Autism Answer: A Life Lesson About Being A Little Bit Stinky

Multitasking: Dancing, making coffee, sniffing armpit.

It doesn't feel good to be overly stinky. I don't really like it.

When stinky body odor first started to happen to me I happily reached for the grown-up feeling deodorant. Yes, at first I often forgot and would catch myself sweating with embarrassment around my peers. But soon, with motivation easily found - I was a teenager wanting to be discovered in certain ways by all the boys - it became a simple habit. Deodorant donned every morning without thought.

Many years later I began to pay closer attention to the buzzing and whispers I heard about the unhealthy ingredients in most deodorants. I wasn't anywhere near willing to quit it, but I heard myself explaining it to my sons and when buying them deodorants I would suggest minimal use.

Yes, I tried chemical free deodorants a bit. No, they didn't work for me. Although, I still sometimes used them.

A few years later I learned more about motivations, money, and health. Applying those learning's to deodorant I couldn't help but feel complicit and cruel. Where is the motivation for companies to create effective healthy deodorants that will help keep our entire society healthier (including my sons!) if consumers are easily buying the toxic stuff already available? The toxic buildup from deodorant is actually, really, truly affecting me and my family. It's not just a thing to say and know; it's a thing that's happening.

So, I went searching in earnest for sustainable, healthy, fair-trade type deodorants. I started sometimes making my own.

This is what I learned:
Sometimes I stink a little. And that's okay. Most of the time I either smell fine thanks to a natural substance that I'm using and my healthy diet, or because that day I just happen to smell fine. Sometimes I even use good-ol-fashioned-not-good-for-me deodorant. There are events I go to (school concerts) where I decide to be certain of not stinking at all.

But sometimes, I stink a little. And that's okay. Seriously, what's so horrible about stinking a little? It's just my smell, my naturally occurring smell. Now, I don't think it's awesome to be absolutely stinky. That's often (though certainly not always) a sign of something unhealthy going on - stress, lack of self-care, poor butt-wiping skills, etc - but stinking a little bit some of the time is what I am. A living animal with scents and sounds and chin hair.

Here's my life lesson: 
Too often we cover up the truth of things with fancy smells regardless of the harm we're doing. If something doesn't stink, it's not so much offending us. But, that's proven itself to be a dangerous attitude! Sometimes the beautiful true nature of a thing will surprise, challenge, and even slightly offend us. Not because it's offensive but because we've been taught to be offended. And other times we avoid helping ourselves and others by dousing them in nice poisonous artificial smells. This is, again, our way of not being offended by something. But this time, maybe we should be offended. And we should do the work of making changes.

So, to sum up, covering ourselves and our issues in fancy smells regardless of who we may be hurting in the process is an all too socially accepted habit. One we might want to discontinue.

Also, when you and I meet for coffee, you might notice that I'm a little bit stinky. Lucky you! What a wonderful excuse to deeply inhale the delightful smell of your gorgeous scented beverage!! tee hee!

Happy Friday, friends!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Nature's Feedback

"When I spend time in nature there is nothing telling me I can be more beautiful, more successful, more intelligent, more appropriate, more relevant. I just am." ~Me 

Everywhere we look, everywhere we listen, there are billboards, commercials, literature, and story topics telling us "Seven Tips For Being Better At This" and "Ten Ways To Look More Beautiful Like That" and "Become More Successful By Doing These Things" or "Be Like These Smart Famous People With These Five Changes" or "Know Your Worth With This Trending New Thing" and "Find Happiness By Doing This." So, everywhere we look, everywhere we listen, we're being told we can be better, it's assumed we want to be better, we're told what better is. 

There are many ways I've learned to mostly quiet the noise and, instead, know that I am better and that I am successful and that I am continuing to grow ever more so as I live my life with love, purpose, and an open mind.

But nothing is quite as quick and healing for me as nature. The entire sensory experience reminds me that I am enough. That I am no more and no less relevant or successful or beautiful or appropriate than I need to be. My habits and quirks fit just fine. My looks are equally uninteresting and perfect. I breath, experience, and contribute to the surroundings successfully. It's quite simple, really. I am there and I am alive and I am thoughtful. My intelligence isn't questioned. The trees, the birds, the snakes, the spiders, the weeds, the seeds and fruits don't ask me to explain. My mind wanders and I know enough; am smart enough. If a trick of nature captures me unaware and I am hurt of killed it is not a waste, I am not a waste. I remain part of the story. Beautiful enough, successful enough, relevant, and intelligent. 

I don't expect nature to do all of this for everyone, of course. But I do hope with all of my heart that everyone has a place where they get all of this. For me it's nature (and dancing). For you, perhaps, it's building or cooking. Singing or golf. 

But if you don't have something or somewhere that consistently gives you this feeling, this "you are absolutely completely perfectly more than enough" feeling, then I encourage you to find it. 

For me it's nature and dancing. 

Feel free to try starting there! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!! 
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

NOTE: I invite you to enjoy this video where I sit in one of my favorite sneaky outdoor spots (a surprisingly wild area just behind my home) and tell a story/poem. The story itself is a tribute to both nature and stories. Hugs, smiles, and love!!!

 

Autism Answer: Earth Day

 

Me hanging out behind our home.

I've always been attracted to nature. 

I've always desired deeply to work and learn with her, rather than control or ignore her. And with that deep desire I've made choices. 

Choices that change as I discover new truths or observe hidden relationships to my choices. 

But I do not have (much) guilt over the choices I made that hurt nature when I was unaware, because I know I was most often willing and interested in becoming aware. I know I was most often eager to learn and make changes. 

Often, but not always.

It's the choices I made against nature when I knew better, or was able to know better but chose to look away, that I feel guilt over.

The choices I made to not seem "weird" and, even more often, for convenience. The times I turned away from learning or knowing in order to keep doing things the seemingly easy way. Or to not stand out as a nutty tree hugger or unusual (which, for too many, means possibly unfit) mom. Those choices. 

To me "nature" isn't just outside, she isn't just the earth and her gardens. She's the natural inclination and needs of everything and everyone organic. She's freedom and life.

I try my best to be consistent in my respect and love of her, but I make mistakes. 

I'm happy to notice, however, that the more confident I get, the more willing I am to be authentically me no matter how nutty I may seem, the less mistakes I make out of convenience or fear! Now, when I make a mistake, it's mostly nature herself reminding me who I am.

This Earth Day let's all take a moment to change one habit, examine and realize one mistake we're making that hurts nature. Our own nature, our spouses nature, our child's nature, Mother Nature. If we all change one habit, admit to and tell others about one mistake, we can't help but change the world in a beautiful way! 

I believe it really is that simple, friends.
I believe we really are that powerful!

Happy Earth Day!!!!

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." ~Edward Hale

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)
xoxo

Laying under my favorite tree with my hemp purse and a perfect book.

Autism Answer: Nature and Parenting; Tend and Love

Nature and parenting. 

I tend and love learning similar lessons from both. 

I have a habit of pointing out the value of encouraging growth that embraces the bigger picture rather than the "look at me right now and be impressed" model. Gardens that are encouraged rather than forced, people who find their own style rather than one they use to impress--this is what I celebrate most.

The gardening we do with an eye on future gardens, the folks who tend them, and the world it's meant to enhance, is equally as beautiful (to me, it's more beautiful) as the one we primp and preen to wow now. 

I love encouraging and guiding the natural plants that want to grow around me just as I love encouraging and guiding the natural personalities and passions of my children. They often don't match the landscape, sometimes one will take over for a while, and there are times when I don't like the smell of them, but always I know there will be shifts and changes and that I am playing an important role by allowing and guiding and learning to know what and why some of the plants/passions grow. 

Wild growth encourages us to adventure and discover new things. Collaborative gardening, planting and growing with an understanding of what we want and what the earth wants, encourages us to be flexible and thoughtful with our wants. 

These are beautiful examples of playing a role and taking action while keeping an eye on the inherent, important, innate value of what wants to grow and why.

Nature and parenting. 

I tend and love learning similar lessons from both. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

I was walking with my boys in town. We took a moment to explore this patch of wilderness.

 

Autism Answer: An Autumn Cup Of Joe!

I like coffee. 

Okay, I love coffee. 

Okay, I am obsessively in love with coffee!

So as we celebrate the season I thought it would be fun to share my sometimes autumn morning coffee ritual. As pumpkins grow in season, and stores pump images and smells of the healthy and delicious food at us at break neck speed, I've discovered my own way to celebrate the food without breaking the bank or ignoring my beliefs. 

A few of those beliefs: Organic fair trade is important, discovering and implementing habits that are healthy for both my body and soul is important, sharing those habits and beliefs with my family and friends is an important way to encourage new ideas while holding onto our most comfortable old ones. 

And though my Cup of Joe doesn't actually include the nutrition or taste of pumpkin, it does sneak into my soul the feel of pumpkin, due to my use of pumpkin pie type spices. 

So, without further ado, my autumn coffee recipe!

What You Need:

Organic Fair Trade Shade Grown Whole Bean Coffee

Coffee Grinder

Organic Ground Cinnamon

Organic Ground Ginger

Organic Whole or Ground Cloves

Coffee Press or Coffee Percolator

What You Do:

Sniff Coffee Beans

Grind Coffee Beans

Sniff Ground Coffee

Smile to Self (and Company!)

Dump Ground Coffee into Coffee Press or Percolator

Sprinkle Cinnamon

Sprinkle Ginger

Sprinkle or drop Cloves

Sashay to the Sound of Your Happy Humming

Pour almost Boiling Hot Filtered Water into Coffee Press (or Cold Filtered Water into Percolator and Turn on Medium-High Heat)

For Coffee Press: Stir with wooden spoon, and place the top on, without pressing.

While Waiting for Your Brew & To Taste: Sing a song, or dance while sweeping or vacuuming, or fold one load of laundry, or daydream while washing dishes. 

Do Not: Check email or phone messages or to-do list!

After approx two songs:

Press Coffee or Turn Down Percolator.

Pour into Huge Coffee Mug that Invites Hands to Wrap Around it.

Sniff, smile, sip, repeat!

I usually also add a touch of organic half n' half. But it's unnecessary and also potentially unkind when we take a moment to think about how so many of the animals that gift us with dairy products are treated, which takes a little bit of the pure joy away. But it does add a touch of creamy goodness, so treat yourself with open eyes!

*The thing about pressed coffee is the oils are retained. Which is healthier or less healthy, depending on each person. And the thing about whole bean is that it's healthier because some types of mold can grow on pre-ground coffee (or so I've read, but I can't remember where so it could well be crazy talk. But in my opinion it makes absolute sense, so I'm leaving it here for you to consider. I believe you're smart enough to think for yourself and discover your own belief!) so if you're like me and drink coffee daily, I definitely recommend whole bean, shade grown, and fair trade!*

You'll notice my lack of measurements and such. Ya, that's because I just play it all by ear! Most mornings I prefer a full bodied spice free cup of coffee. But some chilly fall mist covered mornings, when my heart and soul want to celebrate and be bold, I play with the spices. I simply sprinkle, or delicately dash, or selfishly scoop... which I absolutely encourage you to do too!

And for my friends who like a creamier less "coffee" flavored pumpkin coffee drink, please peak at my friend, Meryl Ann Butler's, article that sparked my own desire to recipe swap!!!! 

Oh, ya, and while we're talkin' about pumpkins, go ahead and check out my parenting and pancake posts, Pumpkin in the Pancakes Part 1 & Part 2.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Author's Note: But heck, it's not a bad thing to do a family Coffee Shop trip once in a while too!
This is me with my mom and sister and dad, sipping overpriced less than healthy lattes.
And loving it!!!

*I have comments turned off here on my blog, but always post a link to Facebook where I invite you with all of my heart to share your own ideas, thoughts, and delicious coffee recipes!!! Hugs!!

Autism Answer: The Picture You Choose And The Picture That Chooses You

When I was a little girl I wanted to grow-up to be a mom and a writer of novels. 

I also wanted to be a woman who could morph into a cat, but that's irrelevant. tee hee!

I would picture myself with noisy, dirty, happy kids who asked me questions about the characters in my books and saw me as successful. When my kids were misbehaving I'd be consistent and kind, respecting them while saying no, and though they'd argue a bit they'd inevitably listen and understand my rules. Even thank me for teaching them my ways. When I imagined my future children they were mostly playing and discovering and following their hearts, and when they were fighting I'd sing a Mary Poppins type song and the room would turn kind and understanding again. I'd go back to writing my books and getting praise from the millions of readers who had adored my characters and story lines--all of which were a part of me.

Well.... that's not exactly what happened! I did become a mom but quickly discovered that fatigue and self-doubt were much more prevalent than the odd spoon full of sugar! And while I struggled to find my footing in the more realistic--yet, also more fulfilling!--world of parenting, writing sat in my heart but fear kept it from finding its way to my fingers. Until one day I had an idea for a movie and sat up all night writing it. The experience was fabulous! And from that moment on I promised myself I'd keep writing. So when my mom offered me the job of PR person, writing emails and articles and press releases... I was thrilled! Writing became my job, and I've been loving it and learning about it with gusto! Of course, I've yet to write that novel. Instead I write about human rights, self-discovery, neurofeedback and play therapy, parenting possibilities, and more.

The picture I chose as a child was a child's picture, and though it was exactly what I wanted it was also without the beauty of life's surprises and my own journey of learning. So now I live in the picture I chose, along with the picture that chose me.

My mom always knew that she wanted to be a famous actress and a mother to many. When she was little her mind overflowed with pictures of the Von Trapp children climbing trees and singing songs while she performed with them as well as solo in movies, and while she taught the world about equality and the magic of the universe.

Well... she had to have a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-three, having only two living children at the time (me and my sister), and so she took a break from acting classes and auditions and movie roles to adopt and raise with love and equality a bevy of disabled and abused children. We were kinda like the Von Trapps with way less money... even performed and played together on a North American Prison Tour! Eventually she helped me and my siblings so much we hardly needed more, and so she wrote songs, inspirational comedy shows, got certified and educated, advocated for neurofeedback, created podcasts and an international reality series, and so much more; teaching the world about equality and the magic of the universe.

