Friday, April 24, 2020

Autism Answer: Gatherings and Inclusion In The Wake of COVID-19 (Dallas Pride Festival Date Change)



This article originally appeared at SexualDiversity.org

Gatherings have long played an important role for people in society. 


Yet, for some, they are more urgent and necessary than others. 


For many people in the LGBTQ community, a Pride Festival or parade, a drag show, or other similar events are the first or only place they feel accepted and included. 
Declyn being crowned Miss. Homegirl 2017 as Pa'Jama


I live in a small town not too far from Dallas, TX. My youngest son and I planned on attending the Dallas Pride Festival (perhaps volunteering as well) this year, for our first time. 


However, as with most events in the wake of COVID-19, for the health of our world the date has been rescheduled. Now, I personally approve of and appreciate this. However, I also wonder if the new date (July 25, 2020) will remain safe. And even so, what sorts of changes will be made to how we celebrate as a group.


And I confess, I do hope we make some long-lasting changes. 


It has long seemed unfortunate to me that we are aware of our contamination of each other yet we do little to make changes. We’re made to feel weak if we do not go to work sick, and we’re unlikely to get paid. We apologize when we ask to not shake hands, we make fun of folks who are overly cautious “germaphobes.” School days are counted and parents are threatened with visits from authorities if too many are missed, making staying home when sick or when we are aware of sickness in the school a dangerous option. We spread disease and viruses comfortably, even proudly. 


I believe it is healthy to get sick. And so there is no part of me that hopes we change so much after this pandemic we are frightened to touch, to reach out, to gather together. 


But, we can’t unsee what we’ve seen. And we can’t unlearn what we’ve learned. 


Well we can. But we shouldn’t unlearn it. 


If you will humor me, please step a little further into the idea of how we contaminate each other. 


It is often considered weak to listen and care about the difficulties and systemic challenges in the lives of people other than us. We are encouraged to be empathetic to a point, but when that empathy threatens to change us, change our minds, we are too often seen as weak and naïve. Easily swayed. Not strong in our convictions. 

This is dangerous. And we infect and contaminate and make each other sick with this attitude. 


Admittedly, there is a balance to be had. There is truth in not wanting to be easily talked out of your values or beliefs. But we must be willing to change them as well. It is necessary for a healthy society to continually adjust and find balance. Balance is something we continuously do, though sometimes it is clearer than other times when our balance is off. However, it is always something we are doing and should pay attention to. 


For many of us, gatherings and events, such as Pride Festivals, are nearly necessary for our mental health and happiness. But so is learning from experience (such as COVID) to make adjustments for the sake of our holistic health. 


Declyn
My son and I are looking forward to the Pride Festival in Dallas! And I expect it will not be like previous festivals, but will offer what previous festivals were there to celebrate: diversity, inclusion, and the LGBTQ culture. And that, my thoughtful reader, is our reason is for attending. 


Dallas Pride Festival in the Park – Saturday July 25, 2020 FAIR PARK


I encourage you to look up any new dates or plans for your local Pride Festivals and Events.

Friday, April 17, 2020

Autism Answer: The Brain Broad Talks about Lust - Helping Teenagers with Autism through Puberty and Beyond

The following article originally appeared on Disabled-World.com and SexualDiversity.org - both are excellent resources as well as fantastic places to submit your writing and releases. I added the "sister memory" part here for you, my personal blog readers. I know you kinda get me. :D






“I share this with you because I want you to understand the rest of the world doesn’t want to deal with this. So it’s up to caregivers, direct service providers, and parents. Come on, guys. Get comfortable.”

That is the line Dr. Lynette Louise, aka The Brain Broad, leaves us with in a recent video from her Autism ABCs series. It is in the video for the letter “L” which, she decides, stands for “Lust.” 

Dr. Lynette Louise is a renowned international brain change and behavior expert specializing in autism. And, importantly, she is also the single mother (in fact, she is my mother!) of eight now grown children. Six were adopted, and four landed on the autism spectrum. (Only one still retains the label.)

