Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Autism Answer: They scratch her, they headbutt her, they adore her!

*ABOVE: Enjoy a quick video with some neurofeedback info and clips from episode 2 of  the international reality series FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD! This was the original pitch video for the show, which is now available on The Autism Channel!!

My mom--Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad-- flies all over the world and works successfully with violent autistic adults/teens who are often frightening and hurting their families. Most of the time, no one else will work with these folks. My mom, though, my mom is good at it. I know, I grew up with her! All eight of us kids will tell ya!

My brother, Dar, was severely autistic and violent in his teens. Violent around everyone but mom. I tried to explain to mom what he was doing when I was brother-sitting (hitting himself, grabbing and bruising my arm, denting my car with his head etc...) so she could give me pointers, but it was hard for her to imagine this Dar I was talking about!

Professionals always wanted to think that my mom was abusing him. It was the only explanation they could come up with for why he would behave so beautifully for her, and so dangerously for them. But I knew better. My mom has always been kinder to my brother than anyone else has. I know what they were seeing. That with a stern, "that's not okay!" from her, he would calm down, be kind. Yet with all of our attempts at, "Please calm down Dar. I know you are having a hard time and I'm trying to understand your words...." he would smack himself in the face and punch the wall. Admittedly, I'm just his sister, they were just professionals, and mom is his mom, automatically carrying a little more weight. But there was another reason. A somewhat sad reason.

My mom never allowed my brothers to be violent because she believed with all of her heart that they were capable of controlling themselves and communicating their problems. Via language, pointing, patient allowing of problem solving from her etc. However, I did not believe. To me, my brothers--especially Dar--seemed incapable of understanding or caring when the violence began. I used kind words and a kind voice, but I was not thinking kind thoughts. I was thinking, "Why me? When's mom going to get home? How long is this crankiness going to last?" Dar could feel that thinking. Dar could tell the difference.

So, when my mom goes into these homes around the globe she lets them hurt her once. She can't tell me actual stories (darn confidentiality!) but I've seen the bruises, the scratches and the missing tooth! After she's been hurt, she says with kindness, "That is not okay." and she explains why friends don't hurt friends. She gives them neurofeedback to help them feel comfortable in their skin. The parents see this and know that their kids can learn to be non-violent and kind. And with that belief, some neurofeedback and family dynamics tips from my mom, they change. My mom doesn't walk out of their homes while the family holds hands singing 'Kumbaya', there is still very much work to be done, but they have hope and answers. They really believe!

And they absolutely adore my mom!

Hugs, smiles and love!!

Dar and mom dancing to the rhythm of life!

"You can't walk gingerly. You have to step in and say I'm going to love you robustly, and we are going to get to the end of this!" ~Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad