Autism Answer: My Sustainable Halloween Tip - Use What You Have And Discuss Disabilities

 

Pictured: My youngest brother, Rye, holding my second oldest son, Tyran. Halloween, 1996

Firstly, I encourage you to read the article I wrote several years ago for Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad") that includes incredibly valuable and important tips here: Halloween: The Holiday Made for Autism (With These Important Tips)


Secondly, a reporter was asking for a sustainable Halloween tip the other day. Well, as you know, I'm totally into sustainability. It's groovy, man! Not only is it groovy, it will help us stay alive and not live harmful, cruel lives in the meantime. 

So, I'd love to share my tip with you as well! Because I want us to stay alive and not live harmful, cruel lives in the meantime.

My Sustainable Halloween Tip: 

Use what you have. Play dress-up rather than buying a costume. This is not only sustainable, but fun! Also, if you or your children have a disability or sensitivity, Halloween is an annual opportunity to dress-up and introduce yourself to the neighbors with your challenges in mind. Explain why you always wear the noise-canceling headphones that you cleverly included in your costume (or equally cleverly, kept incongruent to your costume), or ask for help reaching the inaccessible door while discussing how it affects your daily life, or share a story about a unique issue you have due to lack of sight or hearing. Sustainability is about making choices that can be sustained. Hence, not purchasing a costume but rather using what already is, as well as bringing your unique issues and needs out into the world on a day when doorknocking and chit-chatting is expected and encouraged, addresses sustainability both for the environment and for our culture.

My Sustainable Halloween Example: 

 
Pictured: My sister, one of my brothers (Dar), and me, dressed as a gypsy, pirate, and homeless drunk respectively, Halloween 1987ish. 

Everything we are wearing was found in mom's closet or around the house. My brother, Dar, wasn't expected to say "Trick-or-Treat" but mom did encourage him to walk up to each door, hold out his pillowcase, and offer some sort of nod or gesture of appreciation for each piece of candy. Every year Dar got more comfortable with the tradition and neighbors learned to be more comfortable with us. Dar is over 30 years old now and sometimes goes out on Halloween with his nieces and nephews and other times stays home to hand out candy. Again, it is a fantastic time of year to introduce himself and his differences to folks while feeling fun and a little less conspicuous than usual.


Sustainability matters. Taking advantage of opportunities to be sustainable with purpose and inclusion is powerful. I highly recommend it!

Have a fun, safe, sustainable, inclusive, informative, and spooky Halloween, friends!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)
 

Autism Answer: I'm Not Afraid Of Kevin Reese (The Ghost At My Door)

Author's Note: In celebration of Halloween I thought it would be fun to share this true ghost story and what I learned from my long ago ghostly midnight visitor. Happy Halloween friends!

_______________________________________________ 

I was twelve years old, asleep in my basement bedroom. I loved it down there because as the helpful oldest daughter in a family of eight, I had been offered the basement bedroom as proof of my maturity. Everyone else slept upstairs while I had freedom and privacy alone beneath them. However, on this particular autumn night I was unexpectedly wide awake. It was barely past midnight and I had a feeling I'd heard the doorbell ring. I wasn't afraid. I knew my strong, protective step-dad would take care of the midnight visitor appropriately. But lying there I didn't hear the familiar movement of family above. Strange. And then again, I heard the doorbell ring. 

I'm not a brave person, and I'm not a strongly intuitive person, but that night somehow I knew the visitor wanted to see me and that I had no reason to be afraid. Quietly I tip toed barefoot out of my room and up the wooden steps which led to the front door of our home.

I'll admit, I looked around uncomfortably for a moment. Not afraid so much as aware of the strangeness in the situation. I stood alone on the landing, breathing the cool air and listening for sounds of family, and for any sounds from outside of the door. When I heard nothing I raised my twelve year old self up on my toes to peek out of the peep hole. Who I saw standing there didn't make any sense. 