April is both Autism Awareness Month and Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. Because Dr. Lynette Louise is an expert in both, she always chooses to offer help and answers free during this time of the year. 

Considering global efforts to stay home or shelter in place, Lynette has been releasing one short video daily, in an Autism ABCs series to YouTube. Each day represented by a new letter in the English alphabet. 

“L” for lust is particularly timely. And incredibly valuable. 

“I like using the word lust in this category because most people don’t think of someone with autism, especially someone in a lower functioning situation, they don’t think of it so much as a sexual drive as a puberty problem,” she tells us. “But testosterone in boys, and in girls – when a girl is reaching her time for ovulation she doesn’t just have estrogen and progesterone, she also gets testosterone to increase her sexual drive – so sexual drive is a big subject here.”

It is challenging for most parents to teach their children about sex, about consent, about appropriate behavior. But when the person you are teaching has autism, or is otherwise uniquely challenged to learn social skills, understand their body, and/or has sensory issues, it is far more difficult. 

“You’re going to have to help them,” Lynette tells us, upfront and strong but with understanding.

After all, she not only helped all of her own children learn to understand and appropriately explore their sexual drive, but she also travels helping families globally. (Season two of her international docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE is largely about helping a young man and his single mom during this phase of life.)

“If you think of it as a sexual drive, a lust – lust for life but also, lust for sex - then maybe you can separate it out for them. Here’s an example. I say, ‘Yes, that’s a pillow. That feels great when you push your body against it. We all do it, though we do it differently. And we do it privately.’ And before I worry about the rest, I teach private time."

Lynette’s candor is refreshing, but also necessary. An example for those of us who will need to be candid as we teach this. 

Not only are disabled and cognitively challenged people at greater risk of being inappropriate sexually, which leads to misunderstanding and uncomfortable cruelties, but they are also at greater risk of being sexually abused. Particularly as they misunderstand and act out and seek sensory gratification during puberty.


Sister Memory: When a few of my brothers were going through puberty, and we were living on the road homeschooling in an RV as well as various resorts (yes, my life is awesome, thank you for noticing!) we were often squished into compact sleeping quarters. This is not conducive to an easy exploration of sex during puberty, even for the more neuro-typical among us. And for my brothers, well, it was equally challenging if not a bit stranger. Luckily, my mom had exampled and taught a comfortable, kind, strong style regarding this topic. She showed us how to have these important conversations. I won't pretend I was always actually comfortable (c'mon, I was saying things like, "You can't hump my back when we sleep but I will show you a place you can go for privacy because the desire you're having is natural," and, "it is not okay to take a picture of your erect penis and show it to people, although I see you are proud of it. Let me give you ideas for how you can be proud of your penis without hurting others or getting yourself in trouble." so, ya, I was a little awkward) but I was always certain that freaking out or being angry in my discomfort would not only hurt them but make all of our lives more challenging in the long run.  


Taking on the role of teaching your child or charge about what is happening to their body, how to be private as they explore their lust, and who they can safely communicate questions or curiosities with, is not only going to help them grow a healthy understanding of themselves and sex, but also helps them stay safe. They are more likely to avoid abuse or tell you when something is happening to them. 

“Think back,” Lynette encourages us toward the end of the video. “Puberty’s rough. Puberty with no assistance, no understanding of what to do with this feeling, and where it’s okay and where it isn’t okay, and who you can ask and who you can’t ask; puberty without that guidance is a train wreck. It’s a problem that’s going to grow so big you’ll end up maybe putting your child in a group home. When all you had to do is get comfortable with saying, ‘Hey, maybe he’s acting the way he’s acting because he’s horny.’ Or ‘Possibly, she’s acting the way she’s acting because she wants to connect with somebody. And connect her genitals.’ This is real. This is your job as parents and caregivers.”

Please watch this valuable video. And, more than that, please share it with others. 

The truth is, this wouldn’t be nearly as hard for us to do and be comfortable with if our communities, our neighborhoods, and our societies were sufficiently educated and properly involved. 

