Autism Answer: The Power Of Sharing What We Know

Author's Note: Pope Francis is visiting America (where I live) this week. My mom is not Pope Francis. Yet the thrill of him reminds me of the thrill of her. They speak to love, they are drawn to the disabled, they want to touch the hearts and souls and bodies of all people so that those people will recognize the power of their own bodies, hearts, and souls. The Power Of Sharing What We Know is indeed real; but we must do our part to honor what is shared by doing the work of learning it. 
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Because my mom is Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad I sometimes get to go to events that I otherwise would never be invited to, or even be aware of. And often I'm introduced to whole industries that are beautiful with their meaning but filled with brilliant well intentioned people who are making the mistake of being stuck in a system and unaware of the harm they are causing when they throw people who don't fit in that system aside. 

Always I'm reminded why people like my mom are not only beautifully kind but also infinitely important!

BRPT Symposium gathered professionals in the sleep field from around the country.

The symposium on sleep in Dallas, TX was eye opening and inspiring for me. Mom understood the conundrum these professionals faced when trying to help people who have sleep problems but who aren't helped (and are often hurt) by the traditional methods. Rather than get creative or think outside the box, they toss them aside, justifying to themselves that the person is either too broken or noncompliant. Meanwhile, my mom offers simple seemingly counter-intuitive fixes, based in brain and behavior science, that can literally save lives and sanity. 

The audience was revived, excited, and a little bit intimidated. They would have to think different now. Most of them will think different now. It was beautiful to be a part of! Kudos to the event organizers who discover and invite speakers like The Brain Broad!

 

One of the things my mom stressed when she spoke at the sleep conference was the need to listen to the patient. The importance of trusting them to know themselves. When someone says they need to drink coffee, or turn on the TV, in order to sleep, then believe them. Trust them.

Apparently, this is a big concept. Apparently, professionals have a habit of assuming that the patient is wrong and that they can't possibly sleep better after drinking coffee, or when they turn on the TV. The entire room of sleep experts hung on her every word while she talked about the arousal model and different brains reacting differently to different things. As she implored these experts to believe that their patients have been self medicating with these habits, and to follow the clues rather than judge them, they nodded and breathed in sharply with understanding.

A beautiful and important reminder behind The Power of Sharing What We Know.

As I took my youngest son to school this morning he was chatting about a speech that he's going to make today in his public speaking class. He admitted to being nervous, hoped he'd do well, prided himself of choosing to be the first speaker today so he could get it done and let go of the anxiety sooner, shared candidly his desire to be excellent so that he can become a thought leader, all the while fidgeting with his tie. 

Again: I was reminded why people like my mom, and people like my son, are not only beautifully kind but also infinitely important!

Declyn and Dramma (aka The Brain Broad)

I mentioned the talk I'd seen my mom give at the sleep symposium, and told him how amazing and eye opening and thought provoking and fun it was. "Me and Dramma will probably travel doing speeches one day," he considered out-loud. "We know a lot of things that can help people." Then after he'd climbed out of the car and closed the door he looked directly at me through the open window adding, "But don't call it a 'talk'. It's much more than that. It's a "speech". Remember that!" Then he walked off, a little nervous and a little confident.

I drove away with a smile, sipping my coffee and thinking about talks vs speeches, the fun of labels, and the power of sharing what we know. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad speaking and sharing FIX IT IN FIVE with an audience of autism parents and professionals.

*Please visit my mom's websites to see if she'll be doing a "speech" near you or to invite her to "talk" at your event. tee hee!

www.lynettelouise.com
Direct Upcoming Performances link:
http://www.lynettelouise.com/performance-dates/
www.brainbody.net

Autism Answer: All Night Chat Fest with Friends

I spent all night sitting outside chatting with friends. These ladies live far away and the opportunity for this sudden all night chat fest was a surprise I almost didn't take advantage of.

Because I don't usually stay out all night I knew it would make my family feel weird. And also because I knew I'd be sleepy today I'd risk being cranky.

But because I'm comfortable with weird and okay with cranky, and so are my friends, the three of us stayed up all night!

Sitting outside at an undisclosed location (a friend's driveway) we started off reminiscing and updating each other on our families. As the night wore on we dug deeper, carefully introducing our fears and scars to each other in the moonlight, and offering each other soft friendly advice. The three of us answered our husbands' consistent calls of concern, all of them worried and confused at what we could still be gabbing about as the hours wore on. And as night turned to early morning, nocturnal sounds giving way to the morning shift, we kept chatting. Sharing the answers of the universe, the equation for world peace, and the truth of all existence. If our husbands only knew!!

Of course, we were far too giddy with fatigue to write all of it down. I'm pretty sure we can't remember all of the life shifting globally healing answers we discovered last night. And now that I think about it, perhaps it was the mix of moonlight and blurry eyed sleepiness that made us so sure of our profound existence. But boy, were we sure! 

