Autism Answer: My Youngest Sons, and Words

My youngest son writes some of the most insightful essays for school. Over the years teachers have consistently commented, emailed, and red penned in the margins of his schoolwork surprised and inspired encouragement. 

The other day I asked him what he hoped to get out of his writing. His response was,"I want to change people's minds."

For a guy who loves his zombie XBox games and war movies, it's nice to know he's got a talent and confidence with the truest weapon and influence of all.

Words.

Declyn Capturing Words
And Changing Minds

Another Story:

Shay Sleeping Once Words Have Uncovered Answers
And Are Quieted 

On the drive to school one morning Shay told me that during the night, while he tried to sleep, he was having an argument with himself about the day's biology test.

"Well, at least it's biology which isn't as hard as algebra,"one side of him said.

"What are you talking about? Biology is like a mix of algebra and science... so it's harder than algebra," his other side retorted.

"Ya, but biology is all about stories. The stories make it easier to learn, and more fun too," explained the first side.

"Dude, algebra is stories too. You just have to pay attention differently to them," the second side argued somewhat cheekily.

"I know that. What I'm saying," the first side explained with patience,"is that today's biology test will be easier for me than yesterday's algebra test because I like biology better. It's my style of stories."

That was when Shay's voices got quiet and he was able to fall asleep.

Apparently his second side was smart enough to know you just can't argue with personal preferences and story styles!!! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: I Ate The Last Hot Dog

I grabbed a package of hot dogs for supper last night. We're kinda low of funds till payday so I can't quite pull off anything healthier than that, but my boys were thrilled! They love when I can't pull off healthy!

Anyway, I didn't want to eat any supper because my boys are growing and I'm not. I chose to finish off a container of almonds. Declyn, however, insisted I have a hot dog. 

"No thanks, hun. I don't really like them." I insisted.

He was trying to be sly and asking me things like,"But when you do eat them you like mustard, right? But not really much ketchup, right? I mean... when you do eat them, I'm not talking about today."

We were sitting in the dark watching a movie, so it was easy for me to hide my knowing smile. And of course he did eventually hand me one of his hot dogs and claimed,"I made it exactly how you like it. So now, you have to eat it! Anyway, I'm full!"

This is my family. Always seeing the bigger picture in small moments. 

Today he doesn't remember the taste or feel of the hot dogs he did or didn't have, he remembers the feeling of caring and sharing with me. 

Sometimes accepting your son's last hot dog is the kindest thing you can do!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Declyn and Shay
roasting hot dogs.

Autism Answer: Rubber Boots and a Dream

My darling Tyran.

When he was tiny he would look up at me with daring determination, wearing rubber boots and a Robin costume, and promise, "I'm going to be a character when I grow up."

Nothing comes naturally for him, and so every skill had to be fought for. Every talent practiced and practiced and practiced until it was entirely his own. Wait... one thing comes natural. An intensity and purpose to be what he wants to be.

Then one night he stood on stage in front of a sold out audience and preformed an important role in The Great Gatsby with his peers.

Another night he performed as Aladdin, a starring role, on stage in front of a sold out audience. My sister and her daughters overheard a couple of teen girls whispering before the curtain went up,"I can't wait to see Tyran with his shirt off!" 

On a different day he performed with his peers on camera, a short film in an anti-bullying campaign. The photo shoot for that was done just in time for him to get to a dress rehearsal for a dance performance he was in.

And on and on and on and on..... 

I wasn't there for any of these shows, because to follow his dreams he had to leave.

But I also was there. In the freedom I gave him to discover his talent, in the support I gave him while we talked about his dreams, in the comfort I pretended to have when he went one thousand miles away to make his future his own. And in my heart I know he felt my pride, love, and support.

Dreams do come true. 

And they are best lived when we go after them with patience, a willingness to follow them though they require change, and open eyes that see them when they are played out. 

Congratulations, Tyran!!! 

I love you and am soooooooo proud of you. 
And I really, really, really miss you!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Like Last Year But With A Twist That Matches His Age!

Declyn (my youngest son) will be turning fourteen tomorrow. And, as with every year, I asked him what he was hoping for on his birthday.

His answer began as an almost identical reflection of last year's. Without hesitation he shared his birthday wish. "I want everyone to be happy. I want my birthday to be about feeling good and not worrying about being broke or too far away or anything like that. I just want everyone to feel good and happy."

I smiled, and understood. And as I was about to suggest he add at least an idea of what he wanted to do or get on his fourteenth birthday he interrupted my almost interruption by continuing to express his birthday hopes. "I want everyone to be happy, except I don't have to be happy. It's my birthday so I want to be allowed to let my mood go wherever it wants. At school and at home I usually work at being happy and nice. But on my birthday I just want to be whatever I am. I can be happy or cranky or sad... that's what I want."

