Book Review: Left Neglected by Lisa Genova

 

 

Left Neglected

Book: Left Neglected
Author: Lisa Genova
Publish date: July 2011
Paperback Pages: 352

 

I didn’t think my mom was lying exactly. It’s just – I don’t know, I couldn’t fathom it. I mean, she couldn’t see anything on her left? Only on her left?

My mom’s left hemisphere neglect – the result of an injury to the right hemisphere of her brain (she hit her head hard while working in Paris) - was short lived and minimally disabling, in part because mom is a brain and behavior expert with the skills, tools, and knowledge of how to help herself immediately.¹  Due to my mom’s ability to turn things around and make good use of them, it became like so many things happening to my mom: something that makes her seem weird while giving her a deeper knowledge and understanding of brain and behavior.

However, for so many others (including Sarah, the main character in Left Neglected) it is far more life changing and challenging.

Left Neglected is the second novel by Lisa Genova, author of Still Alice. Both books center on super successful women who are compelled to re-frame their own versions of success when confronted with neurological dysfunctions.

In Still Alice, the dysfunction is early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. 

For Sarah in Left Neglected it is left neglect, an arguably less famous but still significant condition.

The novel begins by dropping readers into the non-stop chaos of Sarah’s home and work life. Both Sarah and her husband, Bob, are competitive high achievers. They have three adorable children (I fell in love with them instantly!) and their oldest – a first grader – is struggling both at school and at home to follow directions and complete assignments. With both parents working all hours and paying for two homes they are blessed to also have the help of a twenty-two-year-old nanny, Abby. She lives ten minutes away, has a degree in psychology, and adores the children. 

The pace of their life, of the story, of Sarah’s inner dialogue, is go go go. There is always something needing to be done, someone needing to be delegated to do it, and goals to keep an eye on. It is hurried, but not unhappy. The group works well as a team and though they rarely take a moment to enjoy it, they are enjoying it. It fits into the dream they have for their lives.

However, Sarah is in an accident on her way to work and wakes up missing the entire left side of her vision. She cannot see or attend to anything on her left. The speed with which she moved through her life is no longer available to her.

It is hard to describe what it’s like to have left neglect. In Sarah’s experience (as in my mom’s) she thinks she’s seeing everything. Everything appears whole to her, yet she is consistently unable to see, feel, or attend to the left. For example, she’ll finish eating all the food on her plate, be certain it is all gone, yet everything on the left remains. She is not seeing it, but she also cannot recognize that she is not seeing it. Walking and dressing are nearly impossible at first because her left side does not exist for her. It isn’t paralyzed, it isn’t missing, it just isn’t.

In therapy she practices focusing on moving, seeing, feeling, and being aware of the left. These descriptions are fascinating and hard to hold onto. As a reader I both could and could not quite understand. Which, of course, is true of trying to understand anything completely foreign to our experience.

As the story goes on, now hindered by Sarah’s inability to see the left, we slow down. (Though Sarah does not do so easily! As in keeping with her character she plans to beat this thing; to impress everyone with her ability to win therapy.) In slowing down we see new things. Sarah’s mom reenters her life and it is a turbulent reunion. Sarah has anger toward her mother for not being available to her as she grew up. She struggles to allow her to be there for her now.

Sarah’s hardships inspire a new kind of connection with her oldest son, and together they discover creative ideas for their challenges with homework and reading.

Sarah’s internal debates about being handicapped are candid. At first, she refuses to accept herself as a disabled person. She feels certain that she can push and work her way out.

Hence, as adaptations are presented, she wrestles with the question of whether it is giving up to accept tools designed to assist her as a disabled person. Is it giving up to snowboard with assistance when she really wants to ski without it? Will she become complacent? Will she stop insisting on healing?

Lucky for us she chooses to accept the opportunities offered by the New England Handicapped Sports Association (NEHSA)² – a real organization – and we go snowboarding. Sarah’s world becomes bigger.

With this new movement, this new momentum and adaptations, Sarah sees a new idea for a different life that might suit her and her family well.

The book does a lovely (though not exactly subtle) job of reminding readers that many of us are voluntarily neglecting entire aspects of our own lives, for a variety of reasons in a variety of ways.

Because of Sarah’s brain trauma she gains a new beautiful relationship with her mom, she finds time and meaningful ways to be with her children, she accepts employment that feels holistically fulfilling. She does not judge the life she was living before, and indeed misses elements of it. However, by adapting she has also created something more suitable and sustainable for her family.

It is a nice reminder that we can be proud of who we were even when we choose to be someone new, evolving and progressing does not have to include disliking or disapproving of the past.

Left Neglected is a good book with a lovely message: that left neglect is a real thing so maybe my mom wasn’t making it up when she said she couldn’t see anything on the left.

(Hmmmm? Pardon me? I see, I’m being handed a note that tells me my mom was not, in fact, the moral of the story. I will rewrite that.)

Left Neglected is a good book with a lovely message: that a single moment can derail everything you’re becoming but if you do the work of adapting, if you do not neglect the opportunities and people around you, life can become a different yet equal success.

 

1.    If you are interested in my mom’s work as a brain and behavior expert, or simply curious about such a weird and wonderful mom of eight, you can visit her websites to see books, videos, and so much more, here: www.lynettelouise.com / www.brainbody.net

2.   To learn more about the New England Handicapped Sports Association you can visit their website by following this link: https://nehsa.org/

 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!

Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Our Minds Are Like The Virtual World

Our minds are like the virtual world. 

Limitless, with absolutely everything available. Either it's been created or it can be created - infinite possibilities with infinite space. Our minds and our virtual world are learning from us as they focus on our habits, offering more of what we want, giving us proof of our intentions and searches, easily and quickly the more we continue to search. 

We are infinitely powerful because of this! 

But our minds and our virtual world sneakily slip into the power position because we easily forget our role. Forgetting that we are the true deciders of what we create, imagine, and search. We are the true deciders of the images and beliefs that surround us. For the most part. 

And when our brains are unbalanced or our virtual world hacked or borrowed, we can give up, we can believe we are not powerful. 

Or we can take purposeful control again. Reach out for help from recommended experts while using our own creativity to navigate happily among the unbalances and viruses. This, again, is power! 

Our minds are like the virtual world. And we are not only in control, but responsible, for what we ask them to create and discover for us. 

You know what I think, friends?

I think that's wonderful!!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Healthy Hilarity For Your Brain And Body

My family loves to laugh. 

We consider ourselves quite funny-- despite the confused looks and wide berth we're often given. Oh well, not everyone can understand the multi-layered brilliance of our deflated balloon boob jokes or hairy chin humor! Often there is an avalanche of grown women running the the nearest bathroom, shoving each other out of the way in hopes that maybe this time we won't pee ourselves!

Well, as you know, my mom is Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad--a funny and fun international brain and behavior expert. So sometimes when we are laughing she'll say things like: 

"You know, laughing is an intense cardio workout with the best ab reps ever. And it works the muscles in the face and increases blood flow to the brain, as well as stabilizes oxygen/carbon dioxide levels.

The neurochemical release is stress relieving and the change in focus can allow the formation of a new more beneficial habit. Learning what and how and why we laugh increases social understanding and confidence when speaking ... "

And then when she sees us staring at her with the last boob joke still lingering in the air she'll shrug and admit: 

"I could go on." 

And then, again, we'll laugh and hold our pee!

Laughing feels healthy. And when your mom is The Brain Broad, you know that it is, and why!!

So, friends, be sure to eat your vegetables and breath deep and drink plenty of water and laugh blood flow to the brain daily. 

Brain Broad's orders!!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Have a healthy giggle, friends, while my mom teaches a bit about anatomy to the poor clueless man at the bar. As always, my mom's comedy is insightful and funny! 

Also, for your viewing and healthy pleasure, enjoy the pilot episode of mom's show Living with Lynette. Starring my mom, my brothers, my dad, myself, my niece, a friend, our neighbors and the crazy search for normal!

Autism Answer: The Mess In His Brain

My seventeen year old son, Shay, finally got the vampire teeth he ordered. As he sat reading the instructions on how to customize them so that they'd snap off and on easily, and fit comfortable, he chatted with me about all the reasons he wanted the teeth. 

