Autism Answer: About Last Night

Declyn

I made myself a peppermint tea (shhh! don't tell coffee) in my favorite to-go mug, kissed my exhausted hard working hubby on the cheek, and headed out the door.

I decided to pick up Declyn's farther away friend first. Declyn's theatre class was putting on their first annual talent show and I was picking up two of his friends to bring to the event.

I was sipping and singing and enjoying the short drive deep into the green trees. As is always the case when headed out to this boy's home, I saw critters and majestic mammals. The early evening was beautiful. I felt happy and open.

My son's friend was waiting for me when I arrived and thanked me as he climbed into the car. I let him know it was my pleasure to gather an audience for the show. I love showing off the theatre kids!

As we headed back toward town to pick up friend number two, we chatted.

ME: You're a senior also, right? Are you excited to graduate? Do have mixed feelings about the transition?

FRIEND: I'm excited. I've never really had friends. I'm kind of an outsider or an outcast.

ME: Well, you've got your group now. The boys spend every weekend at your house till 3AM almost without fail!

FRIEND: Ya, that's now. I've moved a lot and always tried to get a group together to play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons). Finally, I have this group.

ME: *Giggling* Well, you found yourself a great group of outsiders here!

FRIEND: Ya, they're all that way. Declyn is funny, too. He has the look and talents of the popular kids, you know? And he does mostly fit in with them but he's an outsider, too. Because he has almost everything they do except, well, he's not an asshole. Oh, sorry for the language!

ME: No problem! You just told me my son is not an asshole. You don't have to be too careful with your language to tell me that. I'll take it presented however you want to present it!

FRIEND: That makes sense. I was wondering, why do you write about autism? I heard you say to someone that you sometimes write about autism.

ME: Well, I have a lot of autistic family members and I've learned a lot about life and listening and actually truly caring about our differences because of it. And since I love to write, it's one of the things I write about.

FRIEND: That's neat. Hey, autism isn't a bad thing though, right? From my limited understanding it's kind of a serious focus on things that make them smarter and know more about it.

ME: I believe you're referring to the interests or perseverations. And you're right, autism isn't a bad thing but it does mean certain things are harder. And the interests you're talking about can mean a lot of different things in different people. Some interests are really hard to use well, and tend to interrupt an ability to follow conversation in common ways. Or even, sometimes, just to be happy. For some folks it's not too intense, for others it's really disruptive and hard. In my family there are so many styles and I've learned to see the similarities while noticing the vast differences.

FRIEND: Declyn said he used to have autism.

ME: Ya, he's lucky that my mom is who she is! She helped us work on his sensory issues and eye contact challenges in such fun and kind ways. And he doesn't seem to have autism anymore. The social challenges were the longest lasting, I think. No, sensory too.

FRIEND: I have a strong memory of a time I made a mean joke around one of my other friends who had autism, before I knew he had autism.

ME: Oh, boy. Kiddo. we all have those. Maybe not specific to autism, but the times we were mean.

FRIEND: Well. We were playing D&D and I made a joke about a choice someone made. I was like, "What, is your character autistic?" And then my friend was like, "You know, that's not a nice joke. Did you know that I'm autistic?" And - my brother has it on video actually - I just sat there. Stone-faced. I didn't know what to say!

ME: Ya, we've all made comments or jokes that are accidentally cruel. I think it's a willingness to listen to people and their reasons when they point it out that helps us grow thoughtful. But we don't know what we don't know, so it's bound to happen to all of us. Particularly when we're young.

FRIEND: Well, I had noticed that my friend had weird habits and, I don't know, was just kind of strange I guess? But we all kind of were, like I said, I'm an outcast. But I'd noticed it on him more. So I probably should have known better.

ME: Seriously, don't beat yourself up. I made similar mistakes all the time and my brothers were autitstic so I had every opportuntiy to know better. It's good to remember, but don't feel overly guilty, you know?

We pulled up to the next friend's house. This friend has been Declyn's best friend since pre-K. As he came up to my car wearing his usual wide almost goofy grin, I felt a moment of pure happiness. Almost as though the car-ride conversation was being given a comfortable closer.

This friend of Declyn's had been pulled out of school to be homeschooled. Largely because of his outcast ways. He and Declyn were being bullied by their Christian peers for their intense interest in Greek mythology and the Greek Gods. Declyn struggled for a few months, but told me he wanted to stay in school. We dealt with it that way, knowing that we were working with the goal of staying. His friend, on the other hand, worked on it with a different goal. And so he worked on it with his mom and they chose leaving.

They both were supported by parents and went the direction of their goals. It's a beautiful thing!

But last night his friend came back to the school - and it was his eighteenth birthday! - to watch his friend, my son, dance on stage in a talent show, senior scholarship fundraiser. And at the end of the night, my son took the mic and sang happy birthday to his friend.

My son drove his outsider friends home, with me - his mom, who has always felt on the edges of society - in the passenger seat.

I think we have all felt like outsiders or outcasts at times. And for many of us an inkling of that is just right. After all, we are all alone and only ourselves and "outside" to some degree. But for many of us, we are even farther outside, it's harder to find our groups or to connect.

But it happens. And when it does, it's a beautiful thing to watch!

Much like how watching my son dance is a beautiful thing to watch.

Oh, what's that? You'd like to see for yourself. Well, I thought you'd never ask! (Errrr.... you did want to ask but I wouldn't stop talking? Sorry about that! tee hee!)

Here's that dance you waited patiently through my story for! 

Happy Friday, friends!!
Outcasts, popular kids, and everyone in-between!! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

BTW: The video straightens out after the first few seconds.

Autism Answer: Suggestions For Taking Action This Autism Awareness & Acceptance month (April)

 

My brother bowling thanks to volunteers.

Straight up, I admit it, most of these suggestions are going to include links to something my mom (Dr. Lynette Louise, known as "The Brain Broad") made. But that's because my suggestions are awesome and so is the stuff my mom makes. 

So, let's dive into some awesome suggestions, shall we?

Oh, and by the way, happy April!!

Okay, let's begin: 

1) Watch the international docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD! Both seasons one and two (Uganda and USA, respectively) are available free on The Autism Channel and Women's Broadcast Network. Also you can rent or own the show via Vimeo On Demand (This is my favorite way to watch the show! Though it costs money it also means you have access anytime from any device. It is a great way to revisit and review new lessons, enjoy the show with friends, or have a screening in your community!)  

Oh, what's that? You have no idea what FIX IT IN FIVE is? Well, I'm sorry to hear that! Basically, it's an idea hatched out of Lynette’s desire to share her tools of change with thousands of families worldwide. No biggie.

Dr. Lynette Louise is invited into homes around the world where she teaches important attitudinal shifts and brain science to families struggling with brain disorders. Hundreds of children, parents, aunts, and grandpas have benefited from her passion and neurofeedback equipment. According to Lynette, “That’s not enough!” 

By offering her services as a docu-series she is able to give families willing to be on camera a free five day life-changing therapy marathon. At the same time audiences are gifted with answers, entertainment and an exampling of living life with creativity and intention. So, you know, a way to make the world a more understanding, safe, and fun place for people of all types. That's all. :D 

Follow this link for more info, videos, and links for viewing the show: FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD

2) Watch a film, listen to music, or read a book written by, starring, or otherwise created by someone with autism. Now, yes, I'm going to specifically link to stuff my mom has made (she herself is Historically Asperger's and also she casts autistic actors, as well as other neurodiverse cast and crew, in her projects) but the point is the most important part. You don't have to watch or read or rock out to my mom's stuff so long as you purposely seek art created by and performed by autistics. For example, my mom's stuff!  

Here are three specific suggestions:

a) Living with Lynette - Available for viewing is the pilot episode of Living with Lynette, a show she created with the plan to always hire neurodiverse actors, writers, and crew. In this episode, all of the actors have the diagnosis attributed to them. Also, I play "Sherry" the neighbor with an addiction to having too many carreers. I admit, I don't actually have that problem. Unless you count my addiction to reading which gives me the opportunty to IMAGINE having all kinds of carreers! 

Follow this link to watch Living with Lynette free on YouTube: Living with Lynette 

b) Crazy to Sane - My mom wrote and performed this one-woman musical comedy about her life quite a few years ago. The show is about healing herself and her family from the traumas of abuse, while also healing their brains. Autism, abuse, adoption, parenting, and healing are the main themes while laughter and music are the delivery system. Crazy to Sane has been performed around the world and regardless of language or culture it always brings audiences to their feet with tears, gratitude, and a desire to sing along! 

You can purchase the show CD (digital or physical CD) and watch music videos here: Crazy to Sane

c) Miracles are Made: A Real Life Guide To Autism - Miracles are Made is a real life guide, written from the happenings of real life. In Miracles Are Made my mom not only shares stories from her personal and professional life, but also illuminates the whys and the wherefores of the social climate parents find themselves in when coping with autism. So whether you have autism in your immidiate world or not, it offers a glimpse into how we, as people in the world, are all affecting each other. And then, by highlighting neurofeedback and the plasticity of the brain, she offers valuable solutions. She teaches us how to make the best of what is possible and recreate the healings she has been fortunate enough to facilitate. As a reader you come away understanding how to understand autism. You come away knowing what to do.

To learn more about Miracles are Made and mom's other books, follow this link: BOOKS by Lynette Louise


3) Enter to win a signed copy of my book, Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself, which is being given away FREE (for folks in the USA) by The Perfect Piece this Autism Awareness Month! (Okay, this one isn't exactly something my mom made but it is a book of stories about my life which, no surprise, includes a lot of stuff about mom. And, if we're getting technical, my mom made me and I made the book so, I guess it is still something she made! Giggle!) Head on over to The Perfect Piece, send in a pic that represents what autism means in your life (get creative! Have fun!) and it will be posted on The Perfect Piece social media accounts. Likes on your picture get you points, so be sure to tell your friends to hit that like button! Also, there are several other ways to gain points beyond that. Be sure the visit the page and ask questions! Then, when you win, you can read my book, love it, and tell everyone you know about it. Now, I am not autistic. However, as you know, I have grown-up surrounded by autism. So I like to think my book is a candid (and kind) perspective of growing-up alongside autism. 

4) Ask about autism. Thoughtfully and with kind curiosity and interest. Open yourself up to believing and understanding and mostly listening. And, again, ask. Be sure to largely ask autistics. Listen to and learn from parents and experts who aren't autistic also, but largely ask autistics. If you aren't comfortable or certain how or who to ask, begin with the internet. But PLEASE be kind, careful, and clear in your searches. I admit that there's a lot of debate and high emotion in the autism community. How to say it (autistic or has autism?) how to talk about it (a gift, a curse, a sickness, a style) how to represent your support (a puzzle piece, the color blue, light it up, the infinity sign) etc, but in my experience the most important part is to care, to listen, and to truly take steps to understand the reasons for the debates more than the conclusions people come to. The reasons are where the important seeds can be found. 

One place you can learn a bit more about autism is, wait for it.... my mom's autism and neurofeedback site!! Brain and Body. (Phew! I almost didn't mention stuff my mom makes there. Close one. tee hee!) 

To learn about autism and neurofeedback follow these links: Brain and Body - Autism information | Brain and Body - What is Neurofeedback? | Brain and Body - Autism & Neurofeedback 

5) Join autism groups, read articles, volunteer at a church, school, workplace, anywhere that includes folks on the spectrum of autism. If you are making a movie or if you own a business, hire people with autism. IMPORTANT: Take an extra moment to rethink the way you've been thinking about that guy that you see acting strangely in your local store or the parent you see allowing behaviors you don't understand. Be kind and interested, not judgemental and afraid.  (No links to stuff my mom made here, but I'm being entirely honest when I tell you that my mom wished for this more than anything when she was raising eight kids on her own, six adopted and four on the autism spectrum. She wished for, more than anything, less judgement. She taught us the value of this and asked that we always do our best to example it. We try.) 

Those are my suggestions for taking action this Autism Awareness And Acceptance Month! Maybe share this post around so that others can take action with you. Add suggestions of your own when you share it! 

Have fun, get creative, be kind, and let's promise ourselves to teach at least one new thing and to learn at least one new thing this April.

We'll meet back here in May and share our results!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: The Top Three Reasons I Take A Selfie (What About You?)

When my sons were little I took selfie-like pics of me with them often. Back then I didn't have access to digital pics or social media. So, I would take three or four in the hopes that one turned out alright ("alright" meaing that I captured the mood I was after and we don't look too unkempt, or - in the case of me personally - like a mean cackling witch) and then wait a month or two until I could afford to have the photos developed to find out how I did. In most cases, I threw away a few of these photos keeping only the ones I mostly liked for our photo album. (Back then a photo album was a physical thing. Boy, I'm old! tee hee!)

Anyway, now that I can use my phone to snap as many pics as I want at no extra cost while knowing how simple it is to delete the ones that don't work, I still sometimes take selfie-style photos with my son. Also, with my nieces and siblings and friends and my granddaughter! I love especially when I can capture the mood of our moments together! Some I share on social media, most I keep for myself and my family to scroll through when the moment calls for it.

But now, with my access to digital photos and social media, along with my new role of sometimes marketer, I also take a lot of selfies. Simply, a picture of me. Not only that, but I take pictures of myself to share with others. It feels weird, I admit, taking a bunch of pics of myself and then looking for the one that works. It's a little bit embarassing even, and I always look around furtively in hopes that no one will see me. So, why do I do it? 

Well, good question. I was wondering that myself! So I thought about it and discovered that these are the three most common reasons I take selfies. 

1) I'm Not A Good Enough Photographer To Capture Mood with Inanimate Objects

This one comes up mostly when I'm trying to get a good picture of a book. Books are freaking beautiful! They stir emotions and possiblity in me, and every time I'm reading a

Coffee and a book.

new one I want to share it with the world. Partly as a way to share book suggestions with followers and partly as a way to show folks what I'm reading so they can chime in with comments if they know the book or the author and have thoughts to share. But, now and then, I also try to get pics of other objecst that stir a mood in me. Headphones, pencils, coffee, etc. However, the mood stirred in me that I want to share I can rarely capture. Enter the selfie. It's easier for me to model the mood (while holding the book, wearing the headphones, nibbling the pencil, you get it) than it is to use lighting, props, and filters to create the image that evokes the feelings. So, the most common reason I take selfies is because I'm not a great photographer but I want badly to share something well. Hence, I put myself in the pic and model the mood and pose with the item (again, most often a book) because I don't - yet! - want badly enough to learn the skill of photography. 

  

 
 

2) I Want To Accompany My Words With An Image But I Don't Know The Rules 
 

I'll want to post a story or a thought, or I'll want to tell folks about one of my mom's books or shows or interviews, and I want to use an image to capture attention as well as add

Coffee and one of my mom's books!

personality to the post. But I don't know what the rules are exactly about copyright, privacy, etc. If I take a photo that includes a business logo or storefront, how much freedom do I have to post? If there is a person in the picture but I write a thought or opinion that goes against their values, is that fair? If I want to use photos from photo sharing sites, I often have to pay and always have to understand exactly what each copyright rule means and how to fairly use the image - creative commons, fair use, yadda yadda, I'm not confident I understand the meanings. So, I just take a photo of me or something I made. And then I give me permission to use it. 

 



3) I Think My Hair Looks Particularly Cool And Want It To Be Seen

Ya, that happens sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. I'll walk by a window, see my

Check out my hair!

reflection and think that my hair is looking pretty awesome. Then I'll notice for a moment that I live a very quiet life with not many people around. There's my hubby and my youngest son. Sometimes my brother stops by. But that's about it. I work from home and even the hours that I volunteer are mostly done on my computer. So, I'll take a selfie and post it! Admittedly, I don't say, "I think my hair looks cool," in the post, I almost always come up with something else to mention. Also, I don't sit around wondering if other people think my hair looks cool, that's not really the point. I just post and think, neat! I captured the cool way my hair is falling today! How fun! 