Kevin Reese was in juvenile prison. Also, he and I weren't really friends; we'd only had that one night several months before chatting on the swing-set at our local park. Sure, we'd really connected and talked openly about deep, important and intimate things. Sure, it felt different and dangerous. Back home my best friend was phoning my mom and pleading with her to save me from the bad boy, Kevin Reese. But he wasn't bad. He was scared and defensive. He was new to our school and, his reputation preceding him, pushing boundaries and people smaller than him in order to not disappoint us, mimicking the pushing he received at home. After that night on the swings he didn't change, and we didn't then hang out or anything, but I wasn't afraid of him and he was respectful of me. Now, though, he was in juvenile prison. So how could he also be looking at me, relaxed and almost relieved, through my peephole? 

I didn't answer the door. Somehow, I knew he didn't need me to. His look, even with the weird warping of the peephole, told me what he'd come to say. I ventured back down to my room and fell quickly to sleep. 

The next morning at school was pandemonium. Whispers and gossip and tears. A car full of teenagers had escaped the juvenile prison the morning before, had been involved in a high speed car chase and crashed. Everyone, including Kevin Reese, had died. 

Everyone, including Kevin Reese.

I was in a state of shock, not unlike my peers. Making my way down the halls of our high school, one of Kevin's friends--a girl who had her own bad girl reputation--motioned to me, inviting me to follow her into the girl’s bathroom.

We found ourselves alone in a stall. I noticed that, despite her acne and scowl, she was extremely pretty. I found myself comparing our similar underneath-it-all physical appearance. "Kevin talked about you often, you know," she was telling me with uncharacteristic softness. "You didn't judge him, you didn't point and talk about him, and you weren't afraid of him. Actually," she added, "I was sometimes jealous because he'd say you were the only person who really understood him." I was nodding quietly, confused and honored and lost in questions. I mumbled my appreciation to her, knowing that it was a risk for her to be seen talking sweetly to me, indeed to be seen talking sweetly at all. I wasn't the only one who went out of my way to get to know people drastically different than me.

Kevin Reese had come to my house that night, a ghost that was relaxed and relieved. I believe he wanted me to know, went out of his way to let me know, that he was okay. I didn't waste much time grieving the life he lived, instead I wondered often about the value of authentic kindnesses shared with strangers and silent friends. Kevin Reese claimed that I had given him a gift the night we hung out on the swings at the park, but he and his pretty friend had given me a much bigger gift by going out of their way to see me. Even when it was dangerous or impossible. Even when Kevin was dead.

I have been both the giver and the receiver of similar such authentic and random kindnesses over the years. It's been both life changing and easy. 

It's been easy,

because I'm not afraid of Kevin Reese. 

At The Window by Shay Shelton

Author's Second Note: I truly hope you enjoyed my ghostly true tale! I do, of course, realize that my story is lacking in specific Halloween and Autism or Parenting tips. Not to worry! My mom, international expert Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad, has this for you, HALLOWEEN: The Holiday Made For Autism (With These Important Tips). Also, a few years ago I had the honor of sharing my tips for enjoying Halloween while spending little to no money. Feel free to check that out HERE. 

Hugs, smiles, and..... BOO! Gotacha! 

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Moods, Moods, Everywhere! (or I Was A Bad Mom For Halloween)

I had a fun Halloween night planned. Grabbing some Halloween colored cookies, and even a small bag of candy, I figured it could be me and my boys and scary movies all evening!

Declyn and Shay are pretty old for trick-or-treating, and Declyn never did like it anyway. However, after we ate supper Shay announced that he'd like to dress up and go out and enjoy the fun of door to door candy collecting.

I was very inconsistent with my reaction. On the one hand, I celebrate celebrations, and question social expectations... so of course he could go! I love the fun of going through clothes and picking out a character for him to play, I love watching him dress up and play a part. He decided on 'a business man who was shot on his way into work, but didn't know he was dead'. I helped him put together a costume, and kept complimenting his creativity. But also...