The stories and explanations included all kinds of characters from all sorts of realms and dimensions in time and space. 

Eventually, I interrupted him. 

ME: Man, I wish I could spend time in your brain! It's gotta be fantastical in there!

SHAY: Oh, no, mom. You couldn't handle it in there. You know what it's like? It's like somebody went in and made a huge mess, knocked everything over, broke stuff, dumped trash, and just had a huge tantrum. Then it's left to me to clean up the mess, figure out where everything goes. I get side tracked easy and it takes a long time but just when I think I'm getting it figured out, bam! Here comes the mess maker! Things get thrown around and broken all over again. 

ME: Okay, so when you're at the point of putting stuff away and figuring out where it goes, do you always pick the same style and design? Do you always make the same choices? Or do you adjust the look based on new things you've learned and new things you want out of life?

SHAY: I guess I adjust it. But I really wish it would just stay cleaned up in my head for a while, you know? It seems like I never even get to finish the job. 

ME: It's going to be a fun conversation when you realize that the guy making the mess and doing the tantruming is probably also you. 

SHAY: Ya. I know. 

ME: Anyway, you're not making me want to spend time in your brain any less, dude. Now I want to hang out in there even more!!!

We had a good giggle and my son went back to molding his vampire fangs while describing insightful truths using imagery, dragon wings, and dream worlds. 

It's a Shay thing. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Shay and his fabulous vampire fangs!
He ordered them from www.vampfangs.com
The site is awesome!

Autism Answer: Teenager-itis and Building Tools!

My sixteen year old son is dealing with a rough case of "life is hard and relationships are harder and I just want to be the boss of my own life but want everything tough to be someone else's fault and I really want a relationship but they're hard". You know, teenager-itis! 

Because he's pro-active (okay, because he's surrounded by pro-active people who bugged him into being proactive... tee hee!) he filled out a form that claimed to help folks pinpoint their struggles so they could take steps to help themselves.

Before he was quite finished, an impatient and overly curious mamma (aka me!) asked how he was enjoying the process.

"Well," he answered, adjusting his heavy glasses and putting down his number two pencil, "some of the questions are fine, but it sure asks a lot about my looks."

"What do you mean?" I was truly interested.

"It keeps asking if I'm happy with my appearance, if I ever wish I was bigger or smaller, if I feel good about my looks, if I worry about how my peers think I look.... that kind of thing. I don't really worry about my looks, but it's like they think I'm supposed to!"

I gave an upbeat giggle and then rubbed his back as he picked the pencil up and looked at the last few questions. Just as I was about to say something he interjected,"And now it's asking if my peers are uncomfortable around me! I don't know, THEY have to answer that question! This is a funny form, mom."

It was awesome! My son identified immediately the possible power of questions and how they can plant ideas. He announced confidently that he can't know what his peers feel, only they can. And, we chatted for quite a while about the questions he would suggest for such a form!

The next few days were more comfortable for both him and me. He had identified a few things about himself--for himself. And he'd identified them for me too. So I was a little less nervous about not being able to help him.

Of course, he's still sixteen, and an unusual sixteen at that! So his teenager-itis isn't cured. But it is healing and headed in a comfortable direction. Will there be flare ups and back slides? Of course! But every day we're given opportunities to discover and practice with tools that'll help us build something beautiful out of the mess.

And every day we try our darnedest to get comfortable and familiar with those tools. We aren't exactly sure what we're building, but it'll be unique.

And we'll love it in all of it's stages!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

                                            Enjoy this trailer for the international reality series: 

FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD! 

on The Autism Channel. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: When your mom is THE BRAIN BROAD, you find answers and inspiration and fun everywhere. Please help her spread that fun and those answers with us by contributing to her IndieGoGo Campaign: FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD--Next stop: Israel! Please share, contribute, and take absolute advantage of the kick-ass awesome perks!! Every episode of FIX IT IN FIVE offers us a lot of awesome, so become a FIX IT IN FIVER by giving your time, money, shares, tweets, likes, or ideas to this fantastic campaign!! Hugs!!!
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Autism Answer: But Then, It's Easy For Me

I'm human--so I can honestly say I've struggled in life. Struggled with pain, self-doubt, fear, and so on.

