Autism Answer: Inspire Yourself To Greatness - A Review of Book and Self

"A wish is a whisper that guides you." ~Me #quote #InspireYourself
(Prompt was on pg. 21 of Inspire Yourself To Greatness by Dr. Lynette Louise) 
 
A Few Quick Disclaimers: The author of the book is Dr. Lynette Louise, aka The Brain Broad, aka My mom. So I'm inclined to love the book. Also, I'm inclined to be nervous about the book the way family members are when reading the candid stuff we write. But mainly, I'm inclined to love the book.

In addition, I have already read the book through its many phases as a beta-reader. So although this is my first time reading the book in paperback form, I have experienced it along the way.

Okay, now, let me tell you what I'm learning about me and this book (I am only on page 37 in my paperback copy).

_____________________________________________________

 The newly released book Inspire Yourself To Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World by Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad") is a brain-based book, it is an inspirational book, it is a beliefs and ideas book, it is a guide and friend, and it is a reflection of its reader. 

As I was graced with the gift of being along for the book's growing-up and creation, I immediately felt the book engage and inspire me. However, I also intuitively knew (though at the time I wasn't sure what it was I knew) that in order for the book to give all its power to me, I would need to participate. I was impatient for my own copy, one I could write in, like I have been impatient for no other. 

And I was right! 

The author begins by asking (nearly demanding!) that we examine our definitions, and that we write down our definition of "GREATNESS" in order to decide for ourselves who and what we are intending to grow into as we interact with the book. I almost didn't do it. Despite my desire to write in the book I had no idea what my definition of "GREATNESS" was and thought I'd wait till maybe something in the book inspired me to have an idea. But, wait! The title is "Inspire Yourself" and so, I did! I scratched out a thought. 

It wasn't something I felt strongly, or something entirely important to me, but it was something. And, indeed, as I read on, it grew to have more meaning. 

Only a few pages later, with new information and understanding of how our beliefs and definitions affect our DNA, our environment, our world - we are asked to define GREATNESS again. And, friends! I did! And this time it was similar, but different. I felt more aware of the ME I was hoping to enhance and become. 

I can say with absolute certainty that the author of the book would not have suggested or written the definitions that I chose. Heck, I'm not even sure the author (or you, my dear clever friend) would have a clue what I meant with the definitions I chose! But I can say for certain, that is the point. That is what this book does. It gives information, it offers intelligent, thoughtful, non-judgemental perspectives that reveal potentially unseen paths, and it tells us useful biological information that makes us better at this job of becoming "GREAT". But we are the ones to inspire and choose for ourselves. How we want this book to work, who we want this book to help us become, what successes we will create from its lessons, and how it will change our world. 

Dude!!! This feels so much like more than a book!! 

Now, as I mentioned, I'm only on page 37 in my paperback copy. But I have already learned a few important things about myself. The most surprising is this: I want to grow great! I had no idea! That may seem strange but I have always had an uncomfortable relationship with wanting. Even as a little girl I feared wanting because I was ultimately afraid that (as is portrayed in so many movies, shows, and books) wanting would lead to loosing what I had. And I have, for most of my life, truly loved what I had.

Now that I am in my 40s, I am even happier with what I have! The older I get the happier I am with myself, my life, my circumstances. And so it surprised me to find myself, well, wanting. Wanting to inspire myself to greatness. 

And this brings us back around to the brilliant format and writing of the book. Because the reason I was able to learn about my wanting to grow great, was the way in which I was invited (strongly invited, tee hee!) to define what that means to me, and for me, and as me. 

This is a snippet from the back of the book: "A belief in humanity's ability to discover their own gifts drives this book while a desire to share knowledge fuels it. Lynette Louise presents strategies and perspectives that enable a view of the possible, beyond what readers may have imagined alone. Presented as a team project this engaging book is an opportunity to participate with Lynette in a unique journey of self-discovery that ends in the achievement of greatness." 

Yes. That's what this book is. But now that I am participating the way it was intended I can also say, that's what this book does. 

 
One of the things I love about my mom's books and articles: They are inherently inclusive. Because our family is overflowing with diversity and her work takes her around the world into people's homes, she thinks, writes, learns, and teaches with an inclusive nature. Everyone is considered and represented. So if you are thinking, "Yes, yes, another self-help book for everyone else. Another book that speaks to common folks struggling with common issues, but not people on the outskirts, not me, an outlier," well, you'd be wrong. This book not only includes you, and is for you while it is also for the common folks, it also invites us all to know and understand each other. 