The picture my mom had as a child was full of fame and respect and children, but it was without the beauty of struggle and discovery. The picture she now lives in is the one she chose, along with the one that chose her. 

When my second oldest son was small he would tell everyone confidently,"I'm going to be a character when I grow up!" He knew his dream was to be an actor, and everywhere we went he wore his rubber boots and superhero cape, practicing his roles and honing his talent. However a not-so-balanced brain made quite a few things challenging, and so while he worked with intense devotion on his acting, dancing, and other skills we searched for the foods and nutrients that would balance him out--adding, of course, the fantastic tool of neurofeedback. Today my son spends a large part of his time rehearsing and performing on stage, and an almost larger part of his time advocating for organic food and careful educated eating choices.

The picture he had as a child was full of pretend and imagined worlds, but it forgot to include the physical reality of a body needing nourishment to discover superhero strength. The picture he lives in today is the one he chose, along with the one that chose him.

We--myself, my mom, and my son--have always had a pretty clear picture of who we wanted to be, and so it's been fascinating and fun to see clearly that our dreams have come true. Even if they look different than when we once dreamed them.

I also have loved ones whose pictures were less clear, yet they too have grown into their dreams. 

My sister wanted to be the boss, to be seen and respected as a person and not talked down to or belittled as children often are. I'm not sure what her picture was but I'm certain it included clean lines and organized beauty. And I hope it included singing, because man can she sing!! Today my sister has four beautiful girls who are always clean--except when I babysit! She is a producer of still-photo shoots and darn good at it. Being on her set is like being with friends working together on a project of passion, everyone always feels confident and comfortable because it's both organized and relaxed. And when my sister is at home with her girls, she sings!! And it's beautiful!!

I'm betting her life today matches the picture she had when she was a child, but with the business of life also in front of the camera. No longer hiding but fully visible and making for a more rich and real experience!

My oldest son always loved to take toys and furniture apart, only to put it back together again in unique and creative ways. He would direct and--well, boss!--his brothers around while they made traps in the yard, built forts in the house, and choreographed dances for living-room family performances. I'm positive the picture he had in his head was one of him hanging out with friends, telling people what to do while they looked up at him with respect and admiration.

Today he still loves to hang out with friends, and is finding his skill as a film editor and writer. Editing Autism Tips with Tricks for my mom, and writing pieces that expose and share his beliefs about society and freedom. He hopes to one day become a film director and screenwriter. 

The picture he had as a child was born out of a desire to play and create, but forgot to include work, gratitude, and failures that teach. The picture he lives today is very much like the one he chose, along with the picture that chose him. 

I've come to believe that life, or the magic of the universe, will always give you the picture you choose, but along the way will encourage you to add depth and direction to that picture. We can see that as being taken off course I suppose. I could look at the truth that I'm about to turn forty and haven't yet written a single novel, and blame the universe or myself for giving me so many other things to care about. Or I could thank the other things I care about for giving themselves to me.... and I like that better!

Create your pictures with intention friends, and help your children do the same. But don't be afraid to notice all of the surprising details that emerge as it develops. And allow yourself to switch focus now and then. It's really the best way to get everything you possibly can out of the picture!

Both the picture you choose, and the one that chooses you!

Hugs, smiles, and love!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Organic Ideas

Our healthiest ideas are organic.

They are grown with the support and sacrifice of ideas that came before them, encouraged to bloom with patience and an honest interest and want for their eventual nourishment.

They blossom beautifully, taking advantage of the naturally existing personalities, cultures, quirks, and beliefs. Rather than attempting to create something that exists elsewhere, they use exactly what they are offered innately, while growing into exactly what they were meant to be. Authentic and delightfully, deliciously, different!

They are not mass produced cookie cutter memes or social stories, created with unoriginal ingredients meant to fit in a pretty box or under a restricting label.

When we were growing up my mom's ideas were organic--and I submit, lush and wildly grown!--which made many folks nervous, but nourished and encouraged our family's growth.

Today my mom (Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad) travels the globe successfully sharing the importance of organic ideas. Autistic or Tourett's or Bi-Polar or Anxious--doesn't matter. Bisexual or black or Catholic or conservative or overweight--not the point.

Who are you? What are your needs? What do you think? What do you believe?

Take time to nourish and coax and guide your organic thoughts until they blossom!

They may take a little longer than any hurriedly offered already existing one, and will be unlikely to fit perfectly in some preexisting labeled package.

But they will be much more nourishing and authentic. They will be yours. They will be valuable. They will be what you need. And they will be beautiful!

Hugs, smiles and love!!!
Autism Answers

ME: I am grateful for the ideas and beliefs shared with me by others.
They are fabulous offerings for my organic garden.
Which I grow and tend and choose
myself.