But it's also true to say that I've almost always been happy and open-minded. I've learned over the years that the two tend to go together. I find that I genuinely like almost everyone (even though there are many people I wouldn't choose to invite into my life often) and I have a blast with almost everything I do. Whether it's something I've chosen or something I'm pushed into like school, laundry, and paying bills. People who knew me growing up, as well as people who know me today, use words like "satisfied" "happy" "sweet" "positive" and "bubbly" to describe me.

But then, it's easy for me.

Not because I've had a trouble free life--molestation, discrimination, poverty; these are words that play a role in my story. But because, as it turns out, I've got a pretty balanced brain.

Funnily, I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me, if perhaps I was a pushover or naive and that's why I was always helpful and happy. Other times I would assume there was something wrong with other people, because they couldn't just choose to be helpful and happy.

Eventually, in search of a tool that could help Dar,  my most severely autistic brother (all my other brothers had healed to the point of hardly needing help, so it was Dar my mom still sought miracles for) mom discovered neurofeedback.

A tool that would, essentially, save all of us from a life of floating and wondering and searching.

At first it was mom and Dar who got brain balancing sessions with beeps. Neurofeedback is truly wonderful, putting nothing in the body but information and offering feedback that helps balance the brain nearly the instant the brain behaves in the way it's encouraged to.

Both mom and Dar benefited so quickly and in such surprising ways it became a passion and project for mom. To help the family, to certify and educate, and to help families around the world.

It wasn't long before I got to have a turn with her brain reading and balancing buddy. I'll admit it, I was nervous. I wanted to do it "right" and be read as "lovely and smart". Of course, it just reads delta, theta, and beta waves and other brainy things. It doesn't judge at all, so I was being silly. But still....

Well, my mom found my brain to be kind of boring! Turns out, it's rather balanced. And for my mom, a woman whose joy comes from helping others, I must have been a bit of a disappointment! 

But learning that about my brain, and learning via mom's brain expert smarty-pants chit chats the unbreakable connection between how your brain behaves and how you feel, made me make sense.

And it helped me see others--so very many others!!--with even more open mindedness and a truer appreciation for their potential struggles.

Also, it helped me to know that people can grow kinder, more comfortable, smarter, and happier with the proper feedback, minus the judgment.

Knowing that it's easy for me helps me see myself not as "lesser than" or "better that" but rather, lucky.

And obligated to take advantage of that luck to keep on being helpful and happy.

Keep in mind, friends, that what's easy for someone else but hard for you isn't proof that you are less than, it most likely means that you are different than.

And when meeting and being with others, offer them that same kindness and understanding.

Also, know that anything you want to be, you can! Seek the healthiest feedback for you and your brain! And though it may be harder for you than for another, you can do it if it's what you truly want!

If you're having trouble sorting all of that out... call my mom! Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad is gifted at helping people understand and know themselves! 

Perhaps it won't be long before droves of us are able to say...

"But then, it's easy for me."

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

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For one of my all time favorite short videos of my mom doing neurofeedback and playing with a little girl in Uganda: FOLLOW THIS LINK!

But first check out this video of my mom talking about her show FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD, bringing play and neurofeedback to you! The show can be seen on The Autism Channel!

Autism Answers: The Family Reunion

Today was my husband's family's yearly reunion. It is also my step-daughter's forty-fourth birthday, and my gift to her was wrapped in a lecture.

You see, she told me today that she's pregnant, and already a few months along. She hadn't said anything to me or her dad before today because she's still feeling confused, uncertain, and scared. She wasn't ready to talk about it.

I congratulated her on the pregnancy, I gave her a hug, and we all climbed into the van headed to the reunion. Then I did my first deed as a grandma to this new little one. Turning in my seat I looked at my step-daughter and said with comfortable strength, "You've got to stop drinking. For the baby, you just have to."

"I like the taste of beer....," my step-daughter huffed.