I kept asking, "Are you sure you want to go? Are you comfortable with people bugging you about your age? Don't you want to stay at the house and watch scary movies?" The truth was, I didn't want to go. Also, I did worry about how people would react to this big fifteen year old trick-or-treating with his mom.

By the time we actually left the house, Shay was confused about his own mood regarding the Halloween tradition. I wanted to erase my mistake, to pretend I hadn't tried to manipulate his choice by planting seeds of discomfort, but I just couldn't. I knew what I'd done, and so did my adorably different and usually comfortable with it son.

On our way into town (we live in the middle of nowhere and it's a short drive to get to the candy doling houses) the breaks on my van started making funny sounds and kind of slipping. Even my van was feeling moody!

So Shay and I decided against the trick-or-treating. He had a shower instead, and we settled in to watch a funny (rather than scary) movie. We wanted to change our mood with fun rather than spook.

I genuinely apologized and Shay accepted. Declyn, Shay and I enjoyed some big laughs, a bunch of cookies, and they snuggled me on the couch for a bit while we told scary stories with silly endings.
Turns out, we had a fantastic Halloween! Transitioning from taking my four little costumed boys out in search of candy, to hanging with my older boys and celebrating their way, is apparently something I'm a bit moody about!

But together, we're figuring it out! One holiday at a time!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers

Autism Answer: Making Halloween Awesome for Autism!

Spooky and wild. Scary and different. Often seen as a pretty big challenge for those on the autism spectrum, Halloween can also be an excellent opportunity for playfully fun learning’s!! 

Global autism expert, speaker/performer, author and—most importantly my mom—Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD offers some simple and surprising tips that will help your family, with or without autistic children, get the most out of this boo-tiful opportunity! Here are a few fun tips, unmasked: 

Imagination Appreciation: It’s often said that autistic kids have no imagination. Yet one won’t sleep without her clock pillow and another wants only to line up his trains and dinosaurs. What do we ‘imagine’ they are thinking? Halloween is a night for exploring and discovering who they want to be and what that looks like to them. With make-up and masks comes a chance to shape imagination. Teaching appropriate imaginative play is lurking…

Awareness in your Neighborhood: One of the ‘scary’ truths about autism is that often families avoid outings and teaching opportunities due to a lack of awareness and understanding in the world outside autism spectrum disorder. Halloween is an excellent time to introduce your quirky selves to the—let’s face it—curious neighbors. Autism awareness in your neighborhood can offer safety and friendship. The neighbors probably aren’t as scary as you think… and neither are you!

Social Skills: Whether your child is verbal, non-verbal, echolalic or only interested in calendar dates, door to door small talk (or if your child is more comfortable, handing out candy to visiting ghouls) is a once in a year opportunity to teach spooky social skills without too much pressure. Involved in parallel play there is no need for sophisticated interaction. Also, there is the immediate reward of candy!

RE: Candy and its negative effect on our kids, esp. those on a special diet. Lynette suggests that with a little creativity families can find fun ways to deal with this very real issue, but the bottom line is that experience and teaching opportunities very often outweigh the negative side effects of an evening with gluten and sugar.

You know your own children’s challenges and strengths. With these simple tips you can take advantage of this spooky night (and the days leading up to it) with intention and the important skill of fun learning! Together you and your family can take a step toward taking the "scary" out of autism! 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Hugs, smiles and love!!!!!

A Halloween Photo!
Two of my boys, two of my nieces
and my dad!

Autism Answer: Spend Money for Halloween? No Thanks!

I am the mother of four boys. They are all teenagers now, but when they were small we rarely spent money on Halloween. We had a heck of a lot of fun, but spent no real amount of money. Here's how we did it!

FOR COSTUMES: We always had so much fun going through closets and our dress-up bin! Using our imaginations we would take clothes we already owned and invent characters (once my son was a pushy business man, another time my other son was Prince Charming dressed in civilian clothes, and yet another I used white pants, white shirt and toilet paper to create a ghost etc) and use markers for makeup or found Halloween makeup kits for a dollar. Other moms could likely use their own vanity bags. I just happen not to own any make-up myself. Also, we've always had a few costumes that one of us had bought at thrift stores and clearance bins during the off season. My boys have always loved dress-up, regardless of the season! So Yugioh and Power Rangers and Ninja outfits could always be invented as well.

