Autism Answer: Inclusion Rider (and Other Oscar Night Insights)

I am not now, and never have I been, a visionary. My habit is to observe, consider, delight in, learn from, and seek answers in life on the edge. My family and my style have always kept me not quite fitting into the norm, but always close enough to live in a state of wanting to fit in while wanting to be comfortable standing out.

From this place, I have explored diversity: in my ideas, in the people of my life, in the cultures I live in and visit, and in the stories I choose to watch, read, tell, and believe.

But I am not one who sees clearly outside of the common narrative. Though I am poised to understand because of my positioning, I almost always need a nudge. 

Thus, I am one of those people who appreciates with great passion the people (like my mom) who step out and speak up thoughtfully and with passion about what they see, what they don't see, and how they understand it to be affecting us. These people bring me news from the places I see on the horizon, point out connections that are often missing in regular discourse.

When I was young I confess to a fear of believing in these people. These speakers of truth that rattle the status quo. I don't like confrontation and would worry about being challenged, not confident in my own ability to explain an insight I was unsure of, even while knowing that my uncertainty had more to do with my fear of being confronted than the insight itself. 

Happily, though, as I've matured I've grown better at listening, doing my darndest to understand, and then diving into my own personal thinking on the subject.

So, I admit it. I didn't always agree or see that there was a lack of diverse storytelling and inclusion in our Hollywood films. I also didn't always see how it was affecting me. How it was teaching me what to expect, who to include, and how to do so.

But I have, over the years, been shifted into an important understanding. I've listened, observed, and considered the lack of true diversity in our mainstream films and am surprised by how clueless I've been!

It's not only the lack of representation in important roles (the stars, the writers, the directors, the producers) who are rarely women, disabled, black or brown, openly gay or transgender. It's also in the stories themselves, what we tell and how we tell them (which, I'm certain, is a by-product of the lack of diversity in the folks being paid to tell the stories). 

Inclusion in film is, finally, slowly, growing, which has mostly revealed to me how dangerous it was that we were missing out on it all along.

Our movies aren't just what we watch when we want a respite from life or a night out. They inform our thinking, introduce us to concepts, bring people into our hearts and homes. They help us know a bigger world that we can ever discover on our own, breaking down barriers and building bridges. 

Those of us who see ourselves in these stories rarely notice who we aren't seeing. I'm not beautiful*, but I'm an able-bodied pretty enough white girl. I've seen myself represented in the "friend" role of films many times. Heck, I even fashioned my life that way for a long while. Wanting to say the wise things to my beautiful family member or friend when they were struggling with a problem. Wanting to be the one there in the exact right moment to say the thing that would bring the beautiful person's conflict to a close. Because of me but not about me.

*Please note that in this context I'm referring to a type of Hollywood beautiful. I know that I am beautiful. We all are. But this is a story about representation in a visual medium. Okay? Okay. Thanks! 

But what happens when the person you are is rarely seen in the stories? Sure, we are all in the main the same - desiring love, acceptance, support, and a bit of stability - but we are vastly different, too. 

And so if I was disabled or gay or obese or black or brown (and so on) I wouldn't often see myself in a mainstream starring role or even an important role. I wouldn't see my worries or needs or unique issues discussed and brought to light. And when I was represented on screen it would most often be as a plot device, a person to pity, or a social activist type hero. Not often, almost never, as a good ol' fashion regular person in the starring role of a mainstream film about: FADE IN having a problem, finding love, learning something about myself, and finally fixing my problem, FADE OUT.

At the Oscars last night, which I saw the last half of, there was a bit of diversity. That was nice. But it wasn't until Frances McDormand gave her Oscar-winning acceptance speech that I learned the term "Inclusion Rider" and knew how very many people agree and believe in the need for this shift in filmmaking!

If, like me, you thought she was saying "inclusion writer" and thought, "Well, that's a strange way to put it. I mean, we need writers who are inclusive and stuff, but an inclusion writer makes it sound, I dunno, weird. Plus, it's not that we need writers who include diverse characters and storylines, although we do and that helps, but what we need are writers who are different and diverse themselves. Inclusion writer sounds almost like a way to keep diversity out by writing them in, giving them a pat on the back and saying, 'There ya go, friend.' That's not cool."

Well, no. That's not what she was saying at all! It turns out that actors can insist on an Inclusion Rider clause in their contracts which insists on a certain level of diversity in the cast and crew for that project. That's fantastic!!! I love that!! 

Inclusion already makes life better. Imagine how much better our movies will be when we open them up to everyone!!

In a film that stars a character with a disability it would be wonderful to see actors with the disability play the role.

I've been on the set of a film that did just that. I played the role of Sherry (and I did production assistant work) for the pilot film Living with Lynette.

The show's intention is to hire actors, writers, and crew with challenges and disabilities.

The episode I'm in stars actors with autism, bipolar disorder, even a man (my dad) who was dying from cancer. The director/writer is Dr. Lynette Louise ("The Brain Broad"), world-renowned Brain & Behaviour expert. We had a camera operator who had a learning disability, and her brother was on the autism spectrum. He also played, along with his mom, a small role in the film.

Working with autistic actors in Living with Lynette presented challenges. But filmmaking is ALWAYS filled with challenges and filmmakers get beautifully creative when put in a position to problem solve! So, I don't see the problem! ;D

It's important to include everyone in our storytelling and a great way to do that is to encourage, invite, and embrace all types. The idea of an Inclusion Rider is clever. That's something A-List actors can do.

And something audiences can do is demand it. We are ultimately the people filmmakers need to please. It is our money, reviews, money, attention, and money that they are craving. We are their lifeblood. Their nourishment. Let's see the films with the most different than us cast. Seek the stories that represent and hire a more diverse world.

And, when appropriate, we should bring our children! Show them, tell them, believe in them! Make sure they know that they can be our important storytellers, too. Not some of our children, all of our children!

I love film. Heck, I've written a screenplay myself and hope one day to see it on the big screen. (Yes, my screenplay has a diverse group of characters, thanks for asking!) I think that even if we don't want to make movies it is necessary that we remember the role we play in choosing what movies are made.

And in my role as important movie decider I'm signing my own personal moviegoing Inclusion Rider right now. I may not be a visionary or a great leader but I will certainly choose what visions and leaders I want to support.

Feel free to join me!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

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Living with Lynette

Autism Answer: Celebrating Angst and Telling Stories

Our lives are created and experienced and understood through story. 

When we're young we accept and play with and interpret the stories told to us. As we grow up we try our hand and telling and imagining and living our own stories. 

In the meantime we never quit enjoying and learning from the stories of others. We listen - some of us better than others! - and read and watch and debate the meaning and value of these stories. 

Somehow, though, our culture has mostly forgotten to place the power of story on top. We think of it more as entertainment or silliness or only important after we've paid the bills and worked hard. 

I cry bull corn! 
I say no way!

We become our stories. We are our stories. We live and imagine and remember our stories. 

We have the ability, joy, and power to tell and live our stories for ourselves and in our way. But you've heard me say that once or twice (or a gazillion) times before. 

What I want to talk about, for a moment, is the value and fun and importance of respecting all aspects of story. The joy, brilliance, strength, and love alongside the pain, violence, rejection, and anger.  

"We exist to feel and so we crave every aspect of story," The Hitchhiker in my screenplay argues. And I agree. Indeed, that's why I wrote my screenplay! So he/I could argue that!

I often celebrate darker more dangerous emotions. I dive in and really feel them, imagine them, learn from them, desire them even. Yet my life is a consistently beautiful happy story and I'm a chronically happy person. 

I had a friend who sang in a cover band. Before a show he would ask me what songs I wanted him to sing and, without fail, I would intensely and excitedly list off my dark favorites. Sober by Tool, Tyler by Toadies, The Water's Edge by Seven Mary Three. Songs that explore anger and self loathing and violence. Songs that, every time without fail he would say, didn't match me.

"But they do!" I would insist, getting hyped up and thrilled at a night of dancing ahead of me. "How else do you think I live so happily all the time? If I didn't celebrate those feelings in these places, dancing, reading, writing, I would invite them more often into my other reality. That's no fun! So, I honor them in the songs you're gonna sing. Let's go!"