Also, it's not really a "self-help" book, I don't think. Although, admittedly, I've never read one. If it is and this is what they are, well then I've been missing out! :D 

At the top of this post I quoted myself and linked to the tweet where I publicly shared my quote, along with the hashtag #InspireYourself. (BTW: If you share thoughts on social media with the #InspireYourself they will likely get shared by the author!) On page 21 of the book we are asked to define "wish" for ourselves. And though that is what it is, a definition for ourselves, we are also encouraged to share some of our quotes and ideas. The truth is, we will change the world whether we share or not, but sharing is one of many ways we can interact with intention and confidence. So I chose to share that. My defintions of greatness I am keeping to myself. They are mine and they are me. But I am also sharing them, because, as I said, they are me, and I am in this world. 

From page 29: "It is important to note as you change your brain, you also change the world we live in because you interact with us. 

You are more relevant than you realize." 


If you are interested in growing great with me, however you define it, I invite you to let this book be your guide. 

Now, I'm headed off to bed with my book and a pen!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

The book is available in paperback on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca

Autism Answer: A Lovely World With A Dash Of Yucky

Dear Friends,

When we simply say things like, "these terrible times" or "in this cruel world" or "amidst all these horrors" or any other shrugged off assumption about living in a mainly hurtful world, we are solidifying and creating a story for ourselves and our loved ones about living in a hurtful world. 

Sure, we generally do this as a way to introduce something lovely, and in this way make our lovely story stand out while at the same time trying to sympathize and connect with people that struggle. We share memes and stories and say, "take a moment to enjoy this lovely thing since we are living in a yucky world," as a way to highlight the lovely by also highlighting the yucky. Contrast, I know, is valuable. And it's easy to do when we lazily refer to the world as horrible and our story as lovely. But the truth is, we're creating terrible horrors while we highlight them. We're making them bigger, we're replaying them, we're teaching our children to assume them as a given, and we're making a big mistake. 

The world has yucky in it, true. It's a dangerous and cruel idea to pretend it doesn't. But the world is actually mostly lovely. That is true. Seriously, it's true. Although it becomes slowly less true as we try to make lovely the exception. Yet, persistently, lovely remains more.

Look around with honest eyes, friends! Lovely isn't the exception, it's the rule! Over and over and over and over again I am greeted by, bumped into by, shined on and comforted by lovely. The yucky happens, and I figure out how to deal with it in the most lovely way, and then I'm surrounded by mostly lovely again! Sure, I can look specifically for the terrible world, hurtful policies, dangerous stories and see how much of it there is. Admittedly, sometimes I do that. And still, even though the ugly is very ugly, and there is much of it, there is still more lovely than yucky.

I honestly believe that if we shifted and introduced our stories from a place of assuming wonderful and seeing the hurtful as anomalies, we'd create less of it. We'd accept less of it. We'd teach our children that life is lovely although yucky happens. And that we must be willing to work at finding lovely ways to address - and change - those cruel and yucky things.

Our histories are filled with stories of tension, hurt, love, progress, reframing, renaming, growth, death, flexibility, and strength. Lovely and Yucky. While we tell the stories we create both our past and our future. So let's simply say, "in this exciting time of reframing" or "in this wild and weird world" or "amidst these clashing stories of strength," or any other fun introduction that doesn't presume we live in a time and place of mostly cruel horrors. Because, actually, we don't.

We live in an exciting time of reframing in this wild and weird world amidst clashing stories of strength, I think. A lovely place where there are some cruel and yucky things we need to address.

 
Let's take advantage of our storytelling power to shape it with intention, love, and an assumption of mostly lovely!

Yours Always,
~Tsara

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

 

Autism Answer: The Best Source For Your Story Is You

I am happiest and most effective in everything I do when I trim my news time down to less than an hour a day. IMPORTANT: LESS than an hour a day. 

Local, global, sports, niche (autism, environment, race relations, etc.) news explored via trusted and solutions minded sources for LESS than an hour a day is my sweet spot. 

I feel aware, awake, and educated while I also feel happy, able, and action oriented. 

My suggestion, friends, is to find your sweet spot! Don't avoid the news entirely (good journalists - and activists - put their lives on the line to bring us truth) but also make it a rule to barely acknowledge the viral "news" (almost always click bait, propaganda, and lazy lies that are guaranteed to poke at your animal brain and make you share - this includes a whole host of overly simplified "feel good" stories that play irresponsibly with pity language at the expense of entire people and populations). 

Do your best to find a news source that brings you news highlighting solutions; ideally, highlighting already in action solutions while offering ideas for more. News sources that highlight solutions will still bring you the "bad" news, so don't worry about being fooled into complacency. In fact, they tend to fuel you into action by helping you know what works, explaining what doesn't and why, and giving you an understanding that you are not alone, and that you can make a difference.

Most importantly, though, spend more time with your own observations and loved ones that with those being brought to you by others. 

Our autism community is filled with tons and tons of issues we disagree on. Language, therapies, vaccines, and more. Yet, we are seekers of solutions that come from an intense place of love. When we spend more time seeking our solutions based on our observations, and some time seeking solutions based on the experiences and expertise out in the world, we tend to be happier and more effective. 

So, let's always do that! Learn from those out there doing the work of investigating and sharing what they know. Use it as a reference for YOU, you who are also doing the work and investigating. You are the best source for your story, your solutions, and your news.

Be a consistent, strong, and willing source for your story. 
The first and last source; every day. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Innovative and Tireless - Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad

FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD airs on The Autism Channel

"Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD is Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback and is working on her PhD in Psychology with a specialty in Psychophysiology at Saybrook University~her passion for teaching what she learns, and learning while she teaches, is unmatched." <---- I pulled that from the Brain and Body website.

Innovative and tireless, Lynette uncovers actionable answers that help every family, every time, and she shares her knowledge using every avenue available to us. Music, speaking, docu-series, comedy, books, and articles. 

I asked her yesterday how it is that she maintains such a consistent level of excellence and success. "By taking my own advice. By using my own methods." she easily replied.

Well. That's the answer of a true leader! 

I would have totally droned on and on about her experiences and gifts and unique brain and deep love of challenged children blah, blah, blah. I would have been telling truths, but I wouldn't have been answering the question. That's why Lynette (aka my mom!) is forever my mentor; a mentor that I work hard to share with the world. I might even use a little peer pressure to get you to listen to her. Sorry about that. I'm not quite as gifted a leader as she is. tee hee! 

You'd better visit her websites to learn more, you'd better watch some of her videos, or I'm not inviting you to my birthday party. <----- See what I mean? Peer pressure. Downright bullying, maybe. Giggle!

Okay, okay: I encourage you to visit her websites. I eagerly invite you to read her books, share her podcasts, watch her shows, listen to her inspirational comedy. She truly does give and give and give. Stories, ideas, understanding, inspirational revelations, and brain science. 

Her gifts are gorgeous!!! www.brainbody.net / www.lynettelouise.com
 
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)  

Autism Answer: Light My Fire

"Look it up on YouTube," mom suggested, tossing another useless match onto the pile of kindling. 

While my youngest sons grabbed their phones and searched "How do you light a match without the striker" I laughed at myself for having been so overly confident about this skill to begin with. In my own defense, who wouldn't assume that they - a competent grownup - could certainly find a way to light a match, even if it wasn't a "strike anywhere" match, and even if you were without a striker? I suppose I should have gotten a clue when the young State Park employee had been so apologetic about offering me only the matches. But I was a bit busy acting overly confident to compensate for the ridiculous camping mistake of arriving without matches to begin with. I'm not a newbie camper, so I knew better. But it had been a long time since my last camping trip, so I forgot what I knew.

So here we were, watching YouTube videos and trying tricks that weren't working for us; our first morning at the campsite and we were without a fire for coffee. Not okay!

"I'll head over to that RV over there and see if they won't mind lending us a lighter," I offered. Sure, it's been a while since I've gone camping but that doesn't mean I don't remember that one of the greatest joys is meeting new people. So, borrowing a lighter could be a conversation starter as well as a fire starter! (These are the things I tell myself as I justify my forgetfulness. In truth, I'm not much of a conversationalist before my morning coffee. tee hee!)

Well it turns out Jan and Gary, our neighboring campsite couple, were volunteering at the state park. And Jan was more than happy to lend me a lighter. Indeed, she was so friendly and open that even without coffee coursing through my veins we chatted. I learned that she and her husband were living in the RV, and were able to stay onsite free of charge by volunteering as Camp Hosts in the park. Well, I'll be!

"What a brilliant way to live! You know, I have plans to live in my car when all of my sons have moved out," I told her, peeking over at our campsite to see my family still struggling to start a fire. "I'll keep that in mind, volunteering at State Parks in order to have a place to stay. These are the sorts of things I haven't really worked out yet."