So, there we have it. The three most common reasons I take a selfie. I mainly wanted to share with you because I think it's fun. But also, I think it's valuable to take the time to notice what we do and why we do it. Also, selfies are far more common now than they were when I first started taking them with my 110 film cartridge. So I think it's a healthy excersise to consider our reasons. I hear people assume that it's to show off our awesome lives or to get attention by trying to look attractive and then hoping for likes and comments. Sure, some people probably do that some of the time. And if we catch ourselves doing that, serving images of ourselves and our activities up to the virutual world in hopes of some validation of sorts, well, we would do well to think about that. Maybe make a change. I don't think that's safe or healthy. 

But I think a great many of us take selfies (and share our lives, our opinions, our talents) for such a wide variety of reasons that it's worth thinking about. 

In fact, today is an important day with a small tie-in, I think. While I'm writing a silly fun post about taking pictures of myself, millions of people are marching around the world with the intention of changing American gun laws. This important movement (which, full disclosure, I support) was largely started by a traumatized group of teens from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, recent victim of a mass shooting. 

Now, these young people have been outspoken, well organized, and clear of message from the beginning. There are, of course, many reasons why these students have been capable of

Wondering about what we do and why we do it, for our grandchildren.

speaking with strength and clarity, but I'm quite sure one of the reasons they are comfortable speaking on camera and able to market their message well is, well, the selfie-style time they are growing up in. Taking a video of yourself and posting it online, with the possiblitiy of who knows how many seeing it, is how they're growing up. Taking a picture of yourself and then posting it - for reasons healthy and un - is how they've grown up. Hashtagging to find a target audience, and also to create a memorable meaningful slogan, is how they've grown up. And, sadly, school shooter drills is, too. So the successful turnout and attention of this weekend's  #MarchForOurLives is probably in part due to the selfie generation taking the time to think about the reasons for selfies. And, of course, due to the fact that it's a just cause to march for. 

So, I wanted to write about why I take selfies because it's fun. But also, as it is with most things, there is something valuable in it. 

Do you ever take selfies? 
If so, do you share them? 
With your family or on social media? 

Why?
Have you every wondered?
It might be a good thing to know.  

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: In The Parking Lot

In the car

I was sitting in our car waiting for my hubby to come out of the auto parts store, my window slightly open and a cool spring breeze tickling my cheeks. 

A big old noisy truck pulled up beside me and a nice looking elderly couple smiled at me from their open windows. I comfortably smiled back. 

Humming to myself I watched as the gentleman from the truck stepped awkwardly out of his vehicle (perhaps babying tender muscles or creaky joints, I thought) and I shared another smile with the woman who chose to stay behind. Kindred spirits, I felt. She picked up her phone and began to scroll. I giggled, picked up my phone and took the selfies in this post. 

Then my husband came out to the car carrying a new alternator, placed it by my feet on the passenger side, and excused himself to head back into the store. I stretched, kissed his cheek while he uncomfortably allowed it (displays of affection are nervous things for my husband so I rarely do them but sometimes, well, sometimes I can hardly help it) and I watched as he moved with a quick shuffle toward the store. Our age is showing, I happily sighed. I like it. 

As my look drifted toward the woman in the truck I was shocked out of my moment by angry eyes and an accusatory shaking of her head. I tried a smile but she only huffed and looked back down at her phone. 

Hmmm.... what had I done? The kiss was literally a peck on the cheek. I would ask nothing more than that of my husband, anyhow. Hmmm... had I imagined the anger? Perhaps. Wait. Here comes the gentleman she was with. Sharply she said, "we have to go." That's how she welcomed him back. Ya, I think it might be something about me. Oh, well. Probably the mixed-race relationship thing, or maybe my husband's age compared to mine. We used to get angry stares pretty often. Or, maybe, she also doesn't like displays of affection. Even tiny ones. I suppose it could have been my humming that bothered her. 

Of course, it may have had absolutely nothing at all to do with me and may have been something on her phone that shifted her mood, our eye contact and her head-shaking completely unnoticed by her in whatever headspace she was in. That's quite possible. Equally as possible as any reason I had imagined already, and all the others I hadn't. 