He would laugh lovingly at me and remind me that I wasn't exactly "normal" so he'd sing my songs at the beginning of the night, when the audience wasn't yet drunk and riled up, and save happy songs for later in the evening, when the folks needed to be brought up and reminded of happiness. 

That made sense! Besides, I love happy songs too!

We all make a million choices, small and big, in our lives that take us in a million different directions. All of the stories we tell and live now are in place of a million others we could have lived. This is a fun thing to think about, and sometimes I wonder about the me I might have been who is less happy. The me who didn't listen when my mom taught me to think for myself and tell my own stories and value everyone. The me who didn't have kids. The me who ran away with that abusive boyfriend. The stories I chose not to live but still wonder about. 

As you know, friends, when I tell stories of my family life and share moments from my daily doings I'm not afraid to reveal terrific and often scary truths, but I also almost always spin it in ways that reveal answers and beauty. 

However, I find other places to be equally revealing if less happy-ish. Celebrating pure joy is gorgeous! But so, too, is celebrating pure angst. "We exist to feel." And so I celebrate feeling. 

And it's always revealing. 

Yesterday I decided to participate in Chuck Wendig's Flash Fiction Challenge, to write a five sentence story. An entire story in only five sentences.

So, with five sentences I explored the life of a homeless me, afraid of authority and confused about freedom. 

In five sentences I made up a story from a familiar me I almost was. A me I chose not to be. I remember her, and I love her.

 

I chatted quietly and sweetly in the back of the police cruiser, smiling and giggling and apologizing and nervously covering up my deep fear, taking action by putting my sweetness and youth on display.

I’d never been arrested before and I never imagined that I could be; I was a sweet girl who was afraid of authority so I rarely broke rules, other than ones of necessity.

By the time I was locked up with the others I had reassured myself that I didn’t belong, that I could at least enjoy a night with a roof over my head until this mess was cleaned up and my obvious goodness was clear and understood. Avoiding eye contact with the large black woman pooping on the toilet four feet from my mismatched sneakers I promised myself that I would be extra good and do exactly what I was told.

Then I would be free.

I do not believe that obeying rules and being good and nice means I've earned freedom, not anymore. I now believe that freedom is something I have an absolute right to and that the rules tend to take my freedom away. That doesn't mean I don't think there should ever be rules, that means I think we should always know them as taking away a freedom for a purpose that we're deeming worthy. And we should always consider whether, indeed, it is worthy. 

But writing that story and tapping into that place, where I was scared and certain that my freedom was something I should prove I deserved, gave me feelings. "We exist to feel." And I did. 

Please remember the value and power of your stories! Please be purposeful and curious, be willing to hurt and feel joy. Celebrate all of the feelings but find a safe place to explore the ones that tempt you to be hateful or angry or scared or uncertain of your value. 

For me, that safe place is on the dance floor or singing my face off in my car. It's in the books I read, some of the movies I watch (I have to be careful with those, some are healthy for me and some are dangerous) and the stories I write. 

Don't deny your less than pretty feelings and don't justify, don't dress them up as something they aren't (are you hearing me Trump supporters?) but rather celebrate them in a safe space and encourage yourself to consider their meaning. Your feelings are for you and shouldn't be shoved on others, but you can share and consider and explore and explain and tweak and edit them, as a group. 

My happiness and joy doesn't grow from a life of only happy stories. It grows from a life of diverse stories that honor it all. A life of balance and choice.

"We exist to feel and so we crave every aspect of story." 

I couldn't have said it better myself!
tee hee!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Autism Answer: Happy Birthday, Jory Rand!

My oldest son, Jory Rand.

Twenty-two years ago today, Jory was born.

I was nineteen, and he was perfect. Everywhere we went I beamed with pride, and when we'd pass other moms and dads I'd nod apologetically, knowing that though their children were fine, mine was the best!

(BTW: That's not a joke, I really felt apologetic. Hey, now, I was only nineteen! And look at him!! giggle!)

Together we made millions of perfect mistakes, and learned millions of perfect lessons. 

In fact, I learned one of my most important parenting lessons the very day Jory was born.

After weeks and months of going out of my mind with excitement about being a mom and meeting the child I knew would always be my best friend, he was finally born and immediately introduced me to what I would come to learn was an absolute truth: 

He wasn't part of me, he was himself. And I didn't know him yet. 