FOR CANDY: This isn't applicable to us because our home is deep in the woods, we never have trick-or-treaters! It's too scary out here for even the bravest Ninja Turtle!!

FOR DECORATIONS: I always used the stuff my boys made at school, and then--again!--we would use our imaginations to turn stuff from around the house into something spooky. We used a black dress, fallen branches and a stuffed animal to make a scary monster one year. I think the pumpkin was the only thing I ever actually spent money on! It doesn't hurt that our house is spooky already, hiding deep in the woods, wild and unmanicured!

THE ATTITUDE: When handling Halloween I would focus most on the fun and take advantage of the yearly social skills teaching! Two of my sons had autism symptoms, including a need for social practice. For one son there was teaching him how to ask only one or two questions at each door, and to try and keep the questions on topic. My younger son had to be encouraged to walk up and willingly meet a new person and practice eye contact... all with the immediate reward of candy! And, of course, all four of my boys had the yearly opportunity to meet neighbors and learn how to handle a sugar high!

With the focus being on all of the fun learning opportunities, spending money was easier to avoid.

At least, it was for me!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

~I wrote this in answer to a reporter's query about saving money at Halloween and thought it would be fun to share here with my fabulous friends!! Hugs!!!~

My oldest son getting a marker made mustache!
At every house he'd be asked,"Who are you supposed to be?"
He had all kinds of fun answers! A homeless man. A retired plumber.
A cowboy who lost his hat... it was fun!!
And FREE!

Autism Answer: BREAK: "At night, I feel like a vampire"~ Three Days Grace

Authors Note: Sometimes, just for fun, I write blog posts on the Three Days Grace website. I take one of their song titles, and write something about my life that matches! On Halloween last year, I wrote this one!

It was Christmas, and I had saved up enough money to buy all four of my boys their very own MP3 players. Not iPods, but we are a family of torn jeans and hand me down shoes, so I was feeling proud! My youngest son was nine years old at the time, and the only song I had managed to download onto his player was BREAK, by Three Days Grace. Without a doubt, his favorite song, so he was happy!

That Christmas morning I watched him don his headphones and sing with passion and strength that one song, over and over. I couldn't help but marvel at how intuitive he was to relate so intensely with that song!

My youngest son showed symptoms of autism at a very early age. The sensory sensitivity, the social challenges as well as lack of eye contact. By the time he was nine he was able to handle his challenges rather well, but they were certainly still there. I used to send forms to his school explaining that he may throw-up if he saw something 'ugly'. He was always Mr. Popularity, but with great effort and only because without actively being a friend, he would feel afraid and disappear into himself. So he was a very active friend, but it exhausted him! 

I know that while listening and singing along to that particular song, my baby boy could express that feeling of wanting to just break away, to stop working so hard at being a friend and just relax; comfortably being himself. When he sang the lyrics, "If you can't stand, the way this place is," he got a little bit louder, and I couldn't help but wonder if he imagined this place as his autism or the neuro-typical world he was trying to live comfortably in.

That was a few years ago, and he has come a long way! He still struggles, but far less. He's still Mr. Popularity, but with more comfort. And he still loves BREAK by Three Days Grace, but in a more fun and inclusive way!

So when I asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween the other day and he shrugged, I suggested a vampire and sang (to his great embarrassment!) 'At night, I feel like a vampire...."

My son just looked at me and said,"Maybe I'll just carry my costume and trick or treat as a kid who's tired of pretending to be something he's not. Do you think they'd still give me candy?"

They'd better kiddo!! They'd better!!

Happy Halloween!!!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

My youngest son (the one making a heart on my dad's chest!)
with his brother and cousins: Halloween 2008

My dad has since passed away. Miss ya dad!