"It doesn't matter. You already know my adopted brothers have lived their whole lives struggling with disabilities, many that could have been avoided if their birth mom had quit drinking for the nine months she was pregnant with each one. It's only nine months for you, but it's your child's whole life."

"Don't you know I've tried, mom?" my step-daughter finally made eye contact with me. "It's hard. My boyfriend is so mean, he talks to me like I'm nothing, he wants me to kick my daughter out of the house (she's also pregnant). When I drink, I can forget."

"These are all reasons. But you can make them be reasons for something different, something besides drinking. They can be the reason you leave him, the baby can be the reason you stop drinking and keep your job this time. They can be the reason you go to a women's shelter, or get support elsewhere. Maybe start accepting it from us. There are reasons for everything, sweetie, but you decide what they're for. You are in charge, not the reasons."

My step-daughter was quiet and reflective. I'll admit, she had also already been drinking.

Just as we were getting to my sister-in-law's house--where the reunion was taking place--my step-daughter reached forward from the seat behind mine and rubbed my arm. As we piled out of the van, she held me tight and whispered, "I'm so glad you're here mom. Thank-you. A new beginning. I know it...."

She had unwrapped her gift.

My much older than me husband, my slightly older than me step-daughter, and our mismatched youngest sons went in to join the rest of our family. We are not typical, but we are family.

The baby in my step-daughter's belly was my reason for speaking up with kindness and strength. There are so many other things that baby could be my reason for, but kindness and strength seem right to me.

Be sure to insist that your reasons lead you to something beautiful, comfortable, and strong.

I truly hope my step-daughter does the same.
I truly hope she holds onto the gift.

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton

My step-daughter and my two youngest sons!!

Choose Your Valentine With Care: He/She is Bound to Change your Brain!~Guest Post by Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD

By: Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD

When you connect deeply with someone a new person evolves, a kind of third wheel singularity that makes choices in cooperation--and even in discord--with the two of you. I first heard this concept, of all places, while reading the book In Cold Blood: a true story about two men that murdered a family of four living peacefully in the country. The writer explained how neither of these men would have committed this crime on their own, but that when the two of them got together a kind of third personality was born. Once this new shadow of life emerged, deeds that would previously have been impossible became acceptable, and actions that would previously have been morally filtered out are acted upon. 

I thought about this A LOT! How often had I become a third person? Many times I realized. How often had I been careful in the creation of that person? Chosen well? Been aware? Seldom. Especially in romance. 

I am unlike most girls. I never dreamed of a man who would buy me things. Not roses or chocolates or Lamborghinis-- though I did hope one would gift me with children. I never dreamed of being spoiled are dripped in diamonds. I dreamed of working hard and saving people. Still, every year when the words "Will you be my Valentine" happened to find my ears via movies, grocery counter cards or radio ads, they coerced a feeling to stir within me, a feeling of yearning, of wanting, of wishing it were so. This would happen to me even if I had a special someone at the time. The difference then was I knew who to yearn for and who to be disappointed in when they didn't buy me the flowers I didn't even want. 

Romance is tricky. 

I should know, I've been married five times. Five times by the age of 43 often for the reason noted above: wanting what I didn't want. 

At one point I even dreamed of getting married on Feb 14th in a white wedding dress covered in embroidered roses. I wanted it to take place on a cruise ship that reminded me of The Love Boat. I wanted it most Februaries even though I hate the claustrophobic feeling of cruise ships and deplore dressing up. I do like weddings. 

Fact is, it isn't just me, people don't always - or maybe never- make sense. They are full of contradictions and emotional responses easily manipulated by childhood dreams, music and imagery. Heck even a camel will cry if you play them the right song. Seriously! 

We may think we are strong but when it comes to romance, well, some of us are not. 

So I devised a plan: Ask yourself who you want to be, how you like to spend your time, and if another person actually fits into this picture, Valentine That! The picture, the third person, the new reality. 

Since you and the person you romance with, sleep with, plan with, work with, talk with, fight with etc, disappear into each other and create a new someone else, design with intention. 