He taught me, immediately, that it would be our privilege to spend a lifetime getting to know ourselves and each other. 

It has been a most fun, movie filled, cheese and crackers munching, friend making, positive thinking, elaborate fort making twenty-two years!

I love you Jory Rand!!! 

Happy Birthday!!!! 

 Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

New Website: www.fourbrothersoneworld.com

Autism Answer: When You Find Your Answer, Celebrate! Then Seek Out The Next One

Sometimes I'll read a book or watch a film that makes me think,"Wow! My life has just been changed. My world is better now because of the perspectives and ideas and nudges this story has given me! I don't ever need to read another book or see another movie again. You know, if everyone in the world would just experience this story, there would be peace, love, happiness, and passionate people everywhere!"

And for a few hours I can't help but really truly honestly believe it.

It reminds me of when my mom would find a healthy therapy or diet choice for my autistic brothers. It reminds me of the times she worked day and night to afford vision therapy for everyone, or macrobiotics, or blue green algae. 

All of these things are part of the reason my brothers have grown so healthy, surpassed every expectation, discovered happiness and personal passions. All of these things were an almost obsession for my mom who'd think, "This is it! This is the story that makes sense and will give my children what they need to find all their answers!"

Which is lucky for us. If mom hadn't been almost obsessed, she may not have found the strength needed to dig deep and discover ways to make it happen. A little obsession or intense interest can be a gift when motivated correctly (as autism has taught us!).

I'll remember my mom, and think about the "perfect story" I've just experienced, and then I'll giggle to myself. Because I know important, healthy, thoughtful stories are like important, healthy, thoughtful meals. 

We need them. We should seek them out purposefully. But we can't stop with only one! 

And we don't all need the same foods in the same amounts. There is no "one right meal" or "one right story" and we will not be finished growing healthy from one meal no matter how carefully everything on our plate was grown, blended, chosen, and chewed. We need more than one perfect healthy meal. 

Besides, healthy meals are more than just a chart of specific nutrition broken down into perfect portions. Smells, moments, tastes, vitamins, and minerals all matter! The joy I get in a bite of cheesecake with friends nourishes me differently, but almost equally, as the spinach salad I had for dinner. 

It's the same with the books I choose to read and the movies I choose to watch and the stories behind therapies my mom found (and some she invented!) for my brothers.

It's smart to choose mostly spinach salad stories--ones that are rich in known nutrients-- so that we'll get vitamins and minerals that matter. But consuming only spinach salad stories will leave us sick and in need of more nutrients, even if we sprinkle in fancy bits and pieces. A handful of nuts or cubed cheese doesn't make it not still a spinach salad. Healthy is only healthy when we insist on variety and balance.

Healthy is different from person to person, culture to culture, soul to soul. Healthy changes over time and with new information. 

So I like to allow myself the grandiose thoughts of, "This story will bring world peace and never-ending cups of coffee to every home!" because that's fun. 

But soon I crave more. I need more. I begin to seek out more healthy stories; the next meal. Sometimes I even decide to invent it myself. 

So seek out healthy stories, friends! Eat and share healthy recipes for happiness and growth! Don't get so caught up in the seeking that you forget to enjoy the meals, but don't get so sure of the meal that you don't take time to be sure it's still healthy. 

And giggle when you find yourself thinking you've found the perfect panacea to all of the worlds ills. Celebrate it! I'm betting that's better than fearing there are no right answers. 

"Health is a series of choices." ~ Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad

So keep on choosing friends!
Keep on seeking the next meal!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

A few books I was sure would be enough. Then, I wanted more!

For fun:
A short list of books I'm sure are able to change the world for the better: 

Miracles are Made: A Real Life Guide to Autism by Lynette Louise
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
We are Water by Wally Lamb
A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki
Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nahisi Coates

A short list of films I'm sure are able to change the world for the better:

Living with Lynette written by Lynette Louise
Remember the Titans written by Gregory Allen Howard
The Intouchables written by Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano
A Knights Tale written by Brian Helgeland
The Never Ending Story written by Wolfgang Peterson and Herman Weigel
Carhopping written by Tsara Shelton (not yet produced) tee hee!