Anyway, they drove away while I stayed. Humming and thinking and enjoying the breeze. 

Sitting in our car waiting for my hubby to come out of the auto parts store. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

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Running errands with my husband

 

Autism Answer: Not A Traditional Family

Me and my son at UTA in Arlington

"My family is not a traditional family because it is extremely open, diverse, and strange. Everyone that I know in my family doesn’t judge others, rather we accept their differences and try to help them. My grandmother, on my mom’s side, helps those with autism, myself being included in those she’s treated. I had a mild case of autism at a young age, which affected my social skills, but my grandmother provided Neurofeedback and helped my brain function normally. My brain hadn’t fully recovered until I was in 5th grade. This made me strong enough to overcome social, personal, and educational challenges. I have become a more accepting person and freely able to express myself because my family is so diverse." ~Declyn Shelton, my youngest son.

That's a snippet from my son's essay to a University in response to the prompt: "What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person." 

Today he and I visited one of the Universities he's thinking of attending. We had a blast! The campus tour was informative, the guide was delightfully fun, and it was a beautiful day. 

As we drove home afterward, he teared up a little; surprising himself with a flood of emotion. He pulled the car off of the Interstate about halfway between Dallas and our small town (two hours south) so I could drive the rest of the way home. He started texting friends he hadn't seen in a while and making plans to hang out this week, which is their spring break. He looked at me and laughed while wiping away tears, "I can't believe how emotional I am! All the memories I've made are already made. Now I'm about to start making new ones. It feels weird and exciting and sad. Wow! Who'd have thought, right mom? University. Wow!" 

I just nodded. I felt my feelings waiting their turn. For now, I really want to experience life on the edges of his. 

After making plans to hang out with one of his best friends from much younger years, and talking a bit about how their friendship had taken an uncomfortable turn for a while, my son said to me, "You know, mom, I was always a different kind of kid. Wise, in a way. I blame you for that. You were always so non-judgemental of everyone but you also let us see the world for what it was, so I wasn't naive. Just free and wise." He got quiet then. We enjoyed the rest of the drive in emotional but lovely silence. 

I don't know if Declyn will go to The University of Texas at Arlington (though it's possible he will) but I do know that before the year is over he'll be doing something I have no frame of reference for. I've never been to University. 

Well, except for today. 

And with my youngest son at my side, it was easy to like it.
(Also, it helps that I don't have any assignments due. tee hee!)

I hope you and your family are finding ways to celebrate and harness the diversity and challenges in your world with a portion of the passion and pride my son is able to! 

As parents, we can worry that perhaps having "difference" in the home puts unfair pressure on our children, and in some ways it does. But pressure is not bad inherently. It can be molded and shaped and over time, reveal a strong, beautiful diamond. 

My son is constantly reminding me of that. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

 
P.S. I don't know if I should tell him the truth about who I was in his childhood. Sure, I was non-judgemental-ish but that was partly because I still had a bit of low self-esteem and I assumed everyone else was more successful than me in some way. If he knew that would he still blame me for his wise? Nah. Why risk it? Giggle!
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For Info on the Neurofeedback my son talked about in his essay, visit my mom's autism and neurofeedback website: www.brainbody.net / or her personal website: www.lynettelouise.com
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Autism Answer: Highlighting My Favorite International Woman This International Women's Day!

This International Women's Day I'm highlighting my favorite international woman!

Dr. Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad) (aka my mom!) is the single mom of eight (six adopted, four with cognitive dysfunctions) an inspirational comedian and singer/songwriter, a brain & behavior expert, an award-winning author, an international autism show host (FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD, on The Autism Channel

Me and my sister and a couple of her kids.

and Vimeo On Demand) a grandma, great-grandma, and family addict. (Seriously, my mom, my sister, and I have a family addiction issue. It just feels soooooooo goooooood to be together!)

The bravest, strongest, biggest hearted women I know are my mom and my sister. 