"Oh, ya," she added, "I was living in a tiny house when I met my husband. Now that we're retired we're living in our home on wheels. We registered our cars in South Dakota, we have our PO Box there, too...."

"Wait! So, you figured that stuff out too?!" I was amazed! So far all I had done was imagine myself and my computer driving or sleeping or writing in my car, and then showing up at different family members homes for coffee and chat time. Oh, and showers!

Jan told me quite a bit more about how to turn the dream into a reality, adding that she has a blog, Tiny House Times, where she shares a bit about the journey she and her husband are on. Not only that, but she offered me a pamphlet from Your Best Address in South Dakota that had all the info I needed to live on the road while keeping a legitimate address. (My mom, my brothers, my boys and I had lived in an RV for a year, traveling the country and loving life, but we thought we'd have to "finagle" paperwork and legitimacy if we were to live on the road much longer.)

I learned all this, and I still hadn't had coffee!!

I thanked Jan for the lighter and again for the info, truly appreciating her unique ability to let me see what my future could be. I gotta say, it looks kind and happy. And absolutely possible!

With a bounce in my step, one that is generally reserved for after my morning coffee, I excitedly joined my family, borrowed lighter in hand.

While my boys built the fire and my mom prepared the coffee for perking, I told them about Jan and Gary. As we waited for the coffee to darken deliciously I imagined my future again. Living in my car, writing my stories, visiting my family. But now it felt entirely possible and not even overly weird. Lots of people do it! Lots of people live on the road!

Later on that same day I took a quick trip to the nearest store, breathing in the Vermont views and fresh air while imagining my future. My sons pointed out vista and gazed off into themselves in awe, talking about their own futures as well. We knew, this trip was changing us. Well, no. Bringing us more to ourselves. Giving us to us.

We grabbed some simple foods and my son bought himself some Vermont maple syrup. 

And I made sure to pick up a few packages of matches.

Back at the campsite we built a fire, this time using our own tools. 

I soon headed back to the Camp Host site and chatted a bit more with Jan. Gary was there too, so I had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with him a bit as well. I could feel the pull of my family though, wanting to spend as much time as possible with them in this nourishing environment. So I returned the lighter and I thanked her. 

As evening fell and I walked back to my mom, my brother, and my sons, I silently thanked Jan for lighting my fire. Now, though, it was in my hands.

Now, I would light my own fire.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!! 

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

A view in Vermont.

Autism Answer: Home Is Where I AM (aka Story Five)

*My last blog post was a collection of Story Snapshots from my recent trip to California. I love all my snapshot stories, of course, but the one I wrote and called "Story Five" is probably the most useful for others. Although it's about me and my feelings, it's also a Universal and common story, so I decided to publish it as a stand alone. I hope you enjoy the read and recognize some of the feelings! Huge hugs!! ~Tsara

Story Five: 

My first flight to California was seriously delayed and by the time we were able to board I was already late for my connecting flight. Landing in Salt Lake City, Utah, a group of us were given hotel vouchers and cute little overnight packs with toothpaste, toothbrush, razor and much needed (in my case) deodorant. 

At first I tried to find a new flight so that I could get to my sister and her girls sooner. I made phone calls and checked flight availability. In the end, though, I went to the hotel with a lively and fun group of strangers. We bantered and I told a story about getting pulled over for rocking out too hard in my car, insisting that the police officer really just wanted to get a peek at my adorable children. I don't know why I told that story, it's a lie. A friend of mine was pulled over for rocking out too hard in her car, not me. Oh, well. Strangers are a fun way to discover these things about ourselves. I remember thinking that if I said it was my friend someone might challenge the validity of the story and truly, I just wanted the story to be a vehicle to bring up how adorable my sons are, I was uninterested in a discussion of the story's likelihood as a destination. 

Anyway, as we got to the hotel and climbing out of the van I was delighted to discover snow surrounding us! My heart soared and I craved the company of my children. They would love to see the snow! Breathing in the crisp night air I suddenly felt young. My teen years were spent in Toronto, Ontario, walking and busing many winter nights to comedy clubs and coffee shops. Smoking cigarette's and singing to myself. Lordy, that was long ago! 

We headed carefully up the steps into the hotel lobby.

One of my fellow travelers pulled out a guitar and played quietly as we took turns handing in our vouchers and discussing our temporarily stalled travel plans. I thought of how many times I'd stayed with my sister and my nieces in hotels that were as nice as this one. When left to me and my pocket book I'm inclined to sleep in the car or grab a terrifically cheap motel. Not my sister. She and her family have always stayed in venues with coffee shops and fancy lobbies and rooms that offer expensive extras. I missed my sister.