A short list of therapies and foods that helped my family grow healthy: 

Macrobiotic Diet 
Auditory Training
Dialogues and Play/behavior techniques learned from The Option Institute
Travel Therapy invented by my mom, Lynette Louise
Blue Green Algae and other supplements (esp. when we shift and change them over time) 

**The One that always helps everyone every single time**
Neurofeedback when done by my mom, Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad 
I'm certain it's because she's gifted at understanding the brain but also at understanding behavior. Mom is world renowned for her talents at helping people with neurofeedback.


 

Autism Answers: Manipulating Moments that Make Us Happy!

Many of us are enjoying the summer holiday right now. Kids are out of school and life is less structured and we're doing our summer thing. 

In my family the "summer thing" is always figuring out how to get as many of us together in one place for as long as possible without spending money we don't have. Quite a trick!

But being the magicians we are (aka people who know we must do this, that there is no alternative) we always figure something out! 

I drove from our town in Texas (near Waco) to my mom's town in California (near Los Angeles) the other day. We're here!!! My sister and her girls are coming over in a few hours!! There will be so many of us under one roof sipping oceans of coffee and surfing waves of laughter!!!!!! 

I love all the moments we contrive every summer. All the moments! 

But I'll tell you a secret. 

My favorite moments are always the ones that happen when my sons manipulate a way to get all four of them, and me, doing something "just us". It's such a feeling of joy and connectedness and "everything's right in this world" that I can barely stay in my skin! Not only the part where I'm surrounded by my four beautiful boys but also the part where they manipulated it to happen. 

The part where they want it too! 

I don't care how old you are, how happy you are, how healthy you are, what color you are, what size you are, what religion you are, what political party you're a fan of, we ALL like to be wanted and loved. 

It's powerful to remember that.

When you're at a loss. When you're wondering what to do for or with a loved one, maybe during the long summer months of vacation, fill that void by actively contriving a scene where they know they are wanted and loved. Make it obvious! Don't be shy! Tell them, "I want it to be just you and me for a while, can we go to the park? Or go for a drive and listen to your favorite song? Or walk to the coffee shop and sip our favorite drinks? Or see a movie at the discount theater?" 

It doesn't have to cost money and it doesn't have to take long, but it does have to be sincere. Take a moment to sincerely want nothing more than a little time with the folks close to you. 

The memories and moments and connections and honesty and love that happens in these small purposefully contrived and manipulated moments, especially when made consistent, are enough to create a lifetime of fondness and good habits. 

(Now I've gotta figure out how to create a lifetime of wanting to work hard. My boys and I still kinda struggle with that one!!!! tee hee!)

Happy summer friends!!!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

This is a picture of my sons I took yesterday at the discount theater after we manipulated a moment that had us going there alone. Just me and my boys. 
It was, as always, a moment that will last many more moments!

Autism Answer: What our Love Creates

My entire family is filled with story addicts and movie freaks. We write, act, sing, direct, edit, discuss, and decipher story ideas, song lyrics, and movies with passion. We share big dreams for the kind of fortune that grows when you know you're making your mark on the world. When you know you are nourishing your ideas by crafting them into stories you can share with the universe. 

A film written and directed by my mom, The Brain Broad, and starring my family. 
 (I play Sherry, the neighbor with the pink beehive hairdo!) 

A STORY

I was hugging my sons so, so, so, so tight the other day as we watched San Andreas in the theater, celebrating Declyn's birthday. 

We gasped and laughed and tapped each other on the leg and nodded enthusiastically at things we knew each of us was thinking. It was, without question, a fantastic experience!

As the credits rolled I aimed my smile toward my two youngest sons. I was about to say something about how awesome it was to be with them, or ask if they liked the movie, or let out some other form of verbal celebration for the intensely delicious swirl of emotions I get anytime we do something together, when Declyn interrupted my random comment. 

Pointing up at the screen he said, "Soon that'll be your name up there, mom, when producers finally make the movie you wrote. Can you imagine how proud we'll all feel that day?"

I hugged him and kissed his cheek and nodded. There was no verbal celebration big enough for how proud and humbled and touched and grateful I was feeling. 

I love my sons.

I love how they love me.

And I love what our love creates. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Me singing a song I created. This is how I tell the story of my life. It's true, and it's intentional!