Autism Answer: What You Like About You~Giving My Holiday Gift!

 

"I don't get it, Tsara," my baby brother was saying as he sat on my couch, pulling absentmindedly on his beard, "I have my dream job but I still feel this depression wanting to take over, even when I'm at work."

I sat down on my bed, across from my brother, and placed my cold coffee on the table between us. It took a moment because I had to shove stuff around--papers scribbled with ideas on them, books I've read but haven't felt ready to hide away in my bookshelf yet, and books I want to read but am not ready for the roller coaster ride--searching for a clean spot to place my mug. I needed that moment though, because I wanted to think of a new tactic to help my brother with this old problem.

"You know," I finally said,"you need to fill your mind with different thoughts so that there's no room for that depression." Both my brother and I knew I was stalling, plenty of us have said this to him gazillions of times before. On a whim I added, "Maybe focus on things you like about yourself, and do things in those moments that highlight them?"

This, at first, seemed silly to me. I know it's what I do, but I'm weird.

Of course, so is my brother. So I went on.

"What is something you like about yourself, Rye?"

"I like that I have a nice car." He responded without hesitation.

I giggled, "Very funny! That's not something about you!"

He looked confused. "Yes it is," he insisted.

Aha! Maybe we had hit on something!!

"No, Rye, that's something you have that you like. Now, if you had said 'you like that you focus on a goal and work hard to get it' then I would absolutely agree with you. Getting your car, that was hard work but you knew what you wanted and worked hard to get it. Right?"

"Ya, and it took a long time. But I did it and I'm proud of that." Rye was looking a little fuller, a little more confident. This was getting fun!

"See! So when you're at work and notice the depression trying to come, start thinking about how good you are at working hard for your dreams. Then do something to prove it to yourself! Grab a broom and sweep the back room, offer to help a co-worker with something he's doing. It'll remind you that something about you is valuable and awesome! What's another thing you like about yourself?"

"I like that I don't blame people or the world for my own problems." He smiled.

That's the thing, my mind cried. Impressed and pleased and in love with my baby brother. 

The words came out moments later, for him to hear. And together we explored the immense and important value of that.

One of the things I like about me is my passion for helping myself and the people I love discover things they like about themselves.

So this holiday I encourage you wonderful people I love, to discover and acknowledge with clarity at least three things you like about yourselves. That's my holiday gift to you!

Hugs, smiles, and love my friends!!!!!

And Happy Holidays to Everyone!!!!!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

My brother, Rye, and Me!

Autism Answer: My Mother's Day

Mother's Day morning I woke up with a short story in my head. So I reached for my pen and notebook--which I keep beside my bed--and began to write. 

Moments later Declyn walked in, crawled on the bed beside me and gave me the greatest hug and snuggle! It was over a minute before he added,"Happy Mother's Day mom!" Almost like he wanted me to first feel the snuggle as his own idea separate from any special day expectations...

After some fabulous cuddling Declyn got up and told me,"It's Mother's Day. You can write or read or sleep or do whatever you want. I'll get my own glass of water."

What a magnificent mommy morning!!!

Declyn

For Mother's Day I read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Tyran has been bugging me to read it for about a year now, and I've been trying, but they don't have it at our library and I haven't found a copy at any of the thrift stores.

So Saturday I splurged and bought a copy at Walmart. I read a bit Saturday evening and finished up yesterday. The book is lovely, but my favorite part was phoning my son over and over to talk about the characters and our hopes for them, and thinking over and over while reading,"Tyran was here. And Tyran was here. And Tyran felt this, and Tyran thought about that..."

...and Tyran wanted to share this with me!

What a fantastic way to spend Mother's Day with a son who is far away!

Tyran 

I was sitting on the couch sipping coffee and reading on Mother's Day morning when the phone rang. 

"Happy Mother's Day mom," my sleepy sounding Jory said before I could even offer a hello. "Are my brothers snuggling you?" I laughed. My sons know me well!!

Looking at the clock I was amazed. "Jory! It's seven in the morning where you live. You're awake??" 

"I'm awake because you're awake. It's Mother's Day, and I love you."

Years and years and years of waking up for my boys, I had no idea how touched I'd be when they did it for me. 

What a wonderful Mother's Day moment!

Jory

The evening was soft and cool this Mother's Day. I was driving with Shay when he asked if we could make a quick stop at the store. 

"Ugggg!!! You're going to buy soda!! I hate watching you guys drink soda!!!" I lamented. And though I did drive him, I refused to get out of the vehicle.

Shay took a little longer than I'd hoped and I found myself feeling a bit annoyed. I like giving the boys freedom with their small allowances, but do they have to poison themselves with soda?!

Finally my son emerged from the Dollar Store with something other than soda in hand. Folding himself into the van he handed me a chocolate bar and gave me that cute, sly, Shay grin. "Happy Mother's Day! This chocolate bar has almonds in it. I wasn't sure if you'd want the dark chocolate one or the one with almonds. I can go exchange it if you want."

"No, Shay, this is perfect. Thank-you so much!!!" I gave him a huge hug and held back a tear.

Turns out the only poison picked up that day were my assumptions and a decision to be annoyed. 

An important Mother's Day reminder!!

Shay

My Mother's Day was like every day. Fantastic, busy, relaxing, noisy, quiet, confident, and confused. 

There were choices to be made and moments to actively celebrate!! 

I truly hope your day was equally blessed.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: I'm The Easter Bunny!! aka It's Okay To Be Found Out For Being Fun!

Back when Shay was in preschool, his classroom was having a little Easter celebration and we parents were invited to bring goodies and join in the festivities. We hadn't been there long when my son's teacher pulled me aside and whispered,"We have an Easter bunny costume. Would you mind wearing it for the kids?"

Would I mind?! Heck no! I was honored!!

So, the teacher conspired with me to explain quietly to Shay why I had disappeared, while I would sneak off to an abandoned classroom and don an extremely warm and somewhat heavy bunny suit. The plan was hatched!

The kids filed outside to look for eggs, and shortly thereafter I made my grand entrance. I hopped and waved and hugged and posed for pictures. However, I wasn't out there long before one of the little girls from Shay's class jumped up and hollered,"That's not the Easter Bunny! It's Shay's mom!!"

Shay didn't miss a beat and, excited to participate in the cover up, replied,"Why would you think it's my mom? My mom had to go home to feed my brother with her boobs."

The little girl was not fooled--nor was she covering her mouth to stifle laughter the way all of the surrounding parents were. "I know it's your mom," she said with matter-of-fact clarity,"look how much fun she is!"

This Easter bunny/mom was rather thrilled to know that was what gave her away!!!

Happy Easter friends!

Have so much fun!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!

Autism Answer with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Thinking with Albert Einstein

~Happy 135th Birthday Albert Einstein!~

I love reading about and learning from Albert Einstein. Admittedly, the math and science stuff is often above my head, so when I learn from him it's with my own limited understanding. And my own not so limited desire to find a meaning I like!

I thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite Einstein quotes today--his birthday-- perhaps while eating Pi! Giggle! They reveal a bit of who he was, who I am, and how I like to understand the world! 

Here are a few:

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a woman is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?"

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you are sitting on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

"Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid."

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

These are just some of my faves, and ones that I think are useful for us loving autism. Feel free to celebrate with me by adding some of your own!! 

Oh, ya. One more thing I adore about Einstein. Because of him I can walk around without ever brushing my hair and imagine that it's my genius showing, not my laziness! Tee hee!!!

Happy Pi Day, 
and happy birthday Albert Einstein! 
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton

Autism Answer: Christmas Lesson In A Travel Mug

Last Christmas my youngest son (who was twelve at the time) and I were in the store grabbing groceries. I spotted a cute Santa Travel Mug and picked it up to show him. "It's cute isn't it!" I exclaimed. 

"You sure would like that, wouldn't you mom?" he asked. Right away I put the mug down and tried to take back my excitement. 

"No, no, it's not important," I was babbling. "Please, sweetie, don't spend your last couple of dollars on me. I know what you're thinking, and that's a good enough present. I know you love me enough to buy that mug, so let's leave it at that. Okay?" He nodded and we headed out of the store. 

You see, I wasn't even able to buy my children more than one small gift each. Our Christmas present is always spending time together and enjoying pumpkin pie. We can rarely afford gifts. 

Anyway, Christmas morning I saw that my son had placed a gift for me under the tree. I was pretty sure I could guess what it was. Opening that Santa Travel Mug was bittersweet. I wanted him to keep his money for himself, my sons ask for so little. But the card he'd written made the entire experience so delicious the bitter was forever forgotten. 

"From The Heart Counts Most" he'd written on the front of a school folder no longer being used for school. Inside he had drawn a tree, a star and these words,"Money is nothing. From the heart is everything. Merry Christmas mom. I love you."

He was right. I'd almost forgotten, and by begging him to keep his money for himself I had almost taught the wrong lesson. 

But he was smarter than me and offered that most beautiful Christmas morning reminder. 

As I sit here typing, I'm sipping coffee from my Santa Travel Mug. That's much more of a true gift than any snack or soda he may have bought himself with the few dollars he'd had in his pocket. 

I'm going to remember to accept gifts from now on. Whether they come in the form of snuggles, compliments, connections, smiles, or Travel Mugs under the tree. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!

A Christmas Gift of Enormous Proportions!!