Friday, April 3, 2015

Autism Answer: They're So Big, These Small Silly Things

*Trigger Warning-
I've written this in honor of sexual assault awareness and prevention month.* 

"Let's Face It, Your Prince....
Turned Into A Toad."
I'm sorry. Love you Mucho,

That's what the card my step-dad gave me when I was twelve said. That's one of the ways he apologized for molesting me. 

I had told my mom about the midnight touching and she kicked him out of the house. But first she insisted he apologize to me. 

At the time this card, with a cartoon drawing of a prince on its cover and an adorable little toad on the inside, seemed almost ridiculous.

It wasn't. 

I still have it today. 

My mom is brilliant. 

My step-dad not only admitted his guilt, he gave me something physical that blamed him. Not me, him. 

You have no idea how big that is. How comparatively easy it made my healing, and possibly his. 

Well, maybe you do know. 

A scary number of boys and girls, men and women, are raped or molested. 

A scary number are never believed and are alone in their healing. That's after they've gotten the courage (and boy, does it take courage!) to tell someone what happened to begin with. 

A scary number never tell in the first place. 

My mom is brilliant. 

Not only was she aware of how important it would be for me to know entirely that I was believed and not at fault (because she is one of the scary numbers who was not believed and even blamed) but she insisted he apologize and make it obvious. 

Not only did I heal in ways my fellow molested brothers and sisters often never do, I learned the value of small seemingly silly offerings. 

If I can do something to help someone, or can do something to make up for my own mistake or failure, but the something seems inadequate, I'm tempted then not to do it at all. It's almost embarrassing sometimes to do such small silly things. 

But then I remember that card. Bought by my step-dad at our corner drug store when my mom insisted he apologize for molesting me. 

"Let's Face it, Your Prince...
Turned into a Toad."

He did. 

But by clearly acknowledging it we were both free to find new princes and far away lily pads.

How big they are, these small silly things. Don't ever be afraid or embarrassed to do what little you can. 

Because quite likely it's not silly or little at all. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Jeff: A Sexually Realized Spiritual Odyssey of Stepping Into Love-- by Lynette Louise

*I never saw my step-dad again and he passed away about ten years ago. He had a new life and I hope it was worthy of him. Of course, because I never saw him again, I don't know what that would be.

**If you are struggling with abuse the effects of abuse, past or recent, I encourage you to reach out to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) and also to read the book my mom wrote. Jeff: A Sexually Realized Spiritual Odyssey of Stepping Into Love. With poetry, candor, and masterful storytelling she'll find you wherever you are in the dark and hold your hand as you step together into the light. My mom (Lynette Louise, The Brain Broad) is kind and strong that way. Hugs!!