Autism ABCs with Dr. Lynette Louise: “L” is for Lust
# # #

A few of us at the resort

Monday, April 6, 2020

Autism Answer: Asymptomatic Privilege

Walk in the shoes and listen to the truths of others.
 

A straight able-bodied cognitively healthy white man walks around with privilege, in most societies. He doesn't always know or see it. Most often, he does not see it or believe it.

He could, of course. But it takes humility, imagination, and a listening ear. 

When people take the time to tell their stories, to show their symptoms, and to reveal the role you may have played in contaminating them - unknowingly - you can listen, turn off your desire to respond with explanations or stories of your own, and believe. 

You can consider the possibility that you are walking around with privilege that you cannot see or feel. Not because you are actually asymptomatic, but because you recognize any symptoms you're living with as something else. 

A person with privilege is not a person who has no challenges in their lives. It is not a person who does not have to overcome, work hard for what they want, face obstacles along the way. It is simply someone with less of those. Someone for whom most systems are built and, hence, most systems work specifically for. 

I get it. I wouldn't want to risk losing that either. I don't want to lose that. Until I see how many of my fellow humans are unfairly challenged. Until I see how much less I get out of a world that doesn't - without question or hesitation - change itself when we are asked to recognize who we are hurting or leaving behind. 

We are all living with varying degrees of privilege. And we are all exposing each other in varying degrees. 

When it comes to privilege, I think maybe some of us aren't as asymptomatic as we proclaim. But, rather, we are denying our symptoms or explaining them away with excuses and invented proof. 

As Dr. Lynette Louise said in a recent article: "If this period has taught us anything, it has taught us that we are globally intertwined. We contaminate each other. It is up to us to decide what we contaminate each other with."

Let's be purposeful, kind, inclusive, vulnerable, and brave.

Let's recognize our symptoms and take steps to make healthy changes. 


“You can’t walk gingerly. You have to step in and say I am going to love you robustly, and we are going to get to the end of this!”~Dr. Lynette Louise, aka The Brain Broad

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Autism Answer: World Autism Awareness Day with The Brain Broad - Bringing Us A Way To Learn & Connect With The World from Home




Quarantined and staying home, sheltering in place, not working or working with anxiety, the world is undoubtedly in a state of change. It is going to wake up different.

In the meantime, people like my mom, Dr. Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad), people who build their lives and livings out of helping others, are finding creative and powerful ways to reach out to their communities.

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. It is also my mom's birthday. And she has found a safe and wonderful way to celebrate it with you, me, and all our friends!

FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD is her international docu-series, airing on The Autism Channel, highlighting and helping five different families, over the course of five days, in five different countries. Until now seasons one and two (Uganda and USA respectively) were only available to view for anyone with The Autism Channel or available to rent/own via Vimeo on Demand.

However, today she is releasing all five episodes of season one on YouTube. Fall in love with Milly, a single mom in Uganda, and her autistic daughter, Trisca! Get to know them, their unique challenges and brave willingness to learn on camera. Follow Lynette as she teaches and gives tools, learns and reaches out for support, nibbles on grasshoppers. 

Invite the family into your home as they have invited us into theirs. Let's connect and learn and love together in this way! Yes, we are connected to everyone in this world and sometimes it is dangerous. But most of the time, when done with intention and acceptance and understanding, it is life enhancing and beautiful.

A great gift to you this World Autism Awareness Day, and a great gift to The Brain Broad on her birthday, is taking advantage of her offer: Watch FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD. Share it with your family and friends and watch it together while separated. Contact each other to discuss your favorite moments and lessons, and continue on to the next episode.

The world is going to wake up different. We can wait and see in what ways, or we can choose to do our part to shape it inclusively and sustainably.

For my mom's birthday I hope you'll join us in doing the latter.

However you choose to spend your time, I'm sending you love and virtual hugs this World Autism Awareness Day!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!! 

Here are the Playlists on her YouTube Channel.
https://www.youtube.com/user/lynettellouisel/playlists
 
While you're there, be sure to check out the ABCs of autism playlist. So far we are up to the letter C and all three short videos are freaking FANTASTIC!!!!! 
 
And here is Episode one from Uganda - 
FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD