Autism Answer: A Hand Holding Me

Often my partner will place a hand on me, my hip, my shoulder, my thigh, my arm, my chest, and I will feel at once broken apart and held together. The way that hand holds me I feel safe and encouraged to let go, I breathe deep and swim in colors, my energy spreads out and connects with the universe yet I feel we're alone with only our love. Our love. 

It lasts. This unique feeling, this new feeling stays with me while I work, write, skate, read, dance. Oh, how it grows when I dance! I facilitate the growth, encourage it, now that I know this feeling. I close my eyes and feel that hand on me. I feel it hold me with a tenderness that's somehow strong, promising not to let go. That magic hand. And I fall deeper into the music. My body moves and I escape its borders, growing out into the room and imagining scenes I'm every part of and so is the universe; it is not about me yet always me. That hand promises I can go where I will without fear because it will hold me, my partner will hold me, and I won't be lost. 

I look into the eyes that look at me and feel connected, feel supported, feel seen. How had I not noticed this lacking in my life? Or, more honestly, why did I think only I could see me and hoping others would was childish and weak? In fact, with my partner I see more. 

I seek those eyes for stories of their own that might break free when my hand touches the body they belong to. What part of me, or who I am, is like that magic hand for my partner? Love has not made me never worry, I worry that I don't have a magic hand at all. I worry that I am not giving back the intensity I am being given. 

But love has given me the confidence to try, to ask. Because I want this love to continue to grow with our participation, with our desires and hopes gathering sustenance, so the avoidance of asking would take more strength than fear of the answers; fear of failure. 

Being in love, being loved, being touched by a hand that gives me freedom to become, a hand that doesn't try to paint over my scars but instead explores them to understand, is surprising me. It is unexpected and deeply, deeply, wonderful. I want this for me. 

I want this for others. 

It doesn't matter to me if the love is experienced by people of the same or different genders. If the love is experienced by people with the same skin color or spiritual beliefs. If one is more able bodied than the other, or one is much richer, or one is a generation or two older. It doesn't matter if there are more than two people experiencing the love together, I want this for others. 

There is danger in wanting this kind of love so bad we lie to ourselves or justify cruelties (others' and our own) in order to invent it. We might build it out of all the wrong materials on a faulty foundation and simply pretend it is what it isn't. 

But it isn't our place to assume someone else has done this merely because their love looks unlike something we imagine love should look like. 

The hand that holds me, places itself on my skin and cracks open a new world of meaningful memories and safe vulnerability, is magic to me. 

I want this. 

I love this. 

I am better with this. 

I am better with this. 

 ____ 

 

NOTE: Today, May 17th, is International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Interphobia and Transphobia. I wrote this love story today because I am an advocate for love, inclusion, and not judging who loves who. My mom is bi-sexual, my son is gay, my other son is bi-sexual, my nibbling is nonbinary, I could go on. I want everyone I love to find healthy love. And that is easier done when the world relaxes it's judgements regarding what love is supposed to look like. 

Hugs, smiles, and love! 

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: What I Read & Who I Am

I realized something about myself yesterday. 

As I came to the end of a pretty good book I was reading, and started looking forward to rummaging through the bag of books I picked up at our local library's annual book sale, I couldn't help but notice how clear and always the same my taste is. 

Every year I devour a few "who done it" type novels. Fast paced, private investigators, crimes of passion or politics with uncomfortable back-stories.... these are, admittedly, fun! But mostly you'll find me reading books exploring human relationships and reasons... relationships to ourselves, our environments, our parents, our children, our society, our culture, our lovers, our friends. Amy Tan, Wally Lamb, Margaret Atwood, John Steinbeck, Steve Martin, Ruth Ozeki, J. D. Salinger, Lynette Louise... these are a few of the folks that live on my bookshelves.

And though I love exploring relationships, the idea of reading a romance novel has never appealed to me. At all. I've tried.

Why on earth am I so uninterested in romance novels? As I was considering this question (my hubby and I were on a long drive, I think about silly things on long drives!) it occurred to me that the answer is simple.

I like exploring relationships, I don't like worrying about them. 

Does that make sense? I like the assumptions that come with established relationships: we'll figure this out, how did this get off track and what do we do to fix it, when this is over what will the take aways be? You know... when you're teasing out the tangles in yourself because of things you've assumed, felt, considered, judged, imagined with people, weather, society, your soul.

But falling in love, wondering if you're loved in return, thinking about whether or not you should stick it out or whether or not you're wasting time and preoccupying yourself, risking the possibility of missing out on your soul mate or whatever. This stuff isn't fun for me to read about.

Not that I have anything against romance!! I love talking and writing about my marriage and the support and love we give each other! I love snuggling my hubby and listing all the ways he helps me shine, holding him tight and kissing his arms.

But, again, ours is an established relationship. We've been marvelously married for fourteen years. This is the kind of relationship I'm addicted to exploring.

So, to sum up: I was on a long drive and realized something about myself that I pretty much already knew, I finished reading a pretty good book and am about to reach into my bag and grab one of the five that are left, but first wanted to ramble on to my friends about why I love reading what I love reading, most likely in an attempt to justify spending a few days reading instead of vacuuming, dusting, and folding laundry. Also, I love rambling with you guys because ours is an established relationship and I'm not sitting here worrying about whether or not you think I'm pretty. tee hee!

I love reading. I love people who read. And I would never judge a person as good or bad, smart or dumb, less or more valuable than, by what they read. Romance is fabulous, it tickles the tummy and makes us blush. It gives us a magical opportunity to find how we fit with someone while encouraging us to look at ourselves through the eyes of another; it's lovely! I just don't enjoy reading about it. For those who do, by all means, let the tummies tickle!!!

Enjoy a life being you and letting others be them--while temporarily wearing the hats of many. Whether you love romance, classics, hard rock, true crime, fantasy or sci-fi.... find yourself!

And if you're having trouble, go for a long drive. I bet you're out there somewhere. 
tee hee!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Some of my books; recently read and forever remembered!

Book Review: Dirty Virgin ~ by Jessica Sitomer

Sassy, sexy, and sneakily insightful! 

That's how I would describe Jessica Sitomer's delicious read, Dirty Virgin: A Romantic Comedy Girl's Self Inflicted 12 Step Program for Finding Her Happily Ever After.

I met the author briefly at a conference in Los Angeles, and immediately fell in love with her energy and smile. Here was a woman whose life couldn't be more different than mine--and yet I felt a kindred spirit. Ladies, can't we tell when we meet someone who loves to think and wonder and take responsibility for who they are? Don't we feel a "we get each other" vibe when meeting another chickie-babe with a desire to discover herself with intention and an eye on moving forward?

Yes we do! Unless of course, we don't, but then... folks who don't aren't likely hanging out on my blog now, are they?? tee hee!

The main character in Jessica's book is the chronically hard working RCG - aka - Romantic Comedy Girl - aka - Reese Channing Gibson, and much like the movies she fashions ideas of love and romance after, her tale is a delightful romp into the very challenging world of life and romance. The road to finding our "Prince Charming" can be fraught with dragons (hurt hearts), evil step-sisters (bad habits), cruel kings (mis- communications that tear our world apart) and wart bedazzled witches (addictions we simply don't want to acknowledge as "a big deal") and Reese shares her hard truths in this adventurous tale with a big dose of fun!

Beginning with creating her very own 12 step program fashioned after the many programs that have helped countless others, but personalizing it for her own goals and her own personality. With steps as brilliant and diverse as "Make Decisions to Take Care of Your Mental and Physical Health" to "Stop Comparing Yourself to Others" and--one of my favorites!--"Embrace Embarrassment You're not Perfect". 

Okay my friends, I have to admit to being surprised by how much of me I could see in this sexy single looking-for-love lady! I fully expected to enjoy the story, but never imagined I'd totally get her! 

I've never thought about my relationships with men the way Reese does, but as you all know I'm "addicted" to breaking down, making stories of, and learning from my relationship with my sons. Who, it just so happens, are men. Huh, interesting.... but I don't want to start tangentalizing! (Read the book, you'll get it!)

The point is, we discover more about ourselves, and people in general, when we take the time to both enjoy and examine who we are and what we attract in our relationships. With friends, lovers, wives, siblings, children, teachers, yoga instructors.... who are we with them? What do we attract and encourage from them?

While we take each step with Reese, the clever and sexy and fabulous friend that is the book's heroine, we are encouraged to do a bit of fun and thoughtful introspection ourselves.

And with a drink in our hands!!

As a non-drinker Reese loves to "look like a party without having a party in her glass" and so each chapter comes with a corresponding drink and recipe. Both dirty and virgin. 

Of course, I was drinking coffee..... shhhhh! Don't tell Reese! Giggle!

Ladies, this book is for you. Married or single or somewhere in between, you'll find fun and comfort in these pages. And because most of my followers enjoy reading blogs (okay, I didn't do the research but since this is a blog and you're here, I brazenly made the assumption!) you'll appreciate the many blog posts weaved into the story. Truly, we writers can all imagine gong back to our posts and examining ourselves in much the same way Reese does!

