Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Autism Answer: Sometimes People we Love Die

Sometimes people we love die. When my dad was dying, our whole family got together and finished projects with him, talked about everything and anything with him, leaving no kindness or question buried. Leaving no amount of love un-felt. 

But sometimes people we love die and we don't see it coming. Sometimes we're left with questions unanswered and words unsaid. I recently lost a close friend suddenly, and have felt a bit like I don't know how to feel. 

Then last night I came across something I wrote around this time last year, when my son's friend lost a loved one suddenly. They are my words, so obviously I already know this stuff, yet in the fog of my own feelings I had forgotten. I read:

"Right now my son is on his way to the funeral of a three year old boy who died from a Christmas day fire. I want to be able to do more for this family than give them clothes and spare change, but I don't know what. Perhaps the best we can do is remember to love our lives and truly live them, with passion, curiosity and intention. Perhaps the greatest way to honor those who have died and those who have lost loved ones is to remember to truly live. I have a son who growls when I walk in the room unexpectedly, but he's here. I have a brother who leaves poo on the toilet and hides our shoes, but he's here. For 2012 I will continue to live life with all my heart, love people with all my heart and dance to the challenging rhythm of life, with all my heart. Have a wonderful New Year everyone! Let's continue to find the answers hidden in the questions!"

I guess that can be considered my New Years Resolution. And looking back through the year, I have to say I've (mostly!) kept it. I will miss my friend, very much. But I'm not going to worry about things left unsaid, or looming questions that will forever be unanswered.

We should always do our best to be honest and free in conversation--and I have. It's impossible to imagine that we have said all of the things all of the time, or done the right things for all of the people all of the time, but when we truly try, then I think we are truly living. And that is something we can do for those we love and those we have lost. 

I'm pretty sure my friend knows all the things his family and friends are wishing they had said. I like believing that. It's unrealistic to imagine that we can live a life where nothing is ever unsaid. But it isn't unrealistic to mean what we do say, and live life honestly. 

Sometimes people we love die. And for them, we can live! 

Hugs, smiles!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

(Sorry... not an autism answer so much as me needing to share. Thanks for being here!!)