My mom: Against all odds (abuse, her own autism, single parenting, children adopted from abuse and with their own disabilities, prejudice, and more) my mom raised us all with a firm belief in, and expectation of, our potential. And - despite what our society kept saying via film, magazine covers, classroom rules, expected etiquette and "normal" behavior,  and well meaning but dangerously cruel professionals -  we all couldn't help but believe mom's belief in us. It was just so darn real and insistent! 

My sister: She grew and worked in ways unlike my mom but always with that same brave, ferocious love for her children. A love that she uses as a compass in all her decision making, regardless of how uncommon the path or how strong she'll have to be to travel it. If she believes it's best for her babes she heads straight for it. Period. 

My mom again: My sister knows it's possible to do the impossible for your children because that was exampled consistently and creatively for us all our lives. My mom never let the world or the status quo define who we were or who we could be. Sure, that most often meant making difficult choices and working against the grain. It meant constantly and tirelessly teaching teachers and neighbors how to love and respect her brood. Something that just seemed so darn obvious to her yet was one of the more common problems. But mom knew we were worth it. She believed in us so hard that we couldn't help but believe in

From my mom's international docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE

ourselves. 

CONFESSION: Sometimes I wished she'd stop believing in me so much because choosing my own destiny seemed like a lot of responsiblitiy. tee hee! 

So I'm highlighting a wonderful international woman this International Women's Day. She's only one of the many worth celebrating, but she's the one I have been most influenced and supported by. This is the reason we need to celebrate and encourage women. Because of the influence and inspiration and support they offer to others. Not just other women, but the world.

You gotta admit. The world can always benefit from a woman's touch! 

Happy International Woman's Day!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Family photo from our younger years. :D

I encourage you to visit my mom's websites to learn more about her awesome-ness and how she is helping families around the globe! www.lynettelouise.com / www.brainbody.net 

Autism Answer: Inclusion Rider (and Other Oscar Night Insights)

I am not now, and never have I been, a visionary. My habit is to observe, consider, delight in, learn from, and seek answers in life on the edge. My family and my style have always kept me not quite fitting into the norm, but always close enough to live in a state of wanting to fit in while wanting to be comfortable standing out.

From this place, I have explored diversity: in my ideas, in the people of my life, in the cultures I live in and visit, and in the stories I choose to watch, read, tell, and believe.

But I am not one who sees clearly outside of the common narrative. Though I am poised to understand because of my positioning, I almost always need a nudge. 

Thus, I am one of those people who appreciates with great passion the people (like my mom) who step out and speak up thoughtfully and with passion about what they see, what they don't see, and how they understand it to be affecting us. These people bring me news from the places I see on the horizon, point out connections that are often missing in regular discourse.

When I was young I confess to a fear of believing in these people. These speakers of truth that rattle the status quo. I don't like confrontation and would worry about being challenged, not confident in my own ability to explain an insight I was unsure of, even while knowing that my uncertainty had more to do with my fear of being confronted than the insight itself. 

Happily, though, as I've matured I've grown better at listening, doing my darndest to understand, and then diving into my own personal thinking on the subject.

So, I admit it. I didn't always agree or see that there was a lack of diverse storytelling and inclusion in our Hollywood films. I also didn't always see how it was affecting me. How it was teaching me what to expect, who to include, and how to do so.

But I have, over the years, been shifted into an important understanding. I've listened, observed, and considered the lack of true diversity in our mainstream films and am surprised by how clueless I've been!

It's not only the lack of representation in important roles (the stars, the writers, the directors, the producers) who are rarely women, disabled, black or brown, openly gay or transgender. It's also in the stories themselves, what we tell and how we tell them (which, I'm certain, is a by-product of the lack of diversity in the folks being paid to tell the stories). 

Inclusion in film is, finally, slowly, growing, which has mostly revealed to me how dangerous it was that we were missing out on it all along.

Our movies aren't just what we watch when we want a respite from life or a night out. They inform our thinking, introduce us to concepts, bring people into our hearts and homes. They help us know a bigger world that we can ever discover on our own, breaking down barriers and building bridges. 

Those of us who see ourselves in these stories rarely notice who we aren't seeing. I'm not beautiful*, but I'm an able-bodied pretty enough white girl. I've seen myself represented in the "friend" role of films many times. Heck, I even fashioned my life that way for a long while. Wanting to say the wise things to my beautiful family member or friend when they were struggling with a problem. Wanting to be the one there in the exact right moment to say the thing that would bring the beautiful person's conflict to a close. Because of me but not about me.

*Please note that in this context I'm referring to a type of Hollywood beautiful. I know that I am beautiful. We all are. But this is a story about representation in a visual medium. Okay? Okay. Thanks! 

But what happens when the person you are is rarely seen in the stories? Sure, we are all in the main the same - desiring love, acceptance, support, and a bit of stability - but we are vastly different, too. 

And so if I was disabled or gay or obese or black or brown (and so on) I wouldn't often see myself in a mainstream starring role or even an important role. I wouldn't see my worries or needs or unique issues discussed and brought to light. And when I was represented on screen it would most often be as a plot device, a person to pity, or a social activist type hero. Not often, almost never, as a good ol' fashion regular person in the starring role of a mainstream film about: FADE IN having a problem, finding love, learning something about myself, and finally fixing my problem, FADE OUT.

At the Oscars last night, which I saw the last half of, there was a bit of diversity. That was nice. But it wasn't until Frances McDormand gave her Oscar-winning acceptance speech that I learned the term "Inclusion Rider" and knew how very many people agree and believe in the need for this shift in filmmaking!

If, like me, you thought she was saying "inclusion writer" and thought, "Well, that's a strange way to put it. I mean, we need writers who are inclusive and stuff, but an inclusion writer makes it sound, I dunno, weird. Plus, it's not that we need writers who include diverse characters and storylines, although we do and that helps, but what we need are writers who are different and diverse themselves. Inclusion writer sounds almost like a way to keep diversity out by writing them in, giving them a pat on the back and saying, 'There ya go, friend.' That's not cool."

Well, no. That's not what she was saying at all! It turns out that actors can insist on an Inclusion Rider clause in their contracts which insists on a certain level of diversity in the cast and crew for that project. That's fantastic!!! I love that!! 

Inclusion already makes life better. Imagine how much better our movies will be when we open them up to everyone!!

In a film that stars a character with a disability it would be wonderful to see actors with the disability play the role.

I've been on the set of a film that did just that. I played the role of Sherry (and I did production assistant work) for the pilot film Living with Lynette.

The show's intention is to hire actors, writers, and crew with challenges and disabilities.

The episode I'm in stars actors with autism, bipolar disorder, even a man (my dad) who was dying from cancer. The director/writer is Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad"), world-renowned Brain & Behaviour expert. We had a camera operator who had a learning disability, and her brother was on the autism spectrum. He also played, along with his mom, a small role in the film.

Working with autistic actors in Living with Lynette presented challenges. But filmmaking is ALWAYS filled with challenges and filmmakers get beautifully creative when put in a position to problem solve! So, I don't see the problem! ;D

It's important to include everyone in our storytelling and a great way to do that is to encourage, invite, and embrace all types. The idea of an Inclusion Rider is clever. That's something A-List actors can do.

And something audiences can do is demand it. We are ultimately the people filmmakers need to please. It is our money, reviews, money, attention, and money that they are craving. We are their lifeblood. Their nourishment. Let's see the films with the most different than us cast. Seek the stories that represent and hire a more diverse world.

And, when appropriate, we should bring our children! Show them, tell them, believe in them! Make sure they know that they can be our important storytellers, too. Not some of our children, all of our children!

I love film. Heck, I've written a screenplay myself and hope one day to see it on the big screen. (Yes, my screenplay has a diverse group of characters, thanks for asking!) I think that even if we don't want to make movies it is necessary that we remember the role we play in choosing what movies are made.

And in my role as important movie decider I'm signing my own personal moviegoing Inclusion Rider right now. I may not be a visionary or a great leader but I will certainly choose what visions and leaders I want to support.

Feel free to join me!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

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Living with Lynette