So I say grab a glass, mix up a dirty virgin Mimosa (recipe on pg. 25 of the book) and make a few new friends in the pages of the sassy, sexy, and sneakily insightful Dirty Virgin. 

Step 1: Purchase the fun on Amazon

#####
Book Title: Dirty Virgin: A Romantic Comedy Girl's Self Inflicted 12 Step Program For Finding Her Happily Ever After
Author: Jessica Sitomer 
Cover Design: Kathy Hoffman
Publisher: Greenlight Publishing
Number of Pages: 389
Fiction
Buy the book on Amazon
Check out the Dirty Virgin Sisterhood site!

Autism Answer: Read Between The Lines~ A Guest Post By Jory Shelton

It's spring, and my son is blossoming! Well, all of my sons are blossoming, but my oldest has written today's guest post, so let's look at him! 

His post is about communication. Growing up with autistic uncles, brothers, and friends--it's not surprising that he's got ideas and thoughts growing organically in regards to this topic. It's fertile ground indeed! 

Season after season we grow and change and evolve. My son--in his time and season--is looking fabulous from where I sit. From my time and season. 

Happy Spring!! 
and Happy Reading!!
~Tsara Shelton

Read Between Lines

By: Jory Shelton

www.fourbrothersoneworld.com /Facebook/jory.shelton

When I was a boy I believed in many things. I thought Santa was real, I thought I would always love Power Rangers, and I thought that the hazard button on the car would turn it into a plane. 

One thing that I have found most interesting among all of the sort-of silly things I believed as a child was my belief that what people said is what they meant. 

I am twenty now, and I still find the whole idea of saying something while implying something else--or meaning another thing entirely--incredibly fascinating. From the simple, "I'll be there soon" when it turns out to be four hours, to the more complex, "I love you". 

Life just seems so unnecessarily complex sometimes.

I'm writing this right now because I'm single, bored, and hungry for a good story that really strikes my fancy. I have been living day to day dreaming of a world where I can get a job, do great things, make good money, and have a family to support. As I sit here thinking, like I do most days, about why I don't have these things going for me just yet I ponder; if people were to mean what they say, then I would have all of these things. You know, if that man who stopped me on the street about a job that paid twenty dollars an hour had really meant what he was dishing out, and if that pop-up on my computer actually meant that I won one hundred thousand dollars.... and then there is love. Romantic love, to me, is one of the single hardest subjects to justify. Saying something about a job is one thing, but putting someone's heart and soul on the line for something that no one can be absolutely sure of, now that just seems crazy. 

See, the subject of this inquiry, this questioning quest, is maybe to you a simple, "why do we say something that we just flat out are not sure of?" Maybe that's what it is to me too. But here's what I have learned through living, breathing, and wondering. 

People say many things, often we just say something to say something. Perhaps if words only came with struggle, as they do for my uncle, we would be more selective and real, as it is with my uncle. But most of us use words too easily and there isn't always a real belief to back up our words. So anytime to you talk to someone just remember that they are (almost always) equally as sure about what they're saying as you are about what you're saying. Everyone is on the same page, some people just don't accept that. 

We are all equal in every way and in every word, believe that. 

The Author: Jory Shelton
Communicating with words
Learning to mean what he says,
and listening with a similar hope. 

Autism Answer: A Father's Day Love Note

When we met I had three kids and absolutely no intention of ever sharing my parenting world. 

Surely no one else could love my boys the way I did! 

With patience you allowed me to see that you could. Together we had another, and my four sons became our four sons. 

I thank-you with all of my heart for always loving all of us, and for always letting us love you our way. 

I thank-you for loving me so completely that I couldn't help but explore my gifts and beauty, and learn to love myself. 

I thank-you for showing our boys how to take care of a woman. By loving her and letting her grow without telling her how. 

I thank-you for showing our boys how to raise a family. By trusting and trying and communicating. By remembering that communication is so much bigger than words, and clearer when kept consistently kind. 

And I thank-you for being a strong, hard working and open minded role model for our sons, who have quickly become men. 

Before we met I was certain that marriage and co-parenting were for weaker women and compromising moms. 

Before we met, I was afraid to try. 

Thank-you for loving me out of that fear and gifting me with a fabulous father for our children. 

We thank you. We appreciate you. We grow with you. 

We love you! 
 
Happy Father's Day my love!!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Twelve years ago we were having this much fun.
We still are!
Happy Father's Day my love!!