One of the topics that we explored together was discovering ourselves now that our children are growing older. All of us women are moms, and we all have children with different mental health issues. We all, also, spent so many years identifying as "mom" that letting our children push away from us meant exploring who we were and who we wanted to be: as women.

And as we chatted, as women, we shared and touched on beautiful and surprising things. It was beautiful and surprising!

Finally, as the sun came up, babies stirred in their beds, and husbands began to fear for our sanity, we said our goodbyes and made promises to do it all again in a year or two.

We are tired today, and we all have work to do.

And it's wonderful!

I hope the universe conspires to offer you such delicious moments, friends! Surprise nuggets of delight that leave you sleepy and nourished and happy!

Remember, in the morning there's always coffee!!

Happy Monday, friends!!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Sipping coffee the morning after!

Autism Answer: Celebrate and Smile!

I woke up at 3:40 AM to the sound of Declyn and Shay laughing and playing a video game. They were working together trying to explore some unknown world, looking for some scroll or something. They were making middle of the night type jokes--you know, the ones that are only funny because of a drunk-like fatigue. Those jokes that when offered in the light of day fall flat and incorporate too many fart and penis references. Those ones.

At first I thought it was a dream, and I was happy. The sound of my sons laughing and enjoying each other remains my all time favorite sound. Even better than Three Days Grace live! After a few moments I realized that it was not a dream, and I became irrationally annoyed. What are they doing up at 3:40 AM??! How are they going to break the all night habit when school starts? Have they eaten all the food while I slept?? Boys will do that you know.

I stayed in bed for another minute, waiting for that annoyed feeling to go away. You see, I've been a mom long enough now to know that it will go away. And that we are all happier if I discuss any issue with my loved ones (husband, sons, brothers etc) if I just wait a moment.

~~One time, when my sons were small and a lot more work, I didn't wait for that annoyed feeling to go away and called them all "little shits." They've been taking advantage of that one for years!! Actually, it's become something of a family joke!~~

It didn't take long at all for me to no longer feel annoyed. Now that I'm good at waiting, I no longer feed my annoyance with proof of why I should be annoyed, but rather I starve it by reminding myself of just how many beautiful skills my sons are exercising while working together and joking (albeit, poorly!) at 3:40 AM.

Social skills, comedic timing, connection, cooperation, clarity of speech, and problem solving--not only regarding finding the scroll, but also working out what to quietly eat that won't be missed by mom in the morning!

Before I could get out of bed to ask my sons why they were still up, and to find out if they had been using my computer for anything... um... not appropriate.... Declyn came into the room where I was sleeping and asked,"Mom? Did we wake you up? Sorry, we're going to go to sleep now." And then he lied down beside me and passed out. And about an hour later, so did Shay!!!!

When I woke up this morning I was smiling and celebrating. Not only did the night end in a win for mom, getting snuggles from teen sons who just don't snuggle anymore, but it also ended in a win for my sons, who got to feel free and independent and in control of their own schedule.

My Point: There are always reasons to smile and celebrate. There are also always reasons to be annoyed and worried. Often, they can be the same reason.

When choosing what to do with a reason, don't be afraid to smile and celebrate! In the long run, the lessons and skills will still be yours to teach, but when we mostly smile and celebrate it's way more fun!!!

Happy Saturday friends!!!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers

Autism Answer: But What If You're Just So Tired?!

It is extremely common for autistic kids and adults to have difficulty sleeping. Melatonin (a supplement that helps us calm & sleep) is often part of bed-time ritual for homes of autism. But, still, very very often there is not nearly enough sleep, all around. And sometimes you are just so tired!! All the useful tips, actionable answers and caffeine in the world can't get you going!! What then??

There are lots of answers. Ask for a hand from your usual helpers, hole up in your room locking all the doors and pass out for an hour, regardless of to-do lists and your loved ones schedule or therapies. When my brothers were first adopted, my mom slept maybe one hour a day, and she only got that much sleep by laying on the floor in my brothers' bedroom, in-front of the door so that they couldn't escape, while allowing them to take apart the room. Including disassembling the odd bed! Getting sleep is often challenging, but do your best to find a way. In the meantime...

I would also like to add an important, less actionable but possibly wonderfully useful, suggestion! 

Pay attention to how overwhelming simple tasks seem. Notice how easily offended you are, how vulnerable to snapping and cranky responses. How easily confused and forgetful. You're not broken, stupid or unable... you are tired! 

Take advantage of this reminder to understand your loved one with autism for a second. He/She is not tired, they are autistic, (and possibly tired!) but the similarities ARE there. With a brain that is firing differently from those around them, they are easily overwhelmed and unable to perform or understand tasks that seem simple to you. And like when you're sleepy, you still often ask yourself to do it. But-- ideally!-- with understanding and patience.

So try to get some sleep, try to find a way, but when you don't... pay attention and take advantage of the possible connections!! 

Hugs, Smiles and Love!