggest we always take the time to evaluate and reevaluate our leaders. 

[And for those of you unsure I enthusiastically encourage you to read (when it becomes available) my mom's upcoming book: The Seven Senses of Leadership: The Brain Broad's Guide to Leadership Sensibilities. The book is filled with fabulous insights, actions, and ideas for all of us! I promise to let you know when it has been published, some time in the next few months. Here's a link to my mom's book page so you can check out all of the books she's already published, including books she's contributed to, in the meantime.]

So, though I can't vote, I do. With my words, my money, my conversations, and with a willingness to know what I want, shift what I want, and believe in a leader who will work with me to help us have it. 

Be sure to choose a leader who believes in you as much as you believe in them, friends!

The relationship is a symbiotic one. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Choose a leader who encourages you to explore along the way, but also reminds you to keep going.