I climbed the stairs to my room and entered, alone and exhausted. The room was too large for only me and so I dropped my sweater and bag and purse in different places, trying to make it look full. There was a fireplace that turned on with a switch. I turned it on and missed my sons again. They would get a kick out of that! I was oddly happy to be alone and missing all of my loved ones. Walking over to the window I peeked out at the snow again and heard it call to me. Leaving my sweater tossed on the back of a chair I picked up the room key and headed out. 

The night air tickled my arms and chilled my lungs. I spun in a circle and looked out at the city, not entirely blanketed in white but boasting a comfortable amount of snow. It looked used to it. 

My soul was excited, young, old, alone, lonely, complete, overjoyed, and lost. In short: deliciously overwhelmed! 

I had a moment of clarity. I missed my family. All of them, everywhere. Everyone is growing wings and choosing their own trajectories, taking flight and choosing different winds. I find it easy to encourage them, after all, I can't wait to learn from the things they do and the places they go! Yet my own home feels like it's getting smaller and insignificant. If home is where the heart is, and my heart is where my family is, where do I go? Where is my home? 

Looking down at my feet in the snow and embracing the deliciously overwhelmed feeling completely, I knew my truth. Home is where I am. I am home when I am authentic and comfortably me. When I embrace my strength and my vulnerability and explore my possibilities. 

Oh, friends!
There's no place like home!
Hugs, smiles, and love!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Upon My Death

My flight to California was seriously delayed due to mechanical issues with the plane, and then my connecting flight was delayed for the same reason. And then there was a whole lot of turbulence during the flight, so I wrote a letter to my loved ones in case I died.

Turns out, I didn't die! But, it also turns out that my life and my loved ones are so darned awesome that it's okay if I do die. I love knowing that!

So, if ever I die, this letter is for You.
* * *

Dear You, 

I guess we'll be having coffee and conversation differently now. Knowing us, we'll find a way that'll be funny and uniquely ours! There's something, though, that I want to tell you now. 

I’m not at all scared. 

I’m in awe, amazed, confident, and curious, mostly. Sure, I’m also sad. I will miss you in the deepest way something vital can be missed. Something necessary and worth the possibility of losing. But we’ve missed each other before and though I was sad then, we also discovered important gifts in the absence. We learned and lived things we couldn’t have otherwise learned or lived, because our separation was part of what we were learning from. So I’m sad, but I’m comfortable with that. 

Interestingly, I’m not scared. Not at all.

For me, everything of utmost importance has been done. There is so much I still want to do, so much I still want to experience and create. But everything that I needed to do, all the things that I had decided were the markers of who I had to be, have been done. And you have loved me in the active way that offers hints I did them well. Thank you!

You have the tools, talent, courage, and awareness to live your life well and to live it your way; I know that completely. You’ve proven it over and over and I’ve had the honor of learning from you. You’ll do ever more amazing and unique things in the coming moments. I’m excited to watch from the other dimension! 

I’m curious, too. 

We’re so valuable to and supportive of each other. It’s given us strength and insight. I know it will be lasting, but I don’t know what it will look like now that I’m elsewhere. My imagination can create so many possibilities! I’m curious to see what your imagination and actions create.  

But I’m not scared. Not at all.

I’m surprised. I’ve never feared dying, but, as you know, I’ve often feared being gone from you. I felt a need to show you more, give you more, appreciate you more. Yet I now know that we’ve given more already. And it’s wonderful! What a stellar and wonderful life of abundance!! More has been a delicious and nourishing gift but, like dessert, it’s not necessary. 

Because of this, I’m not scared. Not even a little. 

I’m aware and unworried. I know we still have hurdles, vulnerabilities, and fears. I know we were going to do so much work together; creating and cultivating and expanding our souls. But I’m unworried because of the work we've already done and the supportive web we’ve weaved. Look around us!! The pool of abilities and support is deep! We are part of that and always will be. 

We’ve been invited into everything that gives us happiness and we’ve accepted.

I’m not at all scared. 

I’m amazed, grateful, curious, enlightened and deeply loved. And, yes, I’m a little bit sad. 

But I’m not scared. Not at all.

Thank you for that!

Love,

~Me

xoxo

www.tsarashelton.com / Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: We Choose Each Other

My son when he was still dealing with Irlen, sensory issues, and seizures.