I had a lovely laugh and promised to give him exactly that!!

Heck, he'll be fourteen after all. And that's all about moodiness!! 

Besides, I'm betting that if he lets his mood go wherever it wants, he'll learn the always important and life enhancing lesson that happy and friendly just feel better. And that when we work a bit to hold onto them, the work is always worth it.

Now that's a birthday present that can't be bought!!

However, as I recall, last year Declyn did finally succumb to my peer pressure when I urged him to give me an idea of at least one thing he wanted to get as a gift. He suggested colorful straws. And, as it happens, we just ran out of colorful straws. I know what I'm buying when I head into town today!

So this year my fourteen year old son will be surrounded by happy family members, a freedom to let his mood be the boss, and colorful straws. Not too shabby!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

My husband and my youngest son, Declyn,
at his eighth grade graduation.
This kid is learning a lot,
in and out of school!! 

Autism Answer: It's a Collaboration

My sixteen year old son, Shay, is very nearly blind. His eyesight is powerfully poor and slowly getting worse every year. This morning we were talking about making another appointment to have them checked.

Me: You know, a lot of people say that when you lose one of your senses, the other ones get better. What do you think?

Shay: Well, I don't know which one of my disabilities is to blame for my amazing imagination. It could be my fuzzy eyesight or my autism.

Me: I bet it's a collaboration of both.

Shay: You're right mom! They work together to help me have such great ideas and imaginings. Man, I'm lucky to be me.

And that was our morning. We collaborated and discovered--once again!--that we are an awesome team and we're lucky to be us.

I'm betting you're lucky too!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Shay Shelton
My fabulous boy and his fantastic imagination
travelling on the Greyhound last summer. 

Autism Answer: My Brother Dar

My Brother Dar

My brother Dar jumps up and down screaming and clapping his hands in public places. 

My brother Dar eats food off the floor and out of the trash. 

My brother Dar loves the song Through the Eyes of Love by Melissa Manchester. 

My brother Dar will poke your boob and flick your ponytail even though he doesn't know you. 

My brother Dar will carry the groceries in from the car. 

My brother Dar loves dairy products and the high he gets from them; hide the half and half! 

My brother Dar wanders at night placing random things from around the house on the living room floor, creating designs and mess (perception!). 

My brother Dar will hide your shoes. 

My brother Dar was saved by my mom.

My brother Dar saved my mom.

My brother Dar has a clever and sarcastic sense of humor, and laughs almost at, but mostly with. 

My brother Dar has a hard time communicating because his mouth and body rarely listen to his mind, and strangers rarely believe in his mind or his communication. 

My brother Dar keeps trying.

My brother Dar goes bowling with his friends. 

A Moment In Time

Happy birthday to my beautiful brother Dar!!!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Create with intention, flexibility, and forgiveness!

"Mom," Declyn hollered at me from the restroom,"did you ever have to deal with a bully? Were you ever bullied when you were a kid?"

"No," I answered honestly from my computer. "Although my sister, your aunt, used to deal with being bullied. I did stick up for her a couple of times. I even kicked one really bad bully in the nuts! But I have a bit of guilt over the times she asked me to help her and I was afraid. So I snottily told her I was busy and that she could help herself. I have a fair amount of guilt over that."

"Mom," Declyn scolded through the bathroom door,"my aunt is amazing. Do you think she'd be the person she is today if you stuck up for her every single time? You shouldn't feel guilty, you should feel proud of her."

I turned away from my computer, swiveling in my chair to face the restroom door. "Good point, Declyn. But I really should have at least tried to help her, so she'd feel me supporting her. Even if we both ended up getting bullied, at least she'd have known I was there for her."

I could hear my son washing his hands. Then he opened the door and looked at me, a little disappointed. "People have to learn all kinds of things, and you stuck up for her some of the time so she knew you loved her. When you didn't stick up for her, she had to learn a new way. I think you need to learn that feeling guilty doesn't do any good, and that instead you should just learn from it for the next time."

I stared after my nearly fourteen year old son as he walked out of the room and headed outside to play with our dogs.

That kid knows a thing or two!

We can't always be there for our loved ones, and we won't always be there even when we can. We're human too.

Forgive yourself, learn about yourself, and create yourself.

You are forever evolving, and so are your loved ones, don't pretend you can completely control it. But do believe you can completely be a part of the creating.

Then create; with intention, flexibility, and forgiveness!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Me and Declyn
The kid totally schooled me!
It was awesome!