Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Autism Answer: Upon My Death

My flight to California was seriously delayed due to mechanical issues with the plane, and then my connecting flight was delayed for the same reason. And then there was a whole lot of turbulence during the flight, so I wrote a letter to my loved ones in case I died.

Turns out, I didn't die! But, it also turns out that my life and my loved ones are so darned awesome that it's okay if I do die. I love knowing that!

So, if ever I die, this letter is for You.

* * *

Dear You, 

I guess we'll be having coffee and conversation differently now. Knowing us, we'll find a way that'll be funny and uniquely ours! There's something, though, that I want to tell you now. 

I’m not at all scared. 

I’m in awe, amazed, confident, and curious, mostly. Sure, I’m also sad. I will miss you in the deepest way something vital can be missed. Something necessary and worth the possibility of losing. But we’ve missed each other before and though I was sad then, we also discovered important gifts in the absence. We learned and lived things we couldn’t have otherwise learned or lived, because our separation was part of what we were learning from. So I’m sad, but I’m comfortable with that. 

Interestingly, I’m not scared. Not at all.

For me, everything of utmost importance has been done. There is so much I still want to do, so much I still want to experience and create. But everything that I needed to do, all the things that I had decided were the markers of who I had to be, have been done. And you have loved me in the active way that offers hints I did them well. Thank you!

You have the tools, talent, courage, and awareness to live your life well and to live it your way; I know that completely. You’ve proven it over and over and I’ve had the honor of learning from you. You’ll do ever more amazing and unique things in the coming moments. I’m excited to watch from the other dimension! 

I’m curious, too. 

We’re so valuable to and supportive of each other. It’s given us strength and insight. I know it will be lasting, but I don’t know what it will look like now that I’m elsewhere. My imagination can create so many possibilities! I’m curious to see what your imagination and actions create.  

But I’m not scared. Not at all.

I’m surprised. I’ve never feared dying, but, as you know, I’ve often feared being gone from you. I felt a need to show you more, give you more, appreciate you more. Yet I now know that we’ve given more already. And it’s wonderful! What a stellar and wonderful life of abundance!! More has been a delicious and nourishing gift but, like dessert, it’s not necessary. 

Because of this, I’m not scared. Not even a little. 

I’m aware and unworried. I know we still have hurdles, vulnerabilities, and fears. I know we were going to do so much work together; creating and cultivating and expanding our souls. But I’m unworried because of the work we've already done and the supportive web we’ve weaved. Look around us!! The pool of abilities and support is deep! We are part of that and always will be. 

We’ve been invited into everything that gives us happiness and we’ve accepted.

I’m not at all scared. 

I’m amazed, grateful, curious, enlightened and deeply loved. And, yes, I’m a little bit sad. 

But I’m not scared. Not at all.

Thank you for that!


xoxo / Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)