My nineteen year old son just phoned me here in Texas from his bed in California. The sound of sleep was heavy on his words and, while I sipped my first cup of coffee for the day, it made me feel closer to him. 

He was calling so early because he had woke from a bad dream and wanted to talk it out with me; shed that feeling and start the day fresh. 

We chatted, we considered the dream, we chatted longer and made giggle worthy jokes. Not quite awake enough or in the right head space for guffaws or boisterous laughter, we giggled, and he felt ready to start the day fresh. He chose me and I was able to help.

When my son was small, dealing with Irlen Sydrome and seizures and sensory issues, often dealing with it by being startlingly rude and self-centered, I loved him and believed in him and looked consistently for the paths he could take to grow happier and healthier in order to point out those paths to him. I never believed I could make him healthy or happy, but I always knew that I could help him find his best path toward it.

You know what?
I believe he has.
I believe he has found those paths. 

And I love that it includes phoning me when he's struggling with feelings. Good and bad. 

Let's believe in all of our loved ones, friends! No matter what their obstacles are, they do have the ability to overcome or re-purpose them. As my sons grow older and move farther away I see that truth consistently. 

And I'm given an unexpected gift. One that is so important to me. They don't need me anymore, but they choose me. Often!

We choose each other! 

If I spent too much time trying to be the one who makes them happy or makes them healthy or makes them, well, anything, we wouldn't have the space to choose each other and to grow authentically. I would have been far too busy trying "fix" their lives or brains or issues and they would have been far too busy pushing away from me or thinking they needed me. 

It was one of the hardest things I learned when my sons were small, that I can't get inside their heads and make them love themselves and learn skills and be happy. But once I accepted it and took on the role of curious guide, our lives--though still challenging and with moments of monumental emotional pain--became clearly our own. 

And we choose each other. Not in every moment, not for every need, but for the ones where we have built a story that includes each other. 

While my son told me his dream we both felt surrounded by the past and teased by potential futures. We both felt the fear that comes with change and the uncertainty that comes with caring about people so so much. We didn't have to say many words because we've lived this story together his whole life. I listened entirely, knowing that his dreamland is his own--a place where he figures stuff out and it's unrelated to me, even though I will forever play a role. 

Let's remember to build stories that include each other without thinking we have the responsibility of deciding what kind of story a loved one should live. When we let go and become curious guides, they will always surprise us. 

And sometimes, they'll also choose us! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Me and my son (Tyran) now!

Autism Answer: Cool Clothes and Following Passions - His Idea Of Success

Declyn

 
Declyn: I can't wait to go to my high school reunion. 

Me: Dude, you haven't even graduated yet. Slow down! 

Declyn: I know but it's going to be so fun seeing my friends and showing off how successful we are. I'll have cool clothes and a nice house. I'll probably be famous. 

Me: (trying not to sound too "parent-y") You know that none of the things you just mentioned equal success, right?

Declyn: (trying not to sound too condescending) Of course. I know that and you know that, but society doesn't. I'm not going to ignore my idea of success, I'm going to go after all the things I want to do and I'm passionate about. I just know that it's the cool clothes and nice house and fame most people are going to notice. 

Me: Okay, sure, but you can't focus on what society wants from you. That's not healthy. Anyway, maybe society will shift by then. Maybe....

Declyn: (laughing) Not gonna happen! And I can't pretend society's idea of success isn't important. It is! The way I get treated and the way my family gets treated will be affected by it. So, I'm going to care mostly about my idea of success but I'm not going to pretend not to care about theirs. 

Me: You're almost too smart for your own good, kiddo!

Declyn: It's probably because of the autism. Probably because of all those years trying to figure myself and the world out. Everything seems to be falling into place right now. I know it'll get confusing and hard again while I try to make all my dreams happen, but I also know I can do it. Mostly because of the autism. Now, don't say anything else. I don't want to talk about important stuff anymore. 

Having teenagers is the craziest, scariest, wildest ride! They are people you love so darn much you'd do anything to make them happy, strong, popular, adored, healthy, rich, proud, humble, etc, etc, etc. And yet they remind you over and over and over again, it's all up to them. 

You can't do it for them. 

They must. 
They will. 

And although most days it feels like they may not be able to do it, like they're focusing on all the wrong things and trying too hard to please a group of teenager friends who are also focusing on all the wrong things, there are moments like this. Moments where they show you that they have a handle on this whole actively and purposefully maturing thing. 

It's amazing!
My sons are amazing!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

My darling Declyn. www.fourbrothersoneworld.com