If you are wondering what it is that happens to you that could potentially make a new person out of you-- they call it focus, but for this article we will call it love. This is because when you fall in love or reach to satisfy any yearning and then do, your nucleus accumbens lights up like a Christmas tree on LSD. This is your brain's reward center having a party on its favorite neurochemicals. Actually, maybe I should have said cocaine instead of LSD because love keeps dopamine around almost as well as cocaine does, and dopamine is your reward center's drug of choice.

Romantic love, like the pusher in the back alley, is addictive. Addictions change your brain. In fact all experiences change your brain, but addictions change them quicker and more profoundly by leading us to repeat our actions (in this case, focusing on our feelings and making them grow) over and over again. And as the apple of your eye's pesky little pheromones infiltrate your brain, you lose your ability to judge and asses logically because your frontal lobes are not paying attention. At this point you no longer respond to warning signals about any aspect of your craved for sexy someone, at least until you are satiated. During this mainlining on love period we all lose a few IQ points by turning off our executive functions and lubricating our Limbic system. Our sensory readings go through the roof as we "feel' the other person's nearness, even before we make contact. In a sense our auras extend our bodies into each other. Our brains begin to fire more coherently across the hemispheres like a love seizure of sustained dimensions. So we are happy,giddy and slightly stupid. This is the Valentine drug of romance and while we engage in it we reshape the real-estate of our brains. 

If you are lucky enough to find yourself surrounded by an intervention of friends who help you go cold turkey, you may emerge to discover that during your love drunk bender you reshaped yourself into someone you didn't want to be. You may even of become legally entangled. (Don't worry, divorce is pretty easy in Texas.) 

And I should know, I'm a brain scientist, that's been divorced five times. They call me The Brain Broad! I think it fits. 

Fact is healthy love -which is what you hope you will have once the addictive period of romance backs off -- is supportive, stress relieving, joyous, engaging, economically advantageous and mentally enlivening " it is good for you. I know because all my non-romantic relationships are all of these things, these are the results of love and romance is not required to get them. I am blessed. 

However regardless of who you love, you WILL become someone new, it happens, with each person you bond to, with or without romance. So "Who do I want to be?" should be the question you ask yourself not "Who do I want to want me, and what do I have to be to get them to?" 

Being strong requires self-love. Being strong in romance, well, I never figured it out, but I suspect it requires choosing a third personality that fits your ideas, beliefs and goals. 

 

Since I learned that quite late while I was "doing romance' I never asked the right question. Thus, I spent most of my life single, waiting for a divorce so I could try getting married again. Throughout my entanglements I have been many personalities. I have been traditional enough to run cowering to get his slippers, been bisexual, had open arrangements and monogamous commitments. I have been the matriarch, the submissive, the reject-or and the rejected. I have worn many faces as I married against my own true self and tried to become the woman they would want me to be. It never lasted because -- as it turns out -- I want to be " well" something unsexy and slightly intimidating. I want to be me. 

I love me in fact. I am proud of my many accomplishments and enjoy all eight of my children, even the ones who don't always enjoy me. (Stop rolling your eyes, they are not from my dipping into it with different daddies, I adopted most of them.) I live to love, just not to romance. In fact, every hat I willingly wear is motivated by love. 

That is what I discovered when I did ask the questions. That is when I admitted I don't like flowers, gifts, chocolates, or dating. I like working, playing, skill acquisition, and creating. I don't accept limitations and learn myself out of them. I also don't want a mate, though if it happens I guess I'll change my mind. What am I looking for? Nothing. What would entice me?: A beautiful third person. This understanding gives a whole new meaning to ménage a trois. 

And yes, I know that since I get my dopamine rush from so many other satisfying places in my life, because I am loved and love without libido distortions and projections of romance, I might always be available to work on Valentine's Day. Fortunately, my heart is in my work. Have a good one. 

Remember, keep your eye on the person you create. 

PS: If you would like to be considered for the position of spouse number six I don't care if you are male or female, but if you're skinny then I need you to be rich enough to buy me lots of lipo because I do hate to feel fat by comparison. Oh, and if possible I would like to be the prettiest one in the bed. And one more thing" NEVER tell me what to